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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
 Posted - 05/10/2008 : 23:34:10
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Need to get something off your chest?
Need a place to vent?
Need to dump some drama?
You can do it here.
Note: Your post might not be read by everyone.
This isn't a thread for getting answers to your
questions. It's just about dumping stuff if you
need to do that. |
Edited by - AmyAJJ on 05/10/2008 23:52:30 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2008 : 05:05:46
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Damnit! I don't want to have to drive that person all the way there tomorrow again. I feel tense in her presence and it reminds me of my sister who always seemed about to lash out at me for something.
Damn and blast. Its not fair. Why can't I just stay in bedin the morning.
Ah, it's because I love the birthday girl so much, and I can't disappoint her. Blast it. I hate being a f**g goodist.
Grrrrrr
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2008 : 12:34:08
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i was going to post my rage list from this morning but.. i feel like i'd have to seriously censor it. that sounds like a lot of work. so... nevermind. lol
Author of tms-recovery.com
A collection of articles on emotions, lifestyle changes, and TMS theory. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2008 : 15:15:12
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| My boyfriend seems to want me to feel bad today for getting angry with him yesterday. I hate that I can't have a fresh start with him sometimes. I already apologized and acknowledged my part. Now the littlest thing that I do today that seems like I'm irked, he reminds me of what I did yesterday and that I should be mending the bridge today. **** THAT! I am entitled to have a bad few moments yesterday and get angry and not be punished for it today and constantly reminded of it. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 08:57:15
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| This morning I am stressed about it being Monday again. My boyfriend thinks it's stupid that I would feel anxious about it being Monday and the week starting again. He doesn't want to get sucked into my negative feeling this morning so he just leaves me in the room and can't listen to me share. I feel alone and sad and angry when he does that. He doesn't have the ****in' patience to just listen to me for 5 minutes and reflect back what he hears? He's so LAME! And I'm angry right now and feel my back clinching up a bit. I hate communcation frustrations in relationships. HATE THEM. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 10:36:39
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Well, it was the first time that I've slammed doors and YELLED at him and said I"M ANGRY!!! And then I pounded on the wall in the hallway and slammed the next door that I went into and buried my head in the pillows and SCREAMED!
I have all this energy running through me right now and I'm not quite sure what to do with it all. I cried into the pillows as I was doing the screaming. I'm thinking of going for a walk just to move my energy around.
I feel like a total **** up for losing my cool like that. I hate this anger stuff. AGHHHHHH. :( |
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darlin
13 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 10:42:39
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I had so much anxiety and anger this morning that I almost took a xanax. I never take them during the day, much less at 8 in the morning. But i woke with that feeling. And it makes me so effing mad that I wanna throw things. My house is a mess... nothing was fitting and I couldnt find sh**! I know EXACTLY how you feel AmyAJJ.... it's horrible. I hate feeling that way. And I hold it all in even though I so wanna throw it at my boyfriend.... I know its not right so I won't. I wanna scream but its not resonable at 7 am. RARRRRRRRR!!!!! I HATE MONDAYS!!!!!!! lol wow.. that felt good.. ha!  |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 17:54:50
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I had anxiety dreams about work last night. So I know what you mean about dreading Mondays, Amy.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2008 : 17:59:33
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I had anxiety dreams about work last night. So I know what you mean about dreading Mondays, Amy.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 01:14:50
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IM FRICKIN ANGRY
know why?
BECAUSE I CANT WALK DOWN THE F_#$ING STREET WITHOUT GETTING BOMBARDED BY THIS GOD FMNAS$*)$# SHAME SCHEMA FROM FRICKIN NOWHERE I DONT KNOW WHERE THE THING CAME FROM OR WHAT ITS PURPOSE IS OR WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO BUT EVERY TIME I FEEL IT I WANT TO SMASH THE NEAREST DELICATE OBJECT OMFG IM PISSED OFF
day after day i deal with this #R*)#ing thing in my head and it wont SHUT UP always punishing me for $*U(#ING NOTHING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ok. jesus. i need a TV and a baseball bat
Author of tms-recovery.com
A collection of articles on emotions, lifestyle changes, and TMS theory. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 09:37:09
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| My boyfriend SUCKS at getting ready for things on time. I hate when I'm waiting around for him and he can't be ready in time for us to leave to get somewhere at a particular time. I hate that. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 09:41:13
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Maybe part of why I hate it is that because it reminds me of my GOODIST tendency to want to be on time so that I PLEASE other people!!
Why am I so good at determining how long it's going to take me to get showered and dressed? Because I TRAINED myself to do that early on in my life so that other people would LIKE ME!!
Now I'm secretly jealous maybe that my boyfriend has no such goodist tendency. He doesn't worry about upsetting people if he's not on time. He doesn't intentionally be late, but it's not the end of the world for him if he is.
I on the other hand, don't like being late because I don't want to inconvenience other people, or I don't want to miss out. The missing out is my own personal preference, but the other is definitely GOODIST related.
So I have anger about how I've MADE MYSELF be someone who can determine how long it will take her to get ready and be somewhere on time. HMPFH. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 09:43:08
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quote:
Originally posted by armchairlinguist
I had anxiety dreams about work last night. So I know what you mean about dreading Mondays, Amy.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment.
I've heard that most heart attacks happen on Mondays! How crazy is this that we, as a society, are so anxious about work stuff. AGGGHHHH. |
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darlin
13 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2008 : 11:04:34
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| ok so my little sister called freaking out yesterday while I was at work.... scared the sh** out of me. I guess she has a drug problem. The details are ugly... so I will spare you them. :( Good news is she has decided to get help. Bad news is my back, buns and legs are aching like crazy..... TMS SUCKS!!!!!!!! I hate the fact that I am not 100% better and I hate the fact that everytime I think I am starting to feel better, something comes up that stresses me out so bad my pain increases. Why can't I just recover!!?? Is something wrong with me!? Why can't I control it if it's in my head!? RARRRRR!!!! And why do I have to be so far away from my sister.... i am so sad today.... and I am so mad today.... and i have enough to do here at work that I could be here all night.... f***! |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2008 : 15:40:02
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I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Sometimes I'm feeling calm and in control (hmmm) of my moods. Other times I feel like I'm completely at their mercy.
I'm sick of being at odds with my boyfriend every other minute. Exaggeration there. That's what it feels like sometimes. I blew up and slammed all these doors the other day and it freaked him out even though I didn't do anything directly to him and now I feel even worse about expressing my anger. Even when it's not that intense. Now I feel like I can't even say that I don't like something without it turning into a big huge deal that leads to us not talking to each other for hours. It sucks.
Then there are these other times when we're connected and getting along and it seems like such a breath of fresh air. Then I get annoyed at something and it wipes all of that niceness away. Then I feel like it's all my fault, even though there are things that he's doing that I really want to blame him for!
So I am frustrated right now with this cycle of feeling good and feeling crazy. Feeling calm and feeling enraged.
We started seeing a therapist together so that we can work on some of these communication/dealing with anger issues. We've only been once so far. I hope it helps. Living like this is ****ty.
I just want to feel good. Or at least, if I'm feeling bad, I don't want someone else getting all affected by it and blaming me and making me feel guilty and worse about it all. I feel like I'm not entitled or able to have a bad afternoon or day around him because then he gets all pissed and hurt that his day was ruined or whatever.
I don't feel like I have any space in my life to be upset or angry. He's always around and always judging me for my moods. Ya, I'm exaggerating again. But that's what my child mind is pissed off about right now. That I don't get to have temper tantrums the way I want to because he's around and will make me feel bad about them and then we'll get into arguments and that SUCKS so bad.
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2008 : 10:46:51
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Again I'm hating that it's Monday. >:-(
I hate that there's all this **** to do for work.
All this stuff to catch up on from over the weekend.
All this crap to deal with.
Meetings and things that have to do with TIME and
they're all scheduled and inflexible. I have to be there
and do these things and I want to QUIT! I hate feeling
like this on Mondays. I go to the gym in the morning and
that feels good, then I get to work and it's like AGHHH!
Like I hit the ground running and then it's go go go until
the afternoon. I hate that my back is feeling tight and
I just want to go crawl back in bed and tell the world
to **** off and leave me alone. I hate feeling like I have
to keep up with everything. That I'm letting people down if
I don't do certain things. That I'm disappointing people.
I'm such a people pleaser sometimes it sucks so bad.
How am I feeling? Mad, angry, resentful. Frustrated. Annoyed.
It's a beautiful day outside and the sun is starting to
peek through the clouds and I'm in here fuming because I have
to work and get **** done. I hate the pressure of work.
Paying bills. Every SINGLE month! OVer and over and over the
same friggin' routine. Work work work. Give all your money
to the bills. Work work work. Give all your money to bills
and food and gas, etc. What kind of a way to live is that?
I'm also feeling anxious. Antsy in my own skin. Irritated
inside even though my outside looks calm. I hate being anxious
before a meeting.
<sigh> I guess I"ll use these next minutes before my meeting
to just breathe and be with what I'm feeling. Try to talk to
my pain a bit maybe.
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2008 : 10:50:32
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| Everytime I look at my to do list I feel a wave of anxiety run over me and through me. Gross! It feels awful. I just growled out loud when my eyes ran over my list as I was looking around my desk. Trying to get the frustration out so I don't bottle it up. I feel like screaming and running away. I feel so rushed inside. I hate this feeling!! |
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kimenem
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2008 : 19:04:02
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| I am PISSED OFF that I have to be dragged into a lawsuit at work because of some stupid ^%@&^%^@&% that got fired...which I had nothing to do with. She made allegations against me that were TOTALLY false. The thing is, while she was working with us, she never ONCE made mentioned of ANY of the things she accused me of. DAMN IT!!!!! |
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