| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
 Posted - 07/08/2009 : 00:03:54
|
July 8, 2009
Strange thing is the mind. I got a relapse again. This time it was triggered by swimming. In the past, when I still did not know anything about TMS, I was told times and again that sciatica does not tolerate water, and I should refrain from even getting close to a pool. I obediently gave it up, although swimming is my favorite sport and I really enjoy it. A couple of years ago, in one of my pain free periods, I went swimming nevertheless. After the fourth visit to the pool, the pain came back full strength, and it took many steroid epidurals and staying in bed until it subsided two months later. I think this scenario left such a deep impression, that I subconsciously EXPEXTED it to develop again. It did now, after exactly 4 visits to the pool. Amazing. In addition, I am now going through some of the most common life stressors. My kid has grown up and heading for a study abroad, away from home. The project I am working on is about to finish, so I am again looking for a job, and a very well paid one so I can support my son. In times of crisis, this is not easy, I have doubts and fears, I cannot soothe myself with a nice vacation, etc. So, I decided to indulge myself with at least a membership to the swimming club near home. Having written all this, I realize how pathetic it sounds, but these are the facts. Obviously, the link between my subconscious fears and conflicts and the mindbody syndrome is still there, unbroken and very much alive.
So, here’s the dilemma. Should I ignore my pain and keep on swimming, or dedicate some time to cutting the “wires”. I don’t want to stop, because this would be a wrong message to my brain. At the same time, I truly am disgusted at the very thought of having to cope with pain. Again, I think I need more info, new info, new hints on TMS and getting rig of it. Last time it was realizing that what I expect consciously will happen. What now?
|
|
|
crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2009 : 08:08:15
|
Sorry to hear you're back in the soup. I will tell you what my approach has been. I sincerely hope the ideas you learn on the forum will be helpful.
As you'll see from my other thread, I am having great success with a positive thinking program in which one re-programs the brain. I have not had daily chronic pain for a long time, but I had been getting small pain "triggers" from thinking about certain things. And now I'm finally seeing those disappear. 
For every worry that plagues you, I would try to understand what views of YOURSELF and opinions about yourself are at the roots. Your pain has nothing to do with swimming! But something is going on there that brings up false, negative beliefs about yourself and your future. Horrible beliefs. So horrible and unbearable that your brain must paralyze you to stop them from coming to the surface.
If you cannot find the specific beliefs (if they are buried too deep), I'll bet you could generalize and be right on target. The general belief will be about self-hatred and self-doubt.
Since the beliefs are untrue, you can feel free to combat them with positive beliefs that you might think are also untrue. What you focus on will magnify and become true. If the false belief is "I hate my body," you can never get rid of it by saying "I don't hate..." The only way to shut down a false belief is to put a new belief in its place. It takes time and repetition, but it works.
My approach would be to continue swimming by all means, but not to think about it with a defiant, grit-your-teeth, take-no-prisoners attitude. In my experience as a runner, TMS just LOVES that. Everything about your approach must come from a positive thought and from love. You CAN and do choose your thoughts.
Even the thoughts you say to yourself can be said either with a positive and loving viewpoint or a negative, combatant one. Here is a good one that comes to mind that can go either way: "I control my thoughts and actions, and I choose to think only those thoughts which help me and which are of genuine benefit to me." If you find it hard to think it in a positive light, try prefacing it with, "I love myself, and therefore..." The self-hatred must be replaced. You are the only one who can do that for yourself.
The only other suggestion I would add is that the new messages must start long before you get in the pool.
Well, that's my 2c. Best wishes!
|
 |
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2009 : 09:36:26
|
| Thank you CRK, I appreciate your advice, its reassuring! |
|
|
|
Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2009 : 18:29:06
|
You seem to have a great thought process. You immediately associated the pain with TMS and not with swimming. You realize that by expecting the pain to come from swimming, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. You examined potential psychological causes for the pain. Sounds like you are definitely on the right track.
As for whether or not you should continue swimming, if you can push through it, it might be helpful. Resuming physical activity is an important part of TMS treatment. Try your best to ignore the pain, or "laugh" at it -- assuring yourself that you know what your unconscious mind is trying to do and you will not let it succeed.
Often when I had low back pain, I went to the gym despite the pain. I remember doing leg presses while my back hurt and got "angry" at the pain ... saying to myself "take that!" as I pushed through. I believe this sent a strong message to my unconscious that I was not falling for its tricks. |
|
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2009 : 05:51:31
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
You seem to have a great thought process. You immediately associated the pain with TMS and not with swimming. You realize that by expecting the pain to come from swimming, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. You examined potential psychological causes for the pain. Sounds like you are definitely on the right track.
As for whether or not you should continue swimming, if you can push through it, it might be helpful. Resuming physical activity is an important part of TMS treatment. Try your best to ignore the pain, or "laugh" at it -- assuring yourself that you know what your unconscious mind is trying to do and you will not let it succeed.
Often when I had low back pain, I went to the gym despite the pain. I remember doing leg presses while my back hurt and got "angry" at the pain ... saying to myself "take that!" as I pushed through. I believe this sent a strong message to my unconscious that I was not falling for its tricks.
Thank you, Dave! I tried your approach, but got myself into more pain. I think I got angrier than necessary. I must have dug too deep and now my sciatica is acting up to spare me some bad feelings. I'm not giving up at all. I'll try a softer approach, sending my best to the pain. See what happens. |
|
|
|
Plantweed
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2009 : 09:22:08
|
| I agree with getting angry at the pain instead of being intimidated and scared of it. The fear of pain is the real culprit, not the pain itself. My back is sore and stiff 24/7 for the past four months, and pinching like crazy, which is painful enough for me to let out a little "ow ow ow" each time it inches, but I still went to the gym, did yard work, and cleaned the garage in defiance of the pain. I just laid down for a little while each time it got real bad. My new motto is "my back can kiss my a••!" |
|
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2009 : 10:16:12
|
quote:
Originally posted by Plantweed
My new motto is "my back can kiss my a••!"
You made me smile! |
|
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2009 : 23:50:25
|
I think I have made a breakthrough. Understanding TMS is the first step. Acknowledging there is nothing wrong with one’s back is the second. Understanding the psychology is the important and most difficult step. Once one goes through all these steps the long lasting pain will go away. Relapses, however, are not out of the picture. The internal conflicts will persist, they are always there and the reservoir of rage will get filled and refilled. Unless one understands something about God, the Universe, whatever you prefer to call it. Most of your life and how it develops is in your hands, this is true. But it is also true life can be less stressful, hence less contributing to the reservoir of repressed emotions, if one sincerely starts to trust that all that happens for good. I’ve had so many proofs! In moments of distress there has always been a happy resolution, always! Yet, I’ve been torturing myself with doubts, and they’ve been fuelling my TMS. This morning I woke up with pain. I did my 10 minutes of thinking, and it struck me like a lightening! I have all reasons to trust the future, all possible reasons. Nothing terrible is going to happen to me. This banished the pain instantaneously. I am fine, and will be. No matter how bad the situation may seem, there are miraculous ways out of it. This is the general truth.
So, believing all will be fine is the key.
|
|
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2009 : 08:16:57
|
Just a little update. It took almost two months until all new information, ideas and useful advice sank in. I read a couple of great books referenced in this forum, I watched a couple of movies that always give you a boost of positive energy in times of difficulty, I started working on recognizing my chronic thought patterns.
TMS is tough, it created pain in my knee - something I had never experienced before, then some rashes, then some more sciatica, etc. I knew it was classic location substitution and never bothered to see a physician.
Then last weekend I just banished all of this sh...t. I went to the second highest mountain in my country. I said to myself - I'd try and see how far I can go, no need to push myself to the very top. It was a spendid day - sun, blue skies, a couple of clouds, some wind to keep you fresh, gorgeous views...the Paradise on Earth. While climbing, I could not think of my pains and itches, I had to pay attention to where I was walking. 6 hours to the top and back was quite an effort, but I had NO pain. It simply disappeared. Just like that. No "punishment" pain the next day eather, nor the next day, and the next day... Nothing. It's gone.
I am now confident I know how to deal with myself, and this makes me feel AMAZING!
Be well!
Ina
If you have a plane, fly it, don't use it as a scooter. |
|
|
|
ukeboy
10 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2009 : 12:12:41
|
| Congrats Inaned! BTW, What kind of books did you read? |
|
|
|
inaned
Bulgaria
28 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2009 : 22:37:38
|
"What to say when you talk to yourself" and "The Gift" by Shad Helmstetter, "The Master Practice" by Monte Hueftle, "Born to run" by Christofer McDougall. All of it I found referenced here, in this forum. Besides this, I re-read the biografies of Einstein, Charlie Chaplin and Dmitri Shostakovich, then I read some of the "Disk world" series by Terry Pratchet, "Harry Potter", and last but the funniest - "My family and other animals" by Jerald Durrell.
The movies: The Matrix, Amadeus, Seabisquit, Meeting Joe Black.
Hope it works for you too!
Be well,
Ina
If you have a plane, fly it, don't use it as a scooter. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
A relapse...again
