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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
 Posted - 02/17/2012 : 12:13:43
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About 9yrs ago or so I injured my back at the gym doing off season training. I was an avid cyclist and now also race as an amateur road cyclist. I assumed had herniated a disk based on my symptoms, lower back pain and sciatica in my left leg. It took a while for all symptoms to clear, but eventually they did.
Ever since then I have always had a suspect back. I would get low back pain and tightness, but never anything to the degree that occur back then.
That is until about 3 months ago. I was in the midst of some awesome fall season base training. Which means I ride my bike just for the love of riding the bike. Everything was going great, but I was starting to notice little twinges of sciatic pain down my right leg. It wasn't anything major, but enough for me to notice.
In late November I was having some windows replaced and the one in the living room required the movement of my TV. I decided to be a nice guy and do it myself. The TV is quite heavy, but we have a wood floor and it just involved sliding the TV and stand over about 3-4ft. Well when I did this I almost immediately noticed pain in my lower back on the right side and sciatic pain down that leg. I ended up going for a ride that day and suffered a bit, but as a cyclist I am use to training with some degree of pain.
By the time the evening rolled around I was pretty sore and tight and knew I had done some damage. I was pretty pissed with myself. I had been seeing a massage therapist for the last couple months so I went and saw her to see what she could do. Over the next 6wks or so I visited her many times and nothing seemed to help. The pain would improve, then it would get worse. Luckily I was still able to train, but almost everything else caused me pain. The only truly comfortable position was seated in a chair or on my bike.
This continued on into January until I seemed to do more damage to myself. My wife and I help out at a feed the needy program and I was in the kitchen and helped a person put a very large pot of soup down on the ground. I did not feel any pain at that time, but by the time bed time rolled around I had done in my left side now. When I woke the next morning my left leg was killing me with sciatic pain and surprisingly the right leg was fine!
I was confused and frightened, I didn't know what to do. I knew that the massage was not working and nothing else I had ever tried in the past had truly helped my back. By the time the middle of the week rolled around I was in terrible pain and could barely walk up the stairs to bed. The next morning I went to the urgent care clinic where the doctor stated I had all the symptoms of a herniated S1/L5 disk. He sent me for an x-ray and got a request for an MRI. He prescribed some medication and sent me on my way.
I struggled for the next few days and researched as much as I could on herniated disks. I was slightly confused since I did not have all the symptoms of a disk problem. The big one was that I was able to sit comfortably and bend when seated. Those were the two most difficult positions to be in when suffering from a S1/L5 herniation. Plus, standing and walking were one of the best or easiest positions. I was the complete opposite. I could barely walk and needed a cane for assistance.
The next weekend I was on Facebook commenting about my struggles when an acquaintance of mine mentioned about Dr. Sarno's book. I quickly ordered the book and waited for it to arrive. I was at my wits end and was willing to try anything!
When the book arrived and I started reading it I was almost shocked at how the pages were speaking to me. I was seeing myself in so many of the pages. I had been dealing with so many things for the past few years.
My parent's were both in failing health, my father had dementia and I had to take his driver's license away and was the driving force to putting him in a home and then my mother as well. Then a year ago, right before Christmas my mother passed away and a year later my father followed her. His death falling right smack in the middle of my back issue. I continued to reflect and still suffered, realizing that the estate still needed to be dealt with. My parent's were not wealthy, but they had lived a conservative lifestyle so there was a rather nice sum of money waiting for me and my two brother's.
I started to think back to when I was a child and how I felt about my father and began to wonder if I had a deep feeling of guilt inside. I had always thought of him as being cheap and didn't appreciate what he was trying to achieve for the family. Even with this reflection I continued to suffer. I did not know how to release the emotions to set myself free.
The last couple days have been bad, the pain seeming to increase as the day would go on. I assumed it was due to my medication wearing off as the day progressed. I was getting frustrated and not certain if TMS was a real thing or not. I thought back to my original episode with my back, 9 or so years before, and realized that it probably coincided with a huge change in my life. I was separated at the time and my two boys lived about a 30min drive from me. That summer my ex-wife and her new husband moved to a town over 3hrs away from me. I went from seeing my boys whenever I wanted to once every 2nd weekend. It was a tough time and fit with the TMS ideals. So maybe this was TMS after-all, but how could I free myself from the pain.
Then an interesting thing happened. I knew that the first disbursement from the estate was coming and it was weighing on my mind. I decided to work from home this day and did some online research on TMS and found this site. I read some stuff, reflected on my feelings, cried a lot and even sobbed. Then I got the email from my brother that the bank draft's were being setup and I should be expecting it within the next day or so. After reading the email I felt a weight lifting off my chest. I began to sob and silently began to think how do I thank my parent's for this gift. I know they went without to make sure we had something.
As I thought about them and my feeling I began to feel better. I wasn't dancing around the house, but I was able to move. I felt lighter, looser...It was a very odd feeling. I did not want to jinx myself, but I felt so much better.
I could not believe that my own mind could do this to me and had been quite possibly been doing it for years.
I can't say I'm cured, but I am now a firm believer in TMS and know that I must work to keep my feelings and emotions in check. I have to practice keeping things flowing so I don't bottle things up.
This weekend I plan on visiting my parent's grave to have a little chat with them. I hope this helps settle things even further for me.
I really wish I had found this forum weeks ago. Having others to discuss this topic with would have been invaluable.
Rich
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ecpasos
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 08:36:37
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Rich, that is a great story! Congrats on your success.
Enrique |
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lynnl
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 11:32:05
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That is a perfect example of the TMS process ...how it works, and how it is resolved!
I would argue strongly, that your moving the TV and the other activity had no direct physical bearing on your pain onset, other than providing a bit of mental, deception logic for your unconscious to latch onto in order to successfully pull off its prank.
Again, a perfect example. I highly recommend this to all new sufferers.
Lynn |
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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 15:12:50
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Lynn,
If you had made that comment to me months ago I would have laughed, but I now I agree 100%...
Those moments are the catalyst for the illusion to begin. Once that illusion begins you fall into the trap and feed it by obsessing over resolving the issue.
I am learning :)
Today I hopped on my bike and rode indoors for one hour at a pretty good pace. Then went out for lunch with my lovely wife and then did groceries.
The whole time, besides when I was on the bike, there were pangs of pain. The difference now is I do not fret or worry, I just smile.
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 16:33:05
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quote:
Originally posted by rbart4506
In late November I was having some windows replaced and the one in the living room required the movement of my TV. I decided to be a nice guy and do it myself. The TV is quite heavy, but we have a wood floor and it just involved sliding the TV and stand over about 3-4ft. Well when I did this I almost immediately noticed pain in my lower back on the right side and sciatic pain down that leg.
I like Dr. Sarno's answer to "lifting injuries": "If it was too heavy to lift, you couldn't have lifted it." The back is STRONG! |
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Capn Spanky
112 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 18:05:54
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Great story, Rich. Really hope you stay with it!
Sciatica was a major problem in my life until I found Dr. Sarno. That was about 4 years ago. It took several months for me to totally get rid of it, but it has been 100% gone since. To be completely honest, on rare occassions I'll get twinges of it. But I just laugh at it and it goes away. I've also fully recovered from a bad case of tennis elbow, shoulder pain, IBS, and probably some other bad stuff I can't remember. 
It wasn't always easy to work the program. But now it's become a way of life... and it has changed my life... hell, it might have even saved my life. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 23:36:34
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You've been through a lot, Rich. What you're going through is natural an expected. Kudos for seeing it for what it is and I hope you continue your improvement.
_____________________________
-1/2010 - Developed chronic sinus problems. ENTs/Docs can't find anything
-5/29/2010 - Doc gives cocktail of allergy meds which induces first ever panic attack/anxiety.
-7/16/2010 - Anxiety stays/worsens - put on Xanax
2/1/2011 - Began Xanax taper - Withdrawal starts - full body chaos
-6/11/2011 - Last dose of Xanax. Physical/emotional chaos continues for several months.
-Now: Taking it day by day, looking for real answers and ways to heal myself without medical poison. |
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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 11:05:28
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It's funny, the more I think about the last little while the more I realize how powerful 'TMS' really is...
Prior to this whole episode starting I was fine, but I co-worker was suffering through a major bout of back pain. He was hobbling around the office like a hobbit. He had sciatic pain and could not stayed seated comfortably.
I remember looking at him and thinking, geez I can not get like that. A sore back I can handle, but not sciatica...That little seed of self-doubt was planted...
Now I must break the cycle!
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rbart4506
Canada
37 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 12:21:17
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Just a quick update....
Now I understand why Dr. Sarno recommends that you stop all physical treatments for your ailment...
A little back info that I did not include in my original story. When I had my x-rays done the ER doc and radiologist noted that there was a loose surgical clip in the lower left quadrant of my pelvic area. This clip was from a prior gall bladder surgery. It had somehow migrated from the surgery site to this position.
I started seeing Osteopath after the ER visit and she was concerned about the clip. Feeling that it was the root of my problem since it was a foreign body. When I visited my doctor he dismissed the clip as being incidental and not related to the case at all.
So after reading Dr. Sarno's book and visiting this web site I was and am well on my way to improvement as can be seen by my return to regular daily activity. Each day the pain in my leg lessens and I am now able to walk without the aid of a cane.
Went and saw the Osteo again today and she again was fixated on the clip. All this does is cloud my judgement and build self-doubt, which is exactly what the 'TMS' will feed on.
I've been fighting the self-doubt today and am still having a good day, but I believe seeing her is doing me no good.
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Edited by - rbart4506 on 02/21/2012 12:22:42 |
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im2bob
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 13:12:32
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rbart,
Boy does your story resonate. I just posted my first post about what's going on with me. I am training for a marathon, am an avid cyclist and my Dad is very sick right now.
If you can, read my post. I had a very high blood pressure reading and, as an athlete, I was shocked and scared. It made my pain worse. I went to the ER this morning and I am hoping the clean bill of health I got will be the catalyst similar to your call about the estate.
I too am a believer in TMS as my diagnosis. The self-doubt of this is a bugger though. The subconsious is crafy and defiant. But I have felt moments and even hours of relief after a good thinking and brain-talking session, so I believe.
Peace be with you bud.
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