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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
 Posted - 10/15/2008 : 08:31:22
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There was discussion lately on other threads about whether you can, or whether it was appropriate to think you can, change your personality. I was deep into a Pema Chodron book, Start Where You Are, and came across this passage and loved it and wanted to share it. I would highly recommend her books, and there are many. They've worked as a compatible, strong and joyful adjunct to Sarno.
This is from the chapter, "Abandon Any Hope of Fruition."
quote:
Nowadays, people go to a lot of different places trying to find what they're looking for. There are 12-step programs; someone told me that there is now a 24-step program; someday there will probably be a 108-step program. There are a lot of support groups and different therapies. Many people feel wounded and are looking for something to heal them. To me, it seems that the at the root of healing, at the root of feeling like a fully adult person, is the premise that you're not going to try to make anything go away, that what you have is worth appreciating. But this is hard to swallow if what you have is pain.
In Boston, there's a stress-reduction clinic run on Buddhist principles. It was started by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a Buddhist practitioner and author of Full Catastrophe Living. He says that the basic premise of this clinic--to which many people come with a lot of pain--is to give up any hope of fruition. Otherwise the treament won't work. If there's some sense of wanting to change yourself, then it comes from a place of feeling that you're not good enough. It comes from aggression toward yourself, dislike of your present mind, speech, or body; there's something about yourself that you feel is not good enough. People come to the clinic with addictions, abuse issues, or stress from work--with all kinds of issues. Yet this simple ingredient of giving up hope is the most important ingredient for developing sanity and healing.
That's the main thing. As long as you're wanting to be thinner, smarter, more enlightened, less uptight, or whatever it might be, somehow you're alwalys going to be approaching your problem with the very same logic that created it to begin with: you're not good enough. That's why the habitual pattern never unwinds itself when you're trying to improve, because you go about it in exactly the same habitual style that cause all the pain to start.
There's a life-affirming teaching in Buddhism, which is that Buddha, which means "awake, is not someone you worship. Buddha is not someone you aspire to: Buddha is not somebody who was born more than two thousand years ago and was smarter than you'll ever be. Buddha is our inherent nature---our buddha nature--and what that means is that if you're going to grow up fully, the way that it happens is that you begin to connect with the intelligence that you already have. It's not like some intelligence that's going to be transplanted into you. If you're going to be fully mature, you will no longer be imprisoned in the childhood feeling that you always need to protect yourself or shield yourself, because things are too harsh. If you're going to be a grown-up--which I would define as being completley at home in your world no matter how difficult the situation--it's because you will allow something that's already in you to be nurtured. You allow it to grow, you allow it to come out, instead of all the time shielding it and protecting it and keeping it buried."
Isn't this great? I see so much truth in it; many things to aspire to, and I'm no Buddhist, nor of course am I advocating a religion to anyone. Hope it strikes a chord! |
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head2toe
United Kingdom
37 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2008 : 09:49:05
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| I'm not a Buddhist either but I recently found a chant on the internet (can't remember what I was searching for but I was feeling pretty desperate). Anyway I found the information on this chant intriguing. The chant is NAM-MYOHO-RENGE-KYO. A search will bring up plenty of information about it. Earlier that evening I had read that chanting can be more effective than meditation or positive thinking as a way of influencing the subconscious mind so I'm going to give it a go. There's even a clip of Tina Turner chanting it on You Tube! |
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2008 : 12:38:25
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| i love pema chodron, too, but if you have deep-seated, unresolved anger that is causing your symptoms (physical or otherwise), all the meditation and giving up of hope in the world won't help you, in my opinion. some things need to be worked out the hard way before you can proceed with acceptance. |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2008 : 14:46:45
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So we need to love and forgive ourselves and others and get rid of bitterness, jealousy, resentment, and grudges, and caring about what others think.
I can agree with that, its all in the Bible, and if you do all that you will have a personality change. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 10/15/2008 : 17:21:46
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buddhism rocks my socks. the dude's right, personalities can change if you let them. real change is about becoming aware of what you're doing to yourself and undoing it, however. learning to do less. much less.
---
author of tms-recovery . com
(not sh!t, champagne)
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 04:39:31
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Good read winnieboo.
There are still many people here who think that they need to change in order to get relief from the pain. This is wrong. The whole idea is to accept yourself for who you are and to be comfortable in your skin. You do not need to change anything to get better nor should you consciously strive to do so. The pressure of trying to do that can only make the pain worse and cause more turmoil in the unconscious. I have not read anywhere that it is necessary to do so in order to get better. If anything I remember Sarno & Sopher both saying that it is not required. We humans are not geared that way. However some changes may occur on an unconscious level while you are doing the tms work & that is different. You may notice subtle changes and not even realise them immediately.
The main body of work still remains:
Acknowledge that the pain has an emotional component.
Ignore the symptoms & don’t fear them
Repudiate the physical findings
Resume normal activity
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 09:14:34
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[quote]Originally posted by mala
The main body of work still remains:
Acknowledge that the pain has an emotional component.
Ignore the symptoms & don’t fear them
Repudiate the physical findings
Resume normal activity
While the above is true, there is more required if we seek more than temporary healing of mind/body issues (I do). Cleaning out emotional trash (which influences us today) and changing our thinking does in fact change our lives. Just doing the 4 things above is not necessarily getting to the source of the issues and these issues will continue to appear as various ailments. This is where journaling or therapy come in.
While I do agree that meditation is helpful, again, it does not help us deal with why we are stressed out, etc. in the first place. More is involved. And I have learned that spirituality is a large component of health.
Best wishes.
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Edited by - mizlorinj on 10/16/2008 09:22:20 |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 10:03:52
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I agree mizlorinj, the best thing that happened to me was finding Dr. Sarno's book on the mind body, and to start jounaling and remembering past events and childhood experiences. I did not realize I had held resentment still towards certain people that hurt me, and most of all I held inner guilt about things I shouldn't have done or failed to do, so I harbored anger at other and most of all myself. The only way I could come to terms with all that was through
my spirtuality.
I don't feel you can take the same personality traits into the future without getting the same results, something needs to change
in the way we react to people and situations in our lives and it needs to be learned type of thinking and nutured. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 10:16:05
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quote:
I have learned that spirituality is a large component of health.
I agree. I grew up Catholic and spirituality has always been important. I meandered through spiritual books over the summer and found that certain ideas are pretty much universal to all religions, philosophies and psychotherapy:
Live in the moment
There is 'God' within all of us
Without forgiveness, we can't survive
Without love, we can't survive
Two rules for good or holy living: strive to bring no harm to oneself or others
I think that recovering from TMS is hugely re-habituation--creating new habits for how we process emotions. As Pema points out, approaching a problem with the same logic that creates it is a setup for failure. So I think becoming more alert is important. Emotions come into our fields as sensations in our bodies first. When we're excited, we get butterflies, for example. Catching that and experiencing that emotion, having our adult consciousness talk to the fearful inner child and bringing them together, allowing our whole person to feel the emotion, that's when I think we get somewhere. And I'd like to think that when you get good at it, feeling becomes second nature, like driving a car!
So I think to find that simple self-love is the goal. I'm so far from this, but I think that so much of the conflict and tension is from this 'wrong' thinking. At least in my case, the process of being easier on myself, trying to see what my emotions are, is not yet second nature and I see it as the reason for my unfortunate mini-relapses...
I love what Lori said on another thread yesterday: we love ourselves when we're born; ask yourself, what's happened since then? That's it in a nutshell. Our pain is a message that there's sewage to be flushed from the system, but underneath, a God, a buddha, a heart. |
Edited by - winnieboo on 10/16/2008 10:19:32 |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 10:29:44
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| Just a word to LTS: Thanks for your words; I can relate. My biggest issue is anger at myself, something I didn't see while I was all wrapped up in anger towards the rest of the world. It's been a long journey and there's still a hike up the path toward forgiving myself for various things, as well as time lost wrapped up in my own emotional trips and physical pain. On some level, I know that I couldn't help it, I wasn't equipped---that's the wisp of self-foregiveness that's coming into view. |
Edited by - winnieboo on 10/18/2008 05:34:39 |
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hazerfazer
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 16:11:32
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quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Two rules for good or holy living: strive to bring no harm to oneself or others
I would say that it is not enough to do no harm. We must strive to do good. If we are not part of the solution, we're part of the problem. |
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hazerfazer
USA
19 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2008 : 17:39:46
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quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
Two rules for good or holy living: strive to bring no harm to oneself or others
I would say that it is not enough to do no harm. We must strive to do good. If we are not part of the solution, we're part of the problem. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2008 : 05:35:08
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| Of course I agree, Hazer. |
Edited by - winnieboo on 10/18/2008 12:15:36 |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2008 : 08:48:07
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
Good read winnieboo.
There are still many people here who think that they need to change in order to get relief from the pain. This is wrong. The whole idea is to accept yourself for who you are and to be comfortable in your skin. You do not need to change anything to get better nor should you consciously strive to do so. The pressure of trying to do that can only make the pain worse and cause more turmoil in the unconscious. I have not read anywhere that it is necessary to do so in order to get better. If anything I remember Sarno & Sopher both saying that it is not required. We humans are not geared that way. However some changes may occur on an unconscious level while you are doing the tms work & that is different. You may notice subtle changes and not even realise them immediately.
The main body of work still remains:
Acknowledge that the pain has an emotional component.
Ignore the symptoms & don’t fear them
Repudiate the physical findings
Resume normal activity
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
Nice work Mala. I like your stuff lately, very encouraging. |
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On changing your personality
