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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
 Posted - 07/17/2008 : 15:16:13
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I've commented a few times on here, read back through tons of posts but never posted myself...
I started writing this as my memoirs which isn't really necessary so here goes in short form:
Age 9 - first panic attack
Age 14 - panic attacks/claustrophobia - avoidance
Age 18 - more anxiety, IBS (went after a year of cutting out wheat - placebo!), OCD, hypochondria
Age 19 - Went to uni = more anxiety, so avoided travelling (taxis, trains), lecture theatres, shopping (anywhere I had a panic attack) was subsequently failing uni
Had CBT with a psyciatrist - didn't really help
Age 21 - my longterm boyfriend broke up with me on my 21st birthday
Age 22 - had attack of bacterial cystitis (after ill-advised experience..) 2 days before my 22nd birthday - had HUMUNGOUS panic attack because of it
Age 26 (now) - Since then, I've never recovered. I was agoraphobic for 3 months, and I've been told it's all anxiety-related, but given no real idea of how to deal with it by my doctors.
Symptoms include: pain in bladder, burning sensation, frequency of urination, urgency of urination (this only ever really comes on when there isn't a toilet and/or am travelling which obviously is a major pain and disrupts everything). Of course, I immediately Googled interstitial cystitis and became distraught at the stories of pain, suffering, and the lack of a cure.
On top of that, I am very limited in what I feel I can do because of the anxiety (shopping is difficult, travelling is too and only certain places and short distances). I've become self-employed out of necessity, but live with my parents and have done since I quit uni and fell apart 4 years ago.
I've lived in denial for years, hoping it will "go away". It's obviously not going to. I KNOW it's emotional/mental. On a scale of 1-10, the bladder symptoms are only about 1-3. The anxiety ranges from 2-9. It all affects me and my life at a 8-9.
I've read all the Sarno books, Claire Weekes, Freedom from Fibromyalgia (I got some rather disturbing pains which started in my knees, then hands, arms, joints etc, none of which particularly bother me now), Dr. David Clarke's book...
I'm not a perfectionist. I'm not a people-pleaser or a goodist. I am a worrier however, and I do over-analyse everything.
I haven't really DONE anything though. Not until now - I'm currently having EFT sessions which I know some, or many, of you don't agree with. I've also contacted a coach who overcame severe bladder problems with CBT-based ideas.
I'm scared of journalling - avoidance again! As I said, I live with my parents, and most of it is to do with their relationship (or lack of one), violence etc. Lack of self-esteem, responsibility, motivation, ambition. My siblings are nothing like me, and lead normal lives.
I think I'm scared of feeling worse, or not getting better, when these symptoms are so weird and irritating and I can't imagine them ever going. My anxiety isn't even over sensical things (I did an anxiety management CBT course, and you could see why others had anxiety due to job stress, or after a bereavement etc not just a panic attack in a local shop!)
My boyfriend's just split up with me and guess what - the symptoms have got worse! So has the hopelessness  |
Edited by - golden_girl on 07/18/2008 19:14:18 |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2008 : 01:43:22
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ey dude
about 3-4 years ago (whenever) i had the absolute worst anxiety (24/7 total dissociation) and the bladder symptoms you described. every day was like a stroll through hell for me. all the doctors said i was screwed. hah!
i just had one of the best days of my life.. no symptoms. i skateboarded and did intense manual labor for the entire day yesterday. nothing! i talk to like every person i meet and go anywhere i want with no anxiety! yo! whAaaat!
thanks to...
SARNO!
and a lot of getting my sh-t together. don't give up!
if you wanna talk drop me an email.
---
i'm not s#!t.
i'm champagne. |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 07/18/2008 : 18:28:26
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Hey Scott,
Thanks for the reply - I did email you some time ago and you were very kind. My MAJOR thing, my worst fear, my worst phobia, is wetting myself. There, I said it. If I don't go to the loo 10 times before leaving the house, if I don't go whenever I get a chance, if I don't avoid long car journeys - it will happen and my bladder will spasm (and does spasm, the minute I get in the car..) then it will happen. It's not living.
I know everyone's thinking that I shouldn't be posting on a TMS board when I'm not following TMS protocol, but I AM following mind-body ideas...
Thanks mate, I really appreciate it - I just feel that so many people on here are 'normal', although they have/had terrible problems, but they see their end result so easily - back to their jobs, family, relationships - but I never have had any of that, really. And I feel I have much less severe physical problems, but so much wrong with who I am as a person - that feels harder to fix? 20 years of cr*p - almost my whole life...
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2008 : 18:56:12
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Hi, GG
After you read Claire Weekes, did you do what she said to do in the book? What about the other authors? Did you try for a while and then get disenchanted by the lack of quick symptom resolution? This is a critical piece of recovery. Your body is being wracked all day every day with stress hormones, and more on days you are forced to do things you don't want to.
Your body will take time to recover from the beating you give it, but the first step is to adopt an ironclad plan. Whose explanation do you believe/identify with? Take the program that person recommends and do your damnedest every day to live it. Please remember that although you may feel like crap, there is absolutely nothing clinically wrong with you if you have been given an anxiety diagnosis and have survived this long. You are in no danger whatsoever.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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debbette
44 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2008 : 19:14:51
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Have you seen a therapist? I saw a cognative therapist who specialized in anxiety and agoraphobia for 6 months... best thing I did for myself. It set me free and changed my life.
You might also try The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns.
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Anxiety, agoraphobia, bladder problems
