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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
 Posted - 12/17/2012 : 06:34:04
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When people around nag frequently (especially from the opposite gender), in situations where you can't avoid people. In fact, sitting quiet and listening without uttering a single word to avoid any confrontation will start building great amount of tension within ourselves.
Very tough for people who are sensitive to sound and light.
How to deal such situations when we don't argue, and just in receiving end, and not making it worse? |
Edited by - Racer on 12/17/2012 06:34:43 |
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barberboy
Canada
14 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2012 : 09:03:45
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I agree 100% Racer!!! I work with a guy who complains CONSTANTLY about EVERYTHING!!! Work, wife, money, kids, pets, etc, etc, etc!!! Some days I just cringe when I hear him walk into the office. I'm so happy when he takes vacations, it's like I'm the one with the time off. I'm just like you, I'll sit there & eat it 'till I can't eat anymore. I then find an excuse to leave my desk. It's hard for me to truly express how I feel about his constant bitching 'cause there's just the two of us in the department & I have to work with the guy. I'll do anything to avoid confrontation 'cause if I really told him what I thought of him, I'd probably punch him in the face. I know that this isn't healthy, so I'm going to try some relaxation techniques to help relief my stress/anxiety. I've picked up some meditation apps on my phone & I've also recorded a bunch of positive affirmation sentences, which I'll play back daily.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Merry Christmas everyone! |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2012 : 09:42:40
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| Headphones or earplugs? They work for me in the hot-tub so I can tune out the small talk and concentrate on reading my water logged copy of SteveO. Seems like everyone's using them these days to tune out the world. |
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Birdie78
Germany
145 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2012 : 15:00:13
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You can google for "second skin", "Robert Dilts". Seems to be an interesting approach and in January I will meet a person who is working with this approach and will help me to design my second skin (some kind of powerful imagination technique which can help to protect our boundaries from "invasive" persons).
Kind regards from Germany sends Birdie |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2012 : 20:06:38
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There is a little story about Buddha which goes like this:
Buddha was famous for being able to maintain his serenity and it was said, that he could not be provoked. One man, decided that this could not be true, and so set out to prove that he could provoke Buddha. Day after day, he teased and taunted and tried to provoke Buddha to become angry or at least annoyed.
When Buddha failed to respond, he finally said to Buddha, "How can it be that you have not become angry or annoyed with me?"
Buddha replied "If someone offered you a gift, and you chose to not accept that gift, who would the gift belong to?"
Well, said the man, the gift would remain the property of the giver.
Exactly, said Buddha.
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I think you did fine Racer. Just don't give what others are saying any weight.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2012 : 20:38:55
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
Headphones or earplugs? They work for me in the hot-tub so I can tune out the small talk and concentrate on reading my water logged copy of SteveO. Seems like everyone's using them these days to tune out the world.
TTom, Yes, I tried this often. You know people still wait until you remove the earplugs or come out of your room, waiting at the door steps for your response. 
Need to be extra careful before we say single word as response, especially if the person is opposite gender. Whatever we say will be misunderstood, that makes the situation bad. Can't rehearse every time before saying a single word. This over cautiousness adds up lot of tension and anxiety.
quote:
You can google for "second skin", "Robert Dilts". Seems to be an interesting approach and in January I will meet a person who is working with this approach and will help me to design my second skin (some kind of powerful imagination technique which can help to protect our boundaries from "invasive" persons).
Thank you Birdie.
quote:
When Buddha failed to respond, he finally said to Buddha, "How can it be that you have not become angry or annoyed with me?"
Buddha replied "If someone offered you a gift, and you chose to not accept that gift, who would the gift belong to?"
Nice story Balto. May be Buddha was able to manage things better, just because he is single? I feel things are completely different when such situations comes in committed relationships.
Are singles less pressurized than people live in relationships? |
Edited by - Racer on 12/18/2012 06:36:40 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 08:04:54
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
quote:
Need to be extra careful before we say single word as response, especially if the person is opposite gender. Whatever we say will be misunderstood, that makes the situation bad. Can't rehearse every time before saying a single word. This over cautiousness adds up lot of tension and anxiety.
[quote]
When Buddha failed to respond, he finally said to Buddha, "How can it be that you have not become angry or annoyed with me?"
Buddha replied "If someone offered you a gift, and you chose to not accept that gift, who would the gift belong to?"
Nice story Balto. May be Buddha was able to manage things better, just because he is single? I feel things are completely different when such situations comes in committed relationships.
Are singles less pressurized than people live in relationships?
Racer I understand your predicament, I think you're referring to that institution called marriage--or a "too-long term relationship". I'm sure it's up at the top of the Rahe-Holmes list of TMS stressors.
Best advice I can give is, always have a bag packed, point the nose end of the get away vehicle out, (this is where Tiger Woods screwed up), and turn off tracking on the cell phone).
I don't know if being single or hitched is better for TMS purposes? I guess a lot depends on who with?--I've seen a lot of those car license frames that say "HAPPINESS IS BEING SINGLE", but never one that said "I wish I was married". I did see a good one on a hot new white Corvette, in the tennis club's parking lot the other day, that said: "I WANT TO BE LIKE BARBIE--THE BITCH HAS EVERYTHING".
I liked Balto's Buddha story, I'd like to play tennis with him someday or have a drink. |
Edited by - tennis tom on 12/18/2012 08:17:34 |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 08:13:58
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
[quoteI liked Balto's Buddha story, I'd like to play tennis with him someday or have a drink.
With me or Buddha?
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 08:18:03
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
[quoteNice story Balto. May be Buddha was able to manage things better, just because he is single? I feel things are completely different when such situations comes in committed relationships.
Are singles less pressurized than people live in relationships?
Hi Racer, I didn't know you were talking about within a marriage relationship.
I don't know single or married people have it easier. We all have different challenges in life. Many single want to be married, and many married wished they were single.
I'm going to read up on some books from Dr Leo Buscaglia and see if he has any answer for us.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 08:19:23
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quote:
Originally posted by balto
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
[quoteI liked Balto's Buddha story, I'd like to play tennis with him someday or have a drink.
With me or Buddha?
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience.
I thought you were the same--what do you'll drink? |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 08:24:36
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hahaha, I'm going to spare you on Dec 21st. Tom. Now let pick the woman of your choice so you can repopulate the earth. 
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 09:03:32
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Thanks for that Balto B, where's your space ship parked and is there a first class lounge? I can't say I'm overly concerned about the world coming to an end on the 21'st. The Mayan calendar pretty much came to an end a long time ago, except to Hollywood and a few remaining Mayans now working as landscapers in kali.
As to the women of my choice, two Aussies tennis gals, Amanda Stosur and Rennae "Stubbsy" Stubbs, who I had the pleasure of playing with recently for a little hit and giggle, in a pro/am. And lets throw another Renee in the rocket ship, Renee Zellweger. |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2012 : 20:56:27
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quote:
I don't know if being single or hitched is better for TMS purposes? I guess a lot depends on who with?--I've seen a lot of those car license frames that say "HAPPINESS IS BEING SINGLE", but never one that said "I wish I was married". I did see a good one on a hot new white Corvette, in the tennis club's parking lot the other day, that said: "I WANT TO BE LIKE BARBIE--THE BITCH HAS EVERYTHING".
Can it be called a family-oriented life (including the married) rather than married life? The pressure is high, where a man "has to be" a "good" son to his parents, "good" husband to his wife, and a "good" father to his children. In Dr. Sarno's book, he talks about "goodist" and perfectionist, I guess this applies more to the people who are in family who "should be" good to all around him, compromises for love and affection.
quote:
I don't know single or married people have it easier. We all have different challenges in life. Many single want to be married, and many married wished they were single.
Yes it is true when looked from the other side. I know someone who is in late 30's, who openly spoke about their depression, and not getting married, or someone who cares or loves them.
On the other side, married people, also having children, meeting every day's responsibilities is very challenging.
The married/family oriented people create a rigid boundary around them, impose more "should" and "shouldn't" commands to the subconscious mind, compared to singles, who really don't have to with too many responsibilities, can easily re-align their flexible boundary, again they compromise love and care.
Definitely there seem to be a big gap in the mind between a family/married and the single. |
Edited by - Racer on 12/19/2012 05:06:15 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 05:37:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
Can it be called a family-oriented life (including the married) rather than married life? The pressure is high, where a man "has to be" a "good" son to his parents, "good" husband to his wife, and a "good" father to his children. In Dr. Sarno's book, he talks about "goodist" and perfectionist, I guess this applies more to the people who are in family who "should be" good to all around him, compromises for love and affection.
Well here's an article that maybe touches on the topic--or maybe not--it's the middle of the night, I'm up doing my guilt-free "segmented sleep", it's the holly-daze and it does mention "tantra", which always perks up the ears in Southern Marin--got any mistletoe?
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"Green Quad Yoga
FRIDAY, JANUARY 21, 2011
Yoga Householder?
As regular folks doing regular things -- like school, work, family, church, friends, hobbies..... we incorporate yoga INTO our already full lives. In fact, it's often because of our full lives that we seek to practice yoga in the first place. We long for finding a sense of balance, both physical and spiritual -- among our many responsibilities. We are considered "householders." We are different than the ancient yogis (and there are some even today) who are called renunciants -- they renounce their earthly life to become only spiritual seekers -- by going to the mountaintop to find enlightenment. Most of us don't have that luxury! So Tantra, or Tantric philosophy, says we don't have to renounce our earthly selves but through yoga we embrace our own embodiment -- and find yoga on and off the mat -- while being regular people. And hopefully, with practice, we become better people. Below is a Yoga Journal daily insight email that explains this concept a bit more. You will see mentioned below John Friend, founder of Anusara yoga, the kind of yoga methodology taught at the Green Quad :) Peace, love and yoga, Jan
What is Tantra?
Since the body exists in the material world, the classical yoga viewpoint is that it is inferior to the transcendental Self or spirit. Tantra, on the other hand, views the body as a manifestation of spirit. By making the body pure and strong through asana, and by uniting the universe of opposites within your body, it can become a vehicle for ending suffering and attaining liberation. "As soon as you like your body, it's pretty much Tantric," Anusara founder John Friend says. "You see the beauty and the Divine in it."
Unfortunately, Tantra's loving embrace of the body and the existence of "left-handed" schools that use ritual sexual practices have led many to equate Tantra with sex. The fact is that Tantra's attitude toward sex falls in line with its main philosophy: that every aspect of life is a gateway to the Universal—if done in a healthy way with the right intention.
Posted by USCJan at 10:14 AM
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 06:52:34
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quote:
Since the body exists in the material world, the classical yoga viewpoint is that it is inferior to the transcendental Self or spirit. Tantra, on the other hand, views the body as a manifestation of spirit. By making the body pure and strong through asana, and by uniting the universe of opposites within your body, it can become a vehicle for ending suffering and attaining liberation.
You reminded me on this at the right time. Fortunately, I learned quite a few Yoga asanas years back. I stopped everything as soon as I got into the "pain mode". For know I will try to start my Yoga. Need to explore more on this post on Tantra.
Coming back to Balto's story on Buddha.. this question comes to my mind..
Why no new Buddhas are born in the modern world? Too much pandemonium, and no peace of mind in this modern world compared to the period when he lived. The world has become more competitive, and most of us running towards some goal without realizing that we succumb to pressure.
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Edited by - Racer on 12/19/2012 07:18:03 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 07:26:40
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
You reminded me on this at the right time.
I will try to start my Yoga.
Coming back to Balto's story on Buddha.. this question comes to my mind..
Why no new Buddhas are born in the modern world?
Glad to be of service Racer, as they say, when the householder is ready...
Actually, two triggers for my TMS were from "me bad" yoga poses, supta virasna and another I can't recall the sanskrit for. But the name of the true cause was Barbara--not Streisand. Be careful in yoga class now, don't let the ladies rush you, and stay out of drafts.
Namaste'
Oh, there are Buddhas out there, they just don't have publicists.
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 08:07:14
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quote:
Originally posted by Racer
[brWhy no new Buddhas are born in the modern world? Too much pandemonium, and no peace of mind in this modern world compared to the period when he lived. The world has become more competitive, and most of us running towards some goal without realizing that we succumb to pressure.
I think one become Buddha, not born.
They are every where Racer, remember mother Terresa? Look at the CNN heroes.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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Not so easy..
