Last night I got in a argument with my closest friend at work. Ofcourse it was over my "back problems"...She is having her wood floors redone and wondered if I could help with moving furniture..Then she said, " oh maybe you shouldn't because of your back"... When she first asked me for help I admitted became very anxious. Then when she mentions my back and that I should not help it grew even stronger and I got angry...Not at my friend even though she thought I was but at the fact that I couldn't/shouldn't help her..I have always been there for her and in the past would jump and help with no problem or reservation..I tried to explain to her that I was upset that I had this FEAR of things that I felt useless..She as much as I love her has not been a person who expresses emotion or likes to witness it...She really internalizes everything.. And in the past when I have cried in her presents about these things she basically told me that it was unattractive and to be a man...
This has began to really bother me...I always new she was like this but I never had any really bothersome issues that would make me want to confide in her.. She has been the only person that I have EVER been comfortable enough to confide such worry and sadness to.. Her normal response is " I am not a doctor" and "why does everything have to come back to your problems" Maybe in a why she has a point but I would not be a cold as she has been if the roles were reverse
Now back to the argument. I once again tried to tell her how I am feeling physically and mentally and how much it has taken a toll on my life. I had not mention anything about my problems to her for several weeks prior. This is because I know how she is and did not want to start anything...She always says "why do you have to get angry" My reply is "because you always dismiss me"
We go on and on for a few minutes then I walk away...But I noticed my pain had diminish a lot and stayed that way for some time. It slowly came back but not as it was before the arguement.. Now I know Dr Sarno says conscious anger is not a part of TMS so my question is did I possibly tap into an area of importance or was it just the adrenaline from the argument that caused the pain to subside.. I wonder because back when I had shoulder and upper back pains her and I got in a very heated fight and my pains suddenly flared out of no where bad and of course went away soon after everything calmed down..
Thanks again for reading... |
Interesting Observations
Posted - 03/13/2009 : 19:13:14
