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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
 Posted - 03/05/2005 : 05:15:38
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I just saw what you wrote about having a terror of public speaking, and how much you want to speak at your daughter's bat mitzvah. This is an incredibly common phobia - I read someone that the vast majority of people would rather run naked down the street than deliver a speech in front of a group!
Anyway I wanted to let you know that there's an organization called Toastmasters that is specifically designed to help people overcome this phobia. It's really cheap to join, and they build you up gradually - you start by giving a two-minute talk, build up to five and go on from there. You can attend every week and you gradually get more and more used to speaking in front of groups of people. That's 90% of the fear - you're just not used to doing it. They also give you feedback about how you're doing and they're incredibly helpful and supportive - they really understand that this is a very frightening thing to do. They're an international organization and you can probably find one near you. It's March now so you have 3 months until June and with the right support I'm sure you'll be able to give that speech to celebrate your daughter!
Just googled them and they are at www.toastmasters.org . Hope this helps!
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2005 : 09:24:30
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Thanks, Hilary. I'll check it out.
Laura
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Wilf
Canada
53 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2005 : 07:43:02
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| I can second what Hillary has to say. I have been a member of Toastmasters for over 12 years. The meetings provide an encouraging, friendly environment where you are able to progress at your own pace. Over the years, I have seen many people come to meetings and have difficulty saying their name in public. After a few meetings, they literally "blossom". There are several meetings, either noon-hour or evening, in every City. You are always welcome as a guest. I am sure that Toastmasters can help reduce your stress level and thereby contribute to reducing TMS. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2005 : 09:07:51
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Thanks, Wilf. I will probably check it out at some point, maybe not now. With all I have to do to prepare for this event in June (it's like planning a wedding) the last thing I need is to put pressure on myself to attend meetings and learn how to speak in public. Sure, it would be nice, but I've got a lot on my plate. Inasmuch as I'd love to make some profound speech to my daughter, I think simply telling her I love her and that I'm proud of her may just be enough. It's not unusual for one parent to give the speech to their son or daughter. People do it all the time. At our oldest daughter's bat miztvah, I wrote a wonderful speech that my husband gave on our behalf. It was touching and beautiful and I have no regrets. Like I said, I'm not going to stress about it but at some point in my life I would really love to get over my fear of public speaking so I think it's definitely worth checking out!
Laura
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Fredarm57
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2005 : 09:58:30
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| Laura: I'm a fairly shy person by nature, but my hobby is community theatre! How does this work? I find that rehearsals overcome my fears. By the time opening night comes around I am very ready to go out there. I ususally have some nervousness before I walk on stage, but once I'm on stage I'm fine. Try writing out your speech and practicing it in front of a mirror, then do it for your husband, then a couple of close friends. By the time the bat mitzvah arrives, you'll be fine. Of course you'll be nervous as you step up to the podium, but remember, just like a community theatre audience, most of those people are there because they want to be. Focus on the moment and don't worry about what people are thinking (half of them are probably thinking, "wow, I could never be up there giving that speech" anyway). You're among friends. And if after practicing, if you decide that you don't want to do it, that's OK too. Another possibility is to do a joint speech with your husband, you do part and have him do part. The most important thing, after all, is that you will be there. Fred |
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Wilf
Canada
53 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2005 : 11:19:07
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Hi Laura
This is a forum on TMS, so the following is offered to help you reduce your stress level, not to give you lessons on Public Speaking. An effective talk does not have to win the Nobel prize for literature. Your approach, to speak from the heart, is really one of the best ways to give a good talk. Tell her you love her; tell her you are proud of her and thank everyone for coming to celebrate the happy event. That's all you have to do. If you feel comfortable expanding the talk, add a few reasons why your daughter is special and single out a few of the really important guests such as grand parents. That will do it.
One other thing. I am also a part-time Professional Photographer and have photographed many Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. I have found that the parents, particularly the mothers, are unbelievably stressed-out at these events. There has to be something "different" and everything has to be perfect. Is this not really a manifestation of our TMS profile?
Hang in there and don't sweat the small stuff. |
Edited by - Wilf on 03/07/2005 11:27:50 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2005 : 19:37:52
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Thanks, Fred and Wilf! Honestly, I'm so focused right now on trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for everything (my husband started a new job as a loan officer and hasn't been paid in weeks). Everyone wants their deposits in order to hold our spot. I'm hoping to be able to start paying them soon - providing the check comes in soon!!!! My daughter still has to choose a theme and I've got to start looking at invitations ASAP. I'll start thinking about the speech in a month or so. Also, my parents just arrived in town (big TMS trigger) and I'm dealing with carting them all over the place. Anyway, thanks for your advice and kind words.
Laura
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Steve
USA
48 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2005 : 12:34:50
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| Just as a footnote - not that I ever recommend taking a drug when it can be replaced by something else instead - but I've been able to reduce most of my public speaking fear by taking a beta blocker called propranolol just before speaking. It's benign (no side effects that I know of) and it really calms you down and relaxes you when you're up in front of an audience. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 03/23/2005 : 16:09:31
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Hi, everyone -
Just wanted to share with you that this morning I wrote the speech I will give to my daughter at her Bat Mitzvah. Of course, I'm already nervous just thinking about giving this speech in two and a half months. But, I think I'm going to try to do it.
After I wrote it, I called a friend and was eager to share it with her. As I finished, she began telling me her "constructive criticism" (isn't that one of those terms that contradicts itself? I mean, constructive and critical at the same time?). Mind you, I never had asked her for any "constructive" criticism, I was merely excited to share what I'd written. Anyway, she was crying throughout and said it was good and that there were a couple of things she would change. I also read it for another friend, who cried and said it was beautiful and not to change a thing. Now, I feel like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz. I just need a little courage and off I go!
Laura
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To Laura re public speaking fear
