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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 05/18/2012 : 17:50:46
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Some of u may know that i've been around since about 2003, i have had periods when the pain has been less but its always back & this time with a vengeance . Previously it was always back pain. Now I have got back pain with irritation of the sciatic nerve. What has freaked me out was this burning pain in my left foot. I thought I had dropped hot water on it but no such luck. I 've been to the Dr. X ray shows Lots & lots of degeneration at the L4/5, L5/S1 levels & a very very arched back. Same old, same old.
I somehow did this to myself. I had been sitting cross legged doing some breathing exercises. My body does not like sitting cross legged too long so i challenged myself & kept at it for 2 weeks. It somehow irritated the nerve. So much for ignoring the pain & pushing on. I thought it was not supposed to get worse!!!!!!
i've done all the reading, the journalling, the ignoring , the talking to the brain thing. I am now stumped and in a very very frightening place. Yes I am really fearing this now.
Also my insides feel sore & irritated ( Tummy & Uterus area
One thing I have noticed & this is absolutely spot on. I really don't think its conditioning either but the hot, wet weather has always been bad for me. That is April till Sept usually, then it becomes dry & without fail it gets better.
At wits end.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/18/2012 : 20:25:57
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I also have pretty severe degeneration of the listed discs...as for an arched back, Sarno finds that in many cases even scoliosis would not be the source of pain. Regarding the stomach/uterine pain, be sure nothing serious is going on, but that very well could be a manifestation of TMS.
I am new to TMS, so take my feedback with a grain of salt...but one of the keys to recovery is 100% acceptance that the cause of the pain is psychological, not physical. If you believe your sitting posture (physical) has somehow irritated the nerve, you have not fully accepted this key point. If you're frightened, it's working. Your mind is still very much distracting you from something else. From what I gather, getting worse before getting better is not uncommon. I have found that as I dig down into my emotions, my pain will flare up worse as I approach certain memories and topics - as if my mind is trying desperately to keep me from finding out what it's hiding.
I have also noticed that my pain will fluctuate with the weather. I don't know if it's conditioning or what, but for the time being I have decided to ignore that part of it and focus on the emotions. Could there be negative emotions associated with the wet season? Could there be bad experiences during a wet season tha have given you mind fodder to work with to use the wet season as a scapegoat?
Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you never fully resolved the emotional issues. A qualified therapist may be able to help guide you through certain experiences by asking questions you have not considered. Have you tried the free educational course at tmswiki.org? I am currently on day 5...seems like a decen program so far.
If it's TMS you CAN do this!
Good luck!
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Dustin |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2012 : 05:19:34
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Hi Mala
I am truly sorry to hear that you continue to suffer. I can assure that almost everyone on this message board has been where you are now.
It appears from your words that you are having doubts about the diagnosis and efficacy of the treatment program. This is natural when one is suffering. Continue to do the reading and journaling as well as resume normal activity and try not to be discouraged oover the length of time it takes to recover. Obsessing about symptoms and test results can be a real obstacle to recovery, so try to avoid that. I know that it is difficult, but this is essential for recovery.
Kind regards,
Shawn |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2012 : 11:54:09
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We are what we think,
All that we are arises from our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world
-Buddha
Hi Mala, Remember you've posted the above Buddha's quote a few weeks back? I think that is exactly why tms is still with you.
Tms/anxiety can not exist for long without FEAR.
If you can stop being fearful of your symptoms, you will be cure, no matter what is the cause of your symptoms.
If you really think about it, all tms/anxiety treatment out there all tried to achieve just one thing, and that one thing is to elliminate your fear of your symptoms.
So focus on learning how to defeat, elliminate, destroy, get rid of FEAR.
I have never known of anyone or heard of anyone who can cure him/herself of tms/anxiety without being able to elliminate his/her fear of it. Symptoms WILL come back if they can not elliminate their fear.
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balto
839 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2012 : 12:38:19
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| Our thoughts play a huge role in overcoming TMS. If you think about your pain and worry about whether you are getting better, then you will continue to feed the pain cycle. It is important to learn how to investigate your thoughts and understand how they are contributing to chronic symptoms. Please read: http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/MonteH:_Investigate_Your_Emotions |
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Ophelia
France
38 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2012 : 10:48:43
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SCIATICA PAIN. Mala hang in there you have just described my pain I also have the same degeneration but not herniation of L4L5[ sicus aburning, pins and needles in both feet, we have to think TMS it is so hard not to think it is structural but there are too many of us out there not to. We have to keep the faith. Good luck and though I hate to see it i am reassured that our symptoms are similar. Opheliaquote]Originally posted by mala
Some of u may know that i've been around since about 2003, i have had periods when the pain has been less but its always back & this time with a vengeance . Previously it was always back pain. Now I have got back pain with irritation of the sciatic nerve. What has freaked me out was this burning pain in my left foot. I thought I had dropped hot water on it but no such luck. I 've been to the Dr. X ray shows Lots & lots of degeneration at the L4/5, L5/S1 levels & a very very arched back. Same old, same old.
I somehow did this to myself. I had been sitting cross legged doing some breathing exercises. My body does not like sitting cross legged too long so i challenged myself & kept at it for 2 weeks. It somehow irritated the nerve. So much for ignoring the pain & pushing on. I thought it was not supposed to get worse!!!!!!
i've done all the reading, the journalling, the ignoring , the talking to the brain thing. I am now stumped and in a very very frightening place. Yes I am really fearing this now.
Also my insides feel sore & irritated ( Tummy & Uterus area
One thing I have noticed & this is absolutely spot on. I really don't think its conditioning either but the hot, wet weather has always been bad for me. That is April till Sept usually, then it becomes dry & without fail it gets better.
At wits end.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2012 : 17:59:14
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Hi Mala,
I have been away from the forum due to the windsurfing season. I am sorry to hear you are not doing so well.
You said you did this to yourself by sitting cross legged. Sounds like some of the Yoga positions that I do sometimes. My Sciatic stretch that I do sometimes often does not work, especially when I over do it, I have to stop for several days. Deep down I know the stretch usually is very effective as I tell the pain I don’t really care about it when I stretch.
Perhaps another type of stretch would be better for you, leave this one alone for a while. I have posted some Sciatica stretches that I do for Ophelia before. Try some of them, every one’s pain is different, but they helped me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD-bBucZNfY 3 minutes 15 seconds into the video is the one I do most.
Here are some others that may help you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM5qHPGKmAs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaPV4-DmFIY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngIgH5TMjvw
Ophelia I hope you are doing well. I read your last email thread and I’d sooner go to a TMS specialist or therapist before having injections in my muscles, as I read last week in HBP that this would be considered treatment and only help for a while. Well done for declining those injections and good luck with the TMS doctor in London, I’ll look out for your reporting post.
My interest in Sciatica is that I had success recovering from it in 2000, so I know it is possible. Read Success 2000.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Taking a break from Wiki Edu. due to windsurfing priorities
Charlie horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted soon.)
Books: Healing Back Pain
& Unlearn your Pain |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2012 : 20:40:16
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Thank you all for your comments.
Balto I have read yr posts with great interest. I think i have lived the last 15 years with no fear, tried my utmost. I have done everything even when the pain has been at its worst and i have been in pain a lot most of the time. Even yesterday I dragged my sorry little self out & spent the whole day with family even doing a walk up the hill. BUT here is no joy in living like this. How is one supposed to enjoy life this way. I am in pain all the time, food tastes like cardboard, no appetite, no desire. Just living in pain. Watching movie in pain. I even bought myself a new sports car ( a convertible) but don't enjoy driving that either.
I did not have the best of childhoods (my father was an alcoholic) but it could have been a lot worse. My parents did love me & I was much loved by my grandfather with whom I lived with 11 years. I have a great husband, fantastic sister who is my best friend. No financial worries ever. I was always confident & have a good circle of friends. I tell you all this so that you can understand that although I do have some baggage, I have journalled about it, talked about it.
I have dealt with my emotions, I am dealing with the fear of being in constant pain. Pls don't tell me not to think of timeframe becoz its been a long long time. If i go by the treatment plan according to Sarno, I should be recovered by now. So what's happening?
Thx all for reading this.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 05/20/2012 20:44:16 |
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Aussie
Australia
87 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 03:23:32
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Mala Im only relatively new to this but have had some success treating my back pain by just reading about TMS. I too live in a country with zero TMS doctor's and it makes it so much harder when you haven't had an official diagnosis to convince the mind there is no physical problem.
I was fortunate enough that there was nothing significant on MRI. If there was however i think i would need a TMS doctor to tell me what they thought after examining me.
Maybe after trying for so long and feeling frustrated with going backwards you should try and see a TMS doctor. Maybe you already have but i think if you haven't after trying for so long on your own and not getting the results you want it might be time to take a little trip to see one in the States.
All the best i hope you beat this. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 05:46:32
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I have seriously thought about it Aussie. Just the thought of the long flight is killing me though. Maybe I could get drugged up to the eyeballs & give it a shot.
Take care
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 07:32:41
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Andy, how did you get rid of sciatica . Windsurfing wow I,m jealous. Thx for the post.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 05/21/2012 07:33:11 |
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drh7900
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 08:51:41
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Mala, I know how you feel in regards to the fear of pain. It's difficult when you have lived with it for so long. I have lived in near constant pain for 12 years with only brief periods of relief. As I have explored my e,options and memories, I have discovered feelings and trends in my life of which I have never been aware. I know there are others who are much more qualified than I am to make any recommendations, and I cannot speak to your experience in attempting to recover, but I can't help but think that while you think you have dealt with the emotions, there are other emotions...emotions you are either completely unaware of or, when they surface, you shove them back down instead of allowing yourself to experience them or work through them.
I am 2 weeks into my TMS journey...and it has been emotionally painful and exhausting. So much so that for the last two days, I kind of just needed to not think about them and I found, in the last 2 days, that my mood was pretty terrible. It's that type of running from emotions that got me where I am now, I'm sure. I would encourage you to re-examine your memories...re-examine when your pain started and try to connect any remaining dots that maybe were missed before. If you notice an emotion that was around at that time...see if you can figure out other times you've felt that way. So, far, this has led me to uncover some strong emotions about certain events that, again, I didn't realize we're even there. And, once you have done that...it's good to spend time working on some forgiveness and calming. I don't know if that's supposed to help TMS, but it's good for the soul :-)
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Dustin |
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 05/21/2012 : 13:29:41
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Hi Mala,
This is how I got rid of my sciatica.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7353
I wrote this post to remind myself of exactly happened to me in 2000. It lists what I did as well as what I did not do. I really did very little, so little that I wonder if it really happened, but I know it did. I became really engrossed and happy with even thinking about windsurfing that my back pain disappeared to this day. I don’t think I have arthritis only bulging discs in the lower lumber region.
So I was left with just my neck ache, which bothered me very little for ten years or so until recent years. I have had three terrible years of stress, most of which is behind me, as I am now retired and have time to deal most of it.
Dr. Z. wrote a post on distraction this week, I am giving TMS the summer off as I have 12 weeks of windsurfing trips to arrange and plan. I am totally distracted and becoming happy windsurfing and socializing with my friends. It also has given me time to read HBP once again, it seems to be a very different book from the year 2000, and I think I have changed.
Mala I understand your frustration you have been at this for a long time, and Dr. Sarno makes recovery sound so easy, it is not! You have 443 posts and have been at this since 2003. Your pain has become the “prime focus of your life” - Dr.Sarno quote. Remember he also says the emotions are deeply entrenched and maybe you need help with this on a one to one basis.
Maybe you could take a trip if you can to UK or the States for fun and incorporate it with a visit to a TMS Dr. A real diagnosis might be what you need, and the trip would be a great distraction. The most important part of this paragraph is the word FUN.
Be well
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Taking a break from Wiki Edu. due to windsurfing priorities
Charlie horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted soon.)
Books: Healing Back Pain
& Unlearn your Pain |
Edited by - andy64tms on 05/21/2012 13:58:08 |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2012 : 17:28:27
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
Thank you all for your comments.
Balto I have read yr posts with great interest. I think i have lived the last 15 years with no fear, tried my utmost. I have done everything even when the pain has been at its worst and i have been in pain a lot most of the time. Even yesterday I dragged my sorry little self out & spent the whole day with family even doing a walk up the hill. BUT here is no joy in living like this. How is one supposed to enjoy life this way. I am in pain all the time, food tastes like cardboard, no appetite, no desire. Just living in pain. Watching movie in pain. I even bought myself a new sports car ( a convertible) but don't enjoy driving that either.
I did not have the best of childhoods (my father was an alcoholic) but it could have been a lot worse. My parents did love me & I was much loved by my grandfather with whom I lived with 11 years. I have a great husband, fantastic sister who is my best friend. No financial worries ever. I was always confident & have a good circle of friends. I tell you all this so that you can understand that although I do have some baggage, I have journalled about it, talked about it.
I have dealt with my emotions, I am dealing with the fear of being in constant pain. Pls don't tell me not to think of timeframe becoz its been a long long time. If i go by the treatment plan according to Sarno, I should be recovered by now. So what's happening?
Thx all for reading this.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
Hi Mala,
You've been on this forum much longer than I do, I am very surprise you have not "cure" yet. I'm sure you have read thousand of good post about the need to elliminate "fear" from your mind in order to get well. I don't think I can write any better than those that went before me. I just want to kind of remind you one more time this: all negative feelings, guilt, anger, loneliness, regret, sad,... you name it, they all came from fear. You have those emotion because you feared something would happen against your wishes or not happen as you wished.
With tms/anxiety, fear is what keep the pain, the symptoms alive. I'm not talking about you fearing the pain, I'm talking about you fear what will happen to your health, to your body. (you fear you may get permanent nerve damage, you fear you can not enjoy life and the pain is going to be with you forever, you fear the doctor have missed something, you fear bone cancer, your fear.....) It doesn't matter what is the cause of your symptom. It is not important to know what initially caused the pain, it is not important to know what subconcious thought is the cause of the pain. You don't have to think back 10, 20, or 30 years of what had happen to you that now caused pain. All mind body syndrome pain will reduce and cease to exist when you no longer worry about your health, when you no longer fear what would happen. When you no longer think structural.
I don't know what to recommend you to stop the FEAR. We're are all different. Some people use yoga, some use meditation, some just get so busy they don't have the time to think about themselve. Some exercise to prove to their mind that they are OK, they are normal, and slowly they regain their confidence in their body and the fear just melt away.
For me, one day I was just sick and tire of being an invalid for so long, I just tell myself I'm not going to live in fear of this anymore. I have suffered for decades and I'm not dead yet, I'm not paralyze yet. I don't have to live with fear and I'm not going to fear anymore, NO MORE FEAR. No fear even if I die tonight. I will do anything I feel like doing without fear. I do it because I want to do it, not because I want to get well. I don't give my pain anymore value.... 2,3 weeks later have no more pain, no more anxiety, and I have been cure for years now. And one more thing, just like doctor Z on this forum often said, you have to really believe you will get well, you will over come your pain. You think yourself into it, you can think yourself out of it. Think positive, think no fear, think confident, think it is just thought pain, it is not dangerous, you have better thing to do than worry about some pain caused by emotion.
Don't look for cure outside of your mind. That nice convertible won't cure you if you still live in fear. Your wonderful husband and sister won't cure you because they can not think for you. Financial security won't cure you either. It is really all in your head, your thoughts. You live with tms/anxiety for years. You have done just about everything you can think of, can you just try to live your life without fear for just one month. JUST ONE MONTH. Refuse to fear for JUST ONE MONTH.
You don't know how wonderful peace of mind is until you've lost it. But we can all get it back. All you have to do is believe in yourself, you can do it, you don't have to fear it, you have to quit fearing it. There is no other way. All the methods you've read in any tms/anxiety books all try to achieve this, they all try to elliminate fear from your thought.
Fear is the most destructive thing in this world. All dictators in the world used fear to control people. All religions use the fear of hell and punishment to keep people behaving. Fear keep us from doing many many thing, and now we know fear can cause pain and anxiety.
The cure for all your tms pain and anxiety is extremely simple. All you have to do is elliminate all fear thoughts from your mind. How you go about doing that, I don't know, just do it.
If I write a book about tms it would have only one page inside with these words: NO FEAR, NO PAIN.
goodluck Mala.
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andy64tms
USA
589 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2012 : 19:56:47
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Hi Mala,
I agree with Balto’s comments and would like to add. I believe that fear is with us every minute of our daily lives. We have a sort of fear pool that we constantly add to. Some of us add major events of fear and some of us (like me) fill it with the most incredible rubbish. Never the less it gets filled and needs to be drained regularly.
I’m not boasting but here are some of the fears I have overcome and to this day feel good about:
Giving up smoking, and facing the ridicule of my family.
Getting married against opposition of my family.
Immigrating to the USA.
Unemployment many times, with the added fear of being unable to provide.
Going to AA for the first time.
Joining Toastmasters to over my shyness and inability to speak in public.
Overcoming Sciatica pain and fear of being ill forever in 2000.
All of these fears were overcome and no longer bother me as my pool was drained on these issues. The one thing that is common about all of them is that they were blown up out of all proportion; most of our fears are unwarranted, made up by our mind trying to protect us in some way. I look back at these events and feel stronger. I am sure you can write a similar list and see your present fear is only in your head.
It’s funny that despite my strength and success in the above issues, that most of my daily anxiety and fear is about the most stupidly unimportant things, and many of them, so my pool stays full. You see I am a mechanical designer by trade, very fussy and detail oriented, I jokingly say to myself: “I design by worry”, I truly am my own worst enemy, I’ve been like this all my life and Dr Sarno stated in HBP that people like me are constantly trying to prove themselves – to boost their self esteem.
Big fears, small fears I think are the same to TMS, the pool gets filled just the same with both.
Mala take a break from the physical. Take a holiday, pamper yourself and enjoy. The only pool you should be worried about is the one you are swimming in, in Hawaii, and remember that when you enjoy and have fun TMS isn’t winning.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Taking a break from Wiki Edu. due to windsurfing priorities
Charlie horse on neck for 20 years. (to be evicted soon.)
Books: Healing Back Pain
& Unlearn your Pain |
Edited by - andy64tms on 05/23/2012 20:03:09 |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2012 : 20:24:35
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Hi Mala
I'm so sorry you've felt like you're at your wit's end and still in pain, or again in pain.
I don't know if I have anything that would be helpful, but just wanted to post some support and caring.
And I'll ramble on a bit, in case anything MIGHT be helpful, to you.
First, I get that you've "done it all" the reading, the journalling, the ignoring, the talking etc. I wonder though, if you know what TRULY is SOOTHING to you? It sounds like you can challenge the pain, do things w/ the pain, live in the fear w/ the pain, make yourself go out w/ your family when you're in pain, etc, but can you soothe yourself, even when you're IN pain? Can you say "no I don't WANT to go out; I WANT to lie in bed and nurture mySELF for a change?"
I also recall something Balto said once which stuck with me... I think he was writing more about the pain then (can't quite recall) but I think it applies to the fear, also: "However you feel, just accept it. Fighting your symptoms [fear] and trying to push them away *JUST ADDS MORE TENSION TO YOUR ALREADY ANXIOUS BODY.* [emphasis added]. I didn't fight it. I approached it with peace and calmness. When I had symptoms, I just slowed my thinking down and observed my symptoms. I acknowledged that it is there and then I accepted the fact that it will be there for a while."
So to me, that means/ confirms my own belief that we're not IN CONTROL of our FEELINGS (like our fear.) Our FEELINGS just ARE. We don't have to add more stress ON TOP of them, by thinking stressful thoughts, but I do believe that the basic feeling is there and it WILL fade over time if it is allowed to be fully felt, along with whatever anger, sadness and regret/ guilt that may be there. Someone on this board (Lori) put me onto the Solution Method years ago and I have found that particular journalling method very helpful in not only EXPRESSING feelings, but in coming to a better "ending" with the journalling (otherwise I think sometimes journalling can make things worse.)
Another thing is, that I really don't think I could have gone down this TMS path very far, without having some (repeated) success in being ABLE TO ABORT MY PAIN and get some real RELIEF. Have you ever had that experience where you felt SOME control over the pain? Because it sure would be ENRAGING to be in pain all /most the time and forcing one's self to live life that way. NOT enjoyable, as you say! And honestly, I think it would be VERY REASONABLE to *BE* FEARFUL if you hadn't had quite a few of those experiences over the years, of having more *control* over the pain.
I recall someone once posted: "Sometimes all you can do is ride out a pain episode. I saw Dr. Sarno in the early 1990's. During one of his lectures, someone asked him what to do when you had a severe pain attack. He replied, with a twinkle in his eye, "go to bed with a good book and a bottle of wine". To me, that makes sense, sounds right... real SOOTHING, not PUSHING through the pain. Not trying to MAKE the pain go away, MAKE the fear go away, MAKE us follow some "TMS rules." I wonder if the only "rule" is to find out what TRULY works for us as individuals... to somehow get that "rage / soothe ratio" right! I don't know if one can just follow a "rule" like "ignore the pain and just live your life" and expect it to "work" if it is in fact NOT working!
I personally don't know how much I believe in the "ignoring the pain and pushing on" approach, nor the "challenging myself" approach. My own approach was more like aborting the pain and then following the 70% (40%) rule, which comes from a Qi Gong master ... To do 70% of what one thinks one can do (and only 40% of what one thinks one can do if one is recovering from something.) I apply this, EVEN IF I think it is a mind-body thing (as opposed to just my body recovering from a sprain or something.) For me, that is a more reasonable, caring approach to my body-mind.
I found the Scott Brady book (Pain Free for Life... he studied with Dr Sarno for a bit) and his online presentation very helpful as well. He gives examples of "aborting" the pain too, and I can't imagine doing this without those kinds of experiences to give me hope / confidence.
Have you found any ways to trigger the "relaxation response" ... the parasympathetic system? For me, this is hard, and I use the Trauma Reducing Exercises (Bercelli) and recently having some success with Krugman's "Sounder Sleep" audio tapes. (Works better for me than Jon Kabat Zinn's mindfulness tapes, which I DID use for many years, but not sure how much they really helped.)
Anyway, just wanted to say that I am really sorry that this is the worst it's been for you, and I do hope you are feeling better soon!
RSR
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2012 : 20:49:06
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Just a quick post to say thanks to all of you who are posting. I am reading everything with great interest . Since there is so much to read & digest I am taking my time to mull over things & reply in a somewhat coherent way since my thoughts are all over the place at the moment.
Will post more soon.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2012 : 04:10:07
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I have been exploring my emotions for many years as part of the TMS work & have uncovered & discovered much about myself my relationships with people etc etc but examining & reexamining those again & again become futile when no permanent result is acheived. It may be very good for the soul but so far it hasn't eliminated the pain. Some things can be resolved & others can't & that is just the way it is. If I were to try & think & drag up everything in the last 53 years then I would go insane & that is how I sometimes feel when I have to THINK PSYCHOLOGICALLY. It becomes not only ineffective but rather cumbersome.
Balto I am just as stumped & bewildered as you are about how long I have tried to banish this pain from my life. I get what you say about the fear & I have tried various things like yoga, meditation, keeping myself active and busy. I am not fearful person by nature but this pain has turned my world upside down. Andy i have never lived my life conventionally so I believe I am not a fearful person unless it is about PAIN.
I am third generation HK Indian. These are some of the things I did during the first 40 years of my life when I lived with no pain nor any TMS symptoms that many others her seem to have grown up with.
Left HK when I was 11 for a summer vacation to India & told my parents I wasn't going back. I lived the next 12 years with my grandfather in a great environment. My father was an alcoholic & although he never hurt me or my sister, he was awful to my mom.
My dad passed away when I was 16. In many ways it was a relief.
Had a good life in India. Was the first girl to own and ride a Vespa scooter in my hometown when I was 16
Got OK grades & loved debating at school & university.
Modelled part time for a few years which was fun.
Went back to HK when I was 23 after my grandad passed away.
Refused to have an arranged marriage many many times.
Decided to leave my mom's home & find a place of my own which is a BIG no no for an Indian girl.
Worked in HK & travelled a lot till I was 36 by which time I was well past the sell by date by Asian standards. I really enjoyed the single life.
Married my husband who is a Brit at 36 . My mother of course was not too pleased but probably relieved that I was getting married anyway.
Both my husband and I were very firm about not having children .
I promised myself that i would retire from teaching before I was 50 & i did when I was 46. My husband was 48 & he too retired.
I run a successful business which requires very little work on my part & which allows us to travel & do what we want. When we travel its for fun although it sometimes doesn't feel that way anymore.
I tell you this so that you know what kind of a person I am. I am a bit of a perfectionist & like things just so but its not over the top perfectionism.
The thing is now what next. I AM SO CONFUSED.
Keep ignoring the pain? Well that is what I have done for so long.
Be more physical? Whenever I do the pain gets worse. I thought it wasn't supposed to. Now the back pain has become Sciatica. Anyway I am still keeping active.
Rest? Ride out a pain episode. I don't really have episodes. The pain i there most of the time. Just waxes & wanes. When it gets really bad I lie down for a while if I can.
I haven't been too successful at being able to abort a pain episode.
I am really unable to think of 'What next'?
Just today I picked up Mind Body Prescription and on pg 169 Sarno talks about Recurrence of Pain.
"Does the pain ever come back? Yes it can- but very infrequently. Follow up Surveys have indicated that. The rate of permanent cure is somewhere between 90 to 95 %'
Well that statement is definitely not true of people here on this forum. Or are we just not able to accept & acknowledge the idea of a psychologically induced physical disorder?
Then there are people who are using other modalities like stretching, meditation, yoga, EFT etc etc which sarno says to avoid at all cost. How does this fit in with his rather purist take on TMS. I know other tms partitioners do include them in their treatment.
Any more thoughts please?
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 05/27/2012 04:23:18 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2012 : 07:50:30
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Mala, thanks for the synopsis of your TMS history. Since you have the means to travel and do so frequently, perhaps plan a trip around seeing a TMS practitioner. The closest one to you is probably Georgie Oldfield in England. In the USA I believe Dr. Sarno refers to Dr. Ira Rashbaum now that he has retired. The "cure" rates you mention I believe are for those who have personally seen Dr. Sarno and gone through his program and not for those who have only read the books. Alternatively, phone consults with a TMS therapist may work too.
Edit: If you look at the link in my sig below to the TMS Wiki, there are numerous TMS physicians and therapists being added to the list.
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DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
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TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
Edited by - tennis tom on 05/27/2012 07:55:41 |
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EileenTM
92 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2012 : 11:09:48
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Mala, I read this board regularly and post from time to time.
I understand your frustration as my symptoms also keep cropping up.
Sometimes an outside viewpoint can help. You mention leaving home to live with grandparents at a pretty young age due to an alcoholic father. That must have been very difficult. Dr. Sarno says in several of his books that children of alcoholics often have the most pain. Have you been to Alanon? I have some alcoholism in my family and have found it quite helpful. Also Dr. Clarke mentions that often people do not have TMS symptoms til the 40s or 50s. That must be when the resevoir of rage finally overflows. So while your situation is very frustrating, it does not seem uncommon.
Good luck and stick with it. What has worked for my husband and myself is Balto's simple approach of just living life and not fearing the symptoms. We acknowledge that it is TMS and try to move on.
EileenTM
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worst its ever been
