| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
surf4life
USA
7 Posts |
 Posted - 04/16/2009 : 00:05:56
|
hi,
I just joined the forum after reading so many stories of suffering and recovery with physical chronic pain, as I have experienced the last 7 years (longer when I go back to childhood). I also just read "Mind body prescriptions" and started "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. Sarno, and saw myself on every page. I discovered TMS itself about 2 weeks ago, so I'm only beginning to learn. I'm 29 years old, but in the last few years have felt like I'm 70 with all the pain and stiffness, and reduced activity. I had been "programmed" to assume my pain was the result of old injuries that haven't healed, or muscle imbalances, or structural abnormalities, or being broken and feeling that I would only get worse and never recover. That's a pill I've never been able to swallow because of my passion for the ocean and surfing. The thought of a future without surfing and progressively experiencing more and more pain has been the cause of grief, despair, anger, frustration, fear, and just not wanting to live. Nowadays it would be nice to just wake up without pain. This forum and educating myself about TMS has given me hope. I'm in the process of getting formally diagnosed by a physician with expericene with TMS, since I'm only going by information I've read about. I just wanted to share my story as a means of connecting with all of you, since I appreciate people sharing their experience, suffering, and recovery.
I'll try to make it short. I grew up in an alcoholic household, that was a very intense environment where I lived in constant fear, tension, anxiety, worry, anger, and sadness. I'll admit there were positive moments, and I had a roof over my head, and food to eat, but for the most part it was intense. I remember having painful growing pains and nightly teeth grinding, that my mom said began when I was 4. I always felt that clenched fist in my gut and held a lot of tension in my low back and hips. My sisters used to tease me saying that I walked like I had a stick up my butt (I laugh at that), because I was so physically tight and tense. I also had a pattern of getting injured that started when I was 8 until no too many years ago, I think an unconcious attempt for attention. So pain and injury has been a constant through life and continued to intensify to where I am now. Which is stopped dead in my tracks. I've had some injuries like concussions and whiplash from snowboarding, and a broken foot and dislocated hip with surgery from surfing accidents. So 4 years later I'm in more pain than ever. 8 months ago my lower back seized up on me after a normal surfing session, stopped me in my tracks and hasn't let up since (just got diagnosed with a bulged L5S1 disc). I haven't been able to work, surf, do yoga, really anything, and I'm so fearful of even moving my leg the wrong way while I'm sleeping because of bringing on more pain. My whole body feels like a series of tight cables, with pain in my neck, shoulders, arms, low back, legs, knees. I've been so scared that this is my life forever, that I won't be able to work, support myself, it even hurts to hug and hold someone (sex is out too).
Anyways thats the short of it. I see many connections of repressed emotion from growing up and my body's response to that, even those everyday stresses that I never learned how to deal with properly. I made one connection today that my back "went out" on me 4 weeks after I got laid off from a very stressful, unhealthy work place ( I was clicking my heals for about 4 weeks and felt pretty good physically). So I'm slowly making connections, and have a lot to learn. But I see that in listening to what the pain in my body is telling me I can let go of old emotions that also affect me socially, mentally, and just plain old hold me back from a leading a healthy, happy life. killing many birds with one stone. Thanks for reading, I'm really happy to find thise forum. I've already recieved doses of hope and relief.
surfa |
|
|
mseymour88
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2009 : 08:28:10
|
Welcome surf4life
You are in the right place.
I can identify with so much of your story.
All the feelings around not being able to work and all of that.
I was as passionate about playing hockey, as you are about surfing.
The fear and the anger sometimes are unbearable.
There is hope. You sound like classic TMS.
Personnally,I have not fully recovered YET.
I have had some progress, then set backs.
I have had lower back pain for over 20 yrs attributed to degenerative discs L-4-L-5 AND L-5-S-1.
I grew up in the alcoholic home also, then became one. I have been sober since 1988.
My dad is on wife #4 and my mom had 2, bla, bla, bla. ( OK. enough with the problem and on to the solution)
Like I said, there is hope.
I have been working with Dr. Sarno and learning as much as I can about this disorder, and it has been helping. I have just been diagnosed with some bladder stuff I forget how to pronounce. So I 100% believe I have TMS. The part that is a stumbling block for me is believing that my back pain is 100% phycological, not any % structural.
There are many great people on here that have gotten alot farther then I and will share thier success with you.
I hope I have been of some help.
Thanks
Mike |
 |
|
|
sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2009 : 15:32:11
|
Hi,
my breakthrough came with The Divided Mind. You must read this one too. Mark the parts that matter, let it sink in, see how it applies to your life! One thing which helped me: question yourself every minute: the pain is here...why, what could it be. At first I saw NO PATTERN, now I see it. You sound like a really smart boy or girl :) I have no doubt you are on the right track. Dont be discouraged.
Sarita
|
|
|
|
Northerner
62 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2009 : 17:19:56
|
Welcome. I don't surf, but ride a kayak down whitewater. I did this a few days ago, despite MRI's that indicate degenerative spine disease in the neck and lower back (and I'm ancient - I'm 50).
The most convincing thing I've ever seen on TMS was a 20/20 TV show segment on Dr. Sarno, which they filmed after he cured one of their reporters. It takes 15 minutes to watch. They follow four patients, interview Dr. Sarno, and show one woman, unable to walk and using a scooter to get around because she was in such pain, running at the end of the program. They also pulled 20 files at random from Dr. Sarno's files and had a researcher call them, and all said they had improved significantly or were pain-free. It's incredibly powerful to watch.
Here's the link to this one, which you can watch on your computer for free:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6660313127569317147
My breakthrough came in January when I sent an email describing my medical history during the past ten years to a TMS doc, along with a transcription of the radiologist's report of my MRI. He replied that although he couldn't diagnose by email, he was virtually certain that I had TMS - I had the classic history. I sent the email as the prerequisite for an appointment, but he told me to wait at least a month, and try the techniques in the books before coming to see him.
I had already been using TMS techniques and had experienced some improvement before that, but I improved much more quickly since that email, because it convinced me. I still have some symptoms - some numbness in the fingers and toes, occasional minor back pain, which I ignore, and am fully physically active now.
My best recommendation is to go to your MD for an exam to make sure nothing is wrong (you never know if there is a tumor or something serious lurking somewhere), and at the same time, learn more and more about TMS. Journaling every morning, night and occasionally during the day has been beneficial to me.
If you feel you've experienced significant trauma, consider seeing a therapist to work on those issues. You've described an upbringing that is the type that classically brings on all sorts of physical and emotional problems, overt and covert.
Also, consider seeing a TMS doc, especially if there is a one near where you live.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Mark Twain |
Edited by - Northerner on 04/16/2009 17:23:02 |
|
|
|
pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 05:26:07
|
quote:
Originally posted by Northerner
Welcome. I don't surf, but ride a kayak down whitewater. I did this a few days ago, despite MRI's that indicate degenerative spine disease in the neck and lower back (and I'm ancient - I'm 50).
The most convincing thing I've ever seen on TMS was a 20/20 TV show segment on Dr. Sarno, which they filmed after he cured one of their reporters. It takes 15 minutes to watch. They follow four patients, interview Dr. Sarno, and show one woman, unable to walk and using a scooter to get around because she was in such pain, running at the end of the program. They also pulled 20 files at random from Dr. Sarno's files and had a researcher call them, and all said they had improved significantly or were pain-free. It's incredibly powerful to watch.
Here's the link to this one, which you can watch on your computer for free:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6660313127569317147
My breakthrough came in January when I sent an email describing my medical history during the past ten years to a TMS doc, along with a transcription of the radiologist's report of my MRI. He replied that although he couldn't diagnose by email, he was virtually certain that I had TMS - I had the classic history. I sent the email as the prerequisite for an appointment, but he told me to wait at least a month, and try the techniques in the books before coming to see him.
I had already been using TMS techniques and had experienced some improvement before that, but I improved much more quickly since that email, because it convinced me. I still have some symptoms - some numbness in the fingers and toes, occasional minor back pain, which I ignore, and am fully physically active now.
My best recommendation is to go to your MD for an exam to make sure nothing is wrong (you never know if there is a tumor or something serious lurking somewhere), and at the same time, learn more and more about TMS. Journaling every morning, night and occasionally during the day has been beneficial to me.
If you feel you've experienced significant trauma, consider seeing a therapist to work on those issues. You've described an upbringing that is the type that classically brings on all sorts of physical and emotional problems, overt and covert.
Also, consider seeing a TMS doc, especially if there is a one near where you live.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Mark Twain
Yeah, well thanks for that most useful of comments.
What is the point of saying that? Is anybody really dull enough to self diagnose a somatic disorder without getting a clear bill regarding their organic health?
I suffer from health anxiety/hypochondria (as do others on here) and struggle to accept my 'symptoms' as somatic, this is very troublesome as recovery from TMS will only begin when we fully accept the theory. The defining element of hypochondria is the inability to accept a benign diagnosis even in the face of the medical evidence. I have been given a clean bill of health but as my GP has stated this doesn't mean I don't have a hidden health issue such as a tumour etc but rather that nobody can find a problem and therefore the best theory is that my pain is probably somatic.
So, as I can't really 'ever know' that I don't have a tumour lurking how does this tally with accepting a TMS diagnosis. I think you could have chosen your words far better here and if you really wanted to stress the importance of a GP check up you could have just worded it that way instead of how you have. |
|
|
|
HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 10:36:22
|
Welcome to the world of TMS, surfa! Here's to your future healthy, happy life!
quote:
(pan) Is anybody really dull enough to self diagnose a somatic disorder without getting a clear bill regarding their organic health?
It has been known for people to self-diagnose without getting a check-up. (Edit): Remember, it costs money to see a doctor in some countries.
But (I think) I understand your point - your GP has raised doubts by saying that even a thorough checkup can't detect every single possible problem.
It sounds like you're feeling worried because you would have preferred the reassurance of knowing for sure that there is nothing physically wrong with you?
Hilary N |
Edited by - HilaryN on 04/17/2009 11:37:35 |
|
|
|
winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 11:51:57
|
| My heart goes out to you, but your story is full of good and hopeful news. You found Sarno, you know that much of your pain is emotional--and you are young! You can beat ALL of this. I don't come to the Forum any more, but for some reason I took a wander back today and I connected with your story. I grew up in the same type of household that you did. And while I'm no surfer or athlete, I've lived through a long adulthood (I am 49) filled with illness and physical pain. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with two slipped cervical discs two years ago that the S--t really hit the fan for me, and I got help. I found Sarno's books, gradually got better over the next six months--without surgery, acupuncture, physical therapy, etc.-- and in January 08, got myself into twice a week therapy with a TMS psychotherapist. I finally understand my past, I finally acknowledged all that happened to me, I finally acknowledged my enormous anger and gradually my neck pain and tension in all other parts of my body has gone away. I wish I could say it's gone completely and never comes back, but the neck pain does spring up, in a mild form, from time to time. The enormous difference now is that I know it's fleeting, and most of the time, I'm able to connect the tension and aching I feel to what's going on internally. It's always some kind of intense emotion, and often it's fury over something in the present that's magnified because it's triggered a memory of something similar that happened to me in my alcoholic household of the very distant past. I just wanted to reach out and say that you can recover. The body heals and so can the psyche. Stay hopeful, be kind to yourself and approach the process with patience. All the best, WB |
Edited by - winnieboo on 04/17/2009 13:28:09 |
|
|
|
pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 12:39:12
|
quote:
Originally posted by HilaryN
Welcome to the world of TMS, surfa! Here's to your future healthy, happy life!
quote:
(pan) Is anybody really dull enough to self diagnose a somatic disorder without getting a clear bill regarding their organic health?
It has been known for people to self-diagnose without getting a check-up. (Edit): Remember, it costs money to see a doctor in some countries.
But (I think) I understand your point - your GP has raised doubts by saying that even a thorough checkup can't detect every single possible problem.
It sounds like you're feeling worried because you would have preferred the reassurance of knowing for sure that there is nothing physically wrong with you?
Hilary N
Yeah, the comment just riled me as I know that there are a few health anxiety sufferers on here and I just felt that the tumour remark was not required, I totally understand that this may well be a reflection on my disorder more than anything else.
I am aware that many see anxiety as a TMS equivilant but when this is coupled with health anxiety it is a real bitter pill to swallow. I think it is hard to get many people to commit to the TMS theory when they see their issues in purely physical terms but if you add a disorder on top of that that includes health over catastrophisation, constant body scanning and an inability to believe what our GP's are telling us it means that the TMS theory requires a HUGE leap of faith.
Anyways I don't want to derail the thread after such an interesting and well constructed opening post. |
|
|
|
sarita
130 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 14:15:48
|
Hi Pan,
I also have problems with hypochondria...check out page 96 in the divided mind. No one can be a hypochondriac for a lifetime I think, too exhausting...you will get over it. |
|
|
|
HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 16:16:06
|
quote:
(pan)Yeah, the comment just riled me as I know that there are a few health anxiety sufferers on here and I just felt that the tumour remark was not required,
So when Northerner recommended getting checked out to ensure there was no tumour you experienced increased anxiety because of what your doctor told you - and angry because you're in need of more reassuring and supportive comments from other members of the forum?
I must admit, I felt bewildered when I read your initial post as I was unaware that a tumour was something which couldn't be detected, so, although I'm understanding a bit more now, I'm keen to get a little more clarification on your initial response. (Perhaps Northerner was unaware of it, too?)
Hilary N |
Edited by - HilaryN on 04/17/2009 16:17:52 |
|
|
|
pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2009 : 17:17:12
|
quote:
Originally posted by HilaryN
quote:
(pan)Yeah, the comment just riled me as I know that there are a few health anxiety sufferers on here and I just felt that the tumour remark was not required,
So when Northerner recommended getting checked out to ensure there was no tumour you experienced increased anxiety because of what your doctor told you - and angry because you're in need of more reassuring and supportive comments from other members of the forum?
I must admit, I felt bewildered when I read your initial post as I was unaware that a tumour was something which couldn't be detected, so, although I'm understanding a bit more now, I'm keen to get a little more clarification on your initial response. (Perhaps Northerner was unaware of it, too?)
Hilary N
No, I did not experience an increase in anxiety...I was just somewhat annoyed to see somebody refer to a medical condition when there was really no need to. I think just saying that the OP should ensure they get a clean bill of organic health before looking at TMS would have sufficed.
Hmm, why would I have been in need of reassurance and supportive comments? My health anxiety has been with me for far too long to fall into the trap of such basic and crass response patterns...I'm doing pretty well thank you and don't ask for reassurance and supportive comments and do not expect them.
Yes, pretty much all of my GP's, neurologists and specialists I have seen have told me the same....as a health anxiety sufferer we crave/demand the 100% certainty that we are 100% organically well and the rub is that this just cannot be given to us. Yes, a GP will tell us that our tests have turned out fine and that we are good to go etc etc but the bottom line is that you are really only getting a balance of probability answer...whilst for most folks that would do very nicely and they would be on their way this is often insufficent for somebody with a health anxiety disorder and leads into a world of worry and frustration. The key to breaking out of health anxiety is learning to live with uncertainty in all walks of live including our health.
As I said, I'm more than aware that my initial reply may well have been representative of what I have been through and the only point I was really trying to make was that as there are hypochondria and health anxiety sufferers on here then the words could have been chosen somewhat more carefully. |
|
|
|
nnelg
Canada
1 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2009 : 07:26:27
|
Hi all. I just want to say "Halleluia".
I am a 57 year old that has suffered from hypochondria, numerous conditions and much pain since I was a teen. Just to name a few since most of us need to see ourselves in someone elses experience,
-chronic prostatitis (started when I was 15 and still flares up occasionally)
-dizziness
-tinnitis (ringing in the ears)
-numbness in arms hands and legs
-paralyzing fear of MS for at least 10 years
-irritable bowel syndrome
-debilitating back pain, shoulder pain, neck pain (my wife went ALONE on our 30th anniv. trip because I was on the floor in pain)
-TMJ and ear pain
-chronic fear that I have "one of the big ones" (they just haven't found it yet)
-severe depression
I could go on but this gives you an idea. Invariably when one issue faded, another began. My wife tells me I was essentialy absent in the raising of our children because of my preoccupation with my health issues. It makes me want to cry when I think that my wife was a "married single" for all those years.
About 2 years ago I was looking up back pain books on Amazon and came across "Healing Back Pain" by Dr. Sarno. The reviews were unbelievable and being that the book was not new there were a lot of them. I ordered the book and devoured it, finding myself in every page (as you often hear). And like so many others on this forum I began to seriously consider the information presented. I ordered "The Mindbody Prescription" and read it as well. I ordered Dr. Sarno's CD and listened to it while travelling.
I finally came to understand what was causing my pain and how to relieve it. I would say that over the last 2 years I have been 85% successful in moving past the pain/fear issues that would have previously crippled me. I remember shortly after I was beginning this process, my wife and I were on a one month trip to the UK. We were going to go for a walk and I bent over to tie my shoe when I had a stabbing pain in my lower back...the beginning of a usual episode. At first I panicked as we were only in the second week of our trip. "Oh no! I'll have to spend the next two weeks on my back. What am I going to do?" Instead I immediately remembered what my brain was trying to do and thought "No. I'm not going to let this ruin our trip. This will pass." We went out walking and during the afternoon everything returned to normal. This has happened many times since then. Also has happened with all the other issues mentioned above.
I might reread a section of one of Sarno's books. I might just give myself a talking to. I might just press on. In any event, the issue passes. I have not had pschycotherapy because I cannot afford it but it doesn't seem to matter that I don't know the exact root. Also I have not seen a TMS doctor because there are none that I know of in the area.
I am not 100%. I suffer from some depression but I'm so thankful that I'm not where I was. This information (wrong word because it's much more powerful than that) has been life changing for me.
BTW, I am finishing "The Divided Mind". It's great because it presents other physicians experiences on TMS and it's equivalents.
Sorry to be so long. There is hope. For those who find this forum and haven't read the books...just do it. Meditate on the principles. If you can accept them you'll be on your way to a much better life.
|
|
|
|
winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2009 : 08:18:06
|
From nnelg quote:
I might just give myself a talking to. I might just press on. In any event, the issue passes. I have not had pschycotherapy because I cannot afford it but it doesn't seem to matter that I don't know the exact root.
I think this is very true. The psychotherapy can be enormously helpful, but even when you come to understand the origins of your pain and your behavior, you still have to talk yourself out of it. It's a kind of self discipline. You have to be determined to talk yourself out of the symptoms, as nnelg says, sometimes daily, sometimes more often than that and resist going to the internet, doctors, etc.
Going to the pain, or to the fear of becoming ill or incapacitated, is a bad habit; an avoidance behavior. We have to learn to confront the now, the difficult emotions, the conflict in our daily lives and our anger, instead of shutting down with a declaration of "I don't feel good." We don't, but it isn't because of a structural abnormality or germ or disease. It's because the anger and conflict and difficult emotions in our lives and in fact, in everyone's lives, can be overwhelming. They become less overwhelming when we learn to see and deal with what's happening in our lives and what we're feeling emotionally on a daily basis. |
Edited by - winnieboo on 04/18/2009 08:30:29 |
|
|
|
pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2009 : 08:19:06
|
Pan, Dr Sarno often uses the words tumor, bone disease and cancer when recommending that people get themselves checked properly before assuming TMS. Many of us on here have probably used those same words to new people on the forum when stressing the importance of getting a medical check before self-diagnosing TMS. Most people wouldn't be "dull" enough, but you never know...
A beginner's guide to psychology: If it's not your mum's fault.... it's your dad's... |
|
|
|
surf4life
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 04/18/2009 : 22:47:01
|
I must say I have learned much in the short time of being on this forum. I always attempt to seek my own truths and what works for me on my path of recovery. I see that same rings true for everyone else, as we all suffer from such a broad spectrum of conditions. The truth for me has appeared in the common thread which weaves all of these principles, stories, methods, and successes that once you are able to accept that you are not broken, and all this suffering is trully a mechanism of the mind then the healing begins. I appreciate the contribution and discussion I've seen here, because there are many gaps in what I draw from simply reading a book, and doing my own research. Personal experience is so valuable to the process. Another huge point that I've drawn in the last week is the assimilation of information and understanding from our conscious minds to the unconsious. I'll quote directly from Healing Back Pain "Pity me that the heart is slow to learn, what the swift mind beholds at every turn". That is the elequant description of the process as I see it. As with other processes for me it has been awareness, acceptance, and then letting go (of the pain). Not an overnight process as I wish it was, but that is for good reason as it also says that we would be very unstable animals. As if we weren't already. I have felt relief in acknowledging there is many years of anxiety and anger stored in this body and mind, I didn't want to admit that before because it disagreed with the image I had of myself. "Good people aren't angry" is an old childhood message that has manifested in huge, weight bearing emotions of guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and sadness for simply being human, having human emotions. I've resisted what I am for so long, so it feels good to understand that there is something seriously wrong if I didn't experience anger and all the other undesirable feelings that even the most functional people experience. Add some good old family disfunction and perfectionism to the mix and you have a quite a meal. thanks for listening
-surfa Bry
surfa |
Edited by - surf4life on 04/18/2009 22:48:09 |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
just joined...my story
