| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - 04/04/2011 : 18:03:02
|
Playing ball yesterday, got drilled by my first BP pitch of the spring... right in the back/elbow. No Biggie, right? Been drilled several dozen times since I've been 'cured' and it's nothing but a thing.(for you non-baseball players, that means being hit by a fastball..maybe 70-80mph)
But... started really hurting later. I thought I might be dehydrated, cramped, figured I'd sleep it off.
Woke up this morning and trying to lift a window open had a shock and spasm so bad it literally dropped me to the floor.
I've been 100% symptom free for so long I forgot TMS even existed. Since my separation and divorce I live like a large child and subsequently have very little to repress... I work, play sports, party like it's 1999 and play music... what more could you want? How could I possibly be generating repressed rage...
well... laying on my back in near tears I did a quick review:
Been doing a lot of personal growth stuff... Meditation, prayer, contemplation. Been 100% alone for 3 years plus and in spite of much prodding by my friends, have interacted with the opposite sex to the tune of Zero. Oh, I go out dancing, flirt a lot, get my 'attention' fix and I'm good for another week... no need to go and ruin my peter pan life by actually dating someone...
But, recently I began interacting with the Ex again. Just as friends. She has had a number of dates and even a long term-ish boyfriend since our sparation. Felt jealous, useless, angry... but I FELT it so it never turned into TMS. I cried. Then it went away. I have no grudges when she is not in my face... However...
We've gone out for drinks a few times. We've been able to have what seemed like genuinely quality time together, though she tells me a little more about her personal life than I'd probably care to know. Our divorce has run smoothly and her lawyer is probably bummed it hasn't been more contentious
Anyways.. I have asked her to steer clear of the three clubs I frequent the most.
Friday night I was on fire... Pretty girls everywhere. Killer band playing. I'm in the zone. Then the Ex walks in the club. I leave.
The next night her and I actually went out for a drink together (Under friendly circumstances)... she felt compelled to introduce me to one of her manifold male friends. I was a 'nice guy' and obliged.
She asked if I could help her at church the next morning as her usual food prep person had quit. I obliged. Whilst I was there, I see her OTHER boyfriend(s) and am polite and friendly.
Somewhere in my personal growth stuff, I have learned that in any situation I can be OK as long as I remain in the NOW. I must have slipped out of it. This morning was telltale proof.
I think I also have been perhaps too 'obliging' e.g. (root word obligate) and have a tough time differentiating between friendly and being used. I think at some point I left the NOW and started remembering,reliving a pattern I recognized from time immemorial.
It's tough. We are an unusual divorced couple in that we are non-combative and even supportive of each other, but I must be having some deep seated pre-freudian animalistic R-cortex reaction, because in spite of all of the intellectual processing of not giving a ****, there is a deep seated lust to rip the throat out of each and every guy she's been with... it must be there, or how could I have had such a painful experience on the floor this morning?
I really and truly believe in the spiritual path that has unfolded before me and it has done some amazing things for my life as real as the Sarno work... but I was a TMSer first, and I got a reminder today.
So... I immediately refocused my thinking, WENT to my extremely physical job and instead of cigarette breaks did push-ups all day to combat the notion that there was anything wrong with me (I did 300)
going to the gym now just to complete the refutation of the symptoms, but it was an interesting event in the history of my TMS... which I must have somehow thought I'd escaped... "Oh ****... I'm still me!"
Love y'all
-piggy aka Baseball65 aka Marc |
|
|
Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 18:59:28
|
Hey,
Glad you re-focused and didn't succumb.
My problems started when I went back to my ex with the idea of restarting. She was the same and I was the same. Nothing against her;everybody has what they want. It still didn't equal what I wanted.
One month after our reconciliation I developed physical problems.
I worked at the relationship for 1.5 years until I finally let it go just one month ago. In the meantime I fretted and worried and twisted myself in all sorts of ways, including worrying about how to get better to take care of what I thought were my obligations and promises to her. It finally dawned on me that I was the only one in the relationship. We hardly spent any time together, yet I worried constantly about it.
Something about one time around being the only time around, maybe. Eveybody comes into your life for reason, but maybe not forever. Lesson learned the hard way by me. |
 |
|
|
Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 20:02:55
|
quote:
It finally dawned on me that I was the only one in the relationship. We hardly spent any time together, yet I worried constantly about it.
That was from which I had been finally getting some respite. Reading Eckhart Tolle, meditation (a little) and gedankenexperiments relieved most of the emotional and mental agony I went through (all symptom free btw)... I actually FELT the rejection,shame,anger.
I thought I'd spent enough time 'free of thought' to be present around her. For a large part , I could remain so.... but I think I have a bad habit of being a 'hope addict'. Obviously if I had completely let go of any interest in her, the episode wouldn't have begun, or been as intense... I get a little TMSish around baseball because I care about it so much, but not 'on the floor, oh my god I can't stand it!' TMS... just the 'hey , I'm still here and you're still you' little twinge which I can fend off with a little of the three R's.
My son did his summer research project at Vanderbilt in the Psych Dept. . He told me that males leaving a long relationship don't normalize, so to speak, for about 6 months until it's really over. It's allegedly analogous to when Mom kicks you out of the house when you're 18 (or 16 in my case...though I came back a few times for a minute)
I had done my 6 months of ZERO contact and thought I was OK to resume a friendly relationship... I was just getting comfortable around females again and feeling like my old self when this 'set back' occurred. I'm actually a bit afraid to talk to her again. I don't want to hear about all of her dates and so forth.... I guess I'm not as OK as the 6 month model predicted me to be (LOL)
Did feel EXCELLENT in the gym tonight, once again disproving the notion that there's anything wrong with you when you're having TMS. |
|
|
|
Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 20:26:40
|
In my case I had had no contact for two years. Nothing.
But after a few failed short-term relationships I thought that maybe we could try again. Both of us thought so, but I learned after about a year that her "feelings" had changed.
Meanwhile, I was in pain constantly, wanted company, and had virtually none-- from her. I guess I do understand, because when a person is suddenly different (hurting and weak) then it can change a person's perspective. I don't blame her. It was what it was. I loved the original time we had together.
They say you need one month for every year you were together to really get past it.
I didn't expect any immediate relief from pain, and I haven't gotten it, but I have noticed incremental improvement.
With some, you can never be "friends", because that's not how it was meant to be, and since it can't be ideal it has to be nothing, as far as I am concerned. |
Edited by - Back2-It on 04/04/2011 20:28:13 |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 20:44:44
|
quote:
They say you need one month for every year you were together to really get past it.
I've heard that it's half the time of the whole relationship!
Good for you guys, getting out of non-working relationships. I still haven't figured out for definite if the long-term relationship I'm in is working or not. Seeing as I turn 29 today, I think I should get on with deciding 
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
|
|
|
Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/04/2011 : 20:55:51
|
Golden....
quote:
I still haven't figured out for definite if the long-term relationship I'm in is working or not. Seeing as I turn 29 today, I think I should get on with deciding
Is it good? It's life, I'm afraid, with all its pathos.
A very good friend of mine said to me once after we split the first time that "love is sometimes not enough". For me, and for her, it was not. Love lasts forever, though. And 'tis better to have loved,as it is said.
Happy Birthday! Take some time and reach deep into your soul and decide. There are no guarantees of greener grass on the other side, either. Now we will all need to know.  |
|
|
|
Goodney
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2011 : 07:03:06
|
| Once there was a girl....There is an old saying that: "Love doesn't make for clean breaks, just messy fractures". How true. I once lost the love of my life, and let me tell you, there is no pain like a heart truly broken. I couldn't let her go and move on. A few years later we tried again, and I again was heartbroken to realize the magic we had was gone. I think in part because she still loved me so much, she moved out of state so we both could get on with our lives. Because I still loved her so much, I never tried to contact her. We both found others to love. I hope she has found happiness. I know I have. But I still think of her and the special place she held in my heart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone else is to let them go, even though it hurts like hell. |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 04/05/2011 : 09:04:03
|
quote:
Originally posted by golden_girl
quote:
They say you need one month for every year you were together to really get past it.
I've heard that it's half the time of the whole relationship!
Good for you guys, getting out of non-working relationships. I still haven't figured out for definite if the long-term relationship I'm in is working or not. Seeing as I turn 29 today, I think I should get on with deciding
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown
In my opinion, friendship and mutual respect are the essential elements. If you genuinely love being in one another's company, you're golden. Otherwise, life is too short to devote years to something that's likely not to work. I'd rather be alone, by far, than be miserable in a relationship..
Baseball, it took me two years to get over the grief and upset of my divorce. It was a very painful time of readjustment, even though I was not happy in the marriage. A person gets used to things, and love is almost always there no matter how miserable everyone is...
Freedom is wonderful, but it doesn't come free.. as you well know. |
Edited by - art on 04/05/2011 09:06:37 |
|
|
|
Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2011 : 07:33:39
|
Mate, I would be pissed at she's been pulling. Showing of her boyfriends right in front of your face. Bragging about sex. What a bitch. Don't help her out, don't be nice to her boyfriends.
She's fu cking with you. Cut all contact. |
|
|
|
HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2011 : 11:54:16
|
The Presence Process has a very interesting chapter on relationships...
Hilary N |
|
|
|
Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2011 : 08:36:52
|
quote:
The Presence Process has a very interesting chapter on relationships...
Hilary N
Which I'll be reviewing in about 5 minutes here :-)
It was odd that I had my first relapse in a long time on a weekend when I was 'too busy' to sit still, read, meditate, be quiet. I live a sort of Riotous existence and than crash, though it's usually not accompanied by TMS.
In fact in retrospect I think that all of my interactions with the ex might have been only part of the 'overflow'. Feeling Put out by being asked to coach a youth team (that I don't want to) anxiety about proving myself on a new team (which I just joined) seemed to be the stuff I 'wasn't feeling' aka repressed (notice I made no mention of it in the first post)
because our unconscious doesn't lend itself to graphs and equations, we can only speculate. I imagine any therapist or 'dear abby' type of advisor would say I am stark raving mad hanging out with the ex, but than again, I've never really given much of a **** about the world and what it thinks... I imagine most of us would fall into that category. Don't believe me? Go to your GP and start discussing Psychosomatic symptoms and watch their eyes roll (LOLOLOL)
I love ya' all
bb65 |
|
|
|
Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 04/13/2011 : 04:49:27
|
You must be raging, seriously, far out all you people, all this talk of feelings and meditation. This evil bitch throws sex with other men right in front of your face!
Cut all contact and go out and get layed. I think I'm wasting my time here though while you guys go analyse everything, good luck though and remember never take the advice of any women on relationships.
|
|
|
|
Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 13:25:50
|
Bb65, if you think YOU are still angry/jealous then next time your ex asks you round to help with whatever just say you have something else on, just hint that it might be a girl and just hint that she might be younger than your wife and just hint that you're really good friends and enjoy each other's company, nothing serious.
Then wait for the response. Their might be a lull but then your wife will want to know all about her and the relationship. She will put on a facade of being pleased that you have met someone nice but don't be fooled.
She'll be jealous.
But the invites round to her place should stop and maybe you can get on with your life.
Anne |
|
|
|
Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2011 : 14:37:02
|
Why play games.
Time to cut ties and move on -- forever. If no kids are involved then it's not too hard.
Why torture yourself?
Who cares if she is jealous or not? Even thinking of whether she is or not is going to bring on stress and more symptoms, possibly. Who needs it? |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/19/2011 : 21:10:13
|
You must be raging, seriously, far out all you people, all this talk of feelings and meditation. This evil bitch throws sex with other men right in front of your face!
Cut all contact and go out and get layed. I think I'm wasting my time here though while you guys go analyse everything, good luck though and remember never take the advice of any women on relationships.
Wow you're a charmer Wodg. Don't even get me started. (nb It's LAID)
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
|
|
|
Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 05:34:29
|
Thanks for the grammar lesson GG, you appear to get my point somewhat, Hopefully. I mean she is parading ex's in front of him and giving out way too much information about what she is doing with lots and lots of men and he has had zip for three years. That's gotta hurt. That's why she does it it, to hurt him.
I would never interact with this woman ever again. |
|
|
|
golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 15:14:49
|
It wasn't a grammar lesson, as I was pointing out your misspelling. Grammar and spelling are not the same thing.
I don't disagree with your clarified point - however perhaps your obvious misogyny shown in your earlier comment is contributing to your TMS. Just a thought.
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
|
|
|
Wodg
Australia
89 Posts |
Posted - 04/21/2011 : 04:02:09
|
GG thanks for correcting me once again maybe your perfectionism is contributing to your TMS.
ps Women are the worst misogynists IMO |
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
|
|
Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2011 : 06:41:09
|
Hey Tom.
Thanks for posting that. I believe I'm about due for an 'in depth' review. Funny... I'm in some of the best shape of my life. I trained extra hard this winter so I could be a better ball player this season (A team mate asked if I was a boxer the other day) and I just had two episodes very close in time after NONE for the longest time.
My Moral tyrant is kicking my butt.
1 My divorce is final in less than a month.(rejection, shame, failure)
2 I just got a lecture from a teammate I respect on how I'm not trying to hit the ball hard enough (rejection, subpar, anger)
3. My son leaves for college soon (mortality, loneliness)
4. I just got assigned a summers worth of work that I do NOT enjoy (boredom, anger, frustration, pressure)
5. I'm on a new team and we play night games where I have difficulty picking up the pitches (fear, anxiety)
6. I am currently working on my BOSSES home (perfectionism, fear, pressure)
...and that's just the crap I can think of off the top of my head. Time to hit the paper and break out 'the divided mind'
Oh yeah, the new symptom? I'm starting to notice a trend... it's seasonal... just like baseball!!!
You guys rule. Even when ya'a'll bitch each other out... come on now... let it out!!! |
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
Aborted a GNARly one, thoughts on personal growth.
