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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
 Posted - 09/20/2008 : 11:22:24
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I feel like I'm riding waves. After a relapse early this month, I was doing pretty well, very little physical pain and I was absorbed in my work and life. Then, I started with my usual Fall seasonal allergies and I've been battling frequent sinus headaches. I know this is TMS/symptom imperative and I'm working w/that and journaling, and many days I'm seeing that my headaches disappear without meds, which is great. However, when the symptoms do go away, I then see how deep my depression is, and my OCD accelerates to cover up the sadness.
I honestly don't love journaling, but I'm trying to open my book more often. Instead, I find myself ruminating too much and sinking lower. And then I feel guilty, you know, how self-absorbed can a person be?
To make matters worse, and perhaps this is the problem in and of itself, I am no longer connecting with my therapist. I'm angry with her and I've talked to her about it and I'm trying to get past just not wanting to see her anymore. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? She has really helped me. I liked her very much during the first three sessions and made an exit from my previous therapist, but then some issues developed. She mixed up some appointments, seems to forget my story line, and there's much more--nothing unethical, just annoyances that stack up. I continue to tell myself to relax and that no one's perfect, because the thought of starting over with someone else isn't appealing at all either. I do think I've learned a lot from her and for that I'm grateful.
I told myself I'd move on when I came out of the physical pain, which happened in July, and now, after a total of 10 months, I feel like I'm at a standstill. I've ceased trusting her and maybe even hearing her.
Any thoughts? I'm toying with the idea of discontinuing therapy altogether for awhile, but I don't know how smart that is, considering my continued depression. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2008 : 13:32:39
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I have had SO many problems with therapists over the years that I feel I am an "expert" now in this subject! The best advice I think I got was from a friend who said, "If you feel you haven't made any progress in the last 6 months, then that is really the time to think about moving on." I would probably change it to "last 3 months" but depends on how long-term one is thinking regarding one's therapy.
Having said that, if you have ceased trusting her, even after talking to her about it, and there are "other annoyances that stack up" then I guess that needs to be weighed against starting over with someone else. The advantage of "starting over" is that you might know more what you need in a therapeutic relationship and could make that clear at the outset (which would hopefully help!)
Given your continued depression, might be better to line up someone else or at least talk to your family doctor about it, so you have some continued support at this juncture. Always, the most important thing is to be as safe as you can. Depression should not be taken lightly.
VERY important to have a balancing ratio of SOOTHING while you go through this! Just thought I'd mention that again! When my depression is deep, then that is when I think "I need some REALLY DEEP SOOTHING to counterbalance this !!" Also, I have found Claire Weeke's mp3s helpful sometimes.
In terms of assessing whether your therapist is helping or hurting more, there are some "Assessment scales" which I have found helpful (even though they are used for research I found it helpful to try to assess the help I had been receiving):
www . experiential-researchers . org/instruments.html
Other resources which I found helpful while going through this process last time I had "therapist troubles":
Evaluating Therapists and Therapy:
members . aol . com/SMARTNEWS/jr04.htm
How to Tell if Your Therapist Sucks Like a Bilge Pump
drhelen . blogspot . com/2005/12/how-to-tell-if-your-therapist-sucks.html
On-line Evaluate your Therapy Questionnaire:
www . stopbadtherapy . com/test/therapy.shtml
How to Choose a Competent Counselor
www . metanoia . org/choose/index.html
In my case, even though I felt I had very deep troubles with my therapist, I didn't have the strength to leave either and I was ambivalent about whether things could be worked out, eventually. Sometimes trust CAN be rebuilt, but it takes effort on both sides and I really think the therapist has to put effort into rebuilding trust once they know it has been damaged. Right now I am cautiously optimistic that things will continue to get better with my own therapist!
Hope that something here might be helpful to you ... I know this is not an easy issue!
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 09/20/2008 : 19:31:51
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Hi again, winnieboo ... Forgot to also mention another potentially helpful resource, an mp3 guided focusing session on making a decision:
www . focusingresources . com/downloads/focusing_and_decisions.mp3
Didn't find this in time for use with my "therapist troubles" but have used it for other things plus this related one on helping with "action blocks" (for when I have been stuck):
www . focusingresources . com/downloads/focusing_and_blocks.mp3
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/21/2008 : 09:28:09
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Hi Winnie. I wouldn't say I LOVE journaling but I do it anyway because it helps.
If the therapist has helped you, do you think there's a deeper reason you don't want to go anymore other than a mixed up appt.? How deep is the trust issue and does it stem from something else?
You need of course to be with someone with whom you feel comfortable.
-Lori |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/21/2008 : 17:43:50
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| RageSoothe--thanks for the resources. I looked through everything and am pondering. And thanks to Lori, too. I will try to get back to the journaling after I recover from my current headache!! The trust issue is deep enough to be pretty damaging, and it's due to much more than the mixed up appointment (too long to go into). I'm grateful for the support and will see how things go with her over the next few weeks. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/23/2008 : 11:06:02
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| I had a long talk with my therapist yesterday--and then with myself. I realized that I have a lot more work to do and that I am scared and blocked. In any case, I feel a lot better after talking with her and am more open and comfortable about sticking with her for the time being. I think I've been looking for excuses to discontinue therapy because it's difficult! I'm shedding physical symptoms and uncovering a new layer of depression and anxiety and I feel exposed. Wouldn't it be easier to just run away? I've done this before in therapy, just taken off, built up defenses and chosen to live in denial (of whatever it is that's eating me up) some more. In any case, not this time! I'm too OLD! Would like to be old and happy! Thanks for the support! |
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 09/23/2008 : 20:33:01
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quote:
Originally posted by winnieboo
I had a long talk with my therapist yesterday--and then with myself. I realized that I have a lot more work to do and that I am scared and blocked. In any case, I feel a lot better after talking with her and am more open and comfortable about sticking with her for the time being. I think I've been looking for excuses to discontinue therapy because it's difficult! I'm shedding physical symptoms and uncovering a new layer of depression and anxiety and I feel exposed. Wouldn't it be easier to just run away? I've done this before in therapy, just taken off, built up defenses and chosen to live in denial (of whatever it is that's eating me up) some more. In any case, not this time! I'm too OLD! Would like to be old and happy! Thanks for the support!
therapy is different for everyone, but i can tell you from experience that yes, therapy is hard. really hard. it can also be frustrating, long, painful and confusing.
but, if you have: 1) a lifetime of painful emotions that have never been authenticated and processed, 2) an array of messed up, inaccurate beliefs about yourself that are feeding your repressed emotions and, 3)symptoms like anxiety and depression to distract you from the whole mess, getting to the other side of all this takes time and, again, is really really hard. understanding this and having patience will help you as you go through the process. i struggle with it all the time. you're not alone.
best,
moose |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/24/2008 : 11:12:16
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| Thanks for the kind words of support, moose. Much appreciated and so true. |
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Therapist troubles
