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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
 Posted - 10/27/2008 : 17:08:28
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Hallo everyone,
I was not on this board for a long time.
After struggling for years with vision problems, muscle tension and pain everywhere, TMJ, stomach problems, everything.
But I reached a point, where I was not fearing the problems anymore and said: What the **** I will stop obssesing about all this crap and enjoy my life. With the help of bodywork, QI Gong and Meditation I was able to relax my body and get back hope, because I saw little improvements once in a while.
NOW, I have developed a new problem, which is the worst, most painful, uncomfortable problem I every had and I am so sure that its a real damage and not TMS, even so much things scream TMS.
The problem is the following:
3 month ago I had a little injury on the toilet, my penis head (glans) screeded along my zipper and I irritated the opening of my uretha.
First it didn't was so bad, I just felt a constant irritation and slight pain, when my penistip touched anything, my leg, my shorts, etc., but after a month my problems got much worse, I have pain when I touch my glans and it doesn't feel very pleasurable anymore.
My glans also feels kind of numb.
When I press on my glans or point the shower head on it I feel a quiet severe pain, which also gets my back muscles to contract.
Other than that my whole penis and my testicles often are very cold now, I have a cold feeling in my legs and especially in my feet.
Often, when I touch my penishead to examine it, I get a inflammed feeling all over my body.
I know that it sounds like TMS, but I had many sexual problems before, which where clearly related to muscle tension, but now the pain is so irritating and just feels like a real tissue or nerve damage.
Its even very uncomfortable to let my girlfriend touch my penis, because its so painful and often results in the end of the erection.
I am really afraid that I damaged the head of my penis and that it is permanent.
I visited a urologist and he said he can't see anything and that such a small injury would heal by it self anyway within weeks. He didn't took me serious.
I mean I know this all sounds like TMS, but I am really afraid, because it didn't changed a bit, predictable pain with every touch, irritated, unfomfortable feeling every time something touches the opening of the urethra.
I can not walk or do sports, because the uncomfortable feeling gets so strong and my penishead because really cold and white, like really bad circulated and I am afraid to injure it further... In the past sport was always my balance for my health problems and doing much sport gave me confidence and feeling of vitality, now i feel weak and empty.
I think maybe after I collected some confidence to fight TMS, my inner demon confronted my with my biggest fears, so now I feel like in a real nightmare:
- permanent damage to the penis
Actually I thing my basic fear is really physiological, my fears and worrys are kinda like this:
-Fear of permanent tissue damage or injury, especially to the penis, eyes, teeth.
-The fear to loose my ability to regenerate wounds/injurys
-Fear of being weak, fragile, easily injured.
I feel like I can never live without health problems, like its a curse, like a dark demon, who holds me in his claws.
Nothing seems to work, wether psychological work, TMs work, sports, nutrition...
I am really hopeless right now, I have no energy, I feel overwhelmed, alone, for the first time I am really angry, I feel like its all so unfair, I could never enjoy my life, always this stupid ****ing health problems, when the other guys could just light heartedly enjoy life, I always had to think about health and healing, I always have this burden of pain, weakness, tension and dysfunction that makes everything I do hard and stressful.
Now, after I finally felt like finding a way out of my problems, I get a stupid ****ing injury, that totally distroys my lovelife and gives me permanent dyscomfort?
I even found a very beautiful girlfriend 7 weeks ago, which I really love, but this ****ing problem makes me feel unmanly and sad, I can not really perform in bed and I also feel like guilty for being such a physical mess.
Somewhere deep down I strangly feel guilty for being ill...
Its all so unfair, I feel like no one can help me, I am so full of love and creativity, but I cannot show any of it, my body distroys my spirit.
I feel like me body and spirit are broken...
Sorry for being such a whiny wuss right now, but I fighted this so long now and right now I am really very, very down. I just have no more energy to fight right now, in the past I always felt hopeful, regardless of my problems, but I don't know what to do anymore, this new problem makes me feel so weak and powerless.
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"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." - - from the Bhagavad Gita |
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HellNY
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2008 : 18:05:24
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Yes, this same scenario happened to me. Only mine was induced by "toe touching" and not by an accident. Oddly, when I did toe touching my horrid leg and back pain went away. Only to be imediately replaced by penis pain and numbness. Its like "there had to be a symptom" (symptom imperative).
I also got teh blood flow restriction under heavy activity..the numbness and pain you describe. I found a place in teh internet where a whole bunch of guys have the same thing. There is no common cause or anything...but I see the eerie similarities in the backgrounds. Guilt, anxiety, borderline hypochondriasis, history of "other pain" problems.
This part of my TMS waxes and wanes. My body pain is much much better but this one has been stubborn. I have no real performance problems but the pleasure from sexual stimulation is 1/2 to 1/4 of what it once was.
Contact me offline if you want to talk further. Getting all down about it wont help. |
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HellNY
130 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2008 : 18:08:58
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Aplha -
You said "I think maybe after I collected some confidence to fight TMS, my inner demon confronted my with my biggest fears, so now I feel like in a real nightmare"
This is exactly as I see it in myself. In fact, it was one of my greatest fears prior to having an artifiical disk put in my back 4 years ago. I was like "the only thing I dont think I could live with is if it did something to my sexual function. That would be the WORST."
After the surgery I was fine and had no problems. Believe me...it was teh first thing I "checked" within 24 hours of the anesthesia wearing off. It was like "whew...glad everything works down there." Nine months later, LONG after my surgical recovery and beyond any reasonable connection to the surgery, I was doing some toe touching. Wham. Numb private parts. And then pain. Out of the blue. Loss of sexual enjoyment. Slowly returns and then WHAM it gets taken away again. The only time thing that precipitated this even was when my leg pains WENT AWAY by stretching. This is so very consistent with Sarno's "symptom imperative."
Same story. Email me. |
Edited by - HellNY on 10/27/2008 18:12:44 |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2008 : 04:05:38
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quote:
Originally posted by Alpha
But I reached a point, where I was not fearing the problems anymore and said: What the **** I will stop obssesing about all this crap and enjoy my life.
perhaps this is the crux of recovery |
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painintheneck
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 19:22:47
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I just posted to the boards after being away for quite a while about a female issue and possible TMS. Then while looking through the threads I found this. Before my current issue I never gave a thought to any possible distraction of this nature. I don't know if it's TMS for sure but having issues of such a nature with no diagnosis which means no solution is horrible. I used to think all the time that I wish my pain was not in my neck, anywhere but my neck and man would I take THAT back.  |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 11/16/2008 : 05:05:13
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skizzy's right.
it doesn't matter where the pain is, what your fears are, whatever it is you think about tms or yourself you're totally fine and you can get back to living the life you want to live.
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2008 : 17:49:08
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@scott:
Hmm I would love to agree with you, but this is really a compromising problem, because lack of sensual feeling in the penis + pain when its touched doesn't allow me to perform sexually. I don't even want sex, my new girlfriend is even bagging my for sex, its rediciulous, but I can't tell her. I mean I could tell me, I am at a point were I don't care about what other peole think of me anymore, but I think it would be strange for her.
I mean I was ready to accept all my symptoms to this point as tms, it was even comforting because even so the normal TMS treatment didn't helped me at all, I could always tell myself: Its just your muscles and nerves, everything will be ok, no permanent damage.
But this is really getting at me, the penis is such a important and defining bodypart, the fear of having it permanently damaged is horrifying and killing my last motiviation.
Most of my old symptoms get better every now and then, but I have a numb glans with majorly dimished feelings of pleasure, pain in my glans and pain upon touching it, coldness in the penis and legs, no libido, few erections for WEEKS now, without any improvement.
I cannot dance or do sports because it really is too uncomfortable and my penis is cold and irritated for hours afterwards.
Could this still be TMS induced??? How evil can this get? It can not become worse, I cannot even think about anymore symptoms tms could induce i didn't already had at some point and I am just 22yo! ôO
The problems started with a minor injury to my glans. The urologist said such a minor injury couldn't induce my problems and would heal fast. This also SOUNDS typical as a trigger situation... but somehow this feels more real, more serious, it gives me the darkest feelings, hopelessness.
Somehow I lose my faith in TMS, maybe all my problems ARE due to a deeper lying problem, but I will discuss my doubts about the TMS diagnosis in another thread.
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"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." - - from the Bhagavad Gita |
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dockerpt
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 11/26/2008 : 09:51:19
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Cold light of day alpha how mad is it what you are saying. My back ache is making my penis hurt! Sound like your TMS has found its ultimate distraction! A numb penis would certainly grab my attention! Laugh it off and get on with it with your new woman!
The line my girlfriend is begging me for sex and struck a cord with all us married men that can only just dream of such a senario!!
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hkp
47 Posts |
Posted - 11/26/2008 : 13:21:55
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Hi alpha:
Yes, I believe this is TMS. I am healing from a similar problem with my "lady parts" and for sure it was TMS. After about 6 months of horribleness, I'm back at 85-90% most days.
I know it's frowned on here, but I took a "hybrid" approach to healing which has included Sarno techniques, a mindfulness meditation practice, and even biofeedback. The biofeedback shows me right on the computer screen how tight my muscles are and how they can relax. It's amazing. I think each of us needs to come up with a formula that works for us - getting better is all that really matters.
So some thoughts:
-Like Sarno says, I found I really did have to stop investing in the pain. Try not to let it spin you. Stop fighting it, and just let it be as it is. Ultimately, it really can't hurt you.
-Try maybe to examine sexual pressures you feel? This was big for me. Leveling with your girlfriend could help remove some of that pressure. If she's right for you, she'll understand.
-Can you try to hone some awareness of which muscles may be tight, and how tight they are? There are a TON of muscle and nerve systems down there, and when contracted, they can starve tissues and nerves of oxygen and blood. The body sends us messages, and with some concentration you can learn a lot about what they are.
-I can't recommend meditation highly enough as both a relaxation tool, and a way to decrease fear in the present moment.
-Believe this can get better. I absolutely know how excruciating this can be and how especially awful it is in this area of the body, but it can go away just like back pain.
Good luck alpha. Let us know how you are doing!
hkp |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2008 : 04:27:34
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hkp, yeah, meditation + qi gong also helped me in the past. I like the TMS explaination, but I think meditation to achieve stillness is much more helpful to heal the psychological problems than the journaling. But I think it really depends on the individual.
I could probably except the pain and numbness as TMS, but what worries me, is that the tissue seems changed. My penishead feels too soft and I am sure, that I damaged my tissue permanently with this injury, because the opening of the penis has no firmness anymore, its just mashy and easily gets out of form. Its like it not got scarred or hornification on it, but the opposite, as if the tissue lost it structure and is just soft now. Ahhh its so hard to explain. I showed it to 3 urologists now and they all they there is NO damage.
But for me its so obvious, I had this injury and from that day on there was pain from touching it and some weeks later my penis is shrunken in flaccid state, most of the time cold, no libido, premature ejaculation, lose of feeling.
My question is: Could restricted bloodflow also cause a change in the look or solidity of tissue?
Is it possible to have TMS symptoms that don't change? I never expierienced symptom imparative.
How should I deal with sex now? I am afraid of sex, because my penis will hurt and my performance will probably be miserable, no fun for both. Should I still try it as an act of pushing through it? After ejaculation I feel even worse so.
Should I also force myself to do sport, even so I did it many times now and the result is always the same: penis, legs and feet get really cold, friction creates big dyscomfort and penis feels almost totally numb and dead.
I think this is really the most humiliating, frustrating and fear creating symptom I can think of, so good work subconscious, you know me well! ;)
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"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." - - from the Bhagavad Gita |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2008 : 19:36:06
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Hi,
I'm a 26 year old woman who has bladder and anxiety issues which affect all but everything of my daily life (hello TMS) - my "ex" boyfriend is 24 and we still sleep together and he's said he never fully enjoys sex (no, I don't think it's because of me!!) but because of anxiety issues (which become physical...) and I'm certain he has a full hoard of mindbody problems - but I KNOW it's mindbody for him, and for me, whether it comes under the official TMS umbrella...
Try and relax as much as you can and have (safe) fun!!!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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Mikesnm
2 Posts |
Posted - 12/28/2008 : 21:53:39
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1) Fear of permanent tissue damage or injury, especially to the penis, eyes, teeth.
2) The fear to loose my ability to regenerate wounds/injurys.
3) Fear of being weak, fragile, easily injured.
1) Nope.
2) Nope.
and
3) Nope.
Just TMS doing it's distracting thing on you. Never ceases to amaze me how much pain and turmoil TMS can cause for avoidance.
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pericakralj
77 Posts |
Posted - 01/15/2009 : 13:23:55
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| I had it.Its all gone now like or other TMS symptoms. |
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Carlton_King
United Kingdom
7 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2009 : 20:43:54
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Hey Alpha,
I read one of your posts a few years ago in which you described having many of the problems that I have, including Penis Pain, potential nerve damage, numbness/ poor erections, burning skin, overall body pain, digestive problems etc etc - the list could go on.
I still have those problems and have done since I was 14 - though I've developed many theories (some potentially ground-breaking) and would like to discuss them with you and share views.
Please get in contact with me if you read this.
Have a nice day - Carlton.
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MarkD
41 Posts |
Posted - 02/23/2009 : 09:25:24
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| I think I had the same problem, from a toilet injury but it appeared at the same time that I got my prostatitis diagnosis from a urologist. The urologist told me that I have prostatitis and "jock itch". He put me on an antibiotic and a jock itch creame (Lotrimin). Well, the Lotrimin didn't work so the urologist sent me to a dermatolgist who did a bunch of blood tests (herpes) etc. He reviewed the tests and guess what his diagnosis was: "TMS". There was nothing wrong with me. He said, I can give you a steroid cream but it would be a waste of time. I tried the cream. He was right it didn't work. I spoke to Dr. Sarno who reviewed my tests from the dermatologist and the urologist and he said irt was TMS. Now, I am not 100% but I am getting better because I am not treating the symptoms but treating the TMS. |
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Baboom
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2009 : 14:48:36
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| Alpha? How are you doing? Havent seen you on this thread for a few months? |
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AbSteidley
10 Posts |
Posted - 02/26/2009 : 10:49:59
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I just wanted to let you know that this kind of pain can definitely be mind-body syndrome. I had the female version of it, but have had male clients dealing with it as well (I coach people with mind-body syndromes). Address it just like you would any other pain, and you will have success!
Abigail |
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AI76
3 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2009 : 12:05:08
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Sounds very much like mindbody symptoms. Stress causes the pelvic region muscles to tighten up and restrict blood flow. Do some relaxation / meditation. I am confident it will help.
http://www.kroniskprostatitt.com |
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Carlton_King
United Kingdom
7 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2009 : 18:00:31
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Bump.
I really need to talk to this guy Alpha, I've tried emailing him twice with no luck. Any ideas? |
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pericakralj
77 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2009 : 02:44:02
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| edited |
Edited by - pericakralj on 01/18/2011 02:08:57 |
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Topic |
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Penis Pain as TMS?
