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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 12/09/2010 : 07:26:58
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Hi
My name is Wavy and I am a TMSer (also known as an Unconscious Symptom Creation Addict!).
I'm just waking up again to how pernicious this "special effect" of illness can be!
Here is the stressor: I just got back from England (where I was born - now live in USA for 35 years) where I was dealing with my very difficult family situation. There are 2 people left in my family - no one else except me! My mom is 91 with Alzheimers. And I have an older sister who has hated me since birth, and she is now dying of a one-in-a-million strain of cancer. She may not live long. I went over there even though I had to miss 2 weeks of work and am now facing rent-stress, because I wanted to see if I could help her, have some kind of healing. What actually happened is that I discovered that she is still up to her shenanigans (legal and financial, stuff done to hurt me). Don't want to go into it but it was intensely enraging.
I was also very scared of her, because somehow sis still triggers the feelings I had when I was a child and she was abusing me behind parents' back. I could go on and on.
It was SO extreme when I was there that I found myself having to be present to pretty much every breath I breathed just to survive. I was exhausted, jetlagged, money-stressed, staying in a very uncomfortable place, and so on. But I was more or less ok, physically. I told myself I just couldn't afford to be sick. I needed to get through it and not be sick in England.
I came home and was seemingly fairly ok for a few days - jetlag and tired, but in a pretty good place. Then on Sunday, I was dumped on by a client in a very side-swiping way, similar to sister. All of a sudden, all my old CFS and Fibro symptoms came on. Exhaustion, dizziness, fever, pains, weakness...
To make it worse, I went yesterday to my doc and she said I probably have Lyme's. She mentioned that it is very very prevalent in the county where I live, and especially among people who are healers and sensitive.
I was shocked that she was tossing me the Lyme's diagnosis and tried to bat it back, but I had gone to her for help and she was giving me 20 minutes for free. I was saying "cancel, cancel" inside my mind. Especially confusing since she was also kind of saying it's TMS. I imagine her understanding is that it's both physical and emotional.
And I have to say that such is my understanding too. I am certainly open to physical help, and understand how these things can interweave themselves. The back pain thing is fairly simple, but those of us with the extreme versions of TMS like fibromyalgia (30+ years) need to be practical. There are definitely practices and some nutritional stuff and avoiding certain things that have helped me immensely, on an obvious, one-to-one causal basis, that aren't placebos (most things DON'T work, so I test scientifically).
On another level, it's ALL a placebo, and I can walk on water too - after all Jeez was a man.
I am now embarrassed to say that I spent a little time last night looking around the Internet to read about Lyme's. But I somehow managed to drag my carcass this morning to the TMS sites. Searched for Lyme's and found some great stuff which is waking me up again to this incredibly sneaky phenom of TMS.
What was even more embarrassing was to find that, on the TMSWiki, there are only two "recovery from CFS" success stories, and one of them is from ME, some time ago. Yikes!
Anyway, I don't need advice (about family or which doc to go to or anything). But I realize that I need some support from my enlightened TMS buds. Help!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 09:17:09
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quote:
Originally posted by Wavy Soul
To make it worse, I went yesterday to my doc and she said I probably have Lyme's. She mentioned that it is very very prevalent in the county where I live, and especially among people who are healers and sensitive.
I was shocked that she was tossing me the Lyme's diagnosis and tried to bat it back, but I had gone to her for help and she was giving me 20 minutes for free. I was saying "cancel, cancel" inside my mind. Especially confusing since she was also kind of saying it's TMS. I imagine her understanding is that it's both physical and emotional.
Hi Wavy, Your doctor is well meaning but not helping you with guessing at something that fits the symptoms. This is the TMS Board, so given your situation, my call is TMS.
CFS, fibro and lymes are all new-agey "dis-eases" with overlapping symptoms. Your doctor is well meaning but probably so used to dealing with patients looking for allopathic answers that she is covering all her bases.
As for lymes attacking "healers" and the "sensitive"--what a bunch of malarkey! I can just see the lyme ticks on the Ring Mountain Trail saying, "Oh boy, here comes a sensitive healer! Gotta'a get a bite of that one".
Wavy, you've got this figured out much better than your doc. You did a great job of getting through what you had to do in England and made it back home. Now your mindbody is reacting to all the tension. Your client was the last straw that filled your reservoir to overflowing. You are understanding what is happening like a TMS pro. Get some relaxation and exercise to get you through.
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 12/09/2010 09:21:28 |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 09:38:23
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| Hi wavy, so it sounds like you went back to some problems in england, and when you got back to the usa you say you were ok for a couple of days, do you think maybe you were unconsiously expecting to have some symptoms brought on by your stressful period away? Where you analizing the fact that 'you were doing ok' I think if your expecting to have symptoms or are surprised that you got through that situation without any then your still in the grips of tms... if somehwere deep down you are waiting for the tms to take effect, then chances are it will... tms is the stress disease remember... go back to your journalling, write a letter to your sister that your never send... don't buy into it... you know this, you've done it before,,, go find your bullets and shoot it down. ;) |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 09:39:25
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| Hi wavy, so it sounds like you went back to some problems in england, and when you got back to the usa you say you were ok for a couple of days, do you think maybe you were unconsiously expecting to have some symptoms brought on by your stressful period away? Where you analizing the fact that 'you were doing ok' I think if your expecting to have symptoms or are surprised that you got through that situation without any then your still in the grips of tms... if somehwere deep down you are waiting for the tms to take effect, then chances are it will... tms is the stress disease remember... go back to your journalling, write a letter to your sister that your never send... don't buy into it... you know this, you've done it before,,, go find your bullets and shoot it down. ;) |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 11:26:48
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Thanks Tom - brilliant and incisive as usual - maybe we should have another cuppa tea some time? Are you in the neighborhood? I could invite you to my Xmas party.
Thanks healingback, also. I'm noticing you're in England and thinking I should call you next time I enter the jaws of the beast. I've come to associate all that stuff with England now, because my family is there, and I am here. It'll be interesting to see how it feels over there when my family is all dear departed. Actually, it's just London that holds that stigma for me. When I go off into the country I love it. Where are you?
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2010 : 11:53:17
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| Hi wavy .. im also in London. . But surrey based. .. hope your getting back to that strong part of you again |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2010 : 12:15:19
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As one of those complicated cases myself, I just want to say I sympathize. I'm very sorry you have so much pain with your sister.
It would be much, much easier to have the luxury of a more black and white point of view. I'm certain that some of my chronic symptoms are so deeply a part of my physiology that no amount of TMS thinking is ever going to magically make them go away in the way I've gotten rid of say, my back pain.
The truth is I respectfully disagree with Dr. Sarno on a bunch of things. I do not believe that OCD is essentially TMS or a "TMS equivalent",,,,same with anxiety and depression (tho I'm not sure of his position on the latter).I think his contention (if I remember a discussion on this forum from a couple of years ago properly) that narcotics withdrawal syndrome is TMS is simply out to lunch. I'm also guessing that CFS is a real and devastating illness that we'll come to learn lots more about in the coming years.
Just my penny and a half. I'm no expert. Have no studies to back me up. Just my limited IQ points and 59+ years of experience and observation.
As to Lyme disease, I really can't say when it comes to people. But it's as real as real can be in animals..even the sensitive ones :>) |
Edited by - art on 12/10/2010 12:17:35 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2010 : 09:39:51
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Thanks Art.
Ya know, I sometimes feel that the main stressor on me is trying to navigate the real/unreal vectors of TMS vs. actual illness.
To say that what I have gone through for 35 years is all TMS is actually an insult, and not just to my ego. Since I've been processing my thoughts, feelings and core rage and practicing all kinds of "being present" methods, and since I've integrated the mind-body syndrome information to the point where I teach it, it still doesn't fly for me that I shouldn't address things physically.
No one who hasn't suffered from Fibromyalgia and/or Chronic Fatigue can really imagine the intensity of it. You CAN'T just act as if nothing is wrong.
Sometimes on these boards people have talked about the idea that we TMSers are the ones who happen to somatize our feelings, and I know that to be true of me. But I also believe that there are some factors that can be addressed. For example, the presence of certain pathogens that cause some of the severe symptoms. Just because it isn't Polio (i.e. the pathogen hasn't yet been discovered) doesn't mean it isn't a "real" illness.
So while I'm endeavouring to keep letting go of the whole story of illness, one day at a time, and am scheduling my life as though I'm fine, I'm also experimenting with various treatments that have helped a lot of other people. The slippery part of it is that I'm not willing to become part of the "CFS Community" - or any other identification that leads on the downward spiral into the illness getting worse and worse the more you focus on it.
But I'm not going to completely ignore my symptoms - or at least doing so doesn't work - and NOT try to treat them, either.
And this seems to me to be a nuanced, challenging, subtle path. The both/and of doing the TMS work AND trying to address the physical body in physical ways. I know people here who are TMS purists may think this is wrong, but I think it's just where you draw the line. For example it's okay to have surgery, or to take painkillers, for so-called "allowed" illnesses. But not for the more mysterious ones that are presumed to be 100% TMS.
I'm experiencing that they are not 100% TMS (unless you count ALL illnesses in this category, which I think you can make a case for, with intensive spiritual awakening like Jesus demo-ed).
I'm just noticing that the stress of trying to find my OWN path through this complex life issue, AND benefit from the TMS community and work AND benefit from the discoveries of certain researchers is... well, it's stressful. And I'm wanting to let go of that stress and give myself permission to walk my own path.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2010 : 09:41:09
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Wow - that was my 500th post and I notice I am now a THREE STAR forum member. Listen up, guys! 
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2010 : 13:10:58
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That's all just beautifully expressed Wavy. Much better than I could have done. I identify right down the line.
Early on in my illness, a very disabling syndrome consisting of functional hypoglycemia (TMS according to Sarno), food sensitivities (TMS according to Sarno.), vicious migraines ( yet more TMS), and on and off depression and fatigue (TMS-ish at the least I'm sure), I desperately wanted to believe it was psychosomatic, I challenged myself with problem foods over and over again, daring my body to react, and every time the results were disastrous. My body always won, and not in a good way.
I've made additional attempts more recently, only this time with a more well developed rationale given my growing understanding of TMS. I'd say the results have been better, but only marginally.
I've come to understand that whatever the genesis of my illness (in my case I'm sure it was stress), the changes in my body are permanent. I can mitigate symptoms, sometimes substantially by the usual menu of exercise, diet, etc, but the basic illness is always there, essentially unchanged in close to 20 years now.
I think some of us put ourselves through unnecessary hell by fighting a war that cannot be won, and by denying the legitimacy of our own pain. It's bad enough to be sick. How much worse to feel that all that suffering is somehow bogus.
All that said, I've made many of the same adjustments you have wavy. I've quit all health related forums and in general have done the best I can to treat myself with understanding and compassion.
A.
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Edited by - art on 12/11/2010 13:16:35 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2010 : 17:07:09
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"My body always won, and not in a good way."
aarrgh, gnashing of teeth, yeeees, eggsactly
" It's bad enough to be sick. How much worse to feel that all that suffering is somehow bogus."
omigod, this pierced my internal organs, how true!
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2010 : 15:05:10
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Hey Wavy,
You didn't look us up! Hils and I would have cheered you up.
Your visit might even have coincided with the last TMS group meetup.
Hilary N |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2010 : 23:35:13
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Definitely next time! And when that will be depends on the waning life force of my family members.
Thanks for the offer of cheering me up which I will take advantage of.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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I am not a Lyme-y
