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TMSPain
21 Posts |
 Posted - 01/14/2005 : 12:00:50
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I have written this stuff over and over and over and over. I keep going back to the pain, because the pain is the main thing that causes the pain. My pain is my fear, my pain is my anger, my pain is what rules my life. I have some pressures and anger towards things in life too. I lost my best friend on my birthday 2 years ago, I got married, my wifes parents got divorced, I bought a huge expensive house, my wife is pressuring me into kids, I am scared that I will lose her someday, I never work hard at things, I procrastinate, I am insanely jealous of everone around me, I have extremely low self esteem, I feel guilt and pressure from my parents who I live 3 hours away from, I have sexual frustration, I am starting grad school and don't know why, I hate my job, but it pays well, I have no direction in life, I have given up all of my passions due to back pain, my sister has been extremely angry and nasty towards my family and I due to social anxiety and compulsiveness, I am in an interfaith marriage, I married the first girl I really dated, I have debt, I never feel organized, I drink too much, I am terrified of death, choking, cancer, and many other things, my neighbors may move and they are are best friends, I fear losing my social life, I was never popular in high school, I am not in great shape due to back pain keeping me from working out, I live near a nuclear power plant which terrifies me, we can't afford to travel or plan vacations because we want to save money and have kids, my company is always laying off, I have strong need to make everyone perfectly happy at all times, I am extremely hard on myself for everything, I always want everyone to like me!
How is that for me!
This does nothing for me. I have gone over this every day of my life and nothing changes the pain. It comes and goes when it wants. In fact, it goes away for weeks even without Sarno. Why is that? |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2005 : 20:28:11
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There are many other people who say the same thing Sarno says and apply it to other areas of life. Have you tried reading any wayne dyer, bernie siegel, laurel mellin or norman cousins?? There is a tone of helplessness or powerlessness throughout your post, do you think you are powerless to recover? Do you feel helpless in other areas of life? Does that make you angry, sad, afraid or guilty?? I will tell you this, if you think you can't recover, then you won't.
When I found Sarno, I had a strong belief and inner conviction that I could and would recover. Now almost 2 years after finding him I KNOW that my body is perfectly healthy and normal and that even if I do get pain or an injury that my body will heal! What do you believe about your body?!
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Linda615
USA
3 Posts |
Posted - 01/14/2005 : 20:30:35
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Hi there,
I have read your last couple of posts and wanted to send you some support. I'm so sorry your having so much trouble. Your frustration touched my heart as it is such a familiar feeling with me as well. I have had back pain every day for the last 15 years and have frequently felt at my wits end.
I read one of Dr. Sarno's books 2 weeks ago and my pain was gone within 2 days. It was completely gone for about a week and in the last few days it has started to flare up again but is much more mild and doesn't last all day like it used to. I know I am on the right track and will continue to search for the source of things. I believe my pain will completely go away and I feel such hope.
I think the reason I have had such a positive response so far is that for the last year and a half I have been working through a program for overcoming my addictions. I had an eating disorder for the last 20 years and finally found healing through a program called Radiant Recovery which identifies some people as being "sugar sensitive" and having an imbalance in their brain chemistry. Some of the things you described in your last post are the way I felt and are typical sugar sensitive feelings. Things like feeling "done to", low self esteem, procrastinating, being impulsive, jealousy, social anxiety and wanting everyone to like you can all be caused by imbalance in your brain chemistry. Even the tone of your post was how I used to feel - like a victim of so many things out of my control.
You mentioned drinking too much which made me think of this with you. Many people who drink too much are sugar sensitive because they have naturally low levels of endorphins and alcohol (which is sugar) raises endorphins. Problem is that it raises them too much and your brain starts shutting down receptors making you need more endorphins for the same effect.
Anyway, Radiant Recovery heals your brain chemistry through improving your nutrition but also focuses on creating a relationship with your mind and body. My addictions were preventing me from feeling my emotions because I would use them to numb things. I thought I was very perceptive and in touch with my feelings but I couldn't really be while I was using food, alcohol, and drugs to cover them up.
I know I did a lot of "medicating" of my pain through my addictions. Is it possible you might have some of these problems?
I hope some of this helps you. There IS an answer for you. There is one for everyone. Don't give up in searching for it.
Linda :) |
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Kajsa
Denmark
144 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 04:08:39
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TAKE ACTION!
When you write about all the things that upset you -it seems to me that you make yourself
A VICTIM in an extreme way !
A big martyr.
Everything bad in life just happens to you - and you can not do nothing about it.
You read Sarno but that doesn´t change anything.
Well Sarno is not a magic thing. I do not think that you just can read him and
and think (obsess )over your bad life - and then be pain free.
Some people can (those who have pain but not so very serious personal troubles) -but I think that if you really have problems in your life - you have to
take action as well. If your marriage sucks -divorce ! If your job is bad - try to change job.
I know that it is not easy - and it takes time. But I think that you are going to have your pain
until you are ready to take some responsible action in your life.
You make yourself far to helpless and that is - in a way - not being responsible for your own life.
I have sometimes the same problems. I struggle as well. I am not one of these people who gets cured
out of reading and understanding the TMS process. My problems are to deep. I actually have to change my life
as well. I divorced and I had six months that was totally pain free. But there are other problems in my life
I have to deal with -just like you.
I am also a freelance journalist (and a part time librarian) and have written a lot of articles about people
who managed to heal from bad pain and fibromyalgia. (It has been a way for me to get information and tips).
There is a pattern in these stories. They took action! They actually changed their life.
They did not wait for the pain to go away - and then took action.
They took action FIRST.
That is not easy and perhaps you will have a lot of pain while you are doing it - and you never know what the outcome may be. I think that you have to look at it in another way.
First of all - I have to heal my life (the best I can - and it takes a lot of effort)
Then I can work with the pain - and hopefully the pain subsides when my daily life is more
joy able.
But I think (after reading your posts) that it is absolute crucial for you to work with your “martyr attitude”.
Begin there ! You can not hand over the responsibility on Sarno or anyone else.
Your life is in your hands!
Kajsa
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 04:34:29
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Get into therapy with someone who can help you delve into these issues and understand these feelings.
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Kajsa
Denmark
144 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 09:38:59
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TMS pain
I am sorry if I was rude in me recent post.
I didn´t mean to be that! I ment to help you and
what I was trying to say to you was pretty much
what "Baseball" says:
DO the work!
And the work is also to change the things in your life that bother you SO MUCH.
And that is much easier if you have a good therapist beside you.
Kajsa |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 10:53:57
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quote:
Originally posted by TMSPain
It comes and goes when it wants. In fact, it goes away for weeks even without Sarno. Why is that?
What exactly do you mean "without Sarno?"
You are full of contradictions. You came to this board fully believing your disk injury was the cause of your pain. But then later you said that you've been "doing Sarno" for 2 years? Which is it?
If you are being serious here, then it is clear you need more professional help. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 11:13:50
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Matt.
I've lied to you.I rarely get this specific,but the following is EXACTLY the formula I used to recover from TMS...I borrowed it from a different "system" but it worked so well,it is the first thing I did whenever I had a relapse during my TMS recovery.I'm usually vague with people,as I believe there are many ways to overcome TMS,but your insistence on an answer has necessitated me being this frank.
1.take this post and make some columns.Write down each and every idea,person,or principle that makes you angry.
2.Than,write down WHY that makes you angry.Be specific.
3.Than,write down what that effects in you from the following list:Self-esteem
ambition
sex relations
personal relations
$finances
pride
?????
4. Later,come back to the list,and look at what you wrote in the 2 and 3,ignoring the person or principle in row 1
....and now write down where you have been:
selfish
self seeking
dishonest
afraid
and where you were to blame.
if stuff just "happens" to us,than we are at the mercy of the world,or as Lao tse would call it "the ten thousand things".This is enraging to the conscious as well as the subconscious
If WE are creating our own reality,than we are the ones generating the anger,even in those situations where we feel totally innocent.....somewhere along the line we decided that these things "don't happen to us" or had some other idea that set us up to be angry in the future.
If you are diligent and open in step 4,you will see that you are nobodies Bitc#,and that you are empowered and making decisions all the time.
If this were not true,you would be at the mercy of the wrongdoings of others,and you're recovery from the rage of TMS would be impossible,as they will never stop,and if they do others will replace them.
If you are creating it,you can stop creating it.
Than
1.write down every fear you have that is NOT associated with a resentment...like...Dogs,or heights,or Nuclear power plants.
2.Write down why this fear is like stealing....who are you stealing from?? Is it your wife? Is it your Boss ?
Fear is self preservation gone awry...to where it has become a theft of your person from participation on the planet.It is the squandering of your emotional energy that might be useful elsewhere.
Fear is a great counselour,but a horrible jailer.
Listen to your fear as one might listen to a friend.....not as one would listen to a dictator.
and about Sex......
Write down what you think would be your Ideal situation regarding the other sex,completely disregarding your current marital situation....it's there anyways,you might as well be honest with yourself.
How far away are you from that Ideal.What do you need to do to move towards that Ideal?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't invent this "work"..I gleaned it from another group...but it was fantastically rapid and thorough in regards to banishing TMS,when used with Dr. Sarnos 12 daily reminders.
I always recommend doing it first thing in the morning with a cup of coffee....we are much more open in the morning before our egoes have turned on full blast.
Talking about and journaling about the PROBLEMS is only a beginning...we have to see where we ourselves are participating in the creation of all that which is ailing us.....and THAN it all defuses.....victims don't recover.
I wish you the best brother.
Baseball65 |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 15:29:58
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Baseball65,
Could you please list Sarno's 12 daily reminders, as I would like to print them out and hang them up for support. Thanks!
Seth |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 15:38:28
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My thoughts are with you. Take the advice of the people on this board and "do the work." Get an appointment with a therapist. I forget - did you actually see Dr. Sarno? I know that Dr. Schechter (west coast) has a referral system and I have a wonderful doctor here (Don Dubin).
I know sometimes life gives us so many challenges it can feel like we are being buried alive. Trust me, I know. I'm going through many of the same things you are and I can relate. Someone once told me "Every day is a different day and there is always going to be bulls--- to get through. Some days, you just need taller boots." Put on your tallest boots and start the process of wading through the crap. Don't let life happen to you, take control. You can do it, just like the rest of us.
Good luck and be well.
Laura
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2005 : 18:57:56
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Quite a list there Tmspain. You sound so helpless, frustrated and angry. For things like:
I never work hard at things, I procrastinate, I am insanely jealous of everone around me, I have extremely low self esteem, I feel guilt and pressure from my parents who I live 3 hours away from, I have sexual frustration, it is as clear as day that you need professional help and I'd say the sooner you get it the better. For:
I have no direction in life, I never work hard at things, well here are a couple of things YOU could start to change immediately. This will give you a degree of empowerment and encouragement to move on and tackle the rest. It will take time but you can do it. I really think that you need to get rid of the pain bit in your name. You hang on to it like an identity you really need. I also agree with Dave when he says you contradict yourself. I think there are aspects of Sarno you either don't really believe in or you don't understand. Or else you are not doing the work effectively enough. Is it possible for you to see a tms doctor? That will help to clarify any doubts that you may be having.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Myself
