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marsha
252 Posts |
 Posted - 06/20/2010 : 10:16:10
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I am addicted to pain.
Pain hides all those terribly painful feelings tucked away in my subconscious. I have the memories just not the feelings.
Although I despise the pain I see that the pain keeps me safe from those feelings. The emotions that could be worse than the physical stuff.
I have been killing my feelings with pain so I have kept it around. It has kept me around for a long time.
I have become addicted to pain.
Just a thought.
Marsha
Finally for me ,understanding , has helped in my recovery. |
Edited by - marsha on 06/20/2010 10:18:28 |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2010 : 14:37:20
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Hi Marsha,
This was quite a thought...Are you still optimistic?
I endured more pain than I can remember especially in the middle of 30 something years of migraines back then that often made me pass out or want to die but it confirmed that suffering reveals to those who endure it all that will always remain hidden to those who don't and therefore respect your addiction.
Amazingly there were some aspects of the pain that were fascinating like the enormous increase of the senses abilities during the migraines but most of all it is the ability of the body and mind to take the pain without consequences that remains the most amazing. I never got addicted though but I do very well understand and relate to that some buried feelings could be worse than the pain if they come to the surface. Or at least we unconsciously think it would be or TMS would probably not exist.
Don't give up Marsha you've been pain free before you can be pain free again and that feels good too.
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2010 : 14:50:08
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Catspine,
Being addicted doesn't mean I like the pain. I have just subconsciously used the pain to protect myself.
My therapist thinks I could not have made it through my childhood without using pain as a diversion. It is complicated.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I wounder how many others feel the way I do.
Marsha |
Edited by - marsha on 06/20/2010 14:51:26 |
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catspine
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2010 : 21:13:47
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Marsha
Ooops! Sorry, I never meant that you'd like the pain of course, I wish I could have commented on that using a better choice of words.
I understand that in your position the pain had unforseen benefits although I never developed an addiction for it the way you did so I couldn't tell you about it but I nonetheless have a 'technical' question. I'll understand if you do not wish to go there and choose not to answer.
You mention killing your feelings with pain and this made me wonder: In order to kill the feelings I suppose that they had to be identified first so isn't the pain supposed to vanish as soon as the emotions are released into consciousness? now, assuming this process worked well then what may be perpetuating the pain then? Could it be that more feelings or maybe more recent ones remain buried in the unconscious mind in spite of those that already came out?
I ignored emotions since early on and for so many years I didn't even know they existed anymore for some of them until I started having back problems and became aware of that it was TMS and was logically forced later to acknowledge the existence of those emotions.
Occasionally I still suffer from symptoms equivalents but fortunately it is not for as long as it once did so I hope this will help you understand the nature of my question...
Wishing you the best.
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Edited by - catspine on 06/21/2010 15:40:44 |
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Erata
63 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2010 : 09:11:54
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I'm glad you wrote this Marsha. I've thought the same thing for a long time; that the pain I experience is an addiction that keeps me as far away as possible from the emotional suffering that would be reasonable given events in my life. I have several friends who are alcoholics and I've known several (now recovered) drug addicts. When we talk about substance addictions, I always find myself saying "I think I'm addicted to pain". They have a hard time understanding what I mean, of course, because it's not the same as reaching for a drink or for a drug (everybody has some kind of addiction, substance or behavioral, don't they?). I've never been at risk with alcohol or drugs, but, I've always had pain conditions and behavior addictions (anorexia, exercise) since childhood and, when I didn't, other 'body' addictions like skin disorders.
Thinking about it, pain as an addiction is very effective because it's self generating; it sustains and fuels itself. One doesn't go outside oneself for a 'fix' and, because of that, it's harder to identify and 'abstain' from because the addiction isn't tangible or even an activity.
I don't know if this relates to what you're saying, but it's how I relate to the idea. (Interesting, when I read your post this morning, I experienced a reduction in the usual pain I feel and that cessation has continued as I type this. Hmmm....) |
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2010 : 09:29:08
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Erata,
Thank you!!!!!!!!!
I was about to respond to Catspine, to try and explain what I meant by my addiction to pain.
You said it so clearly.
Sorry you suffer but really glad you are out there.
I know your words have helped me.
Maybe others will benefit also.
Gratefully,
Marsha
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Edited by - marsha on 06/21/2010 09:33:32 |
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lisaniel
1 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2010 : 22:57:47
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#
step 1
Support of family and friends:
You should always talk with your family and friends about your addiction if you can. Let them know how you are feeling from day to day. Don't be afraid to tell someone if you are struggling with your addiction on a particular day. Addiction is a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended). If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, talk to a close friend and let him talk you through your bad moments.
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Step 2
Detox/treatment center:
There are lots of treatment centers that have the knowledge and expertise to handle drug addictions. Try searching the Internet or getting a referral from your physician. Centers offer options such as inpatient, outpatient and residential treatment. Short-term and long-term stays are also available, depending on what your needs are and how you progress in the program. Also, most insurance programs now pay for drug rehabilitation. Check with your insurance carrier for more information.
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Step 3
Therapy:
There are different types of therapy that can help you overcome addiction. You can ask your regular physician about pain management, holistic or acupuncture therapy. These types of therapy usually start with a detoxification process to treat withdrawal symptoms associated with your addiction. You will also be able to discuss alternative methods and techniques to help end your addiction, therefore replacing the use of narcotics.
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Step 4
Addiction/support groups:
Join a group in which you can share your ordeal with others. It helps if you talk to people that are experiencing the same type of issue you are. To find the resources available to you in your area, call a drug treatment center or get a referral from a physician. Narcotics Anonymous is a well-known support group for people with drug addictions. Take the first step by calling and finding out meeting times. Addictions to pain medications are strong, but you can overcome them with the knowledge and support of those who have gone through the same situation.
Drug Rehab
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2010 : 13:03:14
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Lisaneil,
I used the term addicted as a metaphor. I do not have a substance addiction.
Pain has become my constant companion. Not unlike most TMSers on this site pain has served a purpose in our lives, it protects us from those terrible emotions we are incapable of feeling.
I have become I believe addicted to pain. It protects me the way a substance would ported a drug addict.
Marsha |
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Erata
63 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2010 : 16:49:37
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I think I understand what Marsha has written in this thread, but I haven’t known how to further relate it to substance or behavior addictions in any constructive way. After reading what lisaniel wrote, I thought I’d look at the Twelve Steps and try to apply them to how I understand my own experience with TMS. (After some experiences this week, I kind of wish I could drown out my problems in the bottle!)
I’m just ‘playing’ with this and I’d be interested in anything anybody wants to add or adjust.
Twelve Steps
1. I admitted I was powerless over how I respond to stress and that my life has become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to good health.
3. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power as I understand it.
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of my own individual personality traits and also my shortcomings.
5. Made a searching and fearless inventory of life events and stresses that have impacted me, along with the behavior of other people involved.
6. Admitted to myself the exact nature of my feelings about those events and people.
7. Made a list of all persons who have harmed me and became willing to confront them, even when not directly, and to make amends to myself on their behalf.
8. Accepted that it is perfectly fine for me not to forgive those I do not forgive.
9. Made a list of all persons I have harmed and became willing, if and when possible, to make amends to them.
10. Continued to take personal inventory.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with myself and what I feel, through my individual higher power, and praying for knowledge and for the power to carry that out.
12. Maybe someone could add step number 12! |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2010 : 00:51:45
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12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sex and love addicts, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.
YES!
Hi, I'm Wavy, and I'm a Sick-aholic
"Hi Wavy!"
I've written about this before on the forum at some point - and I almost thought of starting a 12-Step group called Sick-Anon, as it isn't just pain!
In fact, I go to various 12-step meetings (mostly AlAnon) and I often share that I don't exactly fit in that meeting, but that my main addiction is to symptoms. People often don't quite get it at first, thinking that I consciously like the symptoms, but then they grok it and often nod and come up to me afterwards and tell me they have the same experience.
Especially the symptom imperative thing, where the symptoms move around your body, as described so often on this site! That shows that the whole thing is SO BOGUS!
Marsha, thanks for bringing this up again.
And, seriously, I highly recommend some adaptation of the 12 steps. Of course, the first 3 are the most important. Surrendering to a higher power is the most powerful technique I know for everything, and I was brought up by atheist physicists. There is a strong correlation for me between restoring faith in a loving, intelligent higher power and being able to let go of thinking about my illnesses all the time.
And in the other threads like Fear of God better than Fear of Pain?, this is taken further - people can have miraculous recoveries through faith.
For me it has been helpful to know that the pain and illness are a way of dealing with unconscious emotions. But it has been much MORE helpful to realize these symptoms are not real. And that something else IS.
Hi, I'm Wavy, and I'm a Sick-aholic
"Hi Wavy!"
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 07/10/2010 : 09:29:25
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quote:
Originally posted by Wavy Soul
Surrendering to a higher power is the most powerful technique I know for everything, and I was brought up by atheist physicists. There is a strong correlation for me between restoring faith in a loving, intelligent higher power and being able to let go of thinking about my illnesses all the time.
And in the other threads like Fear of God better than Fear of Pain?, this is taken further - people can have miraculous recoveries through faith.
For me it has been helpful to know that the pain and illness are a way of dealing with unconscious emotions. But it has been much MORE helpful to realize these symptoms are not real. And that something else IS.
Well said Wavy! The Good Doctor refers to this entity, in his books as the "CELESTIAL ARCHITECT".
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 07/10/2010 09:30:36 |
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scd1833
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2010 : 23:40:54
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| marsha, I think I've been addicted to pain and illness for as long as I can remember, it seems to be another compulsive habit, an unconscious escapism that is almost automatic. |
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Addicted
