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arnett
4 Posts |
 Posted - 05/20/2009 : 10:32:20
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I'm a bit distressed about the post for people who take a long time to recover. The instances that have been included so far are of people who have recovered in what seems like a very reasonable period of time. Six months or more is my perception of a slow recovery, and reading about someone who has recovered in the standard 6 week period that I initially had hoped for is discouraging given that 6 weeks should be expected. I want to read about people who genuinely took a long time to recover!
I am now at wits end. I read the HPB at the end of Feb and every day since I ordered it and started believing in it has been a more consistent struggle ever since. My days are a rollercoaster of hope and despair. Before reading the bleeding book(s) at least I would begin to recover in a few weeks after whatever activity induced more pain.
"Resume activity when the pain has subsided"… would love to but it won't subside! I never really gave up activities in the first place. I still mountain bike, carry my 2 & 4 year old children, hike, etc. But I can't shave my legs in the shower or sleep through the night undisturbed by pain. I did give up skiing for the winter (classic and skate) and I don't run, though running is an intermittent occurrence in my life anyway. I'm planning to kayak soon, will be re-outfitting my boat with foam this week.
How do I condense 11 months of life-altering pain into a reasonable post? I woke up one mid-June morning with a vulnerable-feeling back one day and attributed it to the previous day's yoga class. I took it easy for 2 days and then took a much needed mountain bike ride in preparation for a week in Crested Butte with another family where riding and hanging out with little kids were the main theme of the trip. On the ride my back didn't hurt at all, even after a significant crash. We went on our vacation in CB and the pain settled into my left buttock and hurt virtually the whole vacation, except when I was riding. I did ride a little more cautiously than usual, slowing on technical downs and limiting any jumping to just the most irresistible launches followed by smooth landings.
Back home about a month after I first started hurting my husband was away on a business trip that I was somewhat resentful about and I was bouncing my boys on a trampoline and clutching my aching butt thinking all the while it was a pulled muscle and would get better. After that it was all downhill. I had already been to a PT once and she gave me some nerve glide exercises. When I went to my 2nd PT appt. after the trampoline incident I was in very bad shape, limping even while fully dosed up on ibuprofen. Then came the chiropractor and orthopedic surgeon visits. The chiropractor took some lousy X-rays and told me I had Degenerative Disk Disease, which scared the hell out of me. I discontinued treatment with him immediately because I had an awkward feeling about him. The orthopedic surgeon told me I wouldn't heal until I stopped breastfeeding. NOT good bedside manners! He ordered an MRI and gave me no advice for the intervening time period until we would meet again to discuss the MRI. I expected him to say "no sitting and take 800 mg of ibuprofen every 8 hours" or something. I asked what I could do to keep matters from getting worse. Nothing. I did what I thought would help based on a severe sciatic (psychiatic) episode 20 years ago (that, in retrospect, was assoc. with a difficult time).
While waiting for the results of the MRI we spent a week with my in-laws. My father-in-law told me about HPB but I was skeptical. His pain went away 2 days after reading it years ago. He had suffered for years. The MRI showed a herniated L5 disk (S1 joint) and I was sent back to the original PT who asked me what I wanted to do. Not knowing, and not having my wits about me to tell her that she was supposed to tell me, that was my last visit. My options appeared to be suffer the pain or stop breastfeeding and get an expensive injection that may or may not help me.
I saw another surgeon who directed me to a different PT who I liked a bit more and who, when she asked me what I wanted to do, I told I wanted her to tell me what I needed to do. There was progress and relapse throughout that experience and it was entirely unpredictable, but I continued through the prescribed course. At this point I knew several friends and family members who had a lot of success with surgery. The friends were all very active people, the family members not so much. One of the friends said he had felt better while mountain biking too, but that felt it contributed to the problem nonetheless. So I stopped mountain biking, which was the only thing I had been doing that allowed me to feel agile and painfree.
Three and a half months into the pain I decided I needed the injection and weaned my 26 month old boy, who was very attached to breastfeeding, as was I. For about 4-5 days I felt better, but then I ended up marking 5 miles of a race course by bending and sticking flags in the ground every 20-50 meters. A pain disaster struck. I was 3 weeks out from my 40th birthday party which had been planned for 8 months. A large group of friends would be going to Fruita, CO for 5 days of mountain biking and family fun. I was so angry about the injection not working and about the situation that I decided that I would mountain bike my heart out and then get surgery. In Fruita, on my first ride, I had a massive crash. It left a bruise on my right hip that took almost 2 months to go away, and those little scrunchy things under the skin that were there for several months. It didn't stop me from riding, however. In fact, it just emphasized that the only time I felt agile was on my bike. My sweet bike. For 3 weeks following the Fruita birthday party I thought that the crash had somehow jostled everything into place because my pain was subsiding. Classic Sarno. I had stopped worrying about the pain and just decided to have fun.
But 3 weeks later I skied for the first time, classic style (basically a walk on skies): a no no according to all my athletic friends who had surgery on their backs. And indeed, all my gains were gone. I tried skate skiing when the classic skiing pain subsided, because my friends all said that skating didn't seem to bother their backs. Not so with me. Then snowshoeing… but too close on the heels of skate skiing to know if it was okay or not. This kind of testing of winter activities continued from Nov-Feb when I finally asked my father-in-law for the details of the book he'd mentioned the previous August.
I bought in immediately. I started writing my positive review, so excited to be able to join all those others who had finally realized the real reason for their pain. I signed up for psychotherapy, I repudiated the structural cause of the pain. I wrote. I cried. I identified all kinds of things I might not have been dealing with. I bought a great book about anger management. I thought about family. I traveled to visit family to learn about ways we are dysfunctional and saw plenty of it. Sweet as my aunt is, it is classic Sarno that she would get out the griddle to keep take-out pizza warm and still somehow not be able to join the family at the table because this or that needed to be done. Good info.
The psychotherapy is going well. At the recommendation of friends I also signed up for some physical therapy with a guy who does a lot of cranial-sacrum work. I told him where I stood with my self-diagnosis and what I wanted and he has been great. He tells me to let go emotionally and lets me know how it affects my body. He does energy work and chakra stuff, but he doesn’t tell me that my pain is all physical. It is true that there are physical repercussions of this pain, I'm twisted and tight, but we both acknowledge that is secondary to the original cause of pain, and that it could disappear immediately if I could just let go. I now breath from my belly more, though I don't look as thin when I do. My goal is to breath from my belly all the time without even thinking about it. I have been well-trained to hold my gut in, to the point that it happens unconsciously.
But I still hurt every bleeping day! What the…? There are no TMS doctors near me and nobody is convinced about me having TMS because even after all I have done I have not yet had a day that doesn’t require pain meds. To let you know my m.o. with pain meds… the first few times I took it last June or July I found it was not working and when I looked at the expiration date for the bottle it was 1998. I don't take pain killers without significant reason! Since then, I have taken thousands. I alternate now between Tylenol and ibuprofen. They both work or don't as they please. It's entirely unpredictable. What is predictable is that if I try to go without them 98% of the time I will encounter pain so distressing as to just not be good for my psyche. No, really. So here I am, reading about people who took such a long 6 weeks to recover and I am now at about 11 weeks since having read HPB (and subsequently every other post-HBP Sarno book, and the Amir book) and not having a single bleeping day I haven't suffered for at least 3 hours during the day (that being a good day).
I'm mountain biking regularly, I tried shaving leg in the shower for a few days but it ended up being too damaging. Sarno says not to do things before you are ready. I was not ready for that. I still carry my boys around. Before the back pain there was knee pain and gut problems, both of which resolved almost immediately after I started focusing on the back.
Help!!!!
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sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2009 : 14:09:46
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dear arnett,
help is all over this forum. browse the site and you will find LOTS of clues.
i have had problems for 5 years. i started taking tms seriously 2 months ago. i am better, not perfect- but i don't count the weeks or anything because that would be counterproductive. i try to see the way as the goal.
for me it has been very helpful to start seeing through the mist. i used to have back and arm pain all the time. since i apply tms, i am pain free often, and when the pain arrives, i can usually trace it back to a thought or something happening, which is very helpful.
it seems to me you believe you have tms, and now you want to FIX it. maybe you are forcing a bit...maybe you are used to get things done when you decide, period. tms recovery is, i think, a path of discovery. and insights cant be forced into a time frame. |
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crk
124 Posts |
Posted - 05/20/2009 : 14:35:20
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I agree with Sarita - keep reading the forum posts and the success stories. You are not alone and people have had some great advice.
I could tell you I have no doubt that this is totally TMS but you must see that for yourself to be pain free. I still believe that people can be pain free immediately even though so many struggle for a long time like you have.
I also agree with Sarita about "forcing." That has never worked for me. Awareness, knowledge, and willingness keep at the mental health goals are what have freed me. I am free now. If/when TMS triggers again, I know what horrors in my past have made the "reservoir of rage" overflow but I also know that The Present is where I need to be. TMS pains show me I am repressing rage and they also show me that I am projecting the past onto the future, skipping over the Present. (I will fail, people will hurt me, I will not cope... messages about the future that come from the enraged Child Primitive). I must know right in that moment how to see my life, my thoughts and my choices in a healthy way. TMS shows me when I am not doing that.
I hope we can help you as you approach success. You can do it! Others have and you can too! |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
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scd1833
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2009 : 20:23:03
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you are still obviously obsessed with the pain and symptoms. The Idea is to get your attention OFF of the pain and symptoms, and not to constantly "test" yourself before you are ready, which means AFTER the pain subsides.
I'd suggest stopping ALL exercise, Yoga, Pain meds, biking, MD's, PT's, Surgeons, etc. it's all useless, until you're pain free.
clear ALL of these distractions from your life, and focus on TMS, by reading daily, journaling daily, seeing a psychotherapist, and focusing on your EMOTIONS and not the pain.
I had low back pain every single day for at least 10 years, EVERY DAY! I saw sarno on 20/20 and recorded the program, and watched it 10 times a day, within 3 or 4 days my back pain disappeared. I suspected that a physical explanation made no sense for some time, just like your symptoms, (moving around, coming and going etc.). You obviously have TMS judging by your symptoms so accept it, avoid the MD's for a little while, and focus on something other than the pain.
I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, I'm telling you this because TMS really CAN resolve in a few days IF you are thinking in the right frame of mind, and realize that the KNOWLEDGE of TMS is the cure, and all the other stuff is just another distraction(which is what TMS is essentially) |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2009 : 11:00:23
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quote:
Originally posted by arnett
I'm a bit distressed about the post for people who take a long time to recover.
In my opinion thinking in terms of absolute "recovery" is detrimental to progress.
TMS is a bad habit we developed over the course of a lifetime. Like any bad habit, it is tough to break. There is no magic bullet. Some might have tremendous success and be pain free in a few weeks. Personally I believe the majority of people take much longer.
"Recovery" is not about being pain free. It is about reconditioning yourself to think differently about the pain and react differently to it. It takes time and persistence. I believe that even people who have "fully recovered" from TMS still have psychogenic symptoms from time to time. It is part of being human.
Trust that the pain will subside on its own as you embark on this reconditioning process. Whether it takes weeks, months, or years is irrelevant. A long-term view is essential.
It is not so different from losing weight. Diets don't work. The way to lose weight and keep it off is to change the way you think about food. It may take much longer to lose the weight but it will be more permanent. There may be setbacks along the way, where you allow yourself to slip back into old eating habits, but over time your new eating habits will prevail. Treating TMS is exactly the same. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 05/29/2009 : 17:20:31
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Hello Arnett:
I've found a number of times that if you want pain that has a psychological cause to go away, you need to deal with the responsible psychological issue.
Making a list of the issues that might trouble us is a great start, especially if we overcome the responsible issues; however, we are bound to miss some issues. Before you go to sleep pray for a dream or set the intent to have a dream that tells you what issue is responsible for your pain.
Regarding praying, I received spirit help with the energetic blocks that cause me pain. For example, one night I felt pain in my upper back between my shoulder blades. I asked for help clearing the block. The amount of energy at this part of my back increased significantly, and I had a throbbing pain. I wondered how I would fall asleep, but managed to do so. I woke up in the morning and my pain was completely gone.
There have been occasions where I thought about an issue that troubled me, and right where I was experiencing corresponding pain the energy level would increase and so would the amount of pain I felt, until I let go of the issue. The reason this is the case is because the moment I would think of the responsible thought pattern, the energy signature of that thought pattern would come to life.
There is a spirit energy that is sometimes referred to as kundalini (a Sanscrit word). When this energy comes to life, it becomes "really" clear that energetic blocks due to psychological issues can cause pain. The energy can push through parts of our body with no problem, but as soon as the energy runs into a repressed psychological issue that is stored somewhere in our body, the energy can't proceed until the block is cleared. I believe the excess of built up energy causes pain because it activates neurons so that muscle fibers tense up.
For example, when I used to meditate my neck muscles used to tense up because of locked up energy. When those energetic pathways became clear, my neck muscles stopped tensing up. |
Edited by - Albert on 05/29/2009 17:22:59 |
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wits end
