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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
 Posted - 02/08/2005 : 13:15:52
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Is this a good way to deal with past anger?
1. I'll think of somebody who has wronged me.
2. I'll imagine them coming to an understanding of why what they did was wrong and how it effected me. While doing so I'll think of how they couldn't help being how they are, and would have done differently if they knew better.
3. I'll imagine them watching me smash glass with a hammer with the understanding that each stroke makes it clear why what they have done is wrong.
4. I'll consider my part in the situation, give some understanding and self forgiveness to the situation (when necessary), and imagine myself smashing glass as I do so. Again, each smash makes the relevant points clearer.
This might not seem important, but when I imagine myself smashing glass I don't think of glasses and bottles. I think of small pieces of glass. For some reason the sound and feel sensations seam soothing. I do this with the thought that not only am I thinking about past anger, but I'm soothing it.
I don't know what the psychology behind all of this actually is. I don't know if some degree of closure is found this way. I just finished doing this a little while ago, and my upper back tightened up a bit. |
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Fox
USA
496 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 14:21:12
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| Albert - I don't see how you are going to get rid of your stored-up anger this way. It appears that you are trying to rationalize away the anger that has settled into your mind and into your body. I used to think that this kind of approach would work -- after reading a lot of Albert Ellis and his Rational Emotive Therapy -- disputing irrational thinking. But now I think you've got to be less understanding of human nature/other people's inappropriate behavior if you want to get rid of the anger. I feel it's best to confront the offending individual verbally in an assertive manner right after the inappropriate behavior occcurs. But if the offence is way back in the past, you've got to do the "Facing the Fire" thing with aggressive physical action, exaggerated emotional release, and vengeful visual imagery -- all done in privacy.....Try hitting the heavy bag instead and think each punch is directed towards the offender. You'll feel better immmediately, your TMS pain might get a little better (at least temporarily), and the next time you see the offender (if you ever do), you'll feel more relaxed around him or her. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 14:47:13
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Not sure what you are trying to accomplish, or how it could help with TMS.
Do you really harbor so much past anger that you need such a strategy to deal with it? If so then maybe what you need is to learn how to live in the moment, not in the past or future.
IMO it's more important to develop a strategy for dealing with current anger ... to recognize and accept negative feelings as they occur ... to feel them so they escape your body and do not get repressed and add to the reservoir of rage.
I agree with Fox that you are trying to rationalize and think logically about anger. There is nothing logical about it. It is primitive, irrational, and raw. You need to experience it, not think about it. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 14:50:56
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Thank you for the suggestion Fox:
I've already done some of what you said. I imagined cursing out past offenders and smashing their heads with a baseball bat.
The thing is I didn't want to make the mistake of creating more anger memories, as opposed to dealing with the ones I already have.
It did feel like a release when I did the cursing, smashing thing (smashing good time, hee hee).
Does anybody actually know the inner workings of the mind well enough to know which technique works best? Some people say you have to be sort of be sweet about it; other people say you have to be really ANGRY about it. Your experience suggests that the angry approach works, while the sweet approach doesn't. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 15:05:58
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I started this post because I felt really ignorant about which approach is best. I just wanted to make certain that I'm not missing anything or doing something wrong.
The following makes sense to me. It is good to make a list of all of the things that have bugged you through your life, just simply so you can have a better understanding of what causes TMS. There are more than enough issues to deal with today; therefore, worrying about the freaking pass shouldn't be overdone. Despite what I just wrote, I do believe that it was usefull to reflect upon my past, because it helped me understand the me of today. Hey my back just loosened up while writing this.
Right now I think I need to focus on living in the present, without thinking about how my body is feeling. I've given it way too much attention. Outside of when I first get up in the morning, it doesn't hurt me too much anymore. Just a little tightness and occasional soreness or numbness. But my mind habitually thinks about it regardless of how it's feeling. I need to learn that there is a life beyond the body. "How's your back doing now Albert, blah, blah, blah...?"
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Not sure what you are trying to accomplish, or how it could help with TMS.
Do you really harbor so much past anger that you need such a strategy to deal with it? If so then maybe what you need is to learn how to live in the moment, not in the past or future.
IMO it's more important to develop a strategy for dealing with current anger ... to recognize and accept negative feelings as they occur ... to feel them so they escape your body and do not get repressed and add to the reservoir of rage.
I agree with Fox that you are trying to rationalize and think logically about anger. There is nothing logical about it. It is primitive, irrational, and raw. You need to experience it, not think about it.
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 15:14:30
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| Here's another thought. It is almost as if TMS is my new hobby. As if I better keep as least a little tightness etc around, so I have something to keep my mind occupied with. I find that when I don't think about how my body is feeling, it is hard to know what to think about. And I can't just dwell on emotional issues all the time either. That doesn't make sense. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 15:17:12
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Hey, Albert,
I think you should do whatever helps YOU, and don't worry what anyone else thinks. Yes, it's important to live in the present, I really do agree with that. But you sound very similar to me in that you have hurts that you hold on to because you don't know what to do with them, and you need to have a way to disperse them or get rid of them so that they don't continue to eat at you. I have a big problem in that if someone says something to hurt me, I don't deal with it right then and there. I'm afraid to say anything or I don't even know WHAT to say half the time because sometimes a comment will come flying at me that is so mean I'm not sure how to respond. Then, it festers inside me and I can't get rid of it. Before long, I've built up all sorts of resentment and I begin tallying up all the stored comments in my mind. That's what happened to me recently with a former "best" friend. We have chosen to remain friends but we nearly called it quits a couple weeks ago. She told me that I hang on to stuff and yeah, I do. I'm also a sensitive, caring person who doesn't make rude comments like that to others and I have a hard time when comments or hurts are directed at me.
Albert, if the glass smashing exercise works, then keep doing it. It obviously helps you and you said it was "soothing," so who cares what all the people on this forum think anyway. Just keep doing the work, whatever the work is that helps you get rid of the TMS gremlin. I commend you for the insight into your problems.
Good luck!
Laura
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Fox
USA
496 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 15:33:09
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| Albert - Laura had a good point. If the smashing glass imagery/understanding others approach really soothes you and reduces the level of your TMS-generated pain, then I guess you better hold onto that approach. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 15:44:31
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Thank you Laura, but to tell you the truth, I don't know if I want to keep going over the past over and over again. But I agree that I should do it if it makes me feel better.
You know what I think might be my problem? I don't know what to do to keep my mind occupied. If I'm watching TV, listening to music, going for a walk, or whatever, I feel as if I need something else to keep my mind occupied. Lately I've been keeping it occupied by thinking about getting over TMS. I used to do these mental games in which I'd organize something until I got a sense of perfection. I'd be so elaborate about it that I'd become really knowledgable about the subjects for which I did mental games. For example, I used to try think of the perfect training programs for various running events. In order to do so honestly, I learned a lot about exercise physiology and became obsessive about making certain that I had everything figured out. sometimes I couldn't go to sleep until I figured out the answer. This is partly what makes me credulous about accepting things. I've seen how people can come to different conclusions on issues of science, which suggests that just about any theory is worth questioning.
I would also do some OCD things while watching TV etc., or I would compose music in my head.
Interesting enough, I got tired of doing mental games last fall, and right around then my back problems started to get worse (before I heard of TMS). I do have to say that the pressures of my life also became stronger during the same time period.
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2005 : 20:04:25
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quote:
Interesting enough, I got tired of doing mental games last fall, and right around then my back problems started to get worse (before I heard of TMS). I do have to say that the pressures of my life also became stronger during the same time period.
I do believe that keeping yourself focused on something can keep TMS at bay.
TMS serves as a distraction. If we are focused on something, our minds are occupied, there is no danger of wading into the pool of rage, so there is no need for the TMS distraction.
Also if we occupy our time with productive activities, we feel good about ourselves and that also helps. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2005 : 09:49:50
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Thank you Dave:
Right now my approach is going to be to keep working on getting over physical limitations; to not get overly focused on how my symptoms are doing (there are better ways to keep my mind occupied); and to become clearer about how the rage isn't going to get me and take over my life. I believe that I've been becoming clearer about the later, I just need to make it sink in a little more.
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
quote:
Interesting enough, I got tired of doing mental games last fall, and right around then my back problems started to get worse (before I heard of TMS). I do have to say that the pressures of my life also became stronger during the same time period.
I do believe that keeping yourself focused on something can keep TMS at bay.
TMS serves as a distraction. If we are focused on something, our minds are occupied, there is no danger of wading into the pool of rage, so there is no need for the TMS distraction.
Also if we occupy our time with productive activities, we feel good about ourselves and that also helps.
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Is this a good way to deal with past anger?
