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jonnieboy
Sweden
5 Posts |
 Posted - 12/09/2010 : 14:35:08
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I have been visiting this forum quite often for two years but never posted and now I have come to some break-through with my own pain so I wanted to share my "success story"...
I am 38 and father of three children of ages 7,5 and 4. Although I have had a lot of symptoms in my life (most of them occured after 20 years age), it became much worse in 2006 when we had our third child on its way and our sons were 3 and 1 years old. We were exhausted after a year of bad sleep due to our 1 year-old son. As I see it now, my body was just waiting for a good symptom to hang on to. I needed something to distract me from all the work load with children, more responsibility at work etc. My life was not balanced and I had absolutely no solution how to solve my situation. I could not even see or feel that I was stuck with responsibilities and that I had no fun in life. I guess that my inner child was totaly lost, I actually could not hear him, instead of being angry I became a zombie that started to think about my body every 10 seconds. What is wrong with my throat, why do I have pain there,it must be something dangerous, I googled and found out that it must be some throat cancer. Of course I believed it and cried for hours, why shall I die from my three kids...I became obsessed, still I could handle my job and kids quite well.
My pain in my throat area during 2006-2009 and then leg pain during 2009-2010 was the major thing in my life that I thought about. When I discovered TMS in 2008 I read a lot about the theory every day but nothing really happened. I have also been to psychodynamic therapy for 2.5 years and now since september my obsessions and pain has gradually decreased. Why now? I guess that in my therapy I finally understood something, that I must take responsibility over myself. Noone else will do it for me? I started to see that I have been too kind to everyone, too eager to be liked by everyone. My right to be angry became clear to me, so I have become more honest and angry and the result is more respect from others and a feeling that I can defend myself. Before I have been more of a victim that anytime could be hurt by someone and I had nothing to protect myself with.
Also, I can see very clear that now my life has become more balanced, I can charge myself with training, playing music etc as my children have become older. So many things contribute to push me up just enough to get rid of the worst obsession. And then the positive spiral take place. Still I can get sensations and some pain, but, here is the whole point, it does not start any negative thoughts, and then it just disappears from my mind and my experience will be "no pain". I am no longer bothered about it? Why? I dont need it. Why? I have other things to think about. But am I not afraid anymore of the pain? No and maybe it is because I dont want or need to be a distracted any longer, now I get pissed off about things that bother me. I take care of myself, my inner child is so much stronger and my inner parent can shut up more often.
Just wanted to share my thoughts. I will actually try to stay away from this forum, since unfortunately I believe that TMS and all the theoretic stuff, even though it is extremely interesting, can lead you away from your own responsibility, you easily become addicted to the theory and forget that it is YOUR life and your responsibility to change what needs to be changed and no book in the world can do the job for you. So at some point when you have understood the concept and believe it you must stop reading and focus on YOUR life.
I have so much sympathy for all you that struggle with TMS. One of my sons has the TMS personality and have already showed some symptoms. I consider myself currently as a sober TMS:er and I hope I have the tools in the future to identify and get rid of symptoms.
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 16:13:09
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Hi Jonnie,
Good news for you! Well done, there are some great discoveries in your post. It's a shame you won't stick around as there a loads of people on here that could benefit from your imput. I have found it very helpful to stick around and keep posting as it stops me from getting carried away with the world experience and helps to ensure I'm constantly checking in with myself.
Good luck
D |
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jonnieboy
Sweden
5 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2010 : 08:33:01
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As long as I will continue to feel good I will occasionally drop in to see if I can help someone, it would be fantastic if that is possible. However, if I get a flare-up again I wish that I could trust what I already "know" about TMS and not become addicted to the forum and instead focus on my very personal issues.
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2010 : 14:27:20
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Thanks for dropping in to share your success story, jonnieboy, and thanks for staying around, too, Darko. The more of us there are, the more encouraging it is for others.
Hilary N |
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Finally I feel free from obsession and pain
