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positivevibes
204 Posts |
 Posted - 05/07/2008 : 22:02:09
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Tonight I was in a supermarket parking lot returning the shopping cart to the area they have for that.
I was walking forward but looking behind me, because I was afraid that the shopping cart would roll away instead of be contained in the cart holder thing.
My foot caught a curb (didn't realize it was there) and I stumbled for what seemed FOREVER and finally fell HARD on my left hip. My left hand is a little cut up (nothing serious), and the side of my left knee feels a little sore. But the thing I'm most concerned about is my hip and my back.
Please guys, can you help me convince myself that this won't turn into another "pain for months on end" episode that becomes TMS?! I haven't fallen like this in YEARS. The last time I fell like this (when I was 7 month pregnant) I was in pain for weeks. And tonight I fell really hard!
I keep thinking about what my Osteopath would say about falling hard and jamming something in your body. I'm afraid that I may have jammed something and that I'll be for a lot of back pain because of it.
I'm just beside myself right now and scared of how I'll feel tomorrow when I wake up. I suppose I should go put ice on my hip, back, and knee. Fortunately I've been taking anti-inflammatories for the past couple of days because my toe was hurting, so I'll continue to take them for several more days.
I DON'T NEED THIS IN MY LIFE!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN PAIN ANYMORE! |
Edited by - positivevibes on 05/08/2008 00:07:23 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/07/2008 : 22:21:01
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Your body is strong and resilient and WILL HEAL.
You might be sore for a few days, or a bit more. It's hard to say from your description but it sounds like all you got is bruises.
There's no reason why it should be worse when you wake up, except you might feel a little stiffness because the aches from yesterday have developed.
I've had two major incidents since I recovered -- falling off my bike over the handlebars, cutting my chin open and bruising my knee and elbow, and being knocked over while walking by a cyclist, cutting open my head and resulting in a couple weeks of headaches from a concussion.
In both cases the worst physical effects were temporary and followed exactly the recovery course predicted by physicians. TMS didn't play any role -- probably in part because I expected it not to! The worst part was actually the emotional aftereffects of fear and anger. I still get flashbacks to those moments. (Not PTSD type stuff, just when I'm near the locations I remember how it felt when it happened.) Hopefully since yours was just a fluke accident you won't have as much of that.
You can't let yourself get back into the mode of thinking physical and believing that your fragile and minor incidents can cause chronic pain. If you think it may happen, your doubt will allow space for the pain to creep in. You're strong and you had an uncomfortable fall and you'll be sore for a while but you'll recover quickly. It happens all the time!
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
Edited by - armchairlinguist on 05/07/2008 22:23:15 |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 00:16:53
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Thank you, armchairlinguist!
Sounds like you handled your two incidents really well (being thrown from your bike...that sounds pretty scary...and a concussion!) I suppose that ANYTHING that might potentially hurt my body scares the crap of out me these days. Even a small stumble up the stairs has me thinking, "my back's ok, my back's ok." Jeez, that's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?
My husband said, "Things will not be the same as they were previously. You have to divide your life into pre-Sarno and post-Sarno. You are post-Sarno, so things can never get that bad ever again." (He's a gem...think I'll keep him, LOL)
I was lying in bed icing my back and hip and reading one of Sarno's books. He talks about triggers. Indeed, I can't let this incident become a trigger for back pain.
But what drives me crazy IS the doubt. You are right that I should not allow doubt to enter the picture. But at a moment like this, when I'm banged up and not sure how it will turn out, it's hard not to be scared.
Last week I had my first phone session with Dr. Bloch. Mainly we talked about what sort of war I have going on inside myself that results in chronic pain. Anyway, I emailed him tonight, asking him how I should deal with a situation like this. What should my "mantra" be to talk myself out of TMS? How do I *not* become hysterical when something like this happens?
I like what you've said in your post:
"You can't let yourself get back into the mode of thinking physical and believing that you're fragile and minor incidents can cause chronic pain. If you think it may happen, your doubt will allow space for the pain to creep in. You're strong and you had an uncomfortable fall and you'll be sore for a while but you'll recover quickly. It happens all the time!"
Maybe I should be saying to myself something like this: "I am not fragile. I am a strong active healthy person. I had a little fall but my body will heal itself and I will recover and have a normal life. There is no reason to expect chronic pain because of this."
Maybe I should also say to myself, "I will not let this become a trigger for TMS. I will not let TMS win!"
A long time ago I took Aikido (believe it or not). The Sensei was a very wise man who would often say something like, "thank your problems for being in your life, because they are there to help you."
If I can get ahold of myself after an incident like this, it will give me more confidence for the future. Maybe I'll even decide to go ice skating or roller skating again....two activities I've avoided because I was afraid of falling down and hurting my back.
p.s. My poor husband...once again dealing with my hysteria over my back. I feel very guilty even telling him about it because I know he's already heard enough to last a lifetime....I wish I wasn't so much of a "head case" these days! I didn't used to be like this!
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Edited by - positivevibes on 05/08/2008 00:36:06 |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 06:23:32
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That is why I have always looked at finding Sarno as such a big "score"...not only did my pain go away, but I can be the cockiest reckless-est B-tard I always wanted to be.
I love being at work when someone tells me I'm lifting something wrong.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
I love when I get drilled in the back with a Nice heavy, country fastball around 80 mph.
"Ooh that's gonna hurt tomorrow"
"No..it's not. I must be genetically superior to you...perhaps you should pass on having children and help clean up the gene pool?"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
(I really don't laugh in their face...just trying to make the point clear. I am waaay too much of a TMSer to actually be THAT cocky..but you know what I mean.)
I have been a Sarno-ite for almost a decade. I have lost track of the number of accidents that should have/would have incapacitated me in the past or without his input. Bicycle falls.Collision at home plate. Falling off of ladders...
On my 41st Birthday I celebrated by dropping in on the vertical section of our local skatepark....well, I pussed out about an eenth of a second in and fell headfirst 8 feet into the empty swimming pool. I ripped open my elbow and exposed the bone (I have a picture of it on my photobucket page if you'd like to see?). I was Bleeding everywhere and might have even been temporarily out, though I think it was more being knocked senseless....190 pounds falling like a rock, landing on a rolling board.
So.... I was so angry that I failed (In front of my sons..worse!) that I walked back up to the edge and did it...and made it!
Beware of the solicitousness of others. A set of walls collapsed on me at work,and every single person who saw it happen came up and talked to me in hushed tones, like I was on my death bed. They all asked if I was OK (It hurt, but I was OK) than they all warned me of the pain that would certainly come later.
You have to sort of Charlie-Brown-Adult-Voice them..."wuh Wahh wah weh wuh...wahr war wer wah whuhh"
Your Body is one of the strogest, most highly evolved mechanisms in our neck of the galaxy...maybe in the universe? A fall, albeit painful, in the healthiest most resilient part of your life (the young and middle part) is not anything it couldn't fix in a few minutes.
Stay vigilant about emotional things, anger about falling, anger at being the goodist who always puts the cart back, etc. That's probably waaaay more important.
Stop thinking about the osteopath (whatever they really are supposed ot be?) You have a new Dr. now.
-out |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 08:32:06
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Yes, last night I was actually thinking about how goodist I was being, turning my head to keep looking behind me to ensure that the stupid shopping cart didn't roll back out of the holder. I mean, nobody was around, it wouldn't have hit anything -- it wouldn't have mattered! It was 9 p.m. and the parking lot was half empty! But still I had to make sure, and in the process I didn't take care of myself. You know what happens next...the agony, the anger, the feelings of being a victim. You are absolutely right that I need to concentrate on the emotions surrounding this event and others like it.
I suppose it's a really good example of me not watching out for myself in general and putting perfectionist and goodist behavior first. This morning I was thinking about how the result of my stumble could have been MUCH worse. What if a car had been coming and had hit me while I was stumbling thru the parking lot? What if I had hit something in my stumbling and had broken or torn something or knocked out some teeth? Simply falling to the ground is probably the best outcome I could have hoped for (although I wish it had been soft grass, not hard tar).
Well, now it's the next morning and although I feel sore, so far I feel OK. I was able to sleep OK (took two Tylenol to help deaden the pain just in case). I was able to "get" a tremendous "crack" in my back while I stretched in bed, which I take as a good sign that nothing is "stuck". I expect one helluva bruise to develop on my hip in the next day or two. But hopefully once the bruise heals, that will be it -- end of story.
I suppose once a TMS person has gone through a few episodes of terrible muscle spasms and months of pain, they dread ever having to deal with that again because it's SO debilitating. So far no muscles are spasming, and really why should they? I didn't pull anything or strain anything, I fell! It's not logical to expect that muscles woudl spasm.
Baseball, your cavalier attitude toward your body inspires me. I would like to become more like that -- which is how I was 25 years ago -- and which is far more normal than my present fragile neurotic self-image. In my early 20s I was open to anything and everything. I ice skated, roller skated, went horseback riding, did all sorts of weightlifting -- you name it. There's no reason why I can't do these things at age 47. I was thinking of (believe it or not) Heather Mills McCartney, and realized, "Sh*t -- she lost a leg; I just fell down! What kind of tragedy is THIS? It *isn't* a tragedy; my body is still totally intact!"
I keep thinking, "I need to figure this out before I'm 95 and the best young strong years of my life are behind me!" That would be a huge tragedy! In that regard, I am grateful to have found the writings of Dr. Sarno and I'm grateful to have found this message board.
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Edited by - positivevibes on 05/08/2008 08:35:09 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 09:22:58
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Sounds like you're doing great. Yes, you have the right idea about mantras. Doubt is inevitable -- even I get it sometimes. The important thing is not to let it spiral but to have a mantra that can interrupt it. It's a philosophical approach embodied (for me) by my sig line: 100% belief may or may not be possible -- doubt may crop up -- but 100% commitment to the Sarno method is essential.
Your husband does sound like a gem. I bet he is very excited by your recovery. And I hope to hear soon that you've been out skating. :)
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 10:35:55
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If you are in serious pain you should see a doctor and get an X-ray and rule out a fracture.
If it is just a bruise then you should not be concerned about it, because our bodies heal completely and "old" injuries do not cause chronic pain. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 11:21:24
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quote:
If you are in serious pain you should see a doctor and get an X-ray and rule out a fracture.
This is also true. I had a skull x-ray after getting knocked over, to rule out any fracture. They didn't think there was one (I only had minor bleeding from a small scrape on my head), but they wanted to be sure. (They didn't think there was a concussion either -- I didn't have any of the symptoms like vomiting, double vision, confusion -- but I obviously did have one since I got classic post-concussive headaches a week afterwards. Pretty awful, but they went away two weeks later, exactly as predicted.)
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 11:53:08
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave
If you are in serious pain you should see a doctor and get an X-ray and rule out a fracture.
If it is just a bruise then you should not be concerned about it, because our bodies heal completely and "old" injuries do not cause chronic pain.
Yes, I agree. I figured I'd give it several days to a week to see how I'm feeling. I doubt that I fractured anything. I had a bone scan last year and my bones are extremely strong and normal.
Anyway, I'm going to stay on anti-inflammatories for several more days, then wean down off of them and just take Tylenol when necessary.
I had to take my daughter to an appointment today...driving in traffic, etc. Every time I found myself dwelling on how uncomfortable my body felt, I forced myself to think about something else, like being grateful that nothing worse happened last night. And of course my home-made mantra.
I was explaining to my husband last night that being in pain -- any amount of pain -- is just hideous to me these days. I think I need to get over that. I think someone else on this board, who had spoken to Don Dubin (or maybe it was Arnold Bloch), had been told that we have to accept some amount of pain -- it's how we perceive it and let it take over our lives that is the problem. It's unrealistic to expect that I wouldn't be in any pain after taking a hard fall on concrete. But it's also unrealistic to think that, at this point, it will screw up my summer. By summer this should be totally healed and the incident should be behind me, barring any other complication like a fracture or whatever.
And if something actually did get pushed "out of whack" by the impact, I could go back to my Osteopath and get it "adjusted out." Either way, the situation will be finite and I have to concentrate on the fact that I WILL be pain-free again in the near future. The fact that I fell doesn't "mean" anything. It's just a thing that happened. |
Edited by - positivevibes on 05/08/2008 12:02:01 |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 13:30:23
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How about writing about the fears you are experiencing. Looking at them on paper. Then writing about your reaction to seeing those fears.
Yes, it sucks to take a fall. But as others have mentioned, the body heals. We are very resilient. Our fears impede that progress though . . .
Come to think of it, I did take a bad fall on the streets of NYC recently. All of a sudden my leg was swooped out from under me from the person behind me and I fell directly onto my right hip. Got up immediately so I wouldn't be trampled by the crowd. Tender the next day or two and I haven't thought about it since--till now. Again, the body heals. I knew I didn't have lasting damage so I didn't give it another thought.
I would think an osteopath would reinforce a physical aspect for you.
I would write about my fears right now and get them out. Look at the unrealistic expectations and counter them with a realistic expectation and perhaps a good affirmation.
-L |
Edited by - mizlorinj on 05/08/2008 14:33:27 |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 15:02:51
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quote:
Originally posted by mizlorinj
How about writing about the fears you are experiencing. Looking at them on paper. Then writing about your reaction to seeing those fears.
I would write about my fears right now and get them out. Look at the unrealistic expectations and counter them with a realistic expectation and perhaps a good affirmation.
Yes, I had put off journaling, but now I'm doing it in earnest. I started last night -- just let my emotions flow onto the page. I stayed up too late writing, but that was OK because I needed to get all that stuff out of my head. I like your idea of listing each fear and countering it with a realistic reaction and affirmation!
quote:
Come to think of it, I did take a bad fall on the streets of NYC recently. All of a sudden my leg was swooped out from under me from the person behind me and I fell directly onto my right hip. Got up immediately so I wouldn't be trampled by the crowd. Tender the next day or two and I haven't thought about it since--till now. Again, the body heals. I knew I didn't have lasting damage so I didn't give it another thought.
Well, I'm certainly hoping that I'll feel alot better within a week. This may have actually been the hardest fall I've taken as an adult. Certainly it's the hardest fall I've taken in many years, that I can remember. That's one reason why it scares me.
quote:
I would think an osteopath would reinforce a physical aspect for you.
I agree. And that's why I would only go back to him IF I was absolutely convinced, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there was a physical problem. He's a very good doctor, but he has a tendency to reinforce some negative things, like reminding me that I have arthritis in my back, and that I should expect to have flare-ups. Once he even told me that he doubted I'd be playing tennis when I'm in my 70s. I immediately rebuffed his comment, telling him that I have full intentions of being able to play tennis and ride my bike well into my old age! (I was really surprised that he'd said that to me -- it really made me doubt his motives -- which up until then had seemed very good). It's another example of how Sarno says that doctors reinforce negative thinking in patients.
Before I would go back to him, I would probably investigate whether I had a fracture (get another MRI or something) IF I suspected that I broke something. But unless there are clear indications that I caused real physical harm to myself, I'm hesitant to do any tests, because as Sarno points out, hearing that you have a problem only reinforces the "disability thinking." For example, how would I feel if there was no fracture, but a new disc was herniated (either because of the fall, or because it was that way before). On the other hand, if I did fracture something, it would be helpful to know.
It's too early to tell what the exact outcome will be. My muscles are sore in a lot of places all over my body from absorbing the shock of the fall. When the muscles calm down, I'll have to see if there is any "non muscle" pain left over.
Today my body feels like one big "ouch" but so far it hasn't stopped me from doing anything I had to do, or that I wanted to do (partly thanks to my RX NSAID and Tylenol).
I had planned to get back to the gym this weekend. I may still go and just do a light workout on the treadmill. Because psychologically, I need to get back there. I've been away from the gym for almost 2 months. Went to Tokyo with my family over Spring Break (mid-March) and then caught an awful cold that turned into a nasty sinus infection and then a disgusting chronic cough (the cough finally went away last week). Then this stupid neruoma thing started hurting my foot (stil not sure if it's really a neuroma or just TMS). So I've been out of commission for one reason or another for weeks and have been rather lazy about exercise. I managed to workout at home a few times but haven't actually gotten back to my old gym routine yet. |
Edited by - positivevibes on 05/08/2008 15:10:20 |
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EileenTM
92 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 15:34:53
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I had two major accidents in the past 3 years that show the power we have to heal and that we don't get hurt that easily. I am 57 so I am not that young. The first accident was at my local tennis club where a big male player charged to the back of the court chasing a ball. He slamed into the curtain and unfortunately I was behind it walking to another court. I am 5'6" and weigh 115lbs. The impact sent me airborne and thru an exit door that was not open. Luckly I did not land on my head, but on my back and hips. Thank God I broke nothing, but was sore for a few days.
The second time I was playing golf and walked on some timber steps covered with very slick algae. My feet went right out from under me and I landed hard on my right hip and shoulder. Again, just sore for a few days. In both cases I did get checked by the doctor to make sure nothing was broken. We have an amazing ability to heal and to withstand injury. The key is not to let fear take over. |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/08/2008 : 15:58:55
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I find it really encouraging to hear these stories from other TMS patients who have had "accidents" and recovered without any resulting TMS symptoms.
Thank you so much for sharing, Eileen TM and everyone! It really helps to put my mind at ease to hear your accident stories! |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2008 : 16:42:20
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Here's an update on my situation.
It has been 4 days since I fell, and basically I'm OK. Not perfect, but not terrible either.
I was on a strong Rx NSAID (Mobic) for several days, alternating with Tylenol. That helped dull the pain and let me function in the world. Starting yesterday I weaned myself off the meds, but I'm taking this stuff my Osteopath recommends called RPR (enzymes that help heal the body. I'm also being sure to take my vitamins.
I was able to do the things I needed to do on the days after the incident. My back didn't spasm -- I felt pain from the bruises and the impact, but that was it. Every day I gained a bit more confidence that things would be OK.
On Friday I had a phone session with Dr. Bloch which was very helpful. We talked about strategies for breaking out of negative circular thinking. Dr. Bloch is a very interesting guy. His approach is very calming and almost spiritual in nature. He suggested that I read the book "The Power of Now." Ironically, my husband just started reading it; it's on his nightstand, so we have it in the house!
So here I sit on Sunday afternoon. I feel a sensation of dull pressure in my lower spine, which I beleve to be the result of the hard impact when my hip hit the ground with such force. Although I'm not happy about feeling this sensation, I'm not letting it interfere with my day. I'm trying to be optimistic that it will continue to get better every day. And if it doesn't go away in another week or two, I may see a doctor for an X-ray or MRI to rule out the possibility of a fracture. How do they treat a spinal or pelvic fracture? I assume the same way they treat a cracked rib: nothing but time.
In the past I would have been freaking out about this grey area. But I keep telling myself that:
1. My back muscles seem fine, so there's no need to worry about them. They are normal and without problems.
2. If I do have a fracture, it will heal. Fractures heal in normal people, and I am a normal person. So maybe it will feel uncomfortable for a while, but then it will be OK again. If it turns out to be something else -- maybe a disc issue -- my Osteopath could help fix it. But at the moment, I'm not "going there."
3. I should focus on the NOW and not give the pain, or the incident of the fall I took, any more power than it deserves in my life. I need to have confidence that everything will turn out OK and that probably there is nothing "wrong" other than the pains you'd expect to have after falling on concrete and getting bruised up.
4. I have a lot of reasons to feel happy today, right now. I will focus on those positive thoughts and not let the negative thoughts have power over me.
5. When I find myself "scanning" my body to assess how I'm feeling (as LA Kevin put it in another thread), I stop the process in its tracks and instead focus on something else.
I won't lie to you guys -- this has been REALLY hard work for me. I have a tendency to make everything into a crisis (I forget the term for that, but you know what I mean). I am trying to change my basic nature for the good of my own mental health.
I thank God that I found Sarno's books and this board and Dr. Bloch. I think without these three resources, I would be a total mental mess right now, and I really do think that my pain would be worse.
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Edited by - positivevibes on 05/11/2008 16:47:47 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/11/2008 : 17:29:13
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Go PV! It is hard work, but so worth it.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 03:48:21
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I just wanted to give an update on how I've been doing after this fall a few weeks ago.
Basically...fine. After the initial bruise/impact pain wore off, I felt pretty normal. The big bruise on my hip is almost gone.
Ironically, within a week after I fell, I caught a really bad cold and was very sick for almost two weeks. My sinus infection came right back, as if it had never left. So maybe it hadn't been totally cleared up. I'm assuming that THAT is the reason why I fell and was stumbling a lot in those weeks -- I was still fighting an infection and I was on the verge of getting sick again. When I was very sick with this cold, my back felt fine. I was totally off the Mobic. I even forgot about the fact that I'd fallen. Isn't that interesting?! (Can you give yourself a cold or a sinus infection as a physical distraction? I mean...is that possible?!)
Anyway, the new round of antibiotics seem to have finally cleared it up and I'm starting to exercise again. And sure enough, my back is feeling a little "iffy," despite feeling OK last week. Truthfully I'm a little scared to exercise. But I'm trying to ignore it the best I can. Later this week I plan to return to the gym (been exercising at home to start).
It is within the realm of possiblity that I may have fractured something in my back (small fracture, I'm sure) when I fell so hard. Maybe exercising is aggrivating something. I am giving it 8 weeks to heal. I figure that if I still feel this pain 8 weeks after the incident (it's unclear whether it's muscular -- I can't seem to exactly pinpoint the source, and most fractures will heal within 8 weeks), then I may go to an orthopedist and get an X-ray or MRI to see for sure what's going on, if anything.
As you know, getting such a test can be opening a Pandora's box for us TMS people. But the truth is, there is a doubt in my mind as to whether this new pain is TMS or an actual physical problem caused by the fall. If not for the fall, I could be absolutely sure that any little pains I felt was TMS without a doubt.
The pain isn't bad ...it's quite mild actually...two Tylenol or a couple of Advil will take it away temporarily. It isn't stopping me from doing what I want or need to do. Not interfering with my sleep or anything. I'm just bothered by the fact that it's THERE at all. I still have issues with pain -- I just don't want to feel any pain in my back AT ALL. Well, that's not realistic. There's pain and then there's PAIN. There's pain that limits you and pain that's just enough to annoy you and say, "Hey, I'm here again!"
For now I'm going to assume that it's TMS or a passing problem that will resolve itself, and just go about my life. Continue journaling and being as self-aware as possible. It's a major challenge for me NOT to obsess about it. I'm fighting it all the time. I'm hoping that all the recent revelations I've made about myself (see my other recent post) will help diffuse some of this situation.
This TMS stuff can be such a "head trip." It's hard to know sometimes which side is up. But no matter what, I plan to dive deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole because if I keep doing what I've been doing in the past, I will only wind up in pain again.
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Edited by - positivevibes on 05/28/2008 03:55:13 |
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 04:46:29
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"Can you give yourself a cold or a sinus infection as a physical distraction? I mean...is that possible?!)"
I reckon definitely - especially - in your case - as the back pain disappeared while you had it! Before I got the RSI the main problems i had were always with my sinuses (my first boyfriend affectionately referred to me as a 'mucus-ridden snotbag' which is pretty much 100 per cent accurate).
When I was stressed or rundown I was very prone to getting bad colds, which would go to my throat then my chest and could last for a couple of weeks. I don't get them so badly any more - but the last couple of times I have come down with a bug has been when I was mentally feeling not very able to cope with stuff.
the last time I had one was when I had a weekend where I was supposed to meet lots of different people and whatever I did I would have had to let someone down. This is something I find majorly stressful. Conveniently I got a cold and spent all weekend on the sofa instead, so I didn't have to decide what to do. coincidence or TMS? i think TMS....
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 04:48:28
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| also meant to say I thought your other last post about your creativity etc was amazing - good luck with the music - I think you've hit the bullseye with realising how much that was affecting you. |
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positivevibes
204 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 12:58:08
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quote:
Originally posted by campbell28
I reckon definitely - especially - in your case - as the back pain disappeared while you had it! Before I got the RSI the main problems i had were always with my sinuses (my first boyfriend affectionately referred to me as a 'mucus-ridden snotbag' which is pretty much 100 per cent accurate).
That's funny. My husband affectionaly calls me "his adorable fountain of phlegm" And lately when I blow my nose -- which is quite a long and prolific process -- my kids (teenagers) say, "Mom is having another nose storm!"
You said that you got sick because you were mentally not able to cope with stuff. That really makes a lot of sense. There are major changes going on in my life right now, since my internet business has been moved to the fulfillment company and for the first time in years I have some free time again. I don't know how to cope with it, because it means I'll have to face myself -- the business will no longer be such a time-sucking distraction -- and that is very scary. It's obvious to me that I started the business because I was afraid of facing some truth about myself. I created a new self -- an entrepreneur self, and totally squashed the creative self. Still not sure exactly what that's all about, but maybe as time goes on I will be able to peel away the layers to reveal it and understand it.
Well THIS will blow your mind....about 4 years ago, my family and I went to Aruba on vacation. I had been very busy and unhappy due to my internet business before the trip and was looking forward to relaxing on the beach. What happened? I GOT PNEUMONIA!!! The second day of the trip I got sick and it turned into freaking pneumonia! That seemed to start a chain of "getting sick on vacation" problems. Including, last year, hurting my back while on vacation in Tucson, AZ.
So I have to wonder -- will being more self-aware stop this from happening? I also wonder, was my tripping and falling a symptom of TMS as well? My family and I are supposed to go to Grand Cayman in July and for some reason deep down I'm not looking forward to it; I'm scared of it. This is totally bizarre. Scared to go on a relaxing beach vacation? What the hell? We went to Tokyo over Spring Break and my back did "act up" from all the sitting and walking and constant jostling on the subway. But I ignored it. Popped a few pills and said, "I'm in Tokyo and I'm going to enjoy myself!" You know what -- my back stopped hurting. And it was fine until that stupid tripping/falling incident.
It's like there's this little troublemaking "demon" inside that won't leave me alone. In the book The Power of Now, it is described as "the painbody". I have to figure out what it's all about so I can make it go away. I THINK I'm on the right path. I tell you, this is all such a head trip; sometimes it's exhausting.
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Edited by - positivevibes on 05/28/2008 13:07:04 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 14:57:41
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I used to often get sick on vacation, or in the downtime after a stressful time. It still happens occasionally but I usually realize why it happened and it is usually milder. It reminds me to attend to the issues and take care of myself.
I don't think we really 'give ourselves ' illnesses, but the stress depresses the immune system so the bugs that we usually fight off can get in.
Glad you're feeling better these days!
--
It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 05/28/2008 : 15:11:39
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"I don't know how to cope with it, because it means I'll have to face myself -- the business will no longer be such a time-sucking distraction -- and that is very scary. It's obvious to me that I started the business because I was afraid of facing some truth about myself. I created a new self -- an entrepreneur self, and totally squashed the creative self."
that's sort of exactly what I felt about what happened to me. I tried to turn myself into a go-getting hard-nosed ambitious journalist - partly I think because I was scared of not knowing what I wanted to do: partly from internal or perceived external presure to have a 'proper' job and a structure to my life: partly because i was running away from myself.
I think I was definitely afraid of myself, or certain aspects of myself - mainly emotions. and I suppose emotions are so tied up with creativity that to deny your emotions or try to suppress them is also to suppress that creativity. I can see it in the work I have produced since all this happened.
I used to get very frustrated with my writing because I could not say want I wanted: it didn't ring true. now I am getting much closer to writing the way I want to write, because I'm not so afraid to play around, make mistakes, write rubbish, write really weird f**ked-up stuff. I used even to write my diary with an eye to who would eventually read it: now I'm filling pages full of vitriolic crap that i may burn or never read again, and I'm not afraid of it.
Before, I couldn't admit to being afraid and I couldn't admit to being angry, and how on earth was I ever going to write anything about human beings that didn't have fear or anger in it?
I've also started drawing again which I hadb't done for ages - I just got this urge to buy some paints and cover a page with colour, and to sketch things.
It's like I'm really now starting to enjoy all this again, rather than it all being tied up with some massive pressure. I'm learning how to let the nasty, unpleasant, thoroughly human side of myself out to play, without damaging others too much, i hope,
"I tell you, this is all such a head trip; sometimes it's exhausting."
damn right! |
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I fell down hard on my hip -- really scared
