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jrda88
4 Posts |
 Posted - 08/22/2011 : 16:27:24
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This may be long, but I would like to give the full details of my story to get the best information possible. I am a 23 year old male.
I had a great childhood up until about the age of 12 or 13. In March 2001, I began to have bruises all over my body. My parents took me to the doctor, and I had ITP, a platelet disorder that is an AutoImmune Disease. A normal count is 150,000-300,000 platlets, and I had 1,000! Very scary, and I went to a Hematologist for treatment. Using IV treatments, my counts were stable, but not high. In November 2001, I was prescribed high dosage Dexamethasone, a corticosteroid for about 3 months in cycles. This cured the ITP but caused many new symptoms.
As soon as I began taking them, I had strange feelings. Remember, I am only 13 at the time so this was very strange and scary. I started freaking out, but holding everything in. Being curious, I self-diagnosed myself as Schizophrenic and all kind of other mental illnesses, and had thoughts of ending up in a mental hospital or worse.
The physical symptoms started around this time also. My knees began to hurt, shoulders, chest, pelvic bone/hips, and back. Again being curious, I looked to the Internet and this time believed I had Osteonecrosis. Osteonecrosis is a disease where your joints literally die because of lack of blood. One of the reasons people get this disease is because of corticosteroid use. I put two and two together and believed I had Osteonecrosis. My right knee did hurt before the whole ITP fiasco, and it hurt worse after the steroids. I had an X-Ray done, and was found to have Osteochronditis Dessicants, which means the blood supply was cut off a bit and the cartilage had deteroriated. I saw a specialist and had surgery. I still remember before the surgery a nurse asking me if anything else hurt and I said no.
The surgery went well, but I continued to have joint pain and the belief that I was going to be in a wheelchair, which I told no one at the age of 14/15. I saw the same Doc that did the knee about the joint pain, but he saw nothing wrong with X-Rays. In high school, I did open up and had a lot of friends, but always in the back of my mind was my joints are dying and I will be miserable. I was a bit depressed, but held it in. I was very good at basketball, and got a scholarship to play in College.
In the back of my mind, I had these thoughts that I would get to college, say my joints ached, go to the Doc, and find out I had some crazy serious disease.about a month into college, I did this. My coaches obviously were not happy, and my family was worried. I had a full CT scan as well as everything in the book, and nothing came up! I was distraught. I had no clue why my joints ached. I quit basketball after my sophomore year of school. I saw 3 Rhemuatologists, Orthapedics, Psychologists, and of course a PCP from about 2006-2009.
The PCP said it was Fibromyalgia and gave me Cymbalta(2007), which raised my mood greatly, but then faded that Summer. I have been using anti-depressants off and on since then. Currently, I am on 30mg Cymbalta and 300mg Gabapetin.
My mood and behavior since college began(2006) has been strange. I am obsessed with finding out what is wrong with my body to the point of that is all I think about. I also kind of have a thing in the back of my head saying it doesn't matter what I do with my life because I am in such bad pain that it doesn't matter. I am always nervous, I have avoided my friends to the point that I have very few, and my family doesn't know what to do with me. I have very negative feelings towards most things in life, and realized if I don't change soon I will be totally alone and depressed.
Currently my symptoms are knee pain, hip/pelvic pain, back pain, shoulder pain, elbow pain, and wrist pain. The thing that hurts the most is by far TMJ. With my jaw pain, it hurts to laugh (buzzkill, I know) and talk. I am confused to the point that I don't know if I want to talk to people because of my jaw or because I am just socially nervous now. I have also been told that I am too in my head and need to let things out (obviously)
I did graduate school in May, and am now unemployed. I moved back home in June, and have not done much since. I usually lay around all day looking for self-help, sleep a lot, and occasionally meet up with friends, but they know nothing of my problems. There are not outward symptoms, besides me not moving from the couch.
I would also like to add that I have that nervous butterfly feeling in my stomach ALL THE TIME. Once this started when I was about 13/14, all my physical trouble started. Like I said earlier, this has affected my life so much, but I rarely speak of it, if ever, to the point that I rarely talk anymore and am very introverted. The body pain may indeed be psychological, but the jaw pain is very much real (hard to open jaw, constant pain, clicking/popping). It hurts ALOT. I definitely have anger built up inside, but do not express it. It's almost funny when people say quiet ones are the ones to watch out for, but I pretty much believe it to be true now.
This was way too long, but I just want opinions on if you think this could be TMS. I really doubt it is Fibro, as I am 23/male and I am not sore when touched. It's not really my muscles, just joints. I will post more later when I get some feedback. Thank you in advance!! |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 08/22/2011 : 16:44:05
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In my opinion, you are having tms. I had most of those symptoms you're having.
Welcome to the forum. Please read the books, apply what you learn, visit this forum to share and ask. If you can finish grad school, you can defeat tms. (of course have your physician clear you first)
Goodluck. |
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NMSunflower
USA
3 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2011 : 10:44:25
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I am very new to TMS myself but yes, I agree that it does indeed sound like you may have found the cause of your pain and a new lease on life if you are committed to understanding it and working with it. I also suggest starting with reading but if you live in an area where you could see a TMS practitioner due to your age and past medical history that would be great too. I don't think it is vital though so if you can't do that just start reading and see where that takes you. It has opened up a whole new way of thinking for me and that alone is incredible! Good luck to you!!
NM Sunflower |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2011 : 11:41:57
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Agreed. Read the books first. Devour them. Understand as well the hypochondria and anxiety disorders in general are very common in TMS sufferers, and show up almost every day on the forum...
It's not surprising you had a severe mental reaction to steroids. It's a well known side effect. BUt if I'm understanding your situation right, that was years ago now,
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2011 : 19:19:57
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jrda88 - have a look at johnaccardi's posts here...
http://tmshelp.com/forum/search.asp?mode=DoIt&MEMBER_ID=1540
In some ways his posts remind me of what you've said here. He is a young man, who had difficulty (caused, undoubtedly, by social anxiety) speaking, and his concern that this was to do with a horrible, rare disease.
After you've read through his plight, read his Success Story: http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5601
I haven't seen him since 
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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jrda88
4 Posts |
Posted - 08/23/2011 : 19:21:25
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Thanks for the responses. I read "The Divided Mind" and it is pretty interesting. I just don't understand why the book is that long when the treatment is about 3 paragraphs I'm not sure if this could be the cause of my aches and pains, but I will look into it. Thanks. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2011 : 08:12:01
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Read Healing Back Pain. Much more readable and to the point. There's no doubt in my mind you're in the right place.
If you have a problem buying the repressed rage theory, thinking in terms of stress and worry serve just as well.. |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2011 : 08:58:28
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quote:
Originally posted by jrda88
Thanks for the responses. I read "The Divided Mind" and it is pretty interesting. I just don't understand why the book is that long when the treatment is about 3 paragraphs I'm not sure if this could be the cause of my aches and pains, but I will look into it. Thanks.
If you read all those books dealing with mindbody diseases, they all have pretty much only one way to "cure" you: change your thought, stop your fear.
A Tibetan medicine man very often write a precripstion to his patient like this: Stop worrying and pray more.
An old time Chinese doctor would tell his patient: your jing and jang is out of balance you need to rebalance it, meaning your mind is fill with more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, you need to be more positive.
In the US in the old days (pre 1950) doctors associated many of what ill us like headache, lumbago, ulcer... to nerve. Problem with your nerve, people worry too much and become ill. And they adviced their patients to stop worrying to get well.
So 3 paragraphs is more than enough as a presription for your tms problem. Stop your fear, stop worry. I think that book pretty much just trying to make you realize correctly what is ailing you. To give you a correct diagnosis to your symptoms.
Now you have to figure out yourself on how to go about stopping your fear, your worry. There are countless books out there teaching us how.
Goodluck |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2011 : 09:26:59
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jrda,
I coach basketball in my spare time and love it. I work with little kids (11-12). They are wonderful to work with. My only problem is with some parents who continually drive their kids to the brink of insanity at this age with stress. I see it in practice, after games, during games, etc. Some of the other coaches in our league yell and scream and stomp in vain as their kids don't have the skills to do what their minds see, and rather than focus on teaching them these skills, they simply yell at them.
I don't see how some of them don't burn out before they get to high school. It clearly isn't fun for them, and since I suffered a terrible bout of illness from nerves several years ago that included all your symptoms and a good deal more, my perspective has shifted to making it fun and never, ever stressful, for me or for them. If I encounter pressure from a parent to do things differently, I politely inform them that their child's participation on my team is voluntary
I'd like to hear your experience with your own coaches and your parent(s). Who ruined your fun and what do you think the reasons were?
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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jrda88
4 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2011 : 19:19:30
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quote:
Originally posted by Hillbilly
jrda,
I coach basketball in my spare time and love it. I work with little kids (11-12). They are wonderful to work with. My only problem is with some parents who continually drive their kids to the brink of insanity at this age with stress. I see it in practice, after games, during games, etc. Some of the other coaches in our league yell and scream and stomp in vain as their kids don't have the skills to do what their minds see, and rather than focus on teaching them these skills, they simply yell at them.
I don't see how some of them don't burn out before they get to high school. It clearly isn't fun for them, and since I suffered a terrible bout of illness from nerves several years ago that included all your symptoms and a good deal more, my perspective has shifted to making it fun and never, ever stressful, for me or for them. If I encounter pressure from a parent to do things differently, I politely inform them that their child's participation on my team is voluntary
I'd like to hear your experience with your own coaches and your parent(s). Who ruined your fun and what do you think the reasons were?
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
My parents were actually great about sports and were always supportive, never pushing me too hard like you see so many parents do. They didn't make it to as many events as I would have liked, but my dad was often sick during my high school years, so I totally understand and appreciate what they have done for me. My coaches were all great for the most part as well.
I think what ruined basketball for me was the pain (real or perceived) and the constant worry that I had a serious joint-related illness. Not getting playing time in college made it suck too. For whatever reason, I became so obsessed and anxious about my health when I was younger, but never really expressed it or talked about it because I wanted to keep playing. I hid many things, which as you know big secrets cause anxiety a lot. I feel like I never was able to shake this anxiety and it has grown much larger as I have gotten older. I know I need to get rid of these feelings, so wish me luck! I wish you all peace, happiness, and health. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 08/24/2011 : 21:38:39
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Hi Jrda88, I haven't read your post except for the fibro comment, FYI, fibro IS TMS! I'm packin' up for a road-trip but I'll give it a read later.
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DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2011 : 09:33:13
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I think what ruined basketball for me was the pain (real or perceived) and the constant worry that I had a serious joint-related illness. For whatever reason, I became so obsessed and anxious about my health when I was younger, but never really expressed it or talked about it because I wanted to keep playing.
I think the shift in your thoughts should be that it's not the pain and worry about the illness that "ruined" basketball. The pain and the worry/hypochondria are symptoms of something else. For me, I can say that my TMS makes me anxious. Sure it does, but in a vicious circle, I had anxiety WAY before this round of TMS. So what caused the anxiety in the first place? Chicken and egg.
Look beyond the 'pain and worry' symptoms, and look at what has been causing those symptoms. Maybe you felt you weren't good enough at basketball (I'm sure you were - but think about your subconscious perception!), maybe you felt pressured to be the best at basketball to live up to your scholarship. Maybe then you got really pissed off that no one recognised your pressures, and you felt lonely and scared, and no one was there to talk to.
You could look at it as a coincidence (but consider Louise Hayes' writing, and other books like Your Body Hears Every Word You Say http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Body-Believes-Every-Word/dp/0883312190) - you say you felt you never could, or did, talk to anyone about your problems. Now, you have jaw pain to the point it hurts to talk. I think these things aren't coincidental.
Find someone you trust (family, friend, professional) and start talking. Best of luck
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 08/26/2011 : 23:48:01
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Hi Jrda88,
You definitely could have TMS. Fibro is TMS. You have given yourself a huge nocebo with your self-diagnosis. If I were you, I would definitely see a TMS doctor for a dx. If you were able to win a basketball scholarship, you were healthier then the average person. You are too young to waste your life! Immerse yourself in TMS books, audios and videos--you read your way into your present state, you can read your way out of it--just do it! Get off the couch and start doing some exercise, starting with maybe just walking around your block. You probably have cabin fever.
Good Luck
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
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theghost
30 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2011 : 14:02:59
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Let me ask you something... I have tmj, and I'm constantly afraid that if I don't do something about it, that it's going to get worse. Do you feel this way, too? I kind of think that this feeling might be what makes me not get better.
I feel like if I could just say "yes, I'm going to heal", that I could.
I find that when I'm active and running around doing things and don't have time to think about it, I'm fine. But the problem with me is that I now associate eating with pain. So, that's kinda bad.
I hope you're able to find the off switch for this. I'm going to be searching for mine as well. :)
We should see how much the ones who we loved despised us, and how little the ones who loved us understood us. |
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Could I have TMS?? New User Here
