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meema
10 Posts |
 Posted - 07/06/2008 : 11:06:39
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I've been lurking here for a few months, and have written several posts in my head, but have always gotten stuck by worries about how much detail in introduction I should give, which I guess is just more proof that I belong here.
Anyway, a few months ago I woke up with what was diagnosed as a pinched nerve in my neck, after a year of on and off again shoulder and neck pain. I saw an MD, a DO, accupuncturists, massage therapists, and suddenly the pain was so severe I needed heavy-duty painkillers just to tolerate being awake. Then, within the space of 3 days, 3 different people recommended I read Dr. Sarno's books. I got through the first part of The MindBody Prescription and started sobbing. I knew he was describing me. I have spent most of my adult life, I'm 51 now, suspecting there was something wrong with me that no one was diagnosing, and I was right, just not in the way I thought. I'm not "cured" by any means, but I don't need painkillers anymore, I'm back to yoga without worrying about being careful, and I'm starting to get used to the idea that I might actually be pretty healthy.
The thing that's bugging me the most right now is that very soon after I started seeing that my physical complaints were largely psychological, I started seeing that that was true for many of the people around me, too. Practically everyone in my yoga class is being careful about something. But mainly I'm talking about my husband. He's had pretty bad TMJ as long as I've known him, stomach problems, hip and shoulder pains that come and go and that he attributes to old injuries. He's seen more professionals than I have, and never really gets better. I've talked to him about Sarno, begged him to read at least one of his books, but he read a few pages of MindBody Rx and decided it didn't resonate. There's no question in my mind that he has TMS.
I get that focussing on someone else's problems is a really good distraction from my own, but I'm feeling immensely frustrated and angry at him right now, because it definitely affects our life together. This man can happily spend all day fishing from a kayak, but after 10 minutes in Whole Foods he has to go sit in the car because his jaw or his stomach hurts. He worries, constantly, and it's getting harder and harder for me to listen to it. He's in therapy, is smart, kind, loving, and way more willing to talk about his feelings than any other man I've ever known, but refuses to believe that his physical pains are anything but physical in origin, won't even finish reading the book.
Can I really get better living with someone who refuses to? I want to say, of course I can, but I'm not sure I really believe it. I did my time in Al-Anon years ago because of my alcoholic parents, and I know that trying to change someone is a hell of useless suffering, everyone is on their own time, own journey, etc. Maybe I just need to vent. I have a large reservoir of rage that goes back a long time, but I'm stuck on this piece right now, and I'm hoping that putting it out into the world will help some. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 11:47:38
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| Do you have Sarno's video? My wife and 2 co-workers were relieved of severe back/hip pain after watching his video, even though they didn't really believe it. |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 17:04:40
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Sometimes it helps just getting stuff off your chest, like on this board, annomyous how ever you spell it - ha ha.
I understand how you feel about your husband- I'm not sure how you can handle that but like the last poster said maybe get the video and maybe he could watch it. I'm a little upset with my husband that he won't at least to try and quit smoking, I wanted him to take the Easy Way class with me and he won't, I have quit several times only to start again, and I think its because there are always cigs around-his. It angers me that he won't even try!!
Anyway I would think long and hard before leaving your husband as it sounds like he has a lot of good qualities. Maybe just by setting an example to him by you getting better, like I plan on doing with my husband about smoking, sooner or later they'll need to see the light right.
On that note I had to kinda end things with an close aquaintance of three years because daily she would email me about her daily pains, she has "severe fibro" and I'm sure she has pain, but she never tries to do anything about it, and it seems she loves having her fibro, among all her other health problems and she also won't read any of the books I mentioned to her, plus she just complains about everything else in her life.
I just found that it drug me down quit a bit and since I'm trying not to concentrate on the physical as much and thats all she can talk about that it just got too much for me.
Glad your back doing yoga and improving. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2008 : 19:21:18
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If you think he may watch the video, I can lend you my copy.
You can email me at aljones43@hotmail.com put Sarno in the header, and I'll mail it to you. You can just mail it back when you are done. |
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meema
10 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2008 : 07:19:07
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Thank you for the responses. I actually do have the video, and when I watched it he was pretending not to be listening in the next room for a good portion of it. I think it's the part about needing to believe in the TMS diagnosis that for him is too reminiscent of faith healing, and because of his upbringing, he's highly allergic to anything that feels even the slightest bit like a religion. Even more so if he feels pushed.
So obviously I need to back off, for my sake and for his, and it's really hard. I want him to feel better, and I want support to feel better, and I'm sick of living in pain and worry. But I do love him very much, and have no intention of leaving.
It would probably be good for me to watch the video a few more times--maybe eventually he'll hear something that will click. |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2008 : 08:14:06
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| How much is Sarnos video? Is it pretty much the same as the books? |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2008 : 14:33:22
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LuvtoSew: I bought the dvd here about a year ago.
http://www.healingbackpain.com/
MEEMA: Unfortuantely there is nothing we can do to make someone else "see the light". My dad was diagnosed by a TMS guy here in NJ over a year ago, and still is seeking medical treatment. Even though the guy said he had TMS and his stenosis was not causing pain. Even though he saw me go from not able to get out of bed to back to work in 3 weeks. So I let him seek his medical treatment. Even though none of it makes him better. Believe me, it's not easy to keep quiet, but at this point there is no point in getting myself worked up about it.
Similarly my brother blames an injury 20 years ago on knee pain. Dr. Sarno (I asked him specifically about this) says his knee has healed (and adjusted to the surgery he had 20 yrs ago). But I can't make him see it either. Frustrating? YES! But I am grateful I see it and have made changes in my life. We can hope that someday they come on board. Some will, some won't.
-Lori |
Edited by - mizlorinj on 07/07/2008 14:34:14 |
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other people's pain, and mine
