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Jena
USA
195 Posts |
 Posted - 08/21/2008 : 15:54:31
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Has anyone here had an obsession of their body and health all the time? Ever sinced I cured my back pain I have literally been my own worst night mare. I am def a hypochondriac and cybercondriac ( go online and look up symptoms everyday). I talk to a therapist (not one of Sarnos because its not covered under my insurance). Living in my body is a pure nightmare. I drive my family crazy. I am constantly poking around my body for lumps and bumps. Recently I had a lymphoma scare because I have been able to feel my lymph nodes for years and years. I started googling and found that one should never be able to feel their collar bone (supraclavicular) lymph nodes; and if you do its 99.99% malignant! I nearly passed out at the screen. I immediately went to a encologist/hemotolgist and had a full body ct scan which showed 4 enlarged nodes the largest 1.5cm x 1.9cm in the posterior triangle and a 1.1 supraclavicular node and 2 others with benign appearances. My doctor did not think I had cancer but did a ultrasound guided FNA biopsy of the node with flow cytometry and it came up benign reactive.
She also explained some people can feel their supraclavicular nodes but literally i looked up online for months and I can not find 1 website that says this is normal. All my blood work was great.
The reason for this entire story is that I thought I would feel better after going to the doctor but now Im doubting it because of these collar bone lymph nodes I feel. I dont know what to do. I literally obsess over my lymph nodes CONSTANTLY. I know this is TMS. Im not myself I do not know who I am. I always think I have cancer or brain tumor.
There is a few pages covered about this in Divided Mind but not much. I wish he wrote more about this. I spoke to Sarno on the phone he explained its my mind. I believe if I didnt feel the collar bone lymph nodes I wouldnt be so obsessed.
Can anyone relate to hypochondriasis or even palpable collar bone lymph nodes...
I just needed to vent, thanks for listening. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/21/2008 : 17:33:21
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Hi Jena,
Yes, I can relate to the hypochondriasis; I briefly wrote about it on the thread that Pan recently started. I have anxiety and some OCD and I've gone through several bouts hypochondria in my adult life-- and I'm also a cyber-checker. I'm sorry, b/c I understand how unnerving it is!
The physical probing and poking and internet searches and asking your family for reassurance and doctor visits are forms of what is called "checking." We tell ourselves it's a way of trying to affirm that we're healthy, but it's a distraction, just like the pain of TMS.
I have an insight-oriented therapist now but have also done cognitive behavioral therapy, and I've used several techniques to get through and over this.
CBT therapists have methods that help you stop the checking. I worked with one for awhile and then after I discovered Sarno I switched to an insight-based professional and it finally really worked. I still have some OCD stuff (not related to hypochondria) and I'm filling in with some self-treatment from books.
About the nodes, I would trust the doctors if they say they're not worried. You might just have to ask again for now if you can't stand it, b/c that's where you are right now, and that's okay. But then explain what's going on to the therapist and if you don't feel like he/she's helping, don't be afraid to find somebody who can.
I often doubted doctors and and even doubted the shrink, so in the beginning (if you're fed up enough), you just have to take a leap of faith and discipline yourself. (I guess that's the only way to put it.) If and when the doctors tell you you don't have cancer/don't need surgery/whatever it is, then you have to stop checking.
My therapist had to constantly remind me: you've been tested up the wah-zoo! no more tests! And I would be so anxious and angry with her. But a year later, pain-free, I'm thankful that I stopped. I had so many x-rays, mris, emgs and tried so many meds.
Anyway in the meantime, stay off the internet if you can. A lot of that stuff isn't even accurate!
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 08/22/2008 : 08:07:10
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Hi jena, I was wondering how your testing went. Glad it's ok.
Sorry you haven't found peace yet. As you can see from my last thread I'm searching for peace too.
I've been reading Byron Katie on and off, and watching her vids on youtube. I'm impressed; and this is comin from someone who's read everything.
. I would like to get your take on her. I'm reading "loving what is" right now.
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 08/22/2008 : 08:11:44
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Hi Jena. Yes, I would stay off the internet looking up symptoms. I learned that when I had back pain. I remember breaking into a sweat when I read some of the jibberish on the internet.
You have already been to the doctor. How about using time you would spend looking up symptoms trying to examine WHY you have these tendencies. Where is the fear coming from? Start writing I'm afraid I have . . . and see where it takes you. Ask WHY a lot. Amazing things can be learned just by sitting quietly and starting to write. Were your parents similar in their behavior? Did you have an early health scare? Did someone in your family? How did that make you feel? I would be exploring my own feelings more to see where this is coming from. Why does the little girl in you need reassurance? What are your everyday stressors? Childhood hurts?
-Lori |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/22/2008 : 16:58:46
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quote:
I believe if I didnt feel the collar bone lymph nodes I wouldnt be so obsessed.
I don't. I think this is just the latest thing. I don't think your lymph nodes have anything to do with it, despite the apparent startlingness of the statistic. (And is that statistic even true? Can't believe everything you read on the internet.)
I'm not saying this to be harsh, but if you don't address the underlying tendencies, you will hop from one thing to another, it doesn't really matter what it is, so thinking it does will not help you. You've been on and off here with various things that are worrying you just in the last month or two. I know you know rationally that if you were so sick every time you thought you were, you'd be in bad shape now, yet you aren't, because we discussed that.
At some point you have to take the leap from 'knowing' that, but letting your unconscious mind rule by distracting you with these nonsensical concerns, to deciding to act it out and ignoring the distraction. You and johnaccardi seem to be in similar places in that regard right now -- both of you are having some tendency to attribute your distractibility to the power of the things that are distracting you, when really it's an underlying problem and the things that distract you are arbitrary.
Take Lori and winnie's advice and focus on working with the underlying fear and other emotions. Working with this problem (whether you call it TMS, anxiety, hypochondriasis, it's all the same thing) is not easy but it's simple. You have to take over from your unconscious mind and be in charge and decide you are not going to let it work anymore. This is the very core of Sarno's work: the moment that you decide that YOU are in charge, not your unconscious.
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What were you expecting? |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 08/25/2008 : 11:02:17
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I had terrible hypocondria when I was about 22. I thought I had AIDS, a brain tumour, Multiple Sclerosis, breast cancer - you name it, I had it.
It was hell. I spent ALL my time thinking about my health. The internet didn't even exist back then but that didn't stop me spending time in libraries gathering the same kind of information. The slightest twinge would send me into horrendous panic, thinking I was going to die.
It stopped when I went to the doctor (yet again) having discovered some suspicious looking lumps on my tongue. He told me they were my tastebuds, not AIDS, and suggested gently that sometimes people use imagined health problems to distract them from deeper emotional issues. That was the first time I'd ever heard of this concept. Sure enough I'd had a terrible breakup earlier that year and had never allowed myself to grieve it.
The hypocondria has transformed over the years and gone through a variety of different iterations at different times - generalized anxiety, panic symptoms, depression, back pain. I have good times but like all human beings I also have down times that seem to manifest themselves in a whole delicious cornucopia of shapes which force me to stop and think again about what is really bothering me.
My point is that I can absolutely assure you that the health obsession is part of the same issue. Do not get distracted. What you have here is a spectacularly creative form of TMS. Do the Sarno work you need to do... oh, and and also find a way to have some fun because that is kind of important too. |
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Jena
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2008 : 11:53:33
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Thank you for all the replies. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond but I havent been on the computer. It is comforting to know you know how I feel. This is so horrible and its only getting worse. I am getting very strange strange symptoms that I am not to sure if they are TMS. They are neurological symptoms. I get constant muscle jerking and twitching (nothing dramatic) you wouldnt notice looking at me but I feel it all the time. When I fall asleep that is the hardest time for me because I can actually convince myself I am having seizures or something but I know I am not. I was in the hospital 4 times this week one of the times they thought I had to take my appendix out but it turned out to be a bad stomach virus and urinary tract infection. I am scheduled with a neurologist in a few weeks to check out my brain in case I do have a neurological thing happening. This all happened all so suddenly and my life is crumbling I no longer feel like a 23 year old girl.
I am not sure if TMS has these symptoms or anxiety. My muscles adjust and then jerk and it keeps me from sleep.
Hilary- I also have convinced myself those things. Its amazing how you wrote you had a terrible breakout earlier that year because me and my ex broke up now a year ago and my hypochondriasis and physical pain has gotten really bad. He really did a number on me.
armchair- Your right I have to get to the underlying reason this is happening but I can afford Sarnos psychotherapists. THe therapist I am seeing now believes in mindbody but is not familiar with Sarno (even though I told her about him). In fact I have been worse since I started therapy (go figure).
miz- you had asked about my parents being like this when they were younger. Yes in fact my mother started having panic attacks at 23 years old (like me). She is a big worrier and so is my father. Im doomed! (lil humor) You ask great questions in fact I did have a health scare plenty of times with my father. He was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor (now im convinced I have 1) They also thought he had multiple myeloma (a blood cancer) it ended up he doesnt have that. My dad is constantly not feeling good.
winnie- what is an insight oriented therapist?
Right now I am getting strange neurological symptoms though the best way to explain it is strange sensations from my head to my stomach. THey scare me and Im almost sure its neurological. Ive read online that after you had a head injury someone can start having seizures and Im convinced I have had them. (crazy I know!) Talking about this to all of you really helps!
I cured my back pain and pain in general now I suffering with these strange symptoms. I would do anyhting to get the pain back instead of these horrible feelings. I cant believe i just said that! but its true I am scared that I have MS or seizures. THanks for listenign as always and I hope everyones having a good day! |
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Jena
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2008 : 11:55:24
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| armchair I meant I CANT afford sarnos therapists not I can lol |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2008 : 15:55:34
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Hi Jena,
The goal of insight-oriented (also called psychodynamic)therapy is to gain an understanding of your unconscious mental life. You explore what motivates you. You examine patterns that you repeat and look to find the origin of those patterns, which usually go back to childhood. The theory is that when you understand yourself, you can work to change your negative habits and functioning.
I also referred to CBT therapy which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on behavioral modification, i.e. if you're afraid of mud (for example), then go pick up some mud, a little at a time, until you're no longer afraid. I worked with a CBT therapist and it made me worse. I was afraid of being sick, so my therapist encouraged me to check things out until I was comfortable or "cleared," but it was a mistake for me because even if a doctor cleared me, I'd come up with other symptoms, or just plain doubt the doctor.
As Sarno says, the cause of TMS is unconscious rage and other emotions. This would be what an insight-oriented therapist should help you uncover.
By the way, my muscles twitch too, it's one of my TMS symptoms and it comes and goes with my stress.
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Jena
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 16:53:43
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| I am not to sure on how to go about looking for this type of therapist. Im also afraid to tell my current therapist I cant see her anymore. Any good excuses ? haha I just feel bad. I do not know if this is normal because I notice during and after a workout my legs shake so much i can not believe it. I havent worked out in months though. Is this normal or is this something I should look into? I question everyhting now I have no peace of mind as you can tell. |
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mk6283
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2008 : 17:34:55
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Jena, I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. I can definitely sympathize with you. The good news is that YOU HAVE TMS. Perhaps this article can help with your fears regarding lymphoma:
Phantom lymphadenopathy. An association with chronic fatigue syndrome. Baschetti. Postgrad Med J.2003; 79: 185.
It is quite common for those with TMS to obsess over such things. If you can't find access to the article, drop me an e-mail and I'll try and get it to you somehow.
Lymphoma is usually not a silent disease. Additionally, you have had CT scans and FNA biopsies (for some reason) and have been cleared by an oncologist! You don't have cancer. Get on with your life.
As for the neurologic symptoms you are complaining of -- TMS!!! Search the forum to see just how common these symptoms can be. Again, been there done that. You can go to your neurologist to get cleared if you so feel the need. You may even get an MRI and/or lumbar puncture and some stupid neurologist may tell you that you have MS based on some incidental and probably insignificant white spots on your scan or a couple immunoglobulins in your CSF. Therefore, if you do see a neurologist and he insists that you are fine, then please just let it be. However, the alternative is that you can just trust me and start living a normal life again starting RIGHT NOW :). Good luck!
Best,
MK |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 06:59:59
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Jena,
What you are describing in the shaking and twitching and such is NOT TMS. It is nervous firing that happens when you have severe, sustained anxiety. TMS is a pain syndrome. This stuff that you are mentioning is felt by nearly everyone who has strained their nerves to the point that you have. Hypochondriasis is a very common form of anxiety disorder. There is a great book out detailing this condition called "It's Not All in Your Head, How Worrying about Your Health Could be Making You Sick" by Asmundson and Taylor. It is a great read and focuses on changing behaviors that feed the anxiety, like going to doctor after doctor, getting scan after scan and nothing showing up, symptoms switching from one benign but scary thing to another, reading your Merck or becoming a "cyberchondriac" who constantly Googles symptoms to tie them to some horrible disease so you can obsess more about it.
Right now you don't want to stop the behaviors because you think you are protecting yourself against contracting the illness you are researching, but in fact it is the CAUSE of the symptoms and the fuel that feeds them and keeps them staying around.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 11:21:24
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Jena, pls find a therapist--one with or w/o Sarno knowledge--you need someone who believes our emotions affect our physical bodies. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable! You could tell your current therapist you are trying some other things. Do you even need to give an explanation? Your job is to take care of YOU--your therapist has had people stop seeing her before, I'm sure!
I feel sad you are having such anxieties and issues. There are books available that talk about many physical conditions and give very good ideas and questions as to what emotion may be involved in the physical condition. I'd suggest finding those rather than searching for symptoms on the internet.
And twitching and jerking can most certainly be a mind/body disorder, TMS equivalent, whatever you choose to call it.
-Lori |
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hkp
47 Posts |
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kik1969
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 15:53:53
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I was treated for brain cancer almost 9 years ago and was diagnosed with 2 small brain aneurysms as of this summer. I'm a hypochondriac and i also have really weird health issues. To look at me, you'd think I was completely normal. The good news is that even though these things are part of my story (cancer free for 8 years now) The thing I wanted to point out is that cancer is not a bad thing or a good thing. It's not even a fight you fight yourself. It's a different form of life. But life doesn't stop. You just go to medical appointments, etc. If life does stop, then there is nothing to worry about anymore.
I'm super-paranoid or in pain, one of the two at all times.
I have tms. It is a symptom of a problem. If I stop having pain symptoms I have anxiety symptoms. I'm not anxious about starving children or even about whether or not the country goes bankrupt. I'm anxious about me. I've put so much pressure on myself and I am not writing this from a having passed the hurdle perspective but from still in the middle of it. I finally am at the point where I see I can't change myself. I know this is just another symptom of self fixation, which I suppose is the definition of paranoia, itself. Not a precise but loose. I feel strongly that a spiritual remedy is called for here.
I'm the problem so I am not going to be part of the solution. I need to trust I don't have my answer because even when the pain left partially, all i did was build up fixations in different areas.
But here is what is coming to me when I write this, instead of me believing the thoughts, why not just have a moratoreum on worrying about anything related to myself. I can worry over real causes, send money to worthy causes, volunteer at a homeless shelter, but whether or not I end up dead, alive, in pain, whatever, is none of my concern.
I wonder if I could for once take myself out of my own equation? I think this is an experiment I'd like to try. Has anyone ever done this? Maybe I'll say, "I'm worried I look funny." Oh, that has nothing to do with anybody but myself so I guess I don't have to worry about it. Stuff like that. |
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2008 : 19:10:14
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Hi Jena,
I had to switch therapists after I read the Divided Mind. My former therapist was a psychologist, and my current one is a psychiatrist. When I was leaving the former, I explained that I wanted to try a different approach, plus I wanted to be with a practitioner that could prescribe drugs, which I haven't needed so far, but she's written a few prescriptions...Interestingly, every time she writes me a prescription (for an antidepressant), I take one or two pills, don't like them, and miraculously get better, both emotionally and physically.
I loved the first therapist and it was hard to leave but she was amazingly supportive and understanding--like she had always been-- when I told her I wanted to change. The psychiatrist, on the other hand, is not my friend or favorite person, but she is an old pro, very professional, and trained to work with people who somatize (express emotions as physical symptoms). I have improved to 95% (from about 15%) in nine months. We have explored repressed emotions and she is confrontational. By that I mean that she challenges my thoughts and basically cuts through all my dramas. I was a complete hypochondriac when I met this woman, and now I'm not worried about my health at all. I still have twinges and some pain and I chalk them up to TMS and they go away. I had a relapse last week and she (along with Forum members) helped me sort through what was happening until I got to my emotions, and I'm fine again. So, I hope you will be able to find someone you like. |
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mcone
114 Posts |
Posted - 09/07/2008 : 22:35:31
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Here is a "me too" post...
A recurrence of chest pain lately - severe symptoms - including arm and shoulder pain - coming on regularly these past weeks and lasting for hours at a time.
The evidence for TMS is VERY strong...
Doctors have very confidently assured me that I don't have heart disease * EKG's have been normal * An echo-cardiogram is normal
An ultrasound of my carotid arteries (which can correlate with heart blockages) shows no evidence of plaque. * Stress test was normal * I was able to exercise normally just a couple weeks ago.
And yet I'm CONVINCED that something is wrong with cardio system or that the pain means I'm damaging something. I keep fathoming dire explanations for what might be going on from the many sources I've consulted...
And here's the kicker:
Friday, I read about chronic costochondritis (inflamation of cartiladge in the ribs) with people reporting clean cardiac status from thier doctors despite serious chest pain...(costo was "one" of my diagnoses for this)
So, almost immediately the chest pain dropped dramatically - barely noticeable the whole day (As you would guess, pain started elsewhere, and I started obsessing about a whole other morbid "theory" about my health.)
Then, last night, in someone else's mindbody book (not Sarno) I stumbled inadvertently upon a descripion of coronary spasm Angina due to tension (how ironic). The chest pain then started again...as immediately and dramatically as it stopped before - just from reading this... and so it persisted throughout much of the day today... even though I KNEW, unequivocally, that my brain's thinking was responsible for starting it up.
[Then, earlier this evening, for re-assurance, I picked up another book that suggested anxiety chest pain stems from some kind of connective tissue in the chest - and so it calmed down a bit again.]
This definitely lends support to the notion that internal emotional angst is driving all this - something deep in my limbic brain isn't settled down and is aggressively exploiting anything it plausibly can.
My efforts at CBT - when directed at the physical pain symptoms or when directed at anxiety over the physical symptoms, at best... results in pain and anxiety focus shifting to something else. All this is telling me that I need to reconcile my INNER LIFE with my present REALITY - somehow...
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Edited by - mcone on 09/07/2008 22:39:57 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/08/2008 : 20:45:01
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quote:
I am not sure if TMS has these symptoms or anxiety. My muscles adjust and then jerk and it keeps me from sleep.
...because me and my ex broke up now a year ago and my hypochondriasis and physical pain has gotten really bad. He really did a number on me....
armchair- Your right I have to get to the underlying reason this is happening but I can't afford Sarnos psychotherapists. The therapist I am seeing now believes in mindbody but is not familiar with Sarno (even though I told her about him). In fact I have been worse since I started therapy (go figure).
As to the first question, it doesn't matter. TMS and anxiety are both mindbody disorders, and basically have compatible approaches. Especially with hypochondriasis, in both cases the person thinks there is a structural physical problem when the problem is generated in the mind!
As to the second, I didn't necessarily suggest therapy, though I'm glad to hear you're checking whether it might work for you. I suspect one big part of your answer is right there in your in-between paragraph. You had a big breakup and your ex 'did a number' on you. This is huge! You can write on the board about this (or in a journal) instead of about your lymph nodes. Use your own mind to discover what is bothering you. Think about all possibilities. Friends, family, work, school, community, world! Problems in any of these areas can bother us. Parents, siblings, boyfriends, friends, politics, jobs, obligations. Are you talking about the breakup and other emotional issues with your therapist? Because if not you have the wrong kind of therapist -- if you are going to get therapy you need an insight-oriented therapist, as winnie mentioned. Don't be afraid to move on if you need to; it's not uncommon. Your relationship with your therapist is professional, and if it's not meeting your needs it's okay to try a different one.
Look at what you are worrying about here -- your lymph nodes -- and look at what you are not worrying about here -- your emotions. Flip that around, and you have the beginnings of success.
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What were you expecting? |
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Jena
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 11:37:18
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Hey everyone! Thank you thank you thank you so much for all the responces they have helped me so much I cannot even describe. I havent been able to respond but i did read them last week and i havent googled my symptoms and overall i have been feeling a lot better! (not googling my symptoms is a huge step for me lol) The references and articles that youve showed me are amazing! I actually printed out the one on hypochondriasis and showed my therapist and my family it describes me to the fullest and shows how strong your mind really is and I recommend it for everyone to read. Even if you are not a hypochondriac its just good to read it just shows you how strong your mind actually can be.
Hilary- thank u again, i sound exactly like you when you were my age! Im sorry you had to go through that but im glad to know Im not alone. People have gone through this and are going through this. I live most days thinking i have actually got a diagnosis of something fatal that day. Yesterday I was actually lying in bed about to go to sleep and my pulse was racing so fast and i didnt know why. It came out of no where in fact I took my pulse andit was 118 beats per minute! I almost passed out when I saw that. I said to myself "im not going to die im just going to float through this" i have been reading claire weekes and a few others most of you have mentioned to me. thanks hilary again.
armchair- you are absolutly right but the only problem I am having is I know my past relationship with my exboyfriend really hurt me so badly but if that is what is causing this pain and hypochondriasis why isnt it going away? I have to admit curing my back pain and back related stuff was a lot easier for me than dealing with this. I am going to try and dig deeper but I cannot help those statistics I read online. Your right I shouldnt believe everything i read online but its such an overwhelming amount of credible websites that say this but I am just going to have to live with the fact that maybe I am one of the thousands who can feel their collar bone lymph nodes that isnt malignant. I am going to get to the bottom of my emotonal problems your right.
miz- you are right and I have been journaling a bit more oftern and it does help. I ask myself "why do i think i am always dieing?" I list my symptoms and than I try and talk myself out of it. You also ask some great questions. My mother got her first panic attack at 23 years of age (just like me) my father suffered with it when he was younger as well. My father has basically been sick my entire life. Diagnosed with a brain tumor (benign) but his pituitary gland stop working because of it so he has no hormones so he is on a lot of bad medicine with a lot of side effects like prednisone that he has to stay on for the rest of his life or he would die from lack of hormone especially cortisol. He was also diagnosed with hepatitis C and is constantly and i do mean CONSTANTLY at the doctors. I love him to pieces but sometimes being my house is hard and he gets angry at me because im always thinking i am dieing. I tell him i try i cannot help it i have no peace of mind. Lori, your right i need assurance. I need assurance for doctors to tell me it is ok to live today and laugh because your 23 your not dieing and for about 10 minutes i wont think about health related issues but that is as far as my thoughts will go. When i get dressed and take a shower i look for anything out of the ordinary or strange and than i get this sick feeling in my stomach i feel like im going to pass out and than have to talk myself out of the panic. "I am fine I am healthy etc". My everyday stressors? I work and im in college. I dont worry about those things as much as my health. Health is everything to me as it is to everyone. I had a great childhood I have to say, thank God.
skizz-we will find peace together hopefully soon. Im sorry your having a rough time.
I want to mention before I forget if anyone needs help or advice about back pain, muscle spasms, buttock pain, sciatica etc I would love to help people heal, Ive helped many of my family and friends. That I can actually get a hold of. Never hesitate to write or email me.
winnie- Yes i "check" constantly the last week Ive been a lot better thanks to all of you! i actually made an appointment with a new therapist (one who prescribes medication) and to just see if i like her better than my current one. I doubt doctors all the time i always ask myself "how do they know? how do they REALLY know?". Hypochondriasis i hear ofter starts in the twenties most people i have spoke to about it started during that time. Id do anything not to think i was dieing all the time and i know im not. I have the same obsession over my body as anorexics and bulimics do. We both see our bodies different than they really are. They see their bodies as fat or heavy and I see mine as sick and unhealthy.
Mk- words cant explain you finding an article on enlarged nodes that is my biggest google search. what i try to do is search for articles that say "some people have enlarged nodes in the supraclavicular area for no harmful reason" stuff like that. But what always comes up is "people who can feel their lymph nodes in the collar bone area its 99% malignant!" than i feel like im going to pass out at that point. Now i just copy and paste that link into the search engine? I havent been able to read it yet and i am very very much interested in doing so. Thank u so muchhhhh! Any article online to ease my mind will let me sleep good that night. Thanks to u, thanks to all of u! this support is so important to me.
Again I just want to mention if anyone needs help with back pain and more physical pain rather than emotional I believe i can really help u .
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winnieboo
USA
269 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 12:18:32
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quote:
My mother got her first panic attack at 23 years of age (just like me) my father suffered with it when he was younger as well. My father has basically been sick my entire life. Diagnosed with a brain tumor (benign) but his pituitary gland stop working because of it so he has no hormones so he is on a lot of bad medicine with a lot of side effects like prednisone that he has to stay on for the rest of his life or he would die from lack of hormone especially cortisol. He was also diagnosed with hepatitis C and is constantly and i do mean CONSTANTLY at the doctors. I love him to pieces but sometimes being my house is hard and he gets angry at me because im always thinking i am dieing.
The fact that TMSers hang onto symptoms has to do with habituation. We learn many of our behaviors and responses as children, and if parents are often sick, this could be worth exploring.
I offer this because my mom and dad were both sick all of my life, with both psychological and physical symptoms. In my teens, I started somatizing. It took many years for me to understand my connection to illness and how my ailments and my approach to them connected to my experience with my parents. There were times when I thought I inherited some bad genes (partially true!). There were times when I didn't want to be connected to them at all and couldn't imagine that I would identify with them in any way.
But, recently in therapy, I was forced to take a long look at my feelings about my parents, and the conclusion was that I still identified and connected with them through illness. I guess a simple way to think about it is that my unconscious was saying, "my parents are ill, therefore I am ill, too..." I certainly knew how to visit doctors, and "be sick," as that was the culture in my household. I also experienced much fear throughout life, as my parents announced their symptoms and diagnoses to friends, other family memebers and me.
I should also add that I love my parents very much too, and this is not a put-down of them, and this is also not meant to force ideas on anyone out there. Just thought that it might be helpful to some, as this was a very helpful realization piece for me in my recovery. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/11/2008 : 14:51:39
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quote:
if that is what is causing this pain and hypochondriasis why isnt it going away? I have to admit curing my back pain and back related stuff was a lot easier for me than dealing with this.
Just 'knowing it hurt you' sometimes isn't enough the second time around. You may need a fuller understanding/acknowledgement of what emotions you've experienced from it, and the damage it may have done to your trust in the world and other people (breakups do that). Betrayal? Guilt? Hurt? Anger? Sadness/Grief?
You write about journaling but you say that you start by asking yourself why you think you are ill. That is more focus on your symptoms, that's not journaling the way Lori means it and the way suggested by TMS doctors. Focus on feelings. Start by asking yourself questions like "How am I feeling today?" "What has upset me in the last week?" "When did I last feel angry at a friend or family member?" "What was a time I felt really sad in the last year?" Start, and write, and don't censor yourself. Write whatever comes to mind.
Don't write about your symptoms. Don't ask why you think you're ill -- you already know that, it's because thoughts about your symptoms distract you from emotions that feel 'scary'. Write about your emotions.
You might find Dr. Schechter's workbook helpful for some question ideas. kelvin's journaling resources might also be useful (http://etex.net/kelving/ under TMS Files), or searching the forum for threads on what to write about when journaling -- there are a few classic threads about it that are full of info. When you focus on your symptoms (even your emotions about your symptoms), your symptoms win. The goal of TMS symptoms is to give you a 'false emotional life' where you are totally focused on managing, obsessing over, and reacting emotionally to your symptoms. To succeed in banishing the symptoms, you have to get out of that, and journaling about other emotions is often the key. So is going out and living a normal life.
For anxiety, I also found a book called Women and Anxiety helpful. You might want to check that out as well, and see if you relate to it at all. It's a nice one because it has a method for dealing with issues that make you anxious.
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What were you expecting? |
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TMS, Anxiety, and most importantly Hypochondriasis
