I recently got an email from someone on this forum asking me some questions. I won't mention their name, but I thought the questions and my response might be helpful. Here it is:
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Hi Dan, How are you feeling?
I just re-read your post from Oct.08 about your recording affirmations. I just finished reading the book "What to say when you talk to yourself"...
I agree with most of it, but have to wonder when your telling yourself all these "positive self talk" things, do you ever feel like your bull****ting yourself...like you know you really don't believe what your telling yourself?
Also, are you still listening to the recordings daily?
Do you feel they have really helped you in overcoming TMS?
I kinda agree with you also on the "homework" or journaling that Sarno says to do everyday, it is downright depressing to me too.
Should we be dredging all that up everyday? My husband says if I don't, I am still repressing it...I don't know!
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And now my response:
For me, yes - I did have the bull**** meter going off when I told myself - "I'm fine. and I'm not broken." But at the same time, I do have a strong belief that TMS is the ONLY reason for my pain.
There's two schools of thought regarding affirmations. Repeat it often enough until it sinks in. Kind of a brute force approach. It's like a habitual liar. They lie so much that they start to believe that it's the truth. Some say the subconscious cannot determine the difference between truth and a lie. So tell yourself that you are fine long enough and your subconscious will eventually believe you. I'm not sure I like or even agree with this.
I'm not one for the brute force approach of repeating things over and over until they sink in. The BS meter has me stopping the process long before this would work anyway. You just feel silly.
Another approach which I brought up in one of the threads is something newer called afformations. Basically questions we ask ourselves instead of affirmations which are statements.
Our brain works by answering questions and solving problems. If you ask yourself - Why am I such a loser? Your brain will find the answers. If you ask yourself - Why am I so successful? Your brain will work on that. The key is asking the right questions. Half way down on this page, I talk about this process on the self programming thread: http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5176&whichpage=2
Get the book: The Secret Code of Success by Noah St. John. Don't let the title fool you - it's all about asking the right (empowering) questions and letting our brain work the way it was designed. This is where I learned about the afformations (questions) and why affirmations (statements) don't work as well.
I also believe what we focus on magnifies. Focus on the pain - it will stay and grow in intensity. Ignore it - and it can go away. I know that is easier said than done.
A BIG thing for me was returning to activities I have been afraid of. I started slow. Walking on a treadmill. Then a slow jog - then into a run. I returned to lifting weights. This year - I returned to the golf course. YES, I do hurt after playing - and sometimes even during the round. But I just tell myself that I'm fine and will be.
If I remain sore for a day or two after golf - I know it's temporary and NOT that I'm broken. Truth is that I don't believe it's the golf swing that hurts me. It's the performance anxiety and pressure I put on myself to make good shots. And the anger I feel and often repress when I hit lousy shots. Golf can be a very emotional and stressful game and I'm finding THAT is the trigger for my on-course pain.
As for journaling - it works for some. I did it long enough to get those issues out on the table. But reviewing those negative thoughts every day or multiple times a day was what became depressing. Truth is, I started hating my life more when all I did was write down and focus on the negatives. Again - what we focus on magnifies. Focus on misery - you get more of it.
So, once I knew I got down on paper what I needed to get out - I moved onto more positive thoughts. I tried the affirmations and that helped. The BS meter isn't quite as strong when you are listening to a recording of it compared to having to speak it out loud every time.
I've also read a good amount about the stress response. In other words, the fight or flight response when stress or danger appears. I believe most of us go through life being stressed by our own thoughts, our families, the traffic, some asshole in line in front of us. We stress, stress, stress and NEVER get out of that mode. This stress causes REAL changes in our bodies. Chemical changes, blood flow changes and PAIN.
Here is an interesting thread on the relaxation response that I started: http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5661
So, to summarize what really worked for me:
* A strong strong belief that TMS is my problem and that despite a whacked out and crooked back - that the crookedness is NOT causing the pain. The fact that I've gotten rid of the pain is proof this is true. TMS caused it, not some muscle imbalances that has be crooked.
* Journaling to get the emotional stuff out and on paper.
* Stopping the journaling once I felt I had uncovered the emotions behind the process. I had to do this to stop from being so damn depressed.
* Listening to recorded affirmations. This helped my mood greatly.
Once I discovered afformations (questions) I reworked my audio recording with a bunch of questions. I listened to this for a while but don't do it every day.
* Returned to physical activity - particularly those things that i was MOST afraid of. Yes, yard work or house cleaning stuff doesn't feel great and I need to relax after I'm done. Yes it hurts. Might be because I really hate it? LOL I don't know. But I don't fear it or avoid it nearly as much.
* Fear of pain keeps it alive. By doing physical activity I proved to myself that I was fine. Do the thing you fear to eliminate the fear.
* Deep breathing. Slowly breathe in through your nose for a count of 5, then breath out through your mouth for a count of five. Feel the tension being blown from your body. Feel your entire body relax - most importantly the part that hurts.
It wasn't one specific thing I did that was the magic pill. I think it was a combination of all of these. Getting rid of the chronic pain I had last year was one of the most challenging things I've had to do in my life. And I still battle with the TMS bugger from time to time when stress gets overwhelming.
But hang tough. You CAN do this.
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An email exchange...
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 10:03:24
