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glowgirl
USA
42 Posts |
 Posted - 01/06/2012 : 10:46:58
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just out of curiosity,
what do people do who pretty much cannot remember much of their childhood at all?
it may be because of abuse or dissociation or who knows?
i know i came from a dysfunctional home, what i can remember.
but it makes it hard sometimes to do "parent" issues when much of my childhood is a blank.
do i just go with more recent stuff?
is this common?
ps i have forgiven my parents which i think is a good thing and then people say "GET MAD" so that is confusing. i have come to peace with the karmic chain - they were abused, too, and in fear, and so on. so then i say, well, you can hold two points of view, you NOW can forgive them but the little girl... etc... is mad... but i still don't have the frames or memories.
and i think fear resonates more with me than anger.
how do you know if you are at peace... or numb? it feels like i have come to peace. but that i remain a fearful person on a global level.
ps i get mad/scared/upset/fearful (just like lots of people, i imagine) about lots of stuff that happens in present time! etc...
<grin> |
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tmsjptc
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 01/06/2012 : 16:35:00
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I'm currently working thru this as well. At first, I would try to remember something that made me mad or fearful. Not much luck that way though. Then, I started asking myself for the memories I did have, why was I remembering it? Was there something significant under the surface that has made that memory last in my brain for so long? This has suprisingly led me to some significant realizations about myself. Whenever this occurs, I put it down in a journal. Over time, I've come up with quite a few things and since they are now in a journal, I can quickly go back and think more about those times when it seems necessary.
Regarding your "GET MAD" comment that confuses you. I have just tried to re-live the moment by experiencing the emotion I had at that time. I did it during walks when no one was around and sometimes I would just yell out what I was feeling.
Fortunately, my parents are both still around. In fact, my mom was just visiting for the holidays. Completely unexpected, but she told me that she had a bout of hepatitis when I was a toddler and had to leave me with my aunt for a week while she went to the hospital. She told me that she remembers me saying (when told I would go stay with my aunt) "don't want to!" over and over. So, even though I didn't remember this, I figured it must have been something significant for her to remember it over 40 years later. I went for a walk and tried to imagine being a toddler and what I must have felt. I repeatedly "don't want to!" over and over for like a mile while I walked. I can't explain what it did to me, but I know I felt different inside afterwards.
Anyway, just keep trying and learning and asking yourself questions and you will eventually find enough answers to get some relief to your pain. |
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Erata
63 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2012 : 10:29:35
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How is your memory as an adult? Years ago, when I was in my early 20’s & newly married, I wondered why my husband remembered so much of his childhood and I remembered so little. I thought it was because of a deficiency in me or reflected my lack of intelligence. I started testing my memory by asking my husband to write down mundane every-day events like what we ate for dinner or watched on television or which friends or family visits occurred and where and, days, sometimes weeks later, to quiz me. It turned out I had an excellent memory (and still do) so I couldn’t figure out why my childhood was largely a blank.
I didn’t understand about childhood abuse and dissociation, until I was in my mid-thirties and in therapy, and then it all made sense. So, based on my own experience, I’d have to say that if you have a normal to good memory as an adult, there’s probably a darker reason why you’ve forgotten your childhood.
IMHO, I think too much pressure is put on victims to forgive perpetrators. As written in the OP, I agree it’s important to recognize what may have happened to parents when they were children. And, if parents recognize and validate the abuse suffered by their own children, and are genuinely sorry, then absolutely forgiveness can be crucial to healing. But if there’s not even any recognition of abuse within the family system, where’s the value? (I also think it’s very important to recognize that we all carry very conflicting feelings and emotions and that it’s possible to feel simultaneous love and hatred towards family members. Probably the most complicated relationships humans ever encounter!) |
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Erata
63 Posts |
Posted - 01/09/2012 : 15:48:11
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P.S. I forgot  that my younger brother has a phenomenal memory; he can cite books & authors, obscure films & directors, read and watched years ago (never mind anything sports related), but remembers very little of his own childhood……… |
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forgotten childhood
