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mrpotatohead
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - 08/30/2012 : 12:16:53
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Greetings All! I have been reading a lot of what you all have been writing for the last few days and felt it was time to share my situation. This may turn into a lifelong story and I apologize ahead of time if I ramble or if it ends up too long. I also apologize in advance for any typos.
I am 31 years old and have been running my own company for the last 8.5 years. Within the last year I started to develop chronic pain in my right thumb area of my hand. After researching my thumb/hand pain and trying numerous things including an MRI I have been at wits end. Ready to turn in my hands and find a job where I use my feet (maybe an NFL kicker - just kidding). The MRI came up totally clean and no one can explain why my hand is always so sore except that I just use it too much. Good 'ol RSI.
I started to google and found Dr. Sarno's book and started reading it immediately. I was truly amazed and how every page sounded like me. Perfectionist, people pleaser, etc. In fact after 3 years of therapy it finally came up that I was CODEPENDENT. I have been reading a lot about it and how it usually stems from addict parents that are just terrible. My childhood was indeed terrible. I grew up with "toxic parents." I was sexually abused when I was 7 years old by the guy building a house for my parents (how I would love to have the Helen breakdown and move on). I moved 23 times and neither of my parents was in the armed services. I never stayed at the same school. I never kept friends and I had a hard time making them. Both of them were always at work and when they were home they argued all the time. My dad was in NA when I was around 12. My mom was bulimic after that and loaded on prescription pills after 3 back surgeries. They blame me for everything that has happened and overall were just terrible parents. They NEVER should have reproduced and the truth is I wish they hadn't for most of my life. They are super materialistic which they passed on to me. I have to wear an expensive watch and drive an expensive car and I have waited in getting rid of those things for more practical things because I do not want to do it out of hate. My parents used to tell me that whatever job I choose when I grow up I better make a lot of money. I wish they taught me that if I had decent parents I would be happy and find a job that makes me happy.
When I was 15 I was totally out of control and was admitted into an inpatient psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed as being severely ADHD. I have for the last 16 years been on some type of drug for it. For many years I have been depressed and have been on various drugs but now on Wellburtin and Prozac for anxiety and a lot of Adderall for ADHD. It's ridiculous.
I got married and have 3 beautiful kids and still live in the same city as my parents although I have not spoken to my mom in months (since I told her about the sexual abuse). She has not called me and when I tried to meet with her she refused. I decided my mother was no longer alive to me. This is how absolutely toxic they are. Yet I continue to work very closely with my father (he is a key part of my company because of his experience and everyone knows him in my industry). who also drives me nuts. He is opinionated and thinks everyone wants to hear his opinion. As for my kids they are absolutely the love and pride of my life. I would never treat them the way I was treated and only want to provide love, stability, emotional and financial support (the only thing my parents can provide is financial support).
I am a believer in the TMS method but how do I get rid of all of the rage? I have no doubt that I have repressed way to many feelings. I keep telling myself that this pain I feel is all in my mind and I need to take control of it. Unfortunately I do not have a TMS doctor anywhere near me. Anyone that grew up the way I did would be full of rage and hate. Some days I do not know how I made it to be 31. I want to get rid of this rage I absolutely cannot stand carrying around all this baggage with me.
Could I have manifested ADHD when I was 15 to hide my rage? I have no doubt the rage has led to depression, anxiety and OCD as well as my hands in pain and my lower back in pain. Besides the obvious medical risks should I discontinue medication and start my recovery or should I do one thing at a time? Work on my hands, then my back, then my depression and anxiety then the ADHD?
Side note: My hand pain is now in both hands and developed in my right hand after I had to pickup my dad from jail last year for a DWI. It was about a month later my hand just started to really bother me.
Side note: My therapist believes that my rage is directed at my hands because I am not giving in to it. I used to be a big fan of punching things, throwing things etc when I was mad but have tried to stop doing that. He suggested I finally get the rage out of me by buying plates from a garage sale and throw them in the garage because it is loud and it echoes and then be done with it and start over.
In any case, I would appreciate some help and support from you all. You seem to be really good at it!
One day I know I am going to wake up and smile and know that my life is truly worth living! I hope to make that day very soon.
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stiwa
Germany
16 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2012 : 13:30:17
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While I don't think that TMS chooses the site of pain for symbolic reasons (I think the decisive factor in deciding at which site pain will occur is fear and obsession), I have noticed that my hands tend to be the site where I store rage. Whenever my therapist asks me where I feel rage you can bet that my hands become activated and agitated. I have not experienced any sexual abuse in my life but maybe I can give you some hope that if you persist in the process you will make some advances. They may or may not come fast but I am sure they will come. I once had tendonitis in the wrists but it has disappeared. Today, I can do engage in unrestricted physical activity without getting problems.
As regards your question: I have always attacked the symptom which limited me most in my daily activities. I would warn against getting obsessed with treatment though. Dedicate like 15 to 30 minutes a day to exploring your unconscious and the rest of the time whenever pain arises just tell yourself that it does not mean anything and that you will ignore it. Eventually, you will forget about the pain. It is hard to believe but that is how I got over most of my pain problems. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2012 : 00:51:04
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Mr. P,
Keep in mind I'm still in recovery myself. But, you are to be commended for taking such an admirable attitude towards recovery. My one suggestion for now would be for you to do the cognitive work before quitting the meds. This is a mistake many people make. They make a great decision to get better, yet don't do the work beforehand.
But, I agree... you can do this without meds, st least the depression/anxiety meds. But, be patient with yourself.
Best of luck. |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2012 : 08:46:30
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I want to second the opinion on the meds. If you're going to come off them, make sure you do it safely.
I also want to mention that with TMS, you don't treat the individual symptoms, you treat the emotions and the mind. There are many ways you can approach this and different things work for different people. You can journal, you can journal with your non-dominant hand, you can go to therapy (sounds like you're already working on that), you can find and employ relaxation and visualization techniques, listen to music, go see a comedian (LAUGHTER is a big help!), you can get out and PLAY (sports, hiking, driving...whatever you like to do...find something to ENJOY)...and depending on just how financially able you are, just because there's not a TMS doctor near you doesn't mean you might not be able to find one who will work with you if you're able to get yourself to them.
There are people who would argue against them, but there are also "therapy" techniques which I have found useful for getting past certain emotions. EFT (emotional freedom technique) and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) can help you walk through and re-process emotions. I actually have not tried either for TMS (perhaps I should) but I have used them in the past for other things with success. I'm fascinated by EFT because of the concept that affirmations (which are a big part of EFT) used while stimulating pressure points is theoretically supposed to make it easier to absorb the affirmations into the subconscious (is this true? I don't know...but I'm fascinated by it). EMDR can walk you through processing an emotion until it's discharged (I did this and overcame some very severe depression I was going through...severe enough that I was suicidal). And even more recently...for TMS...I experienced ISTDP (intense short term dynamic psychotherapy) on one of the TMSwiki.org drop in chats in which Dr. Alan Gordon was participating (that was an experience I'll never forget).
Point is...there are LOTS of ways to approach it...but I would warn you not to try to treat the symptoms individually. It will be counterproductive.
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Dustin |
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catmac
United Kingdom
57 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2012 : 10:16:43
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There are people who would argue against them, but there are also "therapy" techniques which I have found useful for getting past certain emotions. EFT (emotional freedom technique) and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) can help you walk through and re-process emotions.
Hi Dustin, I agree with you that 'therapy' techniques could work well for tms. I developed a fear of flying while I had tms ( i kept thinking I wouldnt be able to fly with the pain). I went for two sessions of EFT and it was amazing. I have no idea how it actually worked but it did, even when I was sitting on the aircraft and they announced that it had gone 'technical' I was totally and utterly calm and the thought of my pain increasing did not enter my head. I am now 90% cured but would consider going back for eft to get rid of this last part of pain. (The eft therapist understood tms and said if I didnt get better to come back and we would work more on the fear of the pain) ...............so might work for some people on here.
Take care all |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2012 : 15:15:01
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Just to touch on EFT, for those not familiar with it, it involves "tapping" (literally lightly tapping on pressure points on your head, face, hands, and torso) while saying affirmations like "Even though {whatever you're suffering with} I completely love and accept myself". So the theory of using affirmations while stimulating pressure points is being used. There are people who say that this "corrects energy patterns" or "fixes energy flow" within the body. The concept of energies and meridians is an old one, and one that is not super-widely accepted in western civilizations. Whether or not you're willing to accept the energy-flow explanation, in my opinion, is irrelevant. What's important is the acknowledgement of whatever is bothering you and then countering it with the affirmation of self-acceptance (rage-to-soothe ratio).
So, for example, you might be struggling with a memory of a parent being overly-controlling...the affirmation might be "Even though I am angry at my mom for being too controlling, I completely love and accept myself." Or if you are having trouble overcoming the fear of activity you might say "Even though I fear running because of the pain, I completely love and accept myself".
And for those familiar with NLP, it's not too dissimilar.
The point I'm trying to make is don't dismiss techniques like these because of what they sound like. They won't cure TMS symptoms by themselves, but they can help with the part about processing and feeling the emotions which is what really needs to happen in order to get the symptoms to go.
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Dustin |
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mrpotatohead
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2012 : 21:42:56
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| Sorry everyone. Been dealing with my father acting like a child. I appreciate the responses and will read them all and respond first thing tomorrow. Thank you again! |
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TMS Help
