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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
 Posted - 09/16/2010 : 14:07:27
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Hi, need help ASAP for my mother.
I am a long time TMS'er on this board from Boston. I changed my screen name to avoid future google searches on my old name so I hope maybe you'll recognize me by my story. Successfully got rid of most all my back and neck pain starting 5 years ago. Name is Mary. Love music and cats. Please don't address me as my old screen name if you know me, just call me marytabby. So my story: I have an elderly mother, 76 who in my opinion is in the throes of SEVERE FULL BLOWN TMS. Please read on and if you have any suggestions I'd welcome any input. My mother: First husband (my father) extremely abusive. 2nd husband (no abuse but not very supportive) died 3 years ago. For the first time in her life she's on her own, lving alone in elderly housing and not much socializing going on. Too much idle time on her hands. This past year she has been in the ER over 10 times and has been shuffled back and forth to rehab for long periods because she has had unmanageable pain. Her issues have included: severe pain in all limbs, severe pain in hips, knees (had surgery for both) severe burning in eyes, neuropathy in some extremeties, EXTREME WAY OVERBLOWN OBSESSIVE worrying about tiny trivial things, complete loss of appetite (went from 250 lbs. to 150 lbs. in under 6 months time). Eating was always her favorite thing, now she can barely look at food and is withering away. Has had every test under the sun: MRI, CAT scan, all imaginable bloodwork and xrays, urinalysis, you name it she's had it done. There is nothing wrong with her. They've had her on mega doses of morphine for pain as well as several other heavy duty narcotics and NSAIDs and nothing touches the pain. We thought shingles, but apparently bloodwork doesn't support that (If it's TMS it wouldn't!)and there's no rash. As a successful TMS'er I know for a fact this all sounds like SEVERE TMS to me. My sister who is her caretaker admits it could be depression but none of the depression meds they're trying are making much of a dent, including some form of fibromyalgia meds. We're hoping they'll try her on Lyrica soon. She says she wants to die every day. She is in so much pain and so depressed. The rub here is she's not very sophisticated, so she could never understand something as simple yet complex and abstract as TMS and how the mind can cause all this. Her IQ is equal to that of about a 12 year old kid and she's very compromised mentally to begin with so her ability to grasp a concept like TMS is zero. Any suggestions? She's at her wits end and I can't figure out how to help her. |
Edited by - marytabby on 09/16/2010 14:08:34 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2010 : 14:53:18
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I'm in a similar, but not as extreme situation with my Dad. It's extreme TMS, and depression is certainly a major component, if not THE major component. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
If elders have "taken to bed" and "want to die", I don't know what "medicine" can do for them. If she has any will to "recover", maybe if you surround her with all the TMS materials, at some point it may resonate.
Get the Videos and Audiobook and just have them running in the background. Play the Utube news segments by Rosie O'Donell, Stossel. etc.
Try to get her out of her room and see that others might be worse off at the facility. If she could find a friend, do some socializing, become a part of some social fabric it may help. It's not easy, especially in a state like CA where it's against the law to get old.
TMS is not that dificult to comprehend. Most folks over-think it. You do have to have an open-mind about it and not put full faith in the white-coats for your health.
I've had "clinical" depression so I can relate to it. You have to have a "raison d'etre", otherwise life can become a nightmare.
Good Luck
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 09/16/2010 16:47:04 |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2010 : 17:39:04
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Thanks Tennistom,
Problem is she can't intellecutalize TMS. It's too abstract and far fetching. She doesn't even know she's depressed. She's not very bright to begin with so asking her to read the TMS books and watch the videos is akin to asking a 4 year old to watch a video on the economic crisis we're in and then expecting them to get it. She's just not that able minded. I do appreciate your reply and I hope your dad makes some progress. YOu are right, it's depression all the way. |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2010 : 20:00:04
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Marytabby,
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope there's something you can find to make things better for her. My mother had full blown severe alzheimer's by that age and it was heart wrenching. Different conditions (probably), but for me there was a lot to accepting I just couldn't fix everything.
I hope you find some drugs that work. At the intellectual level you describe it looks to me like medication the best hope. There may well be something that you're missing, but it may be something science won't recognize for 30 more years. I assume all the normal degenerative conditions and defficiencies have been tested. Personally I would guess not TMS, but I don't know more than a tiny fraction of this situation
Alexis |
Edited by - alexis on 09/16/2010 20:02:54 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2010 : 02:03:28
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Mary,
I have a couple of things for you to think about based on your reply to TT.
1- It seems to me that you may have already labelled your mother "whatever" and created a 'story' about what she can and cannot understand. While this may seem like the fact to you, this form of thinking simply does not serve you in any way.....especially considering you are looking for a different outcome to the one you have currently. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong, and you might think you are right to think this way and that's all good. However this will likely close off any other possibilities, perhaps start asking yourself "HOW" can I get her to understand this?
2- The first thing I would do is remove, erase and forget the term TMS when conversing with her. To most folks TMS, with it's "repressed emotions", sounds like new agey mumbo-jumbo......especially old schoolers. If I had that type of conversation with my step-dad he would think I've turn I'd turned into some sort of homosexual fairy man. Just because we get it doesn't mean "they" do. Personally I can't for the life of me understand how someone could justify killing innocent people for some belief......to these people it's fine.....I think you get what I'm trying to say? I would use the stress angle, it's fairly well excepted that stress causes physical problems, and you can find articles on it. Perhaps this might be easier for her to grasp?
3- Perhaps try leading by example and explaining it to her in a way a child would understand......without being condescending obviously. Explain that it's really not worth stressing about and that everything works out in the end........once she buys into this you can get her to focus on how this feels.
That turned into a few suggestions then.......anyway, I dunno, what I do know is that if you really want a different outcome you're going to have to put your head to this. Oh and don't "attach" to an outcome, you can only do your best if you're not stressed and keep open minded!
I wish you good luck!
D |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2010 : 10:59:43
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With my dad, my goal is to make him comfortable and worry-free--as he did for us when we were children. We didn't have the closest father/son relationship growing-up--he was too busy providing, working hard as an immigrant.
I've tried everything to spark some excitement about life in him, but like I said, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Part of the problem (maybe the biggest part) is his over-energetic, wife-nurse-cook and bottle-washer. She does everything for him, and he enjoys being the king. But she yacks and fusses so much, he has tuned out as a defense mechanism from having to constantly respond and interact with her.
He eats, sleeps and watches the Animal Planet. He is not Alzheimers, he just has nothing to do, his perceptions and views are very sharp and he has a good sense of humor. My goal is to make him safe and comfortable and that we have accomplished, that's what he did for us when we were young. Now he is the child. There's just so much you can do. If you can make them safe and comfortable, take care of their medical appointments, that's a lot, no need to feel guilty.
I still think it's worth a try to play the Sarno videos in the background, TMS is not rocket-science and it may sink in on a subliminal level.
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 09/17/2010 11:00:53 |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2010 : 12:07:47
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| Thanks, Tom. Yes, making her comforbable is all we're aiming at and no pain meds are helping. Yesterday I talked to her and she said: "my hips hurt today, and both my knees hurt, I can't walk." All I kept hearing over and over in my head like a broken record was my own lamenting before I knew about TMS and even the "I want to die" thing came back because I said that too 6 years ago. I also don't have the support of my family with the TMS stuff. They all think it's hocus pocus BS even though I'm living proof that it was my pain culprit. Thanks again. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2010 : 12:18:22
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MT, all you can do is try. My brother and I are polar-opposites when it comes to TMS stuff, he thinks our dad has Alz (for that matter he probably thinks I do too!).
Your mom has fibro/TMS, which Dr. Sarno says is one of the most severe forms. I probably had it but I got dx'ed with depression instead. In six months I was fully functioning and good as new--the therapy was so unpleasant, I got better as soon as I could--a great motivator! If the therapy were pleasant, I would probably still be on the couch.
As long as there is breath and life, things can evolve. Are there any social workers or psychologists at the facility who could help? Would your mom be amenable to some form of massage, body-work, therapy pool or hot-tub?
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6415
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2010 : 09:03:04
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Hi Mary,
Sorry to hear. Very difficult situation. In my admittedly limited experience, obsessive, intense worry about small things is somewhat common in the elderly, especially if they're starting to decline mentally. In any case, given your mother's limited understanding of abstract issues, I just don't see there's much you can do in the TMS realm.
It's very rare that they can't reach a narcotics dosage that will alleviate severe pain, even I'd guess psychosomatic pain. There are some MD's on the forum I believe, maybe they can weigh in.
Have they really done all they can in that realm? Physicians tend to be overly conservative when treating pain... |
Edited by - art on 09/18/2010 09:07:20 |
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HELP! Elderly mom with SEVEREST FORM of TMS
