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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
 Posted - 12/06/2004 : 13:29:59
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Hi All,
I've been reading this board without posting for some time now without posting, but feel the time is right now to jump in. Without going into lengthy discourse--which, as everyone would agree, is quite hard!--I've had OCD since Middle School (~6/7th grade). It was never obtrusive to the point where it was placing a halt on my life, but in the summer of '99 things changed. I woke up one day with a headache in my temples (which hasn't left me since) and subsequent TMJ symptoms (ear pain, clicking, slight muscle/face twitches) as well as knee pain (although it's more like a hyperawareness). In any event, I began the run-around, over 10 doctors/specialists, alternative medicine, Chinese medicine, chiropractic, CT scans, lyme disease (I put myself through 6 months of IV antibiotics!), etc. I'm sure everycan can relate to some degree. No blood test, or CT scan ever showed any abnormalities, except for a Gliadin antibody test, but after abstaining from eating gluten for 6 months and not getting any better I was told that I couldn't possibly be causing my symptoms.
This completely destroyed my life--as you can imagine--and being a teenager just added to the mess. Not only were the symptoms horrible, but the OCD was as well. Symptoms would come and go; intensity would wax and wane. I was constantly obsessing about my pain and what could possibly be wrong with me (the Internet search engines became my best friend). I should note that I embody practically ALL of the characteristics of a Taster.
A little over a year and a half ago I finally accepted the fact that my problem could have an emotional component and began seeing a psychiatrist. After tweaking medications for a while I settled on a combination of Wellbutrin and Lexapro. Now this helped quell the obsessive thoughts a bit and lifted the depression (I was suicidal at this point), but did nothing for my symptoms. I started searching for a good therapist, which took about a year and finally found someone who not only believes that emotions can cause symptoms, but is open to many eastern philosophies.
I started seeing him about a year ago, and I began seeing a chiropractor weekly. Throughout that year I made drastic improvement. I was a changed person. The OCD was no longer an issue; I was able to enjoy life much more. But, while the symptoms improved a bit, they still did not go away entirely. But I was determined. So about 8 weeks ago one of my therapists colleagues mentioned to me about the chronic headache in the temples having an emotional component. I was told this before, but scoffed at the thought of this being possible. Then about two weeks later, I started thinking hard about it and realized that I had many, many emotional issues at hand, many of which stem from childhood. That day I heard Howard Stern mention Sarno and decided to check The Mind Body prescription from the library. I read the whole thing through and in all honesty still had trouble accepting the idea that this in fact could be true. That all along my problem was rooted in my unconscious.
I began searched the Internet and came upon this board. I started taking much of the great advice everyone has been contributing. As soon as I finished TMBP I started reading it again. I finally brought this up with my therapist and he is could not agree more. My parents are supportive as well. I ordered the mindbody workbook and began journaling every night. I stopped seeing the chiropractor every week and took out my orthotics--yes, I though flat feet (which I have) were the cause of all my ills! As time passed the ideas became easier to accept, but there was still a part of me that wanted the pain, that was fearful of its departure. This is slowly improving as well. I truly believe that this is the answer I have been searching for, but after being let down so many times in the past, you can imagine how I feel.
Fast forward to today. I try to read a bit of Sarno's book every day, journal every night with help of the workbook, and try to take time to perform meditation/self-hypnosis. I am at the point where the concepts are beginning to sink in. I still have my symptoms--it's the chronic headache in particular that is most troubling--but am trying not to fear them and employing all of Sarno's principals throughout the day. I know everyone wants to be better NOW, and I have read that it takes time, but I could use a bit of encouragement! Part of me says, SETH YOU’RE NOT BETTER YET, IT’S NOT TMS…, but I know this is part of the “game”.
Also, even though I stopped the chiro and took out the orthotics, I still take vitamins and my Wellbutrin & Lexapro. I take the vitamins basically to keep my skin clear and realize that they have nothing to do with my headache. I believe the same holds true for my antidepressants, but remembering how bad my depression and OCD was, do not think I am ready to discontinue them. That is not to say that I won't in the future, but at least for now I want to wait till things are a bit more stable. The ironic part is, something inside of me says that I can't get better unless I stop them, that they might have something to do with the headache. Now I know this is not true at all, in fact I had all of my symptoms before starting the meds/vitamins. But taking into account my past and looking at how far I've come, do you think it's ok to keep taking them until I work out the TMS kinks? How about the vitamins? Every time these thought about the vitamins/meds creep in my head I tell my brain, STOP, I KNOW THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY HEADACHE/SYMPTOMS, THIS IS YOUR WAY OF TRYING TO PULL ME BACK IN!
I'm terribly sorry for this lengthy post, but appreciate any insights you can give me. Thanks so very much!
Seth
Seth |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2004 : 14:19:19
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Dear Seth,
Thanks for your very thoughtful post and welcome to the board. You sound very much on the right path to full TMS healing  The language of your post reveals an acceptance of TMS thinking. It should take sometime to accept TMS theory on a heartfelt level--after all, it probably took your mindbody a liftime to install the negative thinking buttons. The TMS "cure" is about learning and accepting a philosophy, for a lifetime of healthful, psychological/physical living.
As far as vitamins, I don't take any pills or supplements of anykind anymore and never felt better. I threw away half a 30 gal. garbage can of very expensive herbal based supps. Got sick and tired of swallowing them. Had them organized in a fishing tackle box and swallowed them by the handful on my commute--ugh,yuck! I view vitamins similar to wearing a rabbit's foot. Like I said, never felt better. If your lacking some vitamin or mineral your body will tell you by passing out or turning different colors. Difficiencis, I would think would show up on routine blood testing.
On the subject of your mind drugs, the Wellbutrin and Lexapro, I think your instincts are right. They are a crutch keeping your mind from accessing deeper reaches of your TMS psychology. When I play tennis, I eschew any meds. in my system, even a cold pill. I experimented with a small dose of Celexa several years ago, after reading about positive results in a "back" book. I felt like I was in a slight haze and not connected and quit it after some placebo effect. Before quitting the mind meds, check with your doc to properly wean off of them. I believe they can serve a useful purpose, when someone is in the accute, scared, phase of TMS, but after the initial crisis is over, it's probably best to quit them. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2004 : 15:45:24
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Hi Seth.
Wow..that was heavy!
I can relate to the suicidal thoughts...I never knew what OCD was,and I thought (of course) that I was the only person in the world who thought like that.
Make sure and let an MD know if you stop the meds,as there is a discontinuation protocol.
That being said,My therapist told me of a landmark study working with two control groups of OCDers.One group was given prozac,the other did what was called STOP therapy.He told me that the non-med group was instructed to actually say the word "STOP" out loud and immediately go to a new place/activity every time you find yourself in "broken record" mode.
OCD is like TMS..it can actually be seen on an MRI/CT scan..it's like an electrical storm in a part of the brain where it should only be drizzling.
They checked the MRI/CT scans of both control groups after the study and they had ALL normalized their brain scans!!
So..of course when I told my Psych about Sarno he spent more time in therapy interogating me than treating me...it was the same result he had found in his own study...we can heal ourselves,we just need to know how!
You are definitely in the right place and doing all the right things!!
I never wore orthotics,but you just reminded me,,,,,I had forgot all about it...since one of my legs is substantially longer than the other,I used to have these shoe implants in all my shoes to "balance" my hips which were waaaay misaligned...lol!!
One of the first things I did was chuck those with the lumbar support,my crutches and all the other voodoo stuff.
I DID save one thing from the old days....one of those picker upper johnnys so you don't have to bend over to pick stuff up off the floor....I use it in baseball...sometime we hit balls into hard to get to places,wedged between fences,under tight crawl spaces....so it actually is handy...however I didn't use it EVER after I read the book for about a year.Now it's in my batrack.
welcome to the family
Baseball65 |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2004 : 16:41:28
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Tennis Tom & Baseball65,
Thanks for the heartfelt support. But regarding the vitamins/mind meds--particularly what Tennis Tom wrote--I agree with you, but now I'm feeling a bit worried. Perhaps it is OCD, but waht is going on inside my mind is a bit akin to: "Oh my god, I need to stop the meds in order to get better; if I don't stop them the headache will never go away; but what if I become suicidal once I stop them and everything spirals out of control?...
Seth
Seth |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2004 : 17:38:45
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Hi Seth.
As far as supplements go,I sort of apply the same thinking that Sarno describes about athletics and sports.It's the value you ascribe to it in the Brain.
If I'm taking the supplements or excercising and I think it's for the purpose of general well being and health,than it's fine.It's when we think that the "thing" is dealing with some deficiency or necessary for our recovery that it becomes a liability.
I will still from time to time take a xanax if I'm having a panic attack and I have some sort of deal(Work,performance, etc.) where I don't have the time to investigate.However,I always address the emotional/anger/rage/fear issues later,when I have time....obviously the med is only a cover,and if I don't find out what triggered the attack,I'll just have another.It's obviously a sign that I'm neglecting some portion of the human experience...I'm "coping" too well(LOL!)
The more in tune I get,the fewer and farther between they are.I moved my entire family across country to a new city where I had no job and knew virtually no one,just this summer.Obviously my stress/panic level was up.I couldn't stop driving the truck and write journal and meditate on I-40 in the middle of the Great plains.....
Now I have a job,My kids are in school and getting adjusted,wifes been promoted etc......but it was a TERRIFYING experience.
I actually left LA,come to think of it,because my pain was gone.....If I had TMS covering up my rage,I would never have done the soul searching necessary to realize I no longer liked living in the worlds Production leader of TMS (NYC is probably tied)\
Traffic(anger)schools/gangs/my kids(fear,rage) property prices.rent(anger,fear) My "glamour" job (anger/fear/rage)
LA has a chiro's office on every corner next to the tanning salon and mini market.TMS central.
peace
I always take amino acid supplements when I diet.They seem to make me less hungry.....could be a placebo...but,it's a good placebo ,and it's always worked so....
Baseball65 |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 07:41:06
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One question I fotgot to ask. Is a chronic headache in the temples
(both sides) a common site for TMS pain? I know Sarno mentions headaches and TMJ and Sopher also has a short chapter on headaches, but I have yet to meet another TMS'er with chronic headaches, which would def. help reinforce the TMS diagnosis. Thanks!
Seth |
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Fox
USA
496 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 09:50:01
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| Chronic headaches are one of my TMS symptoms although the site of pain is not always in the temples. I have some success with shortening the duration by searching for source of the anger and feeling/demonstrating the anger, but sometimes I just have to try to ignore the pain. I try not to limit any of my activities when the pain is severe. |
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Fox
USA
496 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 14:41:38
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| I don't see any reason for you to rush out and stop your mind meds. If you had the headache problem before you started the meds, then as you already know, the headaches are not a side effect from the meds....If you feel less depressed and no longer suicidal, and you have less problems with obsessive thoughts, since you started the meds, it appears that the mind meds have been a literal life saver for you, and I don't really see any reason for you to stop them unless you want to perhaps try it in a graduated way under the close supervision of your therapist....Just because you are on these meds doesn't mean you cannot access the "inner regions" of your mind to discover possible traumatic and personality shaping events -- like those of us TMSers not on mind meds (actually I do take plenty of Ambien for sleep)can do. It sounds to me that, if you were not on these meds, you might be too tied up with depressive rumintation and obsessive thinking to be able to effectively do the psychological/TMS work, so for anti-TMS purposes, you may be better off staying on the mind meds. |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 21:01:05
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Hi Seth,
This is off the TMS topic, but...
If you intake caffeine at all, you may want to look into getting yourself off of it. I quit all caffeine intake about 6 years ago, and that substancially reduced my headache frequency (about a 95% reduction in occurence). This was all prior to my discovery of my TMS and subsequent path to other pain recovery.
Of course, if it turns out to be a caffeine withdrawal headache catch-22, you can also just regulate your intake to make sure you never go into withdrawal (about 24-48 hours after intake you can get a withdrawal headache). I for years could never figure out why I got headaches on Sunday, it was since I only drank coffee at the office Mon-Fri.
I've also found MSG also contributed, so I stay away from that as well.
And of course, keep up with your TMS work :-)
Hope this helps. -Stryder |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 22:09:03
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Thanks Stryder. I don't consume any caffeine and have tried perhaps every possible elimination diet to the point where I was eating about two kinds of grain, yams, and zucchini. But I appreciate the input; but I think it will just prevent TMS healing.
Seth |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 12/09/2004 : 22:26:36
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Arg, I just deleted my entire post, how annoying. Basically I wanted to thank everyone for their help and support thus far. Also Fox I agree with your post, and have thought along those lines, but as many probably know, sometimes it needs to be told to you from someone other then yourself. I guess I was afraid that the mind meds would in essence add another "layer" of headache to the chronic one that it already there, so even when the chronic TMS headache goes away, it would still remain. But I truly believe it's my unconscious trying to derail me, because now it's saying "that's where your fatigue is coming from..." Also, what I have been doing especially since my symptoms have started flaring--even though my symptoms have experienced a waxing and waning in the past it never involved the knee symptom, so I guess that is why I'm calling it a flare-up--is telling my brain "OK BRAIN, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT WHY DON'T YOU MAKE THEM EVEN WORSE, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IS EXACTLY GOING ON." Thanks!
Seth |
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Carol
91 Posts |
Posted - 12/10/2004 : 09:30:16
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Hi Seth. I can attest to headaches of all kinds and locations as being TMS equivalents. Before my back pain started I had migraines, tension headaches, TMJ, and sometimes the type of pain in the temples that you are describing. I had them regularly. When one hit I immediately hit the pain relievers, whatever kind I had.
Since my back pain started I have no headaches at all, except for the very rare tension headache. When I feel the beginning of a tension headache I just remind myself that it is TMS, and it disappears right away. I haven't taken a pill for a headache since my backpain started. The TMJ is also totally gone, along with vertigo which plagued me for at least two years. All banished by the realization that it was my emotions causing the problems. Now if only the backpain would be as cooperative!!!!!!!
That is a rough way to get rid of them though, and the backpain is taking a real turn for the worse right now. I continue to do the work, and hopefully this flareup will dissipate after the holidays. For various reasons the Christmas season is a real rough time for me. This year I have added a new reason, facing the possible breakup of my daughter's marriage. I am very involved with the family, especially my two grandchildren. I am now reliving my own marital breakup and the effect it had on my two children.
Good luck to you. When those headaches get bad (it sounds like you have one all the time), look hard for the emotional reasons. Right now I have faith that as long as I keep working at this I will pass beyond this current crisis and get back to where I was, and maybe even better.
Carol |
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Hello Everybody.
