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Kavita
USA
47 Posts |
 Posted - 01/31/2005 : 13:07:17
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Hello everyone,
I read an old post from Linda615 who was brave enough to discuss her battle with an eating disorder. Are there any other board members who have struggled with food/body image? Can you offer any guidance? I think my obsession ties in with my TMS personality.
Can anyone out there offer me some advice? For example, did you join a support group, or do any particular kinds of journal exercises? I have a lot of anger and insecurity in this aspect because my father made fun of me unmercilessly from age 11-13 in regards to my weight. Once I lost weight he said it was his teasing that motivated me - not true. To this day food is a daily struggle.
I have journaled about my anger and am reading John Lee's facing the fire. I am hoping his exercises will help release the anger and sadness. I can't believe I've not over it, and feel like something must be wrong with me! It happened so long ago, I am happily married to a man who loves my inside and out, and I am actually in great shape now (I taught aerobics in college and now maintain an active lifestyle - though sometimes I am too regimented, I think).
Any guidance would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading, as this is very difficult to write about. |
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blg568
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2005 : 17:01:00
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Kavita,
My heart broke as I read your message. I know your father was unaware of how hurtful his words were concerning your weight. But, nonetheless, the WERE hurtful. He was clearly ignorant and insensitive toward your feelings. My sister went through something similar with our Dad when she was young. He told her that he was glad she had lost some weight because he was getting embarrassed to be seen with her. Horrible, horrible words. You don't say things like that to a child. And as far as why you're not over it, well, my sister who is now 38 only told me about this recently, so it's not just you who's struggling overcoming feelings of inadequacy and poor body image. It obviously still hurts her as well after all this time.
I wish you well in this respect and really don't know what to say to encourage you. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. What a blessing that he loves you just as you are. You know none of us will remain physically beautiful or necessarily slim forever, if we are blessed to live a long life. When we're 82 with our grandchildren sitting in our laps, they'll not remember whether or not we were "beautiful" or "slim", they will remember how well we loved them.
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Angie |
Edited by - blg568 on 01/31/2005 18:02:26 |
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Kavita
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 06:07:41
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Angie,
Thank you so much for sharing with me. It helps to know that I am not alone, that other women/girls share my experience, and that it takes a long time to heal. |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 07:47:54
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I'm still healing myself Kavita. My Dad was/is very controlling and lived in a house of girls (I have 4 sisters). I know now that he hated that. We lived on a farm and he needed/wanted help, and we couldn't do that for him.
My Dad called me plain and homely and laughed at me one morning, while he was drinking coffee with our neighbor. I had just washed my face and hadn't yet put on the war paint. That has stuck with me to this day. The neighbor, God bless him, was horrified and told him he shouldn't say things like that.
And I will always remember his favorite expression: "Doesn't she/he own a mirror!" Physical appearance is very important to him. He has told my oldest sister that she probably wouldn't battle asthma if she weren't so heavy. He's told my baby sister she wouldn't have pains in her knees if she'd just lose some weight.
I think about my appearance ALL THE TIME. My hair is never good enough, my wrinkles are showing too much. I wouldn't tuck in a shirt to save my life for fear that my belly will pooch out too much. I compare and analyze until I'm sick. I'm 5'10" and a size 12-14 and sometimes feel like a cow. I've gained 20 lbs. since my first marathon 5 years ago and it feels like 50.
I'm not sure I'll ever get over the hatred of my physical appearance, but I'm trying. Like you, my husband has loved me through fat and thin, but he is critical at times. He notices EVERYTHING, including on other women.
I also read John Lee's Facing the Fire, but haven't yet done any exercises. I'm in the middle of reading so many different books, I'm getting confused. 
Good luck Kavita, you're not alone. |
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Kavita
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 08:33:32
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Dear Michele,
Your post left me teary-eyed; it's a shame that so many girls are belittled for something as trivial as appearance. It's no wonder we are obsessed with our weight!
I haven't done Lee's exercises, but there's one where you think about a parent and just write on what the word "Mother" or "Father" and all the feelings it stirs up for you. I am thinking about writing a letter to my dad (one that isn't mailed, of course), saying "I'm angry at you" and "You really made me feel inadequate" I've written in my journal about my feelings, but it never makes the sadness or anger lessen. Maybe actually addressing the target of the anger will help. I don't know.
My dad also told me repeatedly that I was dumb and that my brother was smart. There is some poetic justice, in that I went to an IVY League and now have a rather prestigious job! Of course, it doesn't matter, as my father will always find something to critisize!
Thanks again, Michele. |
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TMS and Eating
