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pinkmorocco
5 Posts |
 Posted - 09/11/2008 : 03:22:46
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It's 5am - and another night of little sleep.
I awake in pain after about 3 hours of solid sleep, every night.
A dull, heavy ache all down my left leg.
I move around, change positions and occasionally get intermittent sleep until I have to get up for work.
Interestingly though - the pain subsides when I do have to get up for work.
I am journalling almost everyday, and if I don't journal i go deep in my thoughts.
The battle I am having is this. I am not afraid of the diagnosed herniated disk, I get tingling & pins & needles down my left let but, you know, I can handle that...I don't worry and I am not afraid of getting on with my life.
However, my body alignment is off. I am completely crooked and have been since this started and I am getting worse.
I have a PT friend who is working with me, only very recently but now I feel completely guilty that I am not committed to the TMS theory and thus it won't work.
It's my dilemma - I get relief from the journalling, I push through the pain but I haven't been pain free at all since I really committed to TMS.
I have let go of a lot of things emotionally - but to be honest, I almost feel now that I am 'looking' for things that I might be angry at and that I might be repressing.
Which causes more anxiety 'what the hell am I not seeing here?' 'what am I holding on to?' That, paradoxically, is making me anxious...'what is my anxiety?'
Is it so bad to seek a physical modality to correct my posture, along with working my emotions for the pain?
Any thoughts?
Thanks
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 07:13:36
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Hi pinkmorocco. So sorry to hear that you are not getting enough sleep.
I think this conflict & guilt that you are having about doing the physical therapy is only making the situation worse. Many here will disagree with me but I feel that you need to find the method that is right for you and which suits you most. Make a decision one way or another and stick to it whether it is to go totally a la Sarno or whether you choose to incorporate other methods while acknowledging that the pain is not structural but emotional. Every Tms practitioner's treatment is slightly different. Some do incorporate stretches, others meditation and so on. What you must do is:
Repudiate the structural. Don't believe that there is anything wrong with your spine. You say 'it is crooked'. What does that mean? If you therapist is reinforcing the fact that your pain is due to a physical abnormality, then find someone else who you can work with.
Don't fear the pain.
Think psychological. You must delve deep and think about what is bothering you.
Talk to your unconscious. Spend some time every day. It doesn't have to take a lot of your time. 5 to 10 mins of sitting in a quiet room is usually enough.
Journal.
Try to resume normal activity.
If you include some stretching along with all of the above, it should not be a problem. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 17:39:28
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hey mala, you sound like your'e doing better, maybe? hope so.
Hey pink, we have some aching in common , you reminded me of what I went thru like 2-3 mos ago I went on a kick where I was just gonna return to weightlifting and that was gonna be where my recovery would start. Do the thing I feared the most. (I was very inspired by "FarmerEd"'s last few posts.)
I remember going back to the gym w/ my usual scary lower spine pain and loading up the deadlift bar. I worked up to a set of 175x5 which was a mere warmup for me 2 years ago. It actually felt good. I went home and was faint, and not feeling well, I think I layed around the rest of the evening. But I was sure it was the thing to do.
That night I woke up in the middle of the night w/ a completely numb right leg. All numb. I noticed that my back pain was completely unnoticeable. I got up to take a leak and the back was fine but I had to limp back to bed.
I was happy as hell, here was the symptom imparative, it was on the run. I was like, "take my leg, saw it off for all I care, my back is back."
Well, tms figured the new trick backfired and went back to normal by morning. |
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David Russ
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 23:45:53
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Hi PinkMorrocco.
There is nothing wrong with getting some good bodywork. Don't let Dr. Sarno's dogma interfere with you taking care of yourself. Remember, howerver smart Sarno is, and he's plenty bright, he has his own stuff, too. And I think, from reading his writing, that he's dogmatic. Not a problem for me, but I am not that way so for me to try to adopt his black-or-white, on-the-bus-or-off-the-bus thinking is just not going to work.
And is sounds like it's not working for you, either.
"...I feel completely guilty that I am not committed...."
Let that one go, amigo. You can recognize your own subconscious desire or need for pain AND you can do something about the musculoskeletal aspect of the problem as well.
From my perspective--I have a left disc, too. Two months ago it took every ounce of effort for me to get to work in the morning. No kidding, I had to lie down for an hour when I got to work. Then again for an hour by 10 am. And again at 1. And again at 3. And so on.
Today I'm up to walking 2 or 3 miles 4 times a week, and able to get through the workday with only minor problems and no liedowns.
I did this healing the following way:
1) letting go of a lot of anxiety and anger.
2) gradually GRADUALLY increasing my activity level and the kinds of movements I would do. I noticed that it hurt to take out the garbage but I did it anyway, and the next day I'd feel a tiny notch better.
3) really good acupuncture, herbs, and advil.
You can mix it up.
THE KEY TO GETTING OVER TMS IS NOT TO FOLLOW SARNO BY THE NOSE HAIRS. ITS IS DISCOVERING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEART AND MIND BEFORE YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS HAS TO FREAK OUT ON YOU TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
For you, maybe that means working with a PT or DC or LMT or acupuncturist. Whatever. Find a place where you feel good and be there. Wherever it is. Trust that it's OK. Tell the inner Sarno to take a hike. Thanks, but no thanks.
My further 2 cents: don't work with a friend as a PT. The friend relationship and the therapist/client relationship are not compatible and you will not get his best work.
Good luck. sleep well.
David |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2008 : 09:00:51
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Physical therapy is what its name implies: reinforcing PHYSICAL. and that is what your brain is going to register. PHYSICAL anything is NOT repudiating the physical. This has been discussed myraid times here. That said, if you feel it is working for you great, but keep in mind it is not addressing the cause of your pain/ailment.
Crooked -- I'd bet many of us are. I had scoliosis-like curving when I was younger and probably still do. But it does not cause me pain and I don't give it any thought. It's a normal abnormality.
Doesn't Dr. Sarno clearly say gradual physical activity?
And though you don't have to follow Dr. Sarno's plan to the letter, I don't see how encouraging physical anything will help someone accept TMS is psychological. His 90% patient success rate isn't from people deviating and trying physical methods too. Oh, there's the "p" word again.
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2008 : 09:15:05
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I was just remembering when I went to a P/T for my back/butt pain in late 2006. And a chiro! I had not yet fully embraced that my pain was mind-induced. The massage thing on my butt was good, but the stupid exercises weren't. How did stretching my hamstrings help my back? I showed no improvement over several weeks doing p/t.
Anyway, once I had read Dr. Sarno's books and absorbed the info, the p/t called me to set up appts for 2007. I'm sure they thought I was nuts for telling them I was trying a program that did not include physical therapy! I did not need the p/t! |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2008 : 09:50:15
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I didn't recover until I gave up the PT, acupuncture and massage. I thought I believed I had TMS, but even after I went into psychotherapy last January, I occasionally saw the acupuncturist and masseuse. My therapist was patient with me, although she assured me it wasn't necessary. She told me it was okay if I was strictly going for relaxation--not to correct some injury or abnormality, since I had none.
But, I noticed that every time I visited the acupuncture and massage professionals, they talked non-stop about what was "wrong" with me" How were my discs? Where was my pain today? Why was my elbow still hurting? What were my theories? Had I had another MRI?
All this focus on the physical immediately planted seeds of doubt about my TMS again--and invariably a couple of days later, I'd get WORSE after the treatments. So, as everyone here will tell you, it's 100% emotional and it takes 100% belief in that.
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2008 : 12:46:57
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quote:
However, my body alignment is off. I am completely crooked and have been since this started and I am getting worse.
I have a PT friend who is working with me, only very recently but now I feel completely guilty that I am not committed to the TMS theory and thus it won't work.
Exactly. What you are doing is completely contradictory to TMS treatment.
If you commit to the TMS diagnosis, then you must accept that your "body alignment" is not off. This is a structural explanation that must be repudiated.
If you commit to the TMS diagnosis, then you must stop all physical treatments. You must stop going for PT.
You say you "really committed to TMS" but clearly you have not.
quote:
Is it so bad to seek a physical modality to correct my posture, along with working my emotions for the pain?
Yes, absolutely. You cannot have it both ways. Go down the physical path, or go down the TMS path. The two are not compatible. You must commit 100%. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2008 : 04:29:34
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^
dave's right. no half measures here.
why would someone with a normal, healthy body worry about it being correctly aligned? i've got a scoliosis curve in my back. i'm sure my joints and bones are all over the place from skateboarding too. who cares?
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i'm not s#!t.
i'm champagne. |
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Mely
16 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2008 : 14:25:00
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I really feel for you and understand what you are going through. I also haven't got my head entirely around how to rid myself of the pain. It seems a lot of emotional work and sometimes I feel it is easier just to take a pill but I am starting to feel some relief after visiting a TMS doctor and finally getting a "diagnosis" of TMS which puts to rest the nagging idea that maybe it is something physical.
The doctor said not to be scared of the pain and to stay active. I thought I wasn't scared anymore of the pain as I had been pushing myself to excercise for the last few weeks even though I was in a lot of pain each time when I finished. However it dawned on me that although I didn't think I feared the pain, all my body's movements were in anticipation of pain. The way I got out of bed, got off the sofa, got out of the car, my computer chair etc. When you are used to the pain I think that has a negative effect on getting used to no pain. |
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David Russ
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 09/14/2008 : 07:34:17
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quote:
Originally posted by scottjmurray
^
why would someone with a normal, healthy body worry about it being correctly aligned? i've got a scoliosis curve in my back. i'm sure my joints and bones are all over the place from skateboarding too. who cares?
Not to take pink's thread off-topic, but I see this sort of sentiment posted a lot around here and I feel compelled to comment because it's relevant to pink's dilemma. This logic is flawed. One person's scoliosis, disc, or whatever has no bearing on another's.
If a person does have TMS, then the disc/scoliosis/whatever is not the root cause of their pain.
However, in TMS the final common pathway leading to pain is muscle tension and soft tissue irritation. Hence the name of the syndrome Tension Myositis. Myo = muscle, itis = irritation/inflammation. This is what differentiates TMS from Somatization Disorder, which is what I think a lot of people around here who think they have TMS actually have.
In Somatization disorder, there are zero physical findings to correlate to the painful syndrome.
In TMS, there are.
Sarno's correct in that no physical intervention alone can solve the TMS puzzle because the tension myositis is perpetuated by mental/emotional processes.
Sarno is wrong to suggest that it is counterproductive to use physical intervention to alleviate the physical component of the condition. TMS certainly can be cured with mental/emotional work alone, or it can be cured with a combination of mental/emotional and physical.
My experience working with TMS sufferers, acute and chronic, shows me that the best results are obtained when the problem is approached from both sides.
Pink, as I have said in many other posts, I am a recovered TMSer and a chiropractor so you can either take my words with grains of salt (I'm invested in my work being effective) or you can give my words weight (I see this stuff all the time and I know how it works and it works this way for me).
You can approach this problem from both directions. You don't have to be a fundamentalist Sarno follower. You do not have to struggle with guilt.
Good luck
David |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 09/14/2008 : 14:15:05
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quote:
A dull, heavy ache all down my left leg
I got an ache in my right knee - it seemed to be when i drove distances in my car - in fact it came on whenever I drove to visit my sick parents. Not that I didn't want to see them, just the responsibility of it all was getting to me (deep down I didnt' want to go but couldn't admit it to myself!).
Maybe you can find a link to your leg ache. When did it start? |
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Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 09/14/2008 : 14:48:55
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Hi
I don't think you should guilt yourself, but in my expereince the only thing that made my pain resolve was approaching it from the psychological aspect.And believe me I tried just about everything. Although I do enjoy a relaxing massage, but not to fix anything, because nothing is broken.
If your body alignment is off, it is most likely due to the muscle spasm (tension)....TMS.
You do need to do what you are comfortable with, but if your symptoms are not improving, try something different.
I don't know how long you have been at it, but you mention that you have gotten some relief from journalling. That's telling you that the emotional release is the key. Try to be patient and appreciate the relief you are getting. I know it's hard, I've been there. It will take some time to become pain free.
Try to relax and be sure to include some pleasurable activities along with your TMS work. Give yourself credit for being open minded enough to try a different approach instead of just expecting someone else to fix you.
Good luck
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/14/2008 : 19:00:53
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quote:
However, in TMS the final common pathway leading to pain is muscle tension and soft tissue irritation. Hence the name of the syndrome Tension Myositis. Myo = muscle, itis = irritation/inflammation. This is what differentiates TMS from Somatization Disorder, which is what I think a lot of people around here who think they have TMS actually have.
In Somatization disorder, there are zero physical findings to correlate to the painful syndrome.
In TMS, there are.
No. The people here have TMS and they somatize. They do not have "somatization disorder" which, by definition, is an hysterical condition in which there are no physical findings. Some people may have normal tests, but there is still a distinction.
Somatization means to manifest mental pain in one's body, and this is EXACTLY WHAT TMS IS!! So, you can have TMS and somatize and have the same thing--and have a physical diagnosis and "findings" or not. Consider fibromyaligia which is a most severe form of TMS in which a doctor turns up NO FINDINGS. I know, because I went through a battery of tests and was told I was ever so healthy but that I had it. Still and all, this is not an hysterical or "somatiziation disorder," rather, it's TMS.
TMS is not limited to muscle inflammation. On page 14, Chapter 1, "what is Psychosomatic Medicine" in Sarno's, The Divided Mind he lists a host of other TMS conditions that reaches beyond muscle inflammation:
Gastroesophageal reflux
Peptic ulcer (often aggravated by anti-inflammatory drugs)
Esophagospasm
Hiatal Hernia
Irritable bowl syndrome
Spastic colitis
Tension headache
Migraine headache
Frequent urination (when not related to medical conditions such as diabetes)
Most cases of prostatitis and sexual dysfunction
Tinniitus (ringing in the ears) or dizziness not related to neurological disease.
On pages 16 and 17, you'll find two more TMS lists, including spondylolisthesis (malalignment of spinal bones) and scoliosis (an abnormal side-to-side curvature of the spine).
It can't be overemphasized that focusing on the physical will delay recovery. I can attest to the fact that all the PT, acupuncture and massage that I did, all recommended by the doctors, did nothing. I recovered pretty much in the therapist's chair and at home with my journal and my spiritual books and by taking up my old routine at the gym.
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At my wits end
