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Shamrock
26 Posts |
 Posted - 09/07/2008 : 10:45:30
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A little about me:
Background:
Lower back pain started after a muscle spasm shoveling snow back in 2005. Went to doc back then. He said it was just a pull. It got better within an few weeks.
3 months later, same thing happened (lifted a vaccume cleaner, and had another bad spasm.) Went back to the doc. Had an MRI done which showed a bulging L4/L5. Wet to several months of physical therapy. No improvement. Went to an ortho specialist, where a nurse practitioner told me I could have spinal fusion for the problemm. Went into a full-blown panic attack. Tried epidural injections and acupuncture. No big improvement.
The pain slowly faded over the next 18 months. By mid-2007, I had no pain. Resumed bicycling and working out.
I had a couple short-lived (2-3 weeks) episodes (October '07 and March '08), but they went away pretty fast.
So... at the end of July '08, same thing happened. Pain has changed feeling (from nerve to more like tight muscle) and location (different parts of the right side of my lower and mid back.)
TMS diagnosis:
I went to Dr. Gwozdz in NJ in mid-July. After an hour, he diagnosed me with TMS. I'm going to his lecture on 9/15. He did give me homework to work on in the meantime. I've been doing it seriously for the past 1-1/2 weeks.
Need advice about:
I'm scheduled to fly on a business trip this coming week (high-pressure business presentation and air travel.) This is producing great fear, and I feel that I haven't had enough time doing the TMS work to feel confident about it. I can get someone to cover for me.
So... I'm not sure if I should gut through the pain and go on the trip (which I greatly fear will get worse) or give myself a break and not go.
Any advice, experience, strength, or hope would be much appreciated.
Thanks.
- Shamrock
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mk6283
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 11:22:59
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There is no plausible medical explanation for why your pain should ever get worse upon embarking on a trip, taking a flight, etc. This should be proof in it of itself that your pain is due to TMS. If your pain was organic in origin, it would present itself at least semi-consistently independent of where you were or what you were doing. A large part of recovering from TMS is letting go of the fear and believing/understanding that it is a large contributor to the chronic pain cycle. Therefore, you should definitely GO on your business trip!!! As a matter of fact, resume ALL normal activity as much as you can tolerate. Fight through the pain, if need be, and try to ignore it whenever possible. Instead of viewing this as a potential hurdle to recovery, I think this is a tremendous opportunity for you to challenge yourself and the pain. Tell your brain that you know exactly how it operates and you aren't scared and aren't going to make any more sacrifices in your life to placate the mandates of your unconscious mind. It is common for patients to reach the point of recovery after achieving such milestones. Be strong. You can do it too. Good luck!
Best,
MK |
Edited by - mk6283 on 09/07/2008 11:37:05 |
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Shamrock
26 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 14:01:15
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Thanks for the words of confidence, MK. I understand what you're saying about challenging the pain. I guess I still have some doubt about whether I can do that (whether it's not 100% confidence in the TMS diagnosis, or the "afraid of setbacks" fear).
I guess, when it come down to it, it's up to me to challenge the pain. And I'll have to do it sooner or later to recover. I'm just hoping it's not too soon.
- Shamrock |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 08:29:01
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Hi Shamrock. My dad went to Dr. Gwowdz, and I joined him for Dr. G's lecture about a year ago. I had just gone to Dr. Sarno and didn't know Gwowdz was here in central NJ. Dad didn't go w/ the TMS diagnosis he was given; I think his "old timer" thinking kept him in the physical mode. "What? Explore feelings? hogwash!" Though his spine guy is the one who recommended my dad read Sarno's book in the first place!
The only reason flying bugged me when my back/butt hurt (herniated L5S1 was blamed) was I was coming home from vacation back to my real life. I have more balance now so coming home doesn't affect me the same way now. So can flying affect you? Only if you let it! Fear is a powerful emotion!
The fact that your pain moves around reinforces your TMS diagnosis.
Gwowdz lecture is good and was very similar to Dr. Sarno. Do the treatment plan reading daily that's in The Divided Mind too. Start journaling. This stuff works!
-Lori |
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Shamrock
26 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 12:55:56
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Thanks Lori. For the past 2 weeks, I have been doing the work that Dr. G gave me (since I had to wait a month for the lecture on 9/15).
I think I've got an emotional gorilla on my back about this business trip. Not only flying, but a 2 hour business presentation that I've never done before. (There's a reason I'm a writer -- I don't like public speaking.)
Plus my GF of 3 months didn't support me trying the TMS treatment at all. She called me weak, and sent me brochures on back surgery (she works for a neurosurgeon.) We broke up. It still keys on my abandonment issues and the thoughts of "I'm broken, so who wants to be with me."
And I keep getting the future-tripping dread of "the pain is never going away."
Also, I'm putting in the work on TMS, but can't say that I'm 100% sold that it's all TMS with me. I'm trying the "act as if" strategy, so we'll see how that goes.
Thanks for reading, it feels a little good to get this out.
- Shamrock |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 14:01:34
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So, based on what you just described, I see journaling opportunities!!! (yes, I'm a big advocate of GETTING FEELINGS OUT!)
1. GF did not stick by me. . . abandoned. . .where does that feeling originate? From what does it get triggered? Felt angry? Sad? Afraid?
2. fear of public speaking. . .vs. confidence . . .
etc. When I was laid up in agonizing pain, I wrote A LOT because I could not do anything else. And it helped. No, it HEALED!
Sorry to hear the GF pushed the surgery stuff on you. Yes, this is a different way of looking at things. But so what. 90+% success rate for the TMS healing method is much higher than the success rate of doctors conventional treatment plans/surgery. Isn't back surgery one of the most FAILED surgeries?
Is it reasonable to keep thinking the pain won't ever go away? The answer is NO. Stop focusing on that.
Of course what you do is entirely up to you, but I'd get writing. I do think lack of true belief may cause you to prolong this too. What is causing the doubt? You got the diagnosis from an experienced TMS guy, AND you have the typical symptoms! How is there room for doubt?
-Lori |
Edited by - mizlorinj on 09/09/2008 14:03:41 |
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Shamrock
26 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 15:11:07
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Thanks, Lori.
I have begun on the journaling. (It has helped me get feelings out in the past.) So, thanks for the encouragement on that.
As far as continuing doubt... the MRI I showed Dr. G was 3 years old, so a little voice inside is saying, "What if it got worse/more bulging/more degenerated?" (I know, I'm thinking physical, but I need to deal with those thoughts and the emotions they bring up.)
And I am slowly increasing physical activity and have been feeling a little bit better this week (with some daily ups and downs.) I do think I'm beating myself up too much for occasionally taking Tylenol when the pain's worse.
- Shamrock |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2008 : 07:39:12
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Shammy:
"what if it got worse?"
ok, what if it did? Dr. Sarno would still say "it is NOT the cause of your pain." I trust that the man knows what he's talking about. My first exposure to Dr. Sarno was in Dr. Weil's book Spontaneous Healing. The patient had multiple SHATTERED discs. I remember reading that, seeing how he healed after hearing Dr. Sarno's lecture, and felt a wave of hope overtake me. There was hope my herniated disc was NOT the cause of my pain! I was so excited!
So if a shattered disc isn't painful. . .
And don't beat yourself up about the painkillers. Count yourself lucky they help you. Vicodin did not help me! I would keep writing and then see what happens. I hope Dr. G's lecture is encouraging to you. It will hopefully reinforce what he has told you.
Do you have any support on this? Family? If so, great, but if not, I would reaffirm something along the lines that "I trust myself, I am my best support person". . . I do have support here esp. one person who has seen that certain situations in their life brings a shoulder or arm pain, and when the situation is addressed, the pain is gone!
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Edited by - mizlorinj on 09/10/2008 07:44:06 |
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Shamrock
26 Posts |
Posted - 09/10/2008 : 19:11:12
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I do have support. My family and friends have been there for me, so I take strength in that. I'm hoping that the lecture will help to propel me forward.
It's funny. Looking back in my journal from 2005 (when I first experienced the pain), I wrote that it may be TMS. I did read Mindbody Prescription back then, but didn't totally buy it or continue with it after one reading.
I am really hopeful now that this treatment will be the key to getting past the pain. |
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Got a TMS diagnosis -- help please
