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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - 04/11/2008 : 07:13:54
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I am pretty sure I have been fooled again...Or,at least it's TRYing to fool me again.
I posted last week about that 'fluid' that I had built up in my leg. Being a long time TMSer , I immediately assumed TMS, ignored it and went about my very physical 'Manuel Labor' Job. Three days later, I could barely move.I couldn't kneel or bend my leg at all. It wasn't painful. It was GROSS (literally and figuratively). It looked swollen and Ugly.
I had never had any TMS symptom without pain... I have had all sorts of MindBody issues that I'm certain were generated to distract me, but never swelling without Pain.
A few of my forum Brethren and Sistren (I just made that word up) told me that in spite of my wishful thinking, there really are conditions of swelling where fluid must be drained off.
I went to an MD who sent me to an Ortho at a sports medicine facility where they promptly drained it, shot it full of cortisone and sent me on my merry way. The only comment that the young doctor gave me was that my fluid 'looked a little arthritic'. That made me wonder about it..I mean, is that crap always there? Then why did it need to be removed?
I think I need to mention that after they drained it, My Knee was still Ugly and swollen. I have worked on my knees my whole life. I have never inspected them that closely. The truth is I have UGLY,bumpy,bony,sinewy,bald knees. Still looks the same a week later. Probably always did.
During the examination the Doctor almost jumped back in astonishment when My GOOD leg went 'POP' when I tried to bend my legs. I think it worthy to mention here that Many of my joints make that same noise (Hip,Back,Legs,Jaw) and ever since I read HBP I have never given them the slightest bit of concern.
So.. I am at work and now My Leg is painful, exactly in the spot that the Dr. warned me might indicate further potential problems.In fact , BOTH legs are painful. I can feel pain coursing through my legs at various times and in various levels of discomfort. I crouch into the catchers position and hear the loudest 'POP'-POP' My legs have ever made.In fact, I have begun 'Popping' all over the place. Maybe it was already there, but now it has my attention (clues?)
As I keep ignoring it, it subsides. In fact, after a really strenuous piece of work, or work out, there is NO sensation of discomfort at all. I laid in the crouch for 45 minutes last night. The stiffness and 'POP' were all there at first, but I plodded through. I noticed, coming in all sweaty and gloriously Muddy that I had No stiffness, No pain, No nothing.
I also noticed it occupying that Obsessional place in my mind that My TMS used to...first thing I notice in the morning.
and last but not least... I have been going through a really painful transition in my marriage. When I can focus/meditate/bring my attention into that pain, the leg pain is invisible.I feel like I'm going to cry, I get a wave of tingles up and down my body but Everythings OK..except my head.
Than When I catch myself out playing 'schucking-and-jiving-funny-super-cool-alpha-wolf-guy' is when the symptoms return.
That all stinks of TMS. Symptoms where the direst consequences are implied (distraction)regional non-distinctive symptoms (hysterical) relief of discomfort from activity (ischemia) and attributed to a 'structural problem' that might have just been there. I mean, if that stuff resided in my Body long enough to 'look arthritic' than it wasn't like pus in a pimple that is a reaction to infection. It was probably some fluid that lives there for a reason...and the symptom brought on for the purpose of 'helping me out' through this emotional pain.
I respect all of you more than any Md's. You go out and living and fighting through the fear and rolling eyes on the front lines of the war against this crap. We're all like the survivors from a war that is still raging (go read Healthboards...if you can stomach it) and I have No one in my area I can speak to when I have issues about this, because even the ones who have finally acknowledged that Back Pain is TMS can't seem to stomach the idea that in a 'recovered' TMSer, the Brain might choose any of a number of systems to distract you.
So here is my Hypothesis.
1. That stuff was always there. I got the symptom because I needed the symptom. The easing of the stiffness MIGHT have been expedited by the 'draining' but was not facilitated by it. Placebo?
2. My Body Chose a spot I have never dealt with. It had to be scary and new...not something Old and dusty like back pain, neck pain or shoulder/arm/throwing baseball pain.I have beaten all of these before and they are more laughable than terrible
3. The real issue is whether or not I can stand my 'new' wife now that we don't fight anymore. I feel like that is the 800 pound gorilla in my house. Back when we fought regularly, I could 'let it rip' about once or twice a month....that is, I'd say what was on my mind. Now I just keep it all buttoned up, what with her all smiley and pleasant. I am conditioned to fight. I am Pavlov's dog. The bell rings and I start to drool, but the food never comes. Anxiety and uncertainty have replaced the warm comfort of continual low grade anger and dissatisfaction.
It smells awful funny. I think I have been fooled again, or at least caught with my TMS weapons unloaded.
Observations? Refutations? Love to hear how wrong I might be.
I always know I am wrong half the time. I just never know which half!
-bb65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 04/11/2008 10:59:59 |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2008 : 10:37:56
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quote:
I have been going through a really painful transition in my marriage.
quote:
The real issue is whether or not I can stand my 'new' wife now that we don't fight anymore. I feel like that is the 800 pound gorilla in my house. Back when we fought regularly, I could 'let it rip' about once or twice a month....that is, I'd say what was on my mind. Now I just keep it all buttoned up, what with her all smiley and pleasant.
Could you expand on this? What's the story here? Have you made some kind of agreement with your wife not to get angry with each other? Have you had marriage counselling?
And btw what's her health like at the moment?
Hilary N |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 04/14/2008 : 12:51:13
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| Baseball, I'm probably being too simplistic, but I think you ruptured your bursa ,doing whatever, and the event(plus your doctors comments) gave the good ole gremlin a new target. My experience with this injury is that it takes the joint a long time to look normal. Whenever we have drained them they just refill, maybe not as much. I would quit looking at it and go on about your business. Remember where you were when you had it drained. That arthritic talk is so commonplace. By the way, how does synovial fluid look arthritic? That sounds like total bs to me. |
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I think I got fooled again....
