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Northerner
62 Posts |
 Posted - 02/07/2009 : 20:39:12
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I've been fearful of kayaking ever since I came down with my second TMS attack the Monday after Thanksgiving.
I had to stop kayaking in early November when I bruised my ribs playing basketball. The TMS attack that followed a few weeks later has been making me shudder when I think of kayaking - making me think that I won't be able to kayak again. White water kayaking is like an opiate for me. When I finish a run, I feel uplifted, and all my problems go away. It's not something I want to give up.
When I first came down with TMS last winter, I kayaked normally once the season started in the spring, and it actually reduced my symptoms (upper back pain, left arm numbness). But after a few months, lower back pain appeared, and bothered me when kayaking or running. Even a neurosurgeon reading my scans said that although she could find a cause for the upper back pain in my MRI, the lower back MRI showed no reason for any pain there.
I was able to overcome the lower back pain through stretches and a mild sedative/muscle relaxant, and continued kayaking until November.
Today, I decided I was going to practice kayaking, whether my shoulder was willing or not (it's cold around here, so we practice in a pool). I had no idea how much I'd be able to accomplish, but was going to try anyway. At first, a muscle in my side hurt - one that hadn't hurt in the past, but one that is connected to one in the scapular area, where I've had a lot of pain. I was concerned, but then the pain in that muscle went away after a couple of times up and down the pool.
I then started to paddle extremely hard, pushing just as hard with my left arm, which is weak and can have pain and numbness running from the shoulder down to the hands. Surprisingly, I was able to pound hard with both arms, and paddled as hard in the pool as I would on a difficult river for about an hour and a half. I probably paddled more than I normally would on a challenging river run, as these have current rushing me downstream. I also did numerous practice eskimo rolls, something that I was unsure my left arm would be able to do. I came up fine every time, surprisingly, even though I hadn't tried one in 3 or 4 months. My shoulder felt numb and weak while I was on the water, but not significantly, and there was a little pain running down my left arm. I also felt some numbness in my left foot, which I have experienced now and then.
I was ecstatic that I was able to physically do what I was able to do in my kayak – this tells me that I should still able to kayak when the ice melts around here. In addition, I felt like all my problems - job stresses, economy worries - had gone away. I was feeling great emotionally.
However, my left arm hurt more on the drive home. My mid and lower back started going into spasms at home, and now I have lower back pain, more numbness in the foot and left hand (right hand, too) than normal, and lower back pain (the back spasms have gone away)..
My question to y'all is:
Kayaking is my favorite activity, and one that usually wipes away stress. I really pushed it today, and now I'm feeling additioanl TMS-type symptoms - not debilitating - all over. I’m also feeling the normal stiffness that I would always have felt after kayaking hard, but those are different muscle groups, and that stiffness always goes away in a day or two. Is this because I used new muscles, and pushed them hard? Or is it a TMS thing? Is it possible my unconscious gets terrified at whitewater kayaking and wants to avoid it? (I get terrified as well when doing it, but that's part of the fun, as long as I don't go upside down, can't come up, and have to abandon ship).
Anyone have similar experiences when going back to a favorite activity? Feeling emotionally uplifted but with more pain than you started with when you finish?
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 21:15:42
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You are over thinking. The problem with us TMSers is that we try to analyze everything.
Someone on the forum said try to think "I wonder?" instead of "what if?"
These words of advice have saved me many ours of thinking and obsessing and adding to my reservoir causing stress and causing pain
I am having more good days because I am not over thinking.
Actually the only time I really think about stress and TMS is when I visit this forum.
Speaking of this forum. I believe without it(the TMS Forum) I would not be doing as well as I am.
Stop thinking...
Good Luck.
Marsha |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 21:43:39
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When I greatly increase my level of activity, I often get weird sensations. Often my experience is very similar to what you just went through. I find that when I ignore the symptoms and just enjoy whatever it is that I am doing, the symptoms go away. The key is to not think about it. The whole point of the symptoms, after all, is to distract you. So don't let them. Focus, instead, on whatever else it is that you are doing.
If you can't do that, then I think that the standard advice would probably be to look inside. I see a lot of "thinking physically" in your post. But one of the core ideas of TMS is that we are supposed to "think emotionally." What is it that the pain is there to distract you from? Don't let it distract you.
To me, your experience looks exceptionally positive. You just kayaked incredibly hard for a long time, and it's what you've been so fearful about. You just made a huge leap of progress. Now is the time to ignore your physical symptoms, which are probably just a sign that you've got your unconscious on the run. Instead, enjoy your freedom. (The standard disclaimers about online TMS advice apply, of course.)
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I "hear" worry in your voice. I'm not sure why you are worrying when things seem to be going so well and part of me wonders if your unconscious is using worrying about TMS as a distraction, now that the actual pain seems to be, at least to some degree, under control. Do you think that that might be a possibility?
(I should also mention that I haven't read all of your old posts, so I may be missing some context.)
Forest |
Edited by - forestfortrees on 02/08/2009 11:24:04 |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 08:16:22
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Northerner: I'd start writing about my fears. There are many in your post. It appears to me that your fear of "hurting yourself" kayaking can be paralyzing enough that just paddling is going to "hurt" because you are so afraid it will. It's a case of: you get what you focus on.
Has status in your life changed, something happened, a different kind of stress during this time--so your pain has escalated?
Do you truly believe this is mind-induced pain (TMS or equivalent)?
Best wishes.
Kayaking does sound like fun! I've done it in calm water--not whitewater, but it looks really cool.
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Jim D.
USA
63 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 08:23:08
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I think TMS often strikes us when we perform an activity that means a lot to us (and obviously kayaking means a great deal to you). Others on the forum have experienced this (a lot of runners, for instance), and I have written about it in regard to weight lifting. What could be more debilitating for someone working out with weights than elbow pain? (Well, maybe knee pain is equal to it, but I haven't had that--yet.) And what could be worse for someone kayaking than lower back pain? I think kayaking is so important to you that the brain knows it can strike at your self-confidence (and sense of self-worth?) by making the activity difficult for you.
Don't give up using the usual methods to overcome TMS. |
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weatherman
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 17:00:38
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Exactly, TMS will never hit you in a spot that affects an activity you don't care about to begin with. A problem isn't really a problem until it's a problem.
Weatherman
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." |
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Northerner
62 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 19:27:41
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Thanks, folks. Actually, the shoulder and back pain feels somewhat better today than it did the day before I tried kayaking, my shoulder is stronger, and the lower back pain has faded now. Maybe something is working. I went into the pool determined to paddle hard even if it hurt, and push myself to the pain limit or beyond. The pain in the regular places (where I was expecting it) wasn't debilitating, but there were new, non-debilitating pains that appeared during and after kayaking.
Could be something fighting back, or something as simple as using new muscle groups that have been asleep for a while.
And for those who've asked if I've had additional stress lately, the answer is yes, in this uncertain economy. I think my economic fears were the biggest cause to my relapse that occurred after Thanksgiving. |
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Pain from new vigorous exercise?
