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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
 Posted - 02/07/2009 : 18:51:06
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don't even bother with using symbols anymore?
lol. i just had a dream where i was in a position to fight and kill my mother, my father was doing nothing to protect me from her, they were putting my sister in a position that i should have been occupying, and i was being degraded by all three of them.
my brain has gone completely literal. i'm going to go punch my bed for a half an hour.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 02/08/2009 : 15:03:04
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That was awesome!
Seriously, my roommate just came in from the other room to find out what I was laughing at. (Laughing with you, not at you... I have demons of my own. You just wrote it well.) |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 10:07:19
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Interesting you mention dreams.
Saturday night I had a dream about my dad and a habit of his that was and still can be infuriating. I was so angry when I woke up and realized I needed to journal about it. So I'm grateful I had the dream to tell me I needed to journal about it to be free! I will be taking note of my dreams now for sure!
-Lori |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 13:16:34
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in almost every dream i have i can find archetypes and situational stuff from my childhood. that one was particularly literal, however.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2009 : 23:01:57
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| I have the same recurring dream where I frantically trying to meet a deadline - most of the times its about writing exams from my undergrad or back in high school. This has been going on for years, but i have come to realise them more now since i have been talking stalk and it will happen at least twice a week. Each time i wake up, i feel this sense of relief wash over me. I feel as though this dream will never go away. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2009 : 03:47:42
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ah screw those deadlines bobby. my theory on that one is your parents didn't accept you for who you were and you continually strived to meet their approval, and it's played out in the academic stage. the stress you feel is your anger at having to perform this action in the first place. a universal injustice.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 02/11/2009 : 10:42:09
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you my sir are bang on!
But reversing it however, its difficult as hell and often feels like it. |
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TotalStrangerFigure
USA
24 Posts |
Posted - 02/12/2009 : 13:37:39
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Scott - Did punching the bed help? I got a really big laugh out of picturing that! I looked at your website and read about all the symptoms you overcame. What helped you the most?
I always have negative dreams. I'm in my 30's and I can remember maybe 2 dreams that I enjoyed - ever. They're always about things like being trapped in a grocery store hold-up or something bizarre like a co-worker having surgery for neck pain (in the office) while a group of us is watching slices of tissue being pulled out of his body. Hmmmm. What about your dreams? Are they always like that? |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/12/2009 : 17:29:00
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funny at first but when it settles it feels sh-tty. things were never good enough for my mom and she passed that down to me. i did get mad about this, now the anger is less, and some grief is poking through. i was shedding tears last night before i fell asleep.
what helped me get over most of my symptoms is finding a way to naturally express how i felt about everything. i used all these mechanical processes (using my brain instead of my body) to get there, however. it took me a while to figure out that we're supposed to live in our bodies, but once you get out of your head things get a lot easier for you. it's all very intuitive, which is part of my soul i wasn't encouraged to use growing up.
my dreams last night, all three involved heroin actually. there were a lot of scenes where shame and anger were present themes but the intensity was definitely down a notch. way less than last week.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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Bobbypols
Canada
46 Posts |
Posted - 02/12/2009 : 21:35:04
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quote:
Originally posted by scottjmurray
what helped me get over most of my symptoms is finding a way to naturally express how i felt about everything. i used all these mechanical processes (using my brain instead of my body) to get there, however. it took me a while to figure out that we're supposed to live in our bodies, but once you get out of your head things get a lot easier for you. it's all very intuitive, which is part of my soul i wasn't encouraged to use growing up.
What do you mean by "get out of your head"?
Thanks,
Rob. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/13/2009 : 00:07:36
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when i was younger my mom shamed me quite a bit for being who i was and i was under continual pressure to explain my actions. the retreat from shame forced me up into my head, where i had to continually work out these problems in order to please her. getting out of my head means expressing my frustration at believing i needed to do this. it brings me back into my body. if you do it you'll know what i mean.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/13/2009 : 13:32:34
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to put it simply: your head is where you go when you feel as though you've done something wrong and you feel like you need to fix yourself (which you never do, actually).
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 02/13/2009 : 14:07:42
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To put it simply: guilt can be a way of turning anger back on yourself. You see, you can't get mad at your mother, because well, she's your mother, right? Our mind and society, even the Bible, tells us it's inappropriate! So we stuff it and the powerful anger becomes a monster of guilt that we take into a kind of battleground in our head. It's a terribly bad mental situation that I can completely relate to. I'm struggling with this a lot at the moment. My situation with my mother was very complicated and generally not at all good, and while I can say out loud that I'm angry, I find it extremely difficult to genuinely feel anything about it. When I get close, the guilt trip I pull on myself is enormous.
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 02/13/2009 : 18:44:59
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quote:
guilt can be a way of turning anger back on yourself
this is what guilt is, anger that should be directed outward gets jammed inside of your head. this feedback loop slowly eats away at your brain. its the reason my entire extended family has some sort of mental disorder / tms equiv. they turn their anger inward because they think its their fault.
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author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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so what do you do when your dreams...
