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Sara
66 Posts |
 Posted - 12/08/2004 : 17:35:20
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I was just wondering if any of you have felt worse before feeling better? Today I took my two year old to gymnastics and for the first time in years I bounced on the trampoline. I wanted to prove to my brain that I wasn't fearful, but now my legs feel crummy. I think I must still have fear of movement or I wouldn't be in pain. I keep trying to convince myself that I am not afraid, but I must be. How do I get past these doubts? I know there is no magic formula and it will take time. Should I just focus on getting better in everyday life, or do I tackle it head on by doing the things I am most afraid? I am such that if I do something I want to do it fully and I definitely get impatient. I know being impatient will not help me with TMS, but I just want some postive reinforcement that I am on the right track. I believe in the mindbody connection, but my brain has been programmed for so many years. I do feel a bit desperate as I want so much to get better, even a little bit. Please be patient with me as I am new to the program. Thanks.
Sara
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2004 : 17:58:57
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Sara,OF COURSE it wants to get worse.
It doesn't want to let go....it thinks it's helping you.It's like an annoying Mother in Law that comes to "help out" around the house,and than starts doing everything exactly the way you don't want it done....it thinks it's helping but you really just wish it would go away.
I think I must still have fear of movement or I wouldn't be in pain
I think you're right,but you are also RIGHT ON! The fear doesn't go away overnight...it has too much reinforcement from the media,the medical world and TIME.
I am glad to see you are actually challenging it....that's how you're going to win.
Virtually every single one of my TMS friends is a model parent,spending tons of time on their kids while they suffer through pain...
if there is one thing that always sends a flare signal up to me,it's when I have a symptom ,and I'm playing Mr. mom,or at some kid event like a Baseball tournament(my whole weekend?) or a school recital (That was great!!!{what song was that supposed to be?})...oh sure,I'd much rather see my son butcher Mozart on the trombone than go see Janes Addiction with a bottle of bourbon and other unmentionables.
I'd much rather be freezing my butt off at your football game than home watching NFL football in my warm house,with a bowl of popcorn and a clean restroom.
Other parents have always commented on what a great Baseball coach I am,and how much their kids like me.The funny part is,the reason I'm now able to be a good coach,is that I had to analyze the resentment I have about having to coach Baseball,rather than play...
There are sooooo many moral imperatives these days about what is a "good parent",and so much peer pressure about being involved with our kids,spending "quality time"(LOL!)
anyways,you are doing all the right things....even the impatience is part of the process...remember...if you weren't anxious and doubtful,you wouldn't have TMS in the first place...
Go out and do it again,and think Psychological!!!
it's always hidden where we least expect it!
Baseball65 |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2004 : 18:10:28
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Sara I'm glad you brought this topic up because I was just about to post the same question, which is: I'd have to say roughly 2 or 3 three weeks ago--maybe sooner, maybe later, I try not to keep track (part of trying to live in the present)--my knees, which never really bothered me in the first place it was always my headache, started feeling a little worse. I guess that best way to describe this is "irritated", it's not painful, it's just that prior to the MB diagnosis I wouldn't feel them at all, but now they've seemed to intensified a bit, to the point where I notice them throughout the day. My headaches have gotten worse too whereas before, even though I wasn't getting at the root cause, they were a bit milder--although still constant. I too wonder if this is TMS trying to suck me back in? Also, I spoke to my therapist about my obsession about the vitamins/antidepressants and how my mind keeps saying "Seth, you won't get better till you stop them, Seth they are what's causing your headaches etc." I was told I was "sabotaging" myself, which I interpreted to be my unconscious(?) trying to find any reason but an emotional one, essentially wanting me to buy into it's game. Any thoughts from anyone? Thanks!
Seth
Seth |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 00:42:49
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I absolutely LOVE the mother-in-law analogy. That is way too funny! But so true. "It thinks it's helping but you really just wish it would go away." I love it!
Sara, you really should just keep doing what you are doing and eventually your TMS will get the message and figure out who's running the show. (Usually I practically have to hit my mother-in-law over the head with a hammer to get her to stop "helping" me.) I think the brain truly does think it's helping you by distracting you with the aches and pains of TMS. For awhile, every time I took a walk I would feel my dizziness problem come on. It got so I was afraid to walk. The weird thing was, the dizziness would always hit me at the same location of my walk. I had conditioned myself, like Pavlov's dogs, to feel dizzy in the same location of my neighborhood. That was when I decided to push through it and try to keep my mind busy with other thoughts and eventually it gave up. My dizziness is very minimal, almost gone, but now I'm having a lot of TMJ pain, neck pain, shoulder tightness and back pain. All of this is bringing on some monster headaches and I'm taking enough Tylenol to pickle my liver.
I think you should go jump on the trampoline again as soon as possible. Prove to yourself that it is not the cause of your pain. Good luck to you!
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 06:06:25
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Sara,
I have been experiencing the same situation latley. It is VERY discouraging for me. I went to the city to see a show yesterday with my theater group and wore shoes and they really bothered my toes. To add insult to injury my pinky toes were pretty red at the end of the day (even after putting my protective moleskin on them).
Being a woman it really s--ks not being able to wear and buy nice shoes. I have been thinking so positive lately too about beating this thing! I had made some ever so slight progress and since then when I TRY to do something like yesterday it is like getting a punch in the face! It is so hard. I start slipping back to it's " maybe not really TMS" this time syndrome. Well tomorrow is another day  |
Edited by - holly on 12/09/2004 06:08:03 |
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moose1
162 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 14:11:36
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| hell yes. and when you notice it getting a lot worse, you know you're barking up the right tree. it's no accident. you'll probably think your body and mind falling apart before starting to feel better. it's just the TMS acting desperately. sounds dumb, but it is the truth. |
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Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 14:31:48
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Holly -
I too had a "shoe fixation" for quite a while. I was convinced that shoes that exerted any pressure across the tops of my feet would cause me severe pain. Sure enough, they did. Finally, I got tired of wearing the only 2 pairs of shoes that I owned that didn't cause me pain. I went back to my old shoes and told myself that the whole issue of shoes and foot pain was BS. Yes, my feet hurt for the first couple of wearings, but I just kept telling myself that I knew the whole idea was just another form of TMS distraction. Sure enough, it was.
IMHO, putting moleskin on your toes just reinforces the idea that your feet are fragile, and tells your unconscious brain that you're expecting to feel pain there. |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 14:48:16
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Oh the brain is a complicated thing. Thank you for all of your encouraging words. I am so mad at my brain. I feel like it is betraying me. I ran errands today, which always causes pain, and sure enough it did. I definitely need to be more mentally prepared. Personally I have already been to hell and back. If this TMS thinks it is going to get the best of me, it has no idea what is coming.
Sara |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 15:51:23
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Louise,
You gotta help me with thus one! Pleeeze......I can only seem to tolerate these two types of sneakers & some open toed sandals in the summer. Sound familar at all? I also started only being able to wear a heel up to 1&3/4" high. Sound familar again?? I invested in a professional shoe stretcher. I started putting all my old great shoes in a storage bin to make room for my "old lady" new ones. Familar again??? Does any of this sound like your situation that you had?? That is where I left off before I realised it is TMS. This one is very difficult and extremely frustrating and definitely a smart "distractor". I need to know more how you did it. I tried taking off the moleskin before going on the treadmill last week and I suffered.Wore shoes and suffered again.
Help! Need some more "detailed" advice on your story. 
P.S are you the one who posted me about the adult asthma? |
Edited by - holly on 12/10/2004 14:44:47 |
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Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 16:15:30
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Holly -
I feel your pain - I really do. I remember wearing a pair of flats to work, and finding that the place where they cut across the top of my foot caused excruciating pain. I walked around my corner of the office barefoot all day, and only put on the shoes when I had to walk out in the main part of our office. I went back to my 2 pairs of "safe shoes" for quite a while after that.
As bad as that day was, foot pain was not really my main pain-area. My major TMS area was leg/hip pain. The foot pain was really more of a side-dish. 
The best advice I can offer is to call TMS' bluff. You KNOW that there is nothing wrong with your feet or your shoes. Come on, you USED to wear those same shoes! You have not suffered any broken bones or had any significant injury to your feet. They're FINE! There comes a time when you just have to ignore the distraction. If you have had any success with pain eradication in other parts of your body, build on that. Remind yourself that you got over the other pain. Remind yourself that the foot pain is merely a matter of CONDITIONING. You have become conditioned to expect foot pain, and believe me, when TMS has conditioned you to expect pain, it delivers!
If the foot pain is your major TMS spot, I'd adivse you to wear your "comfortable" shoes for a while. Work on ignoring your feet, period. Don't pay attention to them at all. No moleskin. No extraordinary pampering. They're just feet. When they didn't hurt, you didn't think about them very much, did you? So, don't think about them now. After a while, when you're no longer so foot-conscious, sneak in a pair of "sort-of-comfy" shoes. If your feet begin to act up, scold them and tell them that they're fine - they're just feet. When you can wear the "sort-of" shoes without any reaction, start wearing other shoes. The goal is to get back to where your feet are not something that concerns you at all. Remember that TMS is a DISTRACTION. It will capitalize on whatever catches your attention.
Good luck. You can do it. 
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Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 16:17:34
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Oops! I forgot to answer - yes, I'm the one who posted about asthma.
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 16:56:13
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Louise, I will try again in a day or two. What I didn't tell you is that this all started with a BAD injury to my Right middle toe. That injury still slightly bothers me (been 2 years). Then about 4-6 months later my pinky toe started "rubbing" against the side of the shoe on that foot. Then I banged the other middle toe (because I was walking around barefoot alot to avoid the "rubbing" like pain)
Then that pinky toe started in with the same thing! They look red too when aggravited. So there is some history as to how this all started. I KNOW classic TMS often starts from an "injury". Did you have that painful "rubbing" feeling that makes it almost impossible to even try?
BTW I am working on the asthma thing! You are my inspiration Louise |
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Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2004 : 11:06:51
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Holly -
I can totally relate to your foot injury. I have the same thing with my left knee. I started having problems with it when I was in college. I realize now that my knee pain was classic TMS. At that time, my mother, who was an alcoholic and developed chirosis of the liver had recently passed away, and the anger/resentment/stress of that situation added to college/family/life pressure produced knee pain. I had it on and off over the years and in 1997, I was in an auto accident and I had arthroscopic surgery to remove torn cartilige. Now that I've got most of my back/hip/leg/foot pain under control, my knee is the one place that TMS still messes with. I still have nagging little thoughts of "injury" and I have unfortunately seen an X-ray of my knees which showed that my left knee is pretty much bone-on-bone in one place. That mental picture produces a tiny sliver of doubt which lets that nasty little TMS gremlin in. It's an ongoing thing with me to thoroughly convince myself that there is nothing physically wrong with me. Dave had a great post a while ago called "What is the goal?". I printed it out and re-read it when I'm feeling like a failure.
So I think that both of us need to get past the idea of "injury". I regularly push myself to go out and walk around, even if it hurts. If I get tired of mentally going through my "what's bugging me" list while I walk, I think of songs, or make up my grocery list. Anything to keep from acknowledging the pain. That's what has worked best with me. I picture it as something like the religious people who knock on your door (please don't be insulted if you're religious - I'm just telling you how my mind works!). If you ignore the knocking, they'll go away, but if you don't, they'll come into your living room and try to change what you believe. Don't let the pain capture your attention. Take it slowly if you have to, but don't stop living your life. |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2004 : 12:00:06
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Louise,
Thanks for all you kind attention. I will admit I am in the mist of a huge dissapointing set back right now. I have had my mind on my very sensitive pinky toes since I wore the shoes to the city two days ago.( I was just starting to see some bit of progress too) I too lost my mother two years ago. It was very bad. That is when this all started happening . Add in some "business" stuff and it has been a recipe for disaster! I will look for Dave's post. Thanks again. |
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arrgh help
