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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 01/12/2013 : 04:38:48
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What can I say. Haven't posted much lately haven't really felt like it. Maybe coz it will sound same old same old.
Gentle exercise caused more back pain. On my right side. Thought that wasn't supposed to happen plus exacerbated neck shoulder pain too. This time back pain has radiated to the front. Was so bad I neded help getting out of bed. With the back pain came gut pain too & then burning after peeing. Not during but after. Went for urine test which came back clear. Had pet scan which was mostly normal except. Fot this. I have a lobulated uterus , retrovered & angled to the right. Dense mass measuring 6 x 6 x6 cm on right of uterus. Non cancerous. Back doc says its the reason for pain. Gynea says he's not sure. Anyway last few weeks have been nightmare. Most days don't want to get out of bed let alone do anything else. Have tried to accept the pain, repudiate the symptoms, self talk. FEAR has taken over big time.
I go back to balto & Ace. But how the hell does one not fear or go about daily things without strain when in such pain. I try and can't do it. Affirmations as well but they sound insincere under the circumstances. Body is a mss of tight tense muscles & nerves. Fists clenched all the time due to pain.
Arrrrrrgh.
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2013 : 05:14:29
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Hi Mala
Many of us on this message board have experienced what you are now experiencing. It is important to note that we cannot diagnose whether you have TMS or not. You have been tested extensively but you must now come to the conclusion for yourself whether the diagnosis of TMS is correct. There have been many books and articles recommended on this board to help those who are struggling. Some of them may be helpful and some of them may not be. As hard as it may sound, you have to be patient as the pain will not go away quickly and treatment will take time and effort on your part. Perhaps you can read the success stories thread as a way to build confidence in the TMS diagnosis as well as SteveO's book, especially chapter 5 titled "How I became pain free."
Continue also to repeat Ace1's keys to healing on a daily basis:
http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7765&whichpage=1
Begin to talk about stressors in you life, apart from your pain,and if possible, find a good psychotherapist to help you uncover some hidden emotional stuff.
Best Wishes! |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2013 : 07:02:22
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Dear mala,
This might sound crazy, but trying to force fear to go away is counterproductive. It creates more of a mental strain. Don't worry if you have fear to your symptoms it is part of the syndrome. You cannot overcome the fear of your symptoms if the psychological need is still there. You once said you are the first to want to do something, always in a rush never patient. This is your problem mainly, you get rid of these bad habits, you will then automatically get rid of your symptoms and the fear of them (this is the correct way to fix them). Use the affirmations in the way I described and it doesn't matter if at first they feel fake. Please read mind power into the 21st century to understand how this works, Shawn very nicely put up a free online link to the book. Be easy on yourself when recovering. If the problem is really a mental strain, then challenging would just increase the strain and cannot be correct. I'm sure when you are doing your daily activities, you do them with your symptoms in mind as if the symptomatic body part has to get used to the activity, this is not correct. Practice now without trying to force you body into functioning and it work. Remember if the pain is there, then you are hyped up to some degree and you need to use the affirmations of relaxation at that time. |
Edited by - Ace1 on 01/12/2013 07:03:48 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2013 : 19:36:40
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Thanks dear Ace1 & Shawn for yr responses.
OK here are some thoughts
Shawn you say most people have experienced what I have. True. I do however have the added problem of this fibroid sitting right in the place it hurts most. This does give rise to doubt. I have seen a few docs that say, fibroid, adhesions from previous surgery, anteverted uterus all these could be reasons for pain. Hence the doubt.
Plus the fact that every doc I go to says I have a very arched back.
Whenever I do ‘repudiate the symptoms’ & get back into normal activity, my pain does get worse. If I go for a walk my back & shoulder pain is aggravated to the point I suffer for days afterwards & its not stiffness. Stiffness I can live with. Pain I can’t. Now that according to Sarno is not supposed to happen.
Ace I’m glad you say that its OK to fear the pain. I read yr posts many times over. I am trying not to strain & also doing the affirmations. Believe me trying not to strain when in pain is very straining & stressful in itself.
I am seeing someone at the moment & we have discussed things that may be significant . What keeps coming up is my relationship with my mom. OK who in this world does not have an issue or two? Bringing up all the past stuff time & time & time again is not going to help. Sometimes there is no solution for a problem & its either acceptance or putting it behind you.
My conclusion so far and many people are not going to like this is that TMS like everything else is a placebo effect too. Sarno says its not because its about knowledge but it is also about belief. But placebos are about knowledge & belief too.If you believe you have TMS then you will believe that any step taken in the treatment of TMS will work. It’s becoming more & more obvious to me that this is true. Everyone does it his or her own way, which is different. Some journal, some affirm, some push thru it, some meditate, others remove fear whatever it is. Everyone says this is how I did it, this is my experience but everyone’s treatment or guidelines for treatment are somewhat different.I remember Sarno saying that you do not have to change,however there are some here who insist that you do have to change. I heard read one person say you MUST believe & then later another say you don't HAVE to but act like you have to. And it goes on. i could give so many examples.
Then there are people here and I don’t mean any disrespect to them who just write & write & quote & quote but are not getting any better themselves despite doing this for many years. Some take even medication, do physical therapy, massage, EFT, etc etc . This just shows that everything, surgery , chiro, physio, meditation, yoga, TMS treatment are all modalities that CAN work & each one will work for different people.
Pls don’t rush in to just refute what I am saying here. Think about it carefully. TMS is a PLACEBO???
Thx
Mala.
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/12/2013 19:54:06 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2013 : 20:21:26
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Great question mala,
Once you are able to make links with your strain and your symptoms you will know 100% that the strain was the basic cause and therefore you will see that when you stop the strain and it stops your symptoms, it cannot be a placebo. Remember you cannot use effort to get rid of a strain. If its making you strain more, than your not doing it right. It's the prevention of adding more fuel to whatever as you revved up and not forcing relaxation, but putting you minds eye on how hyped you may be or in a rush and using affirmation of being calm, relaxed patient and confident. For you, i know your major problem is your constant rush, excited temperament. It is probably with you all the time, even when typing on ths forum. It's kind of like catching yourself going with a strong urge to rush, you see that your going along with your old habit, you try to stop and affirm patience, you will kind of see that you want to strain into your habit, but as u resist your pain lessens. This does take a lot of practice and there will be times you don't see it well. Give it 2 months with you doing the affirmations exactly as I have said in my keys to healing. You should by then after doing this diligently, but with ease, have some over all feeling that your better, if so keep going with it, if not come back on here and we'll try to figure out were your maybe going wrong. |
Edited by - Ace1 on 01/13/2013 05:42:33 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/12/2013 : 20:35:48
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Ace1. What can I say. You have my overwhelming gratitude. For once I have received a reply that cuts straight to the chase, no BS, no having to read between lines, no undermining me or my thoughts or ideas. A treatment plan and best of all your kind words and assurance at the end that 'we'll figure out where you are maybe going wrong'.
You can't imagine how grateful I am for that response. It gives me hope, its makes me feels like you have understood me, it is THE BEST response I have ever received on this forum.
Your patients are so LUCKY to have someone like you.
Thank you thank you dear Ace.
I will follow your advice .
mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/12/2013 20:40:27 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/13/2013 : 05:42:52
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| Thanks mala |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 01/19/2013 : 09:28:35
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Hi Mala, hello from Thailand, hope you all have a wonderful New Year. I'm on my annual volunteer trip to Asia. The weather is wonderful here, not too cold, not too hot, it is just right. The foods are so good, the people are so nice and happy, I think they are helping me much more than I helped them.
Anyway, we all see actors actresses in movie can make themself cry with tear flowing easily. They can laugh their heart out, they can get angry until their faces got all red... it is just acting, the emotion they are experiencing is not real for them, then why the tears flow and the red turn red?
Our human mind is amazing mala, the brain would process what we hear, smell, see, touch, taste, and think and then it will produce the chemicals that will match that sensory input. If you try to act like you are angry at someone or somthing, act it out, scream, shout loudly... you will see that your heart will beat faster, your breathing will be faster, your body will be tense and if you are good at it, your face will turn red and you will feel it get hot. That is how affirmation work. your body will produce the right changes in your body to match with what you say to yourself. And if you do it often and do it long enough, the changes it make will erase those negative impact of tms. Give it enough time to work it will reverse the effect of tms, your confidence will return, and you will find it much much easier to heal yourself when life stress is too much again.
Goodluck Mala
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 12:45:02
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Mala,
sorry to hear of your troubles, Balto is dead on about tears. I had an experience this week, and as a man admits to crying about a mere song I heard on Utube. Here is my post.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8039
I watched and listened to it four times as tears welled up in my eyes. What was happening? Sheila asked why was I crying and showed concern. I answered. “It’s OK these are tears of relief, tears of regret, tears of guilt over the relationship I had with my dad".
The lyrics of the song say it all for me, even the picture in the video of the military father who had just passed away. My father died 11 years ago, as I flew Spain to see him for the last time, hoping to hear those words from him for the first time. “I love you”. It never happened he died before I got there. In my grief I had to become the peacemaker within my family and ended being the one to speak two eulogies at his last service, as my siblings and mother degraded into their dysfunctional shells.
Sorry, Mala this isn’t about me I digress. The video could apply to your mum whether she is alive or not, since she is still alive the message in the song applies even more as the song is titled "The living years". I know you like music; I find music, songs with messages in their lyrics very powerful as the sound waves merge with my body.
Cry a little its good for you.
Hi Ace, Shawn and Balto, I guess I’m back posting.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 01/21/2013 12:58:42 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2013 : 14:08:22
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Mala love,
Relax, life is sweet and you,
wonderful woman, you
are a child of dreams.
tms is one more dream,
our fears robed and draped and trembling,
a simple explanation of something much greater...
the soul,
so magnificent that it pulls another dream over its glory.
Woman IS mystery.
i can almost touch you, beautiful mala,
all is well.
Stop your labours, cease trying.
Relax baby,
life is just the harvest of our feelings. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2013 : 21:21:39
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Plum beautiful poem. Here's one from me.
Andy & Balto - will post soon.
Dreams……
which take form and shape
to delight or haunt?
One wonders, what TMS is trying to tell me.
Is it an angel telling me that I have yet something to learn
Or is it the devil keeping me locked
into this nightmare
from which I may never awake
to the true calling of my soul.
I am weary now of too
many feelings.
I simply want to rest.
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/22/2013 21:48:40 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2013 : 14:46:13
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Are you rested my sweet poet?
How are you? x |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2013 : 17:47:14
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Thanks for asking plum. It goes something like this.
Arrrrrrrgh!
I am calm, confident, patient & relaxed.
Arrrrrrrgh!
I am calm, confident patient & relaxed.
Arrrrrrgh!
And so it continues..........
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2013 : 19:34:37
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Hey Balto & Andy.
Balto, Are you somewhere in the North of Thailand? Hope you are enjoying all that lovely food like Spicy sausages with Naam Prik Noom & Larb etc. So yummy I can almost smell it here. I ask if you are in the North coz you mentioned the weather being not too hot or cold.
I have promised Ace that i will slow down & do my affirmations & I realise that its going to take time. I have also started seeing an 'all round therapist' (more about that later) who has also given me affirmations to work with.
I guess I have a healthy amount of skepticism & a thick skin when it comes to affirmations. Deep down inside perhaps my unconscious knows that all too well.
Andy good to have you back on the forum. Actually I don't have problems with tears. Maybe its a woman thing. In fact the older I get the more I realise what a softy I can be. Often I am moved to tears when watching a video especially about animals and old people or listening to a song from the past .
Couple years back a went into a bookshop (funnily enough in Thailand balto). I can't read books about animals coz I just start crying on the first page but I picked up Marley & Me on impulse. I read the first 10 pages & then the last 5. Just then my husband walked up & saw my eyes. One look & he said 'Oh no, Is it a dog book'? :)
I will write about my experience with this therapist I'm seeing in a separate post later.
Take care all
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/23/2013 19:55:22 |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2013 : 04:30:01
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Yes Mala, I was in the north of Thailand, near the border with Lao and Burma. We were working with the Burmese refugees and hill tribe people. It can get pretty chilly at night there. And yes the foods was so good there.
When I'm not healed yet, I used to get very emotional when I watch any War related movie or love movie. Now I don't have that problem anymore. I guess we're much more emotionally sensitive when under the tms spell.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2013 : 09:29:08
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Hi Mala
I posted to you for this reason, you said:
”What keeps coming up is my relationship with my mom”.
For you see Mala dear, the years before my mum died my mother’s pain was 99% emotional and physiological; she was extremely difficult and egotistical to deal with.
I realize now the poisons of her self centered life and the loss of what could have been for her, the regrets that she had were surfacing, for she had such an unhappy life. She died in absolute anger, learning that her daughter was robbing her blind.
Two years has passed since, and now I know of her pain, I can only forgive her for her lack of motherhood and caring. I instinctively know I have to do this, but it’s very hard Mala isn’t it? I have read books like Steve’s and now have the understanding and strength to do this, as I am enlightened as to how our mind works, and how we store our pain.
But in truth there is one more step before this can happen. Whilst I was never mean or nasty to her like my siblings, I had evil thoughts for many a day. These thoughts were for my protection, for it was a painful and anxietious time for me, I was frightened. The only way to reconcile with myself and my present lovely family was to think these thoughts. So I have read in Dr Schubie’s book and others to forgive myself, but its hard Mala Isn’t it? Mom, dad, sister and brother, if I can forgive one, the rest may follow.
Thank you for making me write about this, I am now committed to forgiveness, for to write in public is the first affirmation of our desires.
I wish you well, so does my cat Tessa.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
Edited by - andy64tms on 01/24/2013 09:30:22 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 04:39:23
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Andy, thx for your post.In my sessions with this therapist I am seeing , I am learning ways to deal with my mother so that it doesn't get to me. I have been instructed not to engage with her when she says something that I find hard to swallow. I see a lot of sense in that. She is a woman who has had a difficult past which has colored her judgement about many things & she does not want to change nor seek any help to change. She can be quite toxic.
By engaging I get dragged down to her level.
I am actually being sucked into a discussion which I don't want coz there is never any resolution so I come away being frustrated.
So when she starts something negative which she always does, I just say 'Yes that's right' & leave it at that. I tried that a couple times today & I could see she didn't like it but it worked for me.
I am learning to detach myself so that I don't get hurt.
At the moment she is not talking to my sister so I am the one who gets called on for everything. Not financially coz so very well off herself but for other stuff. It can get quite intense.
This poem by Philip Larkin is just so spot on
This Be the Verse
By Philip Larkin
They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Take care Andy.
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/25/2013 06:03:00 |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 06:45:15
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| If I am reading that right, what a pessimistic poem, ouch!! |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2013 : 20:38:29
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pspa12, maybe its pessimistic but its also very true & very well written when you consider the complicated message Larkin has expressed in what is essentially a very short poem. The message is something many people can relate to considering it was voted one of the Nation’s favorite poems by British television viewers.
Its clear that the message resonates with a lot of people. Many here have childhood issues that relate to their parents be it abuse, neglect, divorce or whatever else. If we can somehow realise that our own parents are perhaps victims themselves of the previous generation, we can maybe forgive them, heal ourselves & move on. I think this poem can also make us reflect on how we are raising our own children.
Of interest is a link to an article taken from the Daily Mail, April 29, 2009 in which a judge quoted this poem in a divorce case.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1175058/Judge-quotes-Philip-Larkins-This-Be-The-Verse-divorced-parents-emotionally-damaged-boy.html
Mala
Mala Singh Barber. I'm on facebook. Look me up
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Edited by - mala on 01/26/2013 20:45:17 |
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Aussie
Australia
87 Posts |
Posted - 01/26/2013 : 22:25:04
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Hi Mala, I have a question that I hope you don't find too personal and understand why I'm asking.. Like probably everyone who visits this site I like to search posts from years ago to find hidden gems and search for people who have similar symptoms to me yet have found relief.
There is so much gold written from previous years and to be honest many of the stories and eventual success that people have with their pain is what keeps me going when I'm hurting. My question is that when I read posts from you from years ago you seem cured from Tms pain and were very positive.
Now you seem to be struggling and having a hard time. I wanted to ask you about this to get your story on how or why you seem to have gone backwards, despite being very knowledgable on Tms.
If its too personal to answer here I completely understand. |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2013 : 09:42:10
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Exactly Mala, Pspa123. The poem says it well
Sometimes we have to express the truth about our relationships with our parents, and it doesn't come out too well. The hard part is accepting this without bitterness. Mala two years before my mum died I visited her in Spain for the very last time. I was with her for two weeks and as she sucked the life out of me with her egotistical and selfish ways. For many days I went to my room and made exact notes of the disturbing conversations we had. I did this for myself, to catalog the truth of what was said. I refer to the notes occasionlly as I reconcile and diminish my bitterness. Mala take notes, least you forget the truth. I would be interested in hearing if your therapist agrees.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Stopped Wiki Edu Program in lieu of own journalling
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
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Still struggling plus some more
