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MikeySama
Netherlands
55 Posts |
 Posted - 07/12/2008 : 03:00:17
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Hello All,
Some of you have seen me around here and know i've been struggling for a while now to get rid of my TMS related symptoms. I've been unable to afford therapy sessions but i think i may have to start saving money to get them anyway. My problems seem pretty deep rooted...
I'm somewhat perfectionistic and i always want to please people around me. Especially people i have to work with in school. Cause then it's not just me that's affected by my performance. I need to perform well.
Another thing i'm struggling with are feelings of inferiority when working with others that are better at something then me. I push myself to extremes to measure up, and when i don't ( which is sadly more than often the case ). I can't deal with that, i work very hard and so many times i just can't measure up to those that seem to have a natural talent for it.
Sadly that's not all. I also struggle with many doubts, feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, pessimistic nature and whatever i do accomplish i bring down again because i think it's not good enough. While others tell me it is actually good, i just won't see it. I keep on bringing myself down like this.
On top of that i'm still struggling with the dead of my mother 3 years ago. Even when i do accomplish something good, she's never going to see it. Sure my dad is still around and we bonded quite well after her passing, but the bond i had with her is just gone. I got nothing left there. I still feel lonely quite often because of that.
All this bundled together with obesity and me just not being able to find a girlfriend. Cause i really want someone in my life right about now.
In any case i've figured all this out but i don't think that's going to be enough to rid me of TMS. I don't think that just knowing all this now is enough. I'm going to need to work through this, these are things i have to work on before it will ever get any better.
I guess i'm going to have to get into therapy for this. Anyway i just wanted to post my progress, and i think it will also help me a little having written it all down.
Thanks for reading, and comments you want to leave behind.
Mike
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Call me Mike :) |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/12/2008 : 10:38:28
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Mikey,
Good luck with everything. I hope you'll practice being gentle and kind to yourself. You have struggled through a lot and are beginning to understand yourself and how you relate to the world, and see how you might want to change it. This is a huge insight and one that many people never get to. Your role in the world is not to be better than others, but to be yourself. There's no such person as someone "just like you but better", if you find that thought useful. It's only you who's like you and that's what makes you valuable, just being you.
I'm sorry for your loss of your mom, and I hope you are able to find some solace in grieving over time and working through your emotions. You might check out some of the books people recommend on here (Alice Miller, John Bradshaw, and the like) and see if they will help, but I hope you are able to find some therapy as well -- it can be really helpful to have that outside support.
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What were you expecting? |
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joli
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - 07/13/2008 : 12:25:16
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yeah that self doubt and insecurity followed by a bad trauma can really throw you off balance.
see, you are probably on the edge anyways and tehn your mom passed(sorry mike), and everything gets worst.
I've been there with my best friend at the age of 26(i'm now 34), and it seems that it really threw my already TMS type to another level of manifestations. Before:anxiety, stomach ache, head ache
After: pelvic pain, fear of dying, shoulder pain, IBS,
back and leg BLAH, obsession about health symptoms.
Good luck, you can do it.
I think therefore I am. |
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Think i figured it out....
