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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
 Posted - 04/14/2011 : 06:11:34
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Hi guys so I just looked back on my posts and they vary from positive "im doing so well" to "the pain came back" and then this week has been a " when the hell will it end" the fatigue seems to of crept back on dispite me taking l-tyrosine daily. .. maybe I need to up the dose? To 1000mg? I got out my car yesterday and I felt and heard a large click in my left si joint. .. this had me doubting the tms and envoking all those old fears again of course and so from there I spent time focusing on my back and today I woke up with the familiar sciatica pain and the damn dry eyes that I haven't had for months!! I told my current employer that I was looking for other work and I think This has bought on some fear as I've only been able to work very few hours but im now looking into taking on a new job with alot more he's than I've been used to for over a year. Im so fed up with up and down, two steps forward one step back routine. .. I feel like I can't plan anything incase I go back again. .. soul destroying. .. any words?!
This to shall pass.... |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2011 : 06:20:27
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You seem to be fighting with yourself. If the fatigue is TMS, why the fussing with this or that dosage of supplement?
Fear and worry lead to symptoms which lead to fear and worry which lead to more symptoms.
Recommit to the TMS model. Look back and remember how your symptoms lessened/went away when you were more confident. That can't be a coincidence. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2011 : 17:12:35
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HB,
l-tyrosine will not give you some massive energy boost, it helps mainly with chemical production in the brain, from my understanding. i have found it does help a little with energy though. Look, if you want to improve your energy levels you need to do a number of things as I suggested......this is NOT to counter TMS in some way, it's just to improve your general well being. I feel amazing these days, I have so much energy and my state of mind is great. I have the energy to do life and MORE IMPORTANTLY observe and change the thought patterns in my mind. I don't do it because of TMS......I'm not "treating" my symptoms.
What you are going through is completely normal......well I went through it anyway. You will absolutely have ups and downs....it's part of life. The trick is to NOT buy into the downs.....WHAT ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF ON A DAILY BASIS??
quote:
I told my current employer that I was looking for other work and I think This has bought on some fear
Remember what I have said time and time again? Thoughts create the feelings.....what where you thinking when you started feeling fear???
I only experience about %50 of my emotions. So if I start thinking incorrectly my mind tries to stuff down or distract me from those feelings....it's not until it becomes over loaded that I start to experience fear or stress.....by this time I'm so stiff and sore I feel like my body is a million years old. THEN if I'm not careful I can get depressed about the fact I'm in all this pain, and not getting much sleep....which leads to more negative thinking, and so the cycle goes. This was my old pattern...sound familiar?
All external action to alleviate TMS is COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
no matter what you do, or read here, or take will not work.
The action you must take is IN YOUR HEAD......do not allow rubbish thoughts to occupy your mind....it's just that simple!
However, don't believe a word I write.......PROVE IT to yourself! Take the Pepsi challenge with your mind. For the next month try this:
NO complaining of ANY kind....thoughts or speaking
NO negative self talk
NO fearful, stressful, unloving or negative thinking or talking of ANY kind.
NO focusing on what is NOT working in your life
DO positive, self supportive talk and thinking as much as you can. Stand in front of a mirror daily and tell yourself how awesome sh*t is. Focus ONLY on the good stuff in your life.....
CHOOOOOOOOOOSE to BE happy....just choose it despite your pain
GET SOME FAITH.....this is sooooooooooooooooo important!!!!
everything will work out ok.....it's you that's creating the problem. Trust that things will be fine, and even if they're not....who gives a toss????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTASo1tz42k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtJr5ZpHe8s&NR=1
watch this video.....it's the best way to live. Coach yourself constantly in the mind.
Do it, if nothing else you will feel better and you won't suffer. You never know, it might just ease your symptoms.
What is likely to happen:
You will read this, and it'll make sense and you'll want to give it a go. The next morning you completely forget about this post or start to think that it was **** and won't really produce any results......so back to your old way of thinking OR you have a go for a day or two and then the symptoms get worse....and they will, and you think "this is ****" and go back to your old way of thinking.
WHY?
Your mind simply goes not want to change.....you are in a habit and your mind thinks it's doing the right thing because you don't really want to or know how to experience the negative emotions that well.....that's my experience anyway!
You have to commit to an action and do it despite the short term results. If you are focusing on your symptoms, and trying to ease them then you will NEVER be free from them!
Think psychological = control what is happening in your head
If you truly believed that "this shall pass" then you wouldn't get upset by it as you understand that it's only temporary :-)
The trick is to not buy into the dips or the pain or the negative thoughts or anything that you don't like, focus on the positive and the things that are great in your life
Why would you do anything BUT that???
D
P.S. HB, life has some crap situations and experiences, that will never change.....the only thing you can control is your attitude and the way you think about them.
Also, I forgot to add this. As I think negative I create tension in my body and nervous system......things become very tight. Moving my back becomes painful and it's not unusual to have sciatica. The more negative thinking the tighter your body and the more symptoms.....
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Edited by - Darko on 04/14/2011 21:41:47 |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2011 : 20:29:34
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Fantastic post Darko!! 
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2011 : 23:29:55
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Glad you liked it GG!  |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2011 : 09:30:57
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Darko,
I liked it too.
Makes sense and is a shortcut to all the reading and learning by the book.
Ain't easy,though. For me, anyway. But the more I think I can the more I think I can. That little engine that could and all that.
Now my workouts are less painful than simply walking or standing around. Weird.
For Healingback, I think that Darko's message will help to still the brain, which takes up so much energy, which in turn drains the body.
It will pass, watch. |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2011 : 09:56:32
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I starting to wander if I actually don't get it at all... all day today I've been reading the success storys to find that thing that I'm missing. I see a lot of the 'reprogram your mind' but what does that actually mean? Simply think of your emotions when you feel pain? Focus on positive affirmations? I feel like I'm over thinking the principal, last weekend when I went to the theme park I just said **** it, I still had the pain, but since Tuesday its like my mind is trying to punish me for moving forward, or at least trying... I feel like everyone is getting it and I'm like the one standing in the group while everyones laughing at the joke that I just don't get lol....
So I'm back to the gym, I'm back to working part time, I'm seeing a councellor I'm trying my best to journal, I just want to know what it is that I'm doing wrong, what exactly is it that I have to do to reprogram my mind, and how.
Sorry if these are the same questions just in a different way, but you know what now I'm angry, I want my life back, not just for a few days when I think I'm winning only to have the pain come back, or the fatigue, I want to be writing a success story, I want to be able to hold down a fulltime job and be tired from a good day at work not tired from being in pain and depressed, I want to be able to offer my boyfriend something other than a moaning cow lol... please if not for me but for the poor guys sanity... what is it EXACTLY that I have to do ?
This to shall pass.... |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 04/15/2011 : 12:21:57
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quote:
Originally posted by healingback
...I feel like I'm over thinking the principal... what is it EXACTLY that I have to do ?
Sorry but there is no answer to this question. There is no magic bullet. Recovery is a lifelong process.
I believe you hit the nail on the head when you said you were "over thinking" it.
Instead of trying so hard to get rid of the pain, accept it. Remind yourself the pain is not an indication that there is anything structurally wrong with you -- it is a benign signal that there is some emotional unrest going on inside you. Try to figure out what might be bothering you deep under the surface. Be totally honest with yourself, and accept that some of the feelings you are burying are things you do not want to admit you are feeling. Think about it, but do not obsess over it. It is the trying that is important.
Take a break from thinking, and just live as if you don't have any pain. Ignore it. When you are aware of it, remind yourself it means nothing, and go on with what you were doing. You need to recondition yourself to stop focusing on it.
Recovery is a lifelong change in the way you think about and react to the pain. Don't measure your progress or expect quick results. Just stay the course and have faith that over time, the pain will fade on its own. If it takes weeks, months, or years, so be it. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2011 : 18:38:02
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HB,
Maybe your BF likes moaning cows....you should check with him before you go changing too much 
On a side note I agree with what Dave said.....it's funny cause I got a very similar post from him years ago, and at that time I didn't get it.
I certainly don't judge you, I fully expect that we will go over the same thing over and over again. It's exactly that worrying thought pattern of "what will people think about me" that contributes to TMS. Now, this is where I might disagree from the general opinion on here. I actually believe that if you can master your mind life will change significantly. Does that mean you won't have symptoms from time to time....no, but you'll move through them much much faster. As I said in my previous post you just won't get it until you get it. You can read it over and over but your mind DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET IT.
"you can't get the mind to understand something when it's power depends upon it NOT understanding it"
You will get it when you start doing it......you see most people live there life unconsciously, they are controlled by their minds all day long. You get a though and you act on it or believe it...and most of our thoughts are negative rubbish. If you don't believe me start verbalizing every single thought you have....scary stuff. So when you think about getting a new job you'll have all this "what if" crap start in your head.
- what if I get heaps of symptoms
- what if I can't work
- what if I run out of money
- what if it turns out to be a big mistake
- what if -----insert whatever here------
I start you get anxious myself just thinking about it.....and the more anxious you feel the more stressed thoughts you have. If you continue you'll worry yourself sick. SO the mind is the circuit breaker in this positive feedback loop and gives you a symptom for you to focus on. Now the backpain is so bad that you stop worrying about the "what if's"
The REAL problem here is the "what if" thoughts, they're toxic to your being! Everytime times this toxic pattern starts up you have to stop it, think differently, have faith in the situation, believe in yourself....and just freakin relax!!!!!
One of my best realizations I got was YOU WILL NEVER ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS BY THINKING....YOU WILL ONLY CREATE MORE QUESTIONS.
AAAAAAAAAND the smarter you are the more complicated and numerous the questions become.....until you end up living in a complete mental quagmire. Your thoughts become like a stormy sea and you are just being bashed around and survival is the only thing you can focus on. You can't do anything, nothing seems to make sense, anxiety, crazy thoughts and pain seem to run your life. Well this is what happened to me. You need a "mental life raft" and for me one of them is having faith that everything will turn out ok. So no matter how crazy things get in my head, I just get out of the "sea of thoughts" and climb into my "everything will be ok" life raft and I feel safe again. WOW....that was out there
You need to find your circuit breaker, so when things get crazy you can stop it before your mind starts giving you symptoms.
Ignore your thoughts.....you don't have to believe them your know. Create positive thoughts instead!!!
HB watch out for the beginners cycle......this is where you are just looking for a quick fix and keep jumping from one strategy to another.
Also...increased symptoms are part of healing IMO. The mind doesn't want to concede power and steps up symptoms when you're going in the right direction.....which is exactly the same as when you're going in the wrong direction. This is why it's so easy to get stuck!
Will Smith said when he said "the key to life is running and reading, reading cause any problem you have someone else has already had and written about it, and running because your mind will be complaining and talking the whole time and telling you to stop. When you master this your life will change forever"
Back2-it,
no it's not easy....but yet it's very simple. You have to break the mental habit but once you do you start to experience real freedom and hope. Small steps....good on you, keep up the momentum!
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Edited by - Darko on 04/17/2011 18:38:39 |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2011 : 23:51:22
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Darko....
quote:
Back2-it,
no it's not easy....but yet it's very simple. You have to break the mental habit but once you do you start to experience real freedom and hope. Small steps....good on you, keep up the momentum!
What is helping me break the negative cycle of thoughts is getting out and jogging and now even running at a good clip. My brain can only focus on the effort and not on what pain I SHOULD be feeling. I'm also cycling and weight lifting. I do these quickly and automatically and fight the impulse to reflect on how I'm feeling and how I'm doing. Yes, this is exactly how I was back in the old pain free days. I just ran and cycled and lifted the damned weights. I didn't think of what would hurt.
Now...when I slow down and stand around and walk slowly, the part of my brain that I haven't rewired gets going with those thoughts of what I'm feeling and how bad and all that rubbish.
However, today I waited for my luggage a good long time to get from the plane to the turnstyle, and damned if I forgot to notice that I was having some stiffness and aches.
HB...
Darko is right near as I can tell. What-if Land is sucksville. I have had to look at What-If Land this way: I may never friggen make it into tomorrow or next year to experience What-If Land. If' I'm not going to make it I might as well force what's left of my brain to get a few jollies out of the present. It helps.
Regarding your boyfriend, Darko might be right again: he might be fond of moaning cows. In my case, my girlfriend of many years couldn't take the fact that I was not the "strong" one, and that she couldn't take any more depressing things in her life, and I had to let it go. It wasn't easy, because for 1.5 years of this pain, she was the only distraction I had. But I can understand that this type of thing can change a person.
I am just accepting more and more who I am at this moment and that's that.
I do believe it's best just to go full speed ahead like you have no pain and live your life. Leave What-If Land behind, change what you knnow you have to change, toss up some of the pain to a higher power or the Universe or whatever, and stop the endless loop of thinking.
Taking 5-htp and GABA helped in soothing the brain and getting me off the constant looping. If you're totally anxious all the time, it's going to be hard to forge ahead. Get a grip on anxiety first,understand it, and then work the TMS and anxiety symptoms next.
I'm not there yet, but I'm inching along, thanks to the Darkos and Hillbillies and others who tossed in their two cents.
HB, I'm pulling for you. You've made progress. You'll make more. Think of good things to come; imagine it, visualize it. Work towards it. The pain will pass, the fatigue too and it will probably happen one day when you just find yourself being your old healthy self and not even know how you got there.
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Edited by - Back2-It on 04/17/2011 23:59:21 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 01:24:34
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B2-it,
It sounds like you're make some progress which is great....however you might be missing the mark a little.
quote:
What is helping me break the negative cycle of thoughts is getting out and jogging and now even running at a good clip. My brain can only focus on the effort and not on what pain I SHOULD be feeling
Whilst this is good....my question to you is what happens when you stop exercise and you have to deal with "life" This is still a form of distraction. Does your chatterbox still dominate you? If so then you will have pain until you dominate your chatterbox, because it's your chatterbox that starts with all the toxic chatter, that gives you the feeling of anxiety, anger or stress.
You have to DOMINATE and give your mind orders on how to think and behave.....take ZERO crap from it. Talk to it....I talk to myself all the time these days. However do it in a loving, kind and firm way
You're getting there mate......Good to see you're taking the 5HTP....hope it's helped you. Also don't forget the L-tyrosine as you need that to convert the 5HTP to serotonin.
Don't fight your mind, as that will create tension. Allow the negative thoughts, if they come up just don't buy into the BS, laugh it off and tell yourself the opposite to the negative thought.
Treat your mind like a small child, love it and guide yourself do a better life.
I hope this is making sense and helping people, I keep harping on about it cause it's been the only way I've managed to get my life back. I think I'm right cause it worked for me, but prove it to yourself......each time I've bounced back from TMS it's been different and only temporary. Each time I 'healed' I've been a step closer to understanding what I know now........I'm absolutely positive I've nailed it this time!
As for being present I will say this........it's complete and utter BS! This might rub people the wrong way and I'm sorry, but I spent lots of time and energy being "present". It became an obsession on it's own.....and anything that requires THAT much effort is rubbish IMO. How many people do you know that are present????!!! Sure you might have periods where you're calm and present, but they're limited and when life goes turbo, as it does, that presence will fly out the door.
The ONLY thing that worked for me is allowing everything and resisting nothing! Allow the toxic thoughts, don't resist them just don't buy into them, don't believe them, they're just thoughts! And as a result, you'll end up with a calmer mind.
If you haven't read "The happiness trap" then you're missing out on one of lifes great treasures. It's the ultimate TMS book without even knowing it's a TMS book.
If you don't believe the thoughts, then you won't get stressed and anxious.....and you won't need to repress those emotions = NO SYMPTOMS
remember, thoughts = emotions we can't handle = TMS symptoms.
Ok I'll shut up now
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Edited by - Darko on 04/18/2011 01:30:44 |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 02:02:15
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Darko, please don't shut up we need people like you who have been through all this before.. infact I just read your success story. Today I woke up and back pain straight away soil got straight up and hoovered (when I was diagnosed physically I was told no more hoovering)
Yesterday morning I woke up with my old rsi pain, just so happened I was telling my boyfriend the day before that it had disappeared, I. Laughed at it and within 30 mins it was gone... I think I get why the rsi, scaitica pain that on and off, dry eyes etc goes so quickly... its because I'm not scared of them, I know I could live with them, because although they hurt there not as bad as the back pain. As soon as I'm not afraid of the back pain, I'm pretty sure it will go, because it won't hold that control.
With regards to your success story, you talk a lot about feeling and releasing anger, my anger account is completely blown, I get histerically angry over a damn traffic jam, any books you can suggest on getting anger out, I've never been good at expressing anger, I don't do confrontqtion, I bury it, and deeply... and I relised I don't. Feel emotions, if I don't like them I bury them, I don't like feeling out of control so I do my best to not feel.
So my back will feel, my bum, my eyes, but I want to feel, and I want to get angry at the right things not the wrong things.
P.s turns out my boyfriend does like moaning cows... something about the challenge lol ;)
This to shall pass.... |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 08:24:04
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quote:
Originally posted by Darko
B2-it,
It sounds like you're make some progress which is great....however you might be missing the mark a little.
quote:
What is helping me break the negative cycle of thoughts is getting out and jogging and now even running at a good clip. My brain can only focus on the effort and not on what pain I SHOULD be feeling
Whilst this is good....my question to you is what happens when you stop exercise and you have to deal with "life" This is still a form of distraction. Does your chatterbox still dominate you? If so then you will have pain until you dominate your chatterbox, because it's your chatterbox that starts with all the toxic chatter, that gives you the feeling of anxiety, anger or stress.
The chatterbox is quieting as I settle back into life as I knew it before pain. By being able to exercise and have less pain is a marker for me, proof of it being a mind-body thing. Remember, I've got this big old MRI proof of a mid-back disc hanging out there, so I've had the medical doom chatterbox going full volume for a long time. Now the occasions where I think of the pain and the stiffness grows less and less -- from formerly 110% of the time to now 30 to 40%. Still too high, but at least it's going the right direction. Exercise for me is a form of meditation; it always was until pain. I don't wear the earbuds or anything, but try to stay alert and notice the stinking exhaust from traffic, the holes in the street, the pigeons overhead pooping down on me, etc.
You have to DOMINATE and give your mind orders on how to think and behave.....take ZERO crap from it. Talk to it....I talk to myself all the time these days. However do it in a loving, kind and firm way
I have been not just distracting myself but reordering my thinking, I think. For instance, when I'm bothered extremely by pain, I turn the thought away from the pain to a problem, or to a positive expectation. I find the expectations now to be more theraputic, as it gives me something to look forward to. I realize I'm not doomed as I thought before.
You're getting there mate......Good to see you're taking the 5HTP....hope it's helped you. Also don't forget the L-tyrosine as you need that to convert the 5HTP to serotonin.
I do take the L-tyrosine too. But I thought I'd leave that out because I didn't want to sound like a drug store. The best thing is the exercise and boost that does naturally to the serotonin.
Don't fight your mind, as that will create tension. Allow the negative thoughts, if they come up just don't buy into the BS, laugh it off and tell yourself the opposite to the negative thought.
Treat your mind like a small child, love it and guide yourself do a better life.
I hope this is making sense and helping people, I keep harping on about it cause it's been the only way I've managed to get my life back. I think I'm right cause it worked for me, but prove it to yourself......each time I've bounced back from TMS it's been different and only temporary. Each time I 'healed' I've been a step closer to understanding what I know now........I'm absolutely positive I've nailed it this time!
As for being present I will say this........it's complete and utter BS! This might rub people the wrong way and I'm sorry, but I spent lots of time and energy being "present". It became an obsession on it's own.....and anything that requires THAT much effort is rubbish IMO. How many people do you know that are present????!!! Sure you might have periods where you're calm and present, but they're limited and when life goes turbo, as it does, that presence will fly out the door.
The ONLY thing that worked for me is allowing everything and resisting nothing! Allow the toxic thoughts, don't resist them just don't buy into them, don't believe them, they're just thoughts! And as a result, you'll end up with a calmer mind.
It's a zen thing. Sounds like you were fighting too hard to be "present". By allowing everything and resisting nothing, you are present. I don't count the dots, I just try to enjoy or react to what's going on, as opposed to being off in What-If Land, which until six months ago was where I spent all my time. What a flagging black hole that was.
If you haven't read "The happiness trap" then you're missing out on one of lifes great treasures. It's the ultimate TMS book without even knowing it's a TMS book.
If you don't believe the thoughts, then you won't get stressed and anxious.....and you won't need to repress those emotions = NO SYMPTOMS
remember, thoughts = emotions we can't handle = TMS symptoms.
Ok I'll shut up now
Never heard of the "Happiness Trap". I'll look it up. Maybe I'm guessing it's about what society says makes you happy and all the material crap that goes along with it? I'll see, I guess.
Well, you can "shut up" if you want to. But it's bits and pieces from you, Darko, and others that help more than the books and the paid friends we call therapists. Your call, of course.
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 17:20:28
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I was being jovial with my "I'll just shut up" statement As for being present maybe you're right about me trying to hard.
But all in all it sounds like you're heading in the right direction mate.....I'm sure you'll come good with time.
On a side note I had a crap night last night and woke up the sorest I've been in a long time...interesting. I have had more negative thinking of late due to my life circumstance......so I have some work to do over the next few days.
HB as for releasing anger, have you had a look at the Sedona Method? It's helpful, also get the documentary "what the bleep do we know" You will learn a great deal about how the body and our consciousness work.
I find going and seeing a body worker when I'm really sore helps.......I know it's not what your supposed to do, but I don't see him on a regular basis only times like now when I'm really sore. He pushes on my sore parts and it's incredible the amount of emotion that comes up for me. He helps me get in touch with the emotions trapped in my body.....then I can go away and continue the work myself. I stress that it's not a straight massage.....he's a bodyworker...big difference
The key for me is to not depend on anyone or anything, I use help when I need it only to speed up my results and then I do the work myself. If you rely on someone or something you're going to remain stuck.
D
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