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mjwebb05
24 Posts |
 Posted - 06/30/2008 : 06:33:42
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I think I already know the answer to this question, but since this whole episode has made me question my TMS in a small way (just cause I have been doing sooooo well up to now), I thought I would throw this out there. I need some reassurance and "knowledge", as Sarno would say, to fight this thing!
So here's the scoop:
I am at my parent's house at the moment with my husband and dog for the first visit we have had with them in six months. I think this is the longest I have gone without having seen them, but it just worked out that way. My husband and I are teachers and it is hard to take time off during the school year, and my mom has her own problems (migraines, back pain, etc) and doesnt like to drive long distances anymore.
The drive from our house to my parents' is six hours in a car. So I think subconsciously, I was worried about the long drive, as in the past (pre-understanding TMS), it used to make my back feel even more horrible. Interestingly enough, though, I remember that when I went to India a few years back, I was terrified of what the old back would feel like, but the 24 hour flight and 5 hour train ride actually wasnt that bad....I think my mind was so preoccupied by the sense of taking such a trip and such a new experience that it blocked out any conditioning pain.
So now that we are here, my back pain is back with a vengance. The day before we left, i went for a one mile run and had NO PAIN during or after that activity. This was a HUGE milestone for me, and felt wonderful, as you can imagine. Then, the actual drive itself, i started to feel some pain and tried applying self-talk/pain talk to it in the car, as well as just ignoring it, which worked until about the last hour of the drive. Once we got to my folks house and got out of the car, it didnt seem all that bad. In fact, I remember telling my mom as I was on a walk with her and my dog around their neighborhood that my back actually felt pretty good. Then my 24 y/o brother showed up with his girlfriend for dinner, and I started to notice that old pain creeping up again when I saw down at the dinner table. It just got worse and worse as the night went on, and I finally caved and asked my mom for some advil to sleep cause it had migrated to even going down my leg by that point. (I had gotten so far with TMS techniques that it didnt even cross my mind to pack any OTC painkillers for the trip!).
And so it has been with me ever since Saturday night,and this is now Monday morning. It has come and gone in intensity, but still there, and a major bummer.
I should say that I have a really bad history with my Dad, and in general, my world/life view is very different than my entire family's, and I know that there is a LOT there when I see them. Anger, shame, guilt , fear, annoyance, bitterness, all of these ugly emotions that I hate to experience so I think I stuff them and grit my teeth - mostly directed at my Dad. I have been journaling a bit and self-talking a LOT, and this seems to help temporarily, but it feels like I am living in the TMS war-zone at the moment.
So I guess I just wanted to have you all read this and tell me what you think...why is it that TMS can come on so strong from a long car ride and a visit to the parents? I know that sounds like a "duh" answer, but the whole experience has made those little seeds of doubt in the TMS diagnosis come in, where I think it should probably be the opposite reaction.
In any case, we leave tomorrow morning, and I guess the experiment will continue to see how I am when we get home...! |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/30/2008 : 07:37:41
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It sounds like you are on the right track. You seem to believe that the increase in symptoms is due to a re-awakening of difficult emotions you would rather avoid. Try your best to feel those emotions and let them out.
Clearly you are very insightful into this experience from an intellectual perspective. The "duh" answer is the right one, but as you can see, TMS is a clever and irrational process that does not respond to how you think. The fact that you are starting to figure out and accept these tricks causes the symptoms to escalate further, as your mind is desperate to maintain the strategy that has worked so well for so long.
Try your best to accept the pain as a benign signal that there are still unresolved emotions living beneath the surface. Try to explore those emotions if you can, but the important part is to accept that the pain is connected to them. Take a long-term view and don't allow this temporary flare-up to plant seeds of doubt. That's exactly what your brain is trying to do. It may win the battle today, but it won't win the war, as long as you stay committed. |
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So why is it....
