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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
 Posted - 09/03/2008 : 15:52:09
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I've posted a lot in the past about my mouth symptoms. I feel constant dryness in my mouth, but doctors say it's not dry. I feel constant difficulty speaking...it feels like my tongue is always twisted and I just can't get the words out. As a 19 year old college student this is hard to live with. I really have lost some confidence in myself and the only thing I think about all the time are these symptoms. It's nearly impossible to have a good time or make new relationships. Anyway, this has been with me 100% of the time with no breaks for 11 months. I know all about TMS and I've read claire weeks. I've talked to a counselor about this, i've talked to my parents, and all of you. The answer I get time and again is; this will go away, it will go away when I move on. It will go away when I don't care about it. It will go away when I stop thinking about it. This is how everything works; you get a bad cut somewhere and it hurts bad, it's all you can think about for days, then it leaves you and so it leaves your mind. You never think of it again and you didn't even realize the obsession has left you. My dilemma is different though; my "cut" won't leave. It will be there physically until I change mentally...well i've been trying to change mentally for 11 months and this thing is still killing me.
What should I do? I'm scared that this will take another year of my life and make it hell just as quickly and easily as it took the first. I'm young and want to enjoy these years. Can a psychologist help me get to where I have to be, I feel like i'll just be locked in this fear-symptom cycle forever. It sucks. |
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Dor
67 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 16:56:53
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John, It is good to hear from you again although sorry to hear that you are still dealing with the same issues. Are you back at school? More importantly, do you want to be back at school? What do you want to do with your life? Are you doing what is expected or doing what you really want to be doing?
It is NOT killing you. You have been on this board for quite awhile now and you are not dead yet, nor are you non functioning. You will NOT be locked in this fear-symptom cycle forever, but you must make the choices, you must decide for yourself, and only yourself, where you want your life to go. Isn't it quite possible that you are living up to all kinds of expectations for you and about you when really you have different thoughts and ideas?
It will leave when you have something better to give your time to. It will leave when you are being true to yourself. It will leave when it comes unimportant. The only way for that to happen is to find importance in your life. Yes, of course it "sucks". Not only does it "suck", but it sucks big time and robs you of your youth. But maybe this is all part of youth - finding your way, grasping your own ideals, being who YOU want to be. Not ever easy for anyone - just a matter of how it is dealt with. Change your focus. Go to where you want to be. College is a super place to experience that. What do YOU want to do? What interests YOU? Forget that you are in college and you "should" be having fun. Just go do. Do what makes you feel right about yourself. Get your mind off of yourself. Give it to other people. Give it to a cause. Hey, there is a national election going on out there - how do you feel about that? Give it to a friend. Give it somewhere, but stop giving it to yourself. You are giving yourself way too much attention, more specifically your mouth. Give that mouth a voice. Give that mouth something else to focus on. Use that mouth in a better way. Then, and only then, will you find the symptoms have gone.
Thinking of you always John, but what I really want is for you to stop focusing on yourself. Use this board to help others, use this life of yours to give back, use all that you know and have learned to help others. Put yourself "out there" and live. You are going to find that it is freeing and that is, after all, what you seek.
Mom Dor |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 17:33:23
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Yes, you seem stuck, because your last three posts have all been the same: catastrophizing your symptoms and being worried that they have not yet gone away, no mention of emotional issues.
So I would advise taking advantage of the resources available to you as a student and finding a counselor or psychologist you can work with on this. (The qualification doesn't particularly matter, just that you find someone you can work with.) It sounds like you need to go deeper into understanding your fears and the way they distract you from the real issues in your life.
However, if you aren't able to find someone to work with I hope you'll believe that ultimately you ARE capable of doing this yourself. Someone else can and may help, but the real work will come from you no matter whether you are able to find outside help or not. You simply have to stop thinking about it all the time, and that's something that you will have to commit to doing, on a moment-by-moment basis, with or without the help of a professional.
You might also find Byron Katie helpful since you are struggling with thoughts that are intrusive. Her work can be useful for that kind of thing, whether the thoughts are anxiety-producing or anger-producing or sadness-producing or whatever.
Read back to your past posts and see how you've been thinking the same way for a long time (catastrophizing -- as Dor noted, in fact this will not kill you, it's just annoying and socially difficult), and commit to changing your thinking. Repetition of different thoughts and perspectives is what eventually changes things, rather than always coming back to the same negative thoughts and letting them rumble around. Not "It's killing me" but "This is annoying and feels crappy, but it's physically benign". Not "It's nearly impossible to have a good time" but "It's hard to navigate socially, but it might be worth trying anyway, just to show myself I can do it".
On the subject of "I'm young and I want to enjoy these years" -- yeah, it sucks, I've been there. But even if it takes another year, you've got tons of time left to have a great life. Again, stop catastrophizing -- I suspect the thought behind your worry here is "I'll have a terrible life when I'm young and then I'll be old". Well, you are barely fully an adult -- there is plenty of time, so (again) defeat this thought. I have a more awesome life now than I could ever have had had I not spent three years in the dumps of TMS (in the form of RSI). Like the others, replace it with something hopeful, like "This might take some time, and that's not the greatest, but I've got plenty of time to figure it out."
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What were you expecting? |
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hkp
47 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 18:41:15
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Somewhere in all my mindbody research, I remember reading that the brain will pick the body part most likely to convince you that you have a real problem. It may even be trying to tell you something. So TMS has taken your voice. You can't get the words out.
Think about it. What is it you really want to say?
And don't forget conditioning. Does the problem happen more frequently in certain places? Like in class? What are you thinking in class?
Are there times when you have less trouble speaking? On the phone? Talking to yourself? Singing?
Be sure to record and remember the times you CAN get the words out. That may help you figure out what is going on.
Good luck with the new school year! (which I remember can be a big source of stress in and of itself :o)
hkp |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 16:35:01
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| Thanks everyone, these are really helpful posts. I'm definately going to take advantage of the school councelors. Armchairlinguist, i like how you said that even if this takes another year I still have plenty of time left. And that I have plenty of time to figure this out. It's not my worry that this will take 1 more year, it's my worry that this will take 10 more years. But hopefully not. Armchairlinguist, you say that you feel better now than you could have ever felt without TMS. That's something I truly believe, I believe that the weak come out stronger and that God has a plan for everyone. God has a reason for these symptoms. I don't see it now but someday I will. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2008 : 18:35:20
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quote:
well i've been trying to change mentally for 11 months and this thing is still killing me.
change doesn't come by trying. change comes by letting go. trying is something neurotic people do because at some point in their lives they were traumatized into thinking everything about them and the world around them is horribly wrong. they're always trying to fix crap. i was and still am one of these people.
ever seen fight club?
there's this part in it where tyler and jack are in the car on the freeway in the rain at night. tyler let's go of the wheel and jack starts flipping out about how they're going to get in an accident or whatever. jack is all grabbing the wheel and sh-t. tyler slaps jack and says
"look at you, you're f-ckin' pathetic! stop trying to control everything and JUST. LET. GO!"
so jack buckles up finally and lets tyler floor the pedal. long story short they flip over an embankment or something like that and get all scratched up but they end up fine.
the moral of the story is the more you try to control and fix everything the further you dig yourself into a big neurotic hole. i'm tyler. you're jack.
there's nothing wrong with you. there's nothing wrong with your mouth. there is nothing wrong with the world outside. there is nothing wrong period. the world is what it is, sucky, good, bad, whatever. these are just labels. so stop trying to get everything right and JUST LET GO.
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i'm not s#!t.
i'm champagne. |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2008 : 20:17:42
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John,
From reading your post, I really think you need much more support in the form of humans, not books, or atleast mainly humans as opposed to mainly books. If what you are doing isn't working and is affecting your life so drastically as you say, then its time to step it up.
Developmental Skills Training (www.thepathway.org) is a great program that may be helpful, or there may be something else too like a great therapist. You should try to find someone exceptional, not just your average therapist, because the average therapist hasn't worked through their own issues and therefore can't relate to having something such as TMS because they are so far removed from what they need for themselves. And if they haven't climbed the ladder of humanity, atleast somewhat, in their own life....then chances are they won't be helpful to you or me or anyone else when dealing with an issue of any type of magnitude. Don't decide how good the therapist is based on their credentials or education....go by how you feel in their presence, and how helpful they are to you.
Do whatever it takes to help yourself, you are worth it.
Take care,
John |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2008 : 20:27:21
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quote:
the average therapist hasn't worked through their own issues
JohnD, I think this is an overgeneralization of a substantial order. Many modern therapy training programs require the therapist to be in therapy to address their own issues before working with clients. My therapist has referenced her own therapy a few times.
The situation certainly isn't unheard of, and aside from that it can be a challenge to find someone you work well with regardless of how resolved they are, and it can be a challenge to find someone who buys the mindbody stuff on top of that, but I don't think you can truthfully and knowledgeably assert "the average therapist hasn't resolved their own issues."
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What were you expecting? |
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2008 : 05:57:37
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| Acl - To be frank - most of the population doesn't know too much about themselves psychologically, and therapists fall into this category too. Most of the therapists that myself and trusted friends have come across are good hearted people that got into the field for the need to fix themselves. Outside of my and others personal experience, therapists aren't required to deal with their own issues through their formal education, and even if that were the case, most of the traditional ways of dealing with emotional and pyschological problems are not too effective. Yes it is a challenge to find someone you work well with, and on top of that who buys the mindbody stuff, and in my opinion it is not worth John's time to work with someone like this that can't relate to what he is going through and therefore probably can't help him too much. He would be better off doing nothing than to spend healing time with someone who can't help him, and if they were particularly uneducated about themself they could potentially throw him deeper into his problem. Thats why it is important to be selective to find the right program, person, therapist, mentor etc... that is helpful to the individual, and there are some great programs and people out that one would never know about if they foreclosed on the average therapist or traditional psychological program. Generally speaking, It is paramount to be selective about the people that you spend time with, not even to mention people that you intend on forming a healing relationship with. |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2008 : 10:42:04
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Good points about therapists; yes I do know some who have their own therapist. But I don't think that means they couldn't be helpful. JohnA, you need someone who believes in the mindbody connection. And someone with whom you are comfortable.
I recall in Robert Holden's Happiness Now book--he's a psyD, he said the first few years of schooling were so depressing learning about every mental issue people have--he said many developed the symptoms they were studying about! How's that for "getting what you focus on?" LOL
JohnA: I checked 2 of my reference books that talk about mouth problems and one says: set opinions, closed mind, incapacity to take in new ideas. The other says: Resistant to change, fear of stepping out of comfort zone. Is it possible some of this resonates for you? Food for thought.
I do agree with JohnD about the pathway website. That program taught me the method of journaling I use, and the program changed my life in so many ways. I am truly grateful for having learned of it a few years back by accident--or was it not by accident!
I feel sad you are still having this issue. I also wonder if there is something you want to say to someone that you have not, or are afraid to.
I also suggest finding activities that bring you joy to balance whatever perceived negatives you experience. No matter how big or small they seem: some of my faves are: a walk outside in a nature preserve, swimming, blueberry pancakes with real maple syrup, reading my upbuilding books, soaking in some sun, looking at photos of my son (at all ages), admiring my clean (but not new) car, drying my pillowcases outside on a clothes line so they smell fresh.
Best wishes for healing, young man!
-Lori
PS: John, are you taking supplements or prescriptions of any kind? |
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swmr1
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2008 : 10:44:59
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quote:
ever seen fight club?
there's this part in it where tyler and jack are in the car on the freeway in the rain at night. tyler let's go of the wheel and jack starts flipping out about how they're going to get in an accident or whatever. jack is all grabbing the wheel and sh-t. tyler slaps jack and says
"look at you, you're f-ckin' pathetic! stop trying to control everything and JUST. LET. GO!"
so jack buckles up finally and lets tyler floor the pedal. long story short they flip over an embankment or something like that and get all scratched up but they end up fine.
the moral of the story is the more you try to control and fix everything the further you dig yourself into a big neurotic hole. i'm tyler. you're jack.
there's nothing wrong with you. there's nothing wrong with your mouth. there is nothing wrong with the world outside. there is nothing wrong period. the world is what it is, sucky, good, bad, whatever. these are just labels. so stop trying to get everything right and JUST LET GO.
I love that movie. I need to listen to that advice more. I did "just let go" this morning. I've had a mild case of tendonitis the past few days but I went ahead and ran a 5k race this morning. I planned on running conservatively but decided to test myself as I got going. We'll see if I pay some kind of price later. All I know is that it was fun! |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 09/06/2008 : 19:32:25
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we can all learn a hell of a lot from fight club i think.
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i'm not s#!t.
i'm champagne. |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2008 : 22:51:52
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mizlorinj,
What are these book references you speak of? |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 06:21:28
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You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
and
Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol Truman
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 06:48:33
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Thankyou,
Do you suggest I read these? It feels good to keep reading reassuring books and getting replies on this forum, but it really hasn't gotten me very far and it seems that I have to "let go." Would part of letting go be not reading these books? |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 06:55:17
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Miz.
To answer your question I'm not taking prescriptions of any kind.
Those mouth problem references you posted I can definately relate to. This came about when I moved away to college. |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 08:10:35
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How about delving into your feelings about moving away to college since this all started with that event. Sit and write at the top of a paper: moving away from home to college. maybe put pros and cons. Or start with the moving away part--miss parents, miss  . . . to college: freedom but more responsibility, studying a lot, tests, have to make new friends. . . And just see where it takes you. Be specific. Don't be quick to dismiss anything that comes to your mind. Are you afraid? angry? (be specific: I feel afraid that . . .) Are you pursuing what you really want to do? Do you now feel pressure to "grow up"? (just throwing some ideas out there. . . )
I can see how this would be fear of stepping out of your comfort zone. Try the other ideas I mentioned earlier too and see where writing that one or two words may take you. Ask How am I set in my opinion or how am I closed minded. Play with this and see what happens. You may get a revelation!
John, one way you are FORTUNATE is that you can link the event with the condition you've had since the event!  That is a gift!
Both are books are great. Louise's theme is always CHANGE YOUR THINKING, CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I think any book that reinforces that your condition is due to your emotions is helpful. I seem to find an endless stream of books since my back issue in Jan 07. And I learn of each next book because it is referenced in the one I am currently reading. I love it! So I don't go looking for these books, the next one presents itself easily to me! I am very grateful!
I also have re-learned the value of spirituality, so may I suggest you try PRAYING for some insight that may help you. Or praying that you be able to get on with your life for as long as it takes you to resolve this physical issue.
And BALANCE! Have FUN doing things you enjoy!
Lots of ideas! Best wishes to you John.
-Lori
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Edited by - mizlorinj on 09/09/2008 08:15:19 |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 09:29:35
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Thankyou Mizlorinj,
I will definately do the journaling you have suggested. Your right, I'm lucky to be able to relate an event directly to the onset of the symptom, and I should use this.
I read your profile and it says you are free of pain now...that's great! Good for you. How long did you have the pain, and how much did it bother you? Did it often times feel like It would never go away? How did it fade away...did you notice it leaving you or did you wake up one day and say "wow I haven't felt or even thought about that pain for weeks."? How does it feel now after it's gone, was there any kind of symptom imperative? Do you feel better now than you ever could have without this TMS battle?
Sorry about all the questions but it's so refreshing to hear that the symptoms do actually disappear. I'm very happy for your success and hope I will be where you are soon. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 10:24:16
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Hi J,
I don't know if this will help but your symptoms are familiar to me. I had dry mouth in college (very long ago!), mostly when I had to speak in class, meet new people, etc. So, I had dry mouth a lot! It still happens to me occasionally when I meet a new client for work. I travel with a bottle of water and do a lot of sipping! When it comes upon me, I know that I am anxious. For me, it's social anxiety. Will I make a good impression, will I be liked, etc.
Additionally I wanted to share a story that I hope will help to normalize your situation and underlying feelings in some way. My son moved to to college very recently. He's a confident, smart athlete who appears to be totally together and control (and he is, and I'm sure you are, too!). But, right around HS graduation he developed this syndrome, for lack of a better word, where suddenly he would gag and throw up. It usually happened when he was eating, but not always. He was angry at first, wondering what was going on, and we all grew increasingly bewildered the second and third time it happened. During the summer he saw two doctors and was tested. They found nothing.
So, the night before he moved, I cooked his favorite dinner and he came to table and said "I think I figured it out. I think it's anxiety. And I'm really not hungry!" He couldn't eat then or the day we traveled and moved, and it took some time before his stomach calmed down. But it did. He had connected his stomach "incidents" to the prom, college orientation, a fight with his girlfriend, and most recently, getting ready to move his life out of the family house.
John, your symptoms will DEFINITELY go away but "trying to change" will not help. This will only lead to more frustration. Rather, you must allow yourself to put your symptoms aside to look at what emotions are causing this.
So, please be kind to yourself. Know that you are not alone. As Lori suggests, try to uncover and look at the feelings you have about college and I would add, about becoming an adult. Stepping out of a comfort zone toward greater independence is a huge transition.
Therapy can help to uncover and explore the emotions that you are ignoring in favor of focusing on your symptoms. You will find that as you begin to address what you are going through (regarding college, relationships, your academics, job, whatever), THAT'S when your physical discomfort will either quickly or gradually go away. Good luck; you will get there. |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 11:32:55
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Winniepoo,
Thankyou for the advice. How is your mouth now compared to the way it was in college? Does it still bother you? Does it make it difficult for you to speak?
Thank you,
John |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2008 : 14:43:02
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Hi J,
It's absolutely normal. Doesn't bother me at all. As mentioned in my previous post, dry mouth comes upon me only once in awhile (three times a year, maybe), usually when I have a new client. I carry chewing gum, water and I remind myself that what's happening is nerves. Once I start interacting and focusing on what my clients have to say, I'm fine and have no trouble speaking. Honestly, it would never have entered my mind that it still happens, unless I read your posts. So, it's absolutely not an issue or problem or even a tiny part of my life. |
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I think i need help with this
