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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
 Posted - 03/18/2008 : 01:03:55
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What do you guys do when maybe your intimate partner is on board with the diagnosis of TMS, but other people like friends and family aren't?
Do you try to explain it to them?
Sometimes I think I'm thwarting my progress by referring to my back as a physical issue sometimes (out of convenience in conversation) rather than sticking to the diagnosis and telling everyone what's really going on in terms of my back pain - not even so much for their sake, but for mine so that I can hear myself talking about it that way.
In order to fully heal it seems like I'd need to stop being in denial about my condition when I'm talking with others about my back. But with my people pleasing nature and desire to avoid awkward conversations and conflicts, I feel reluctant to tell others about TMS and the truth about my back pain.
I'm also afraid that other people won't really believe me or that they'll think I'm mentally ill or disturbed. :( Gee, think this is enough to make me angry? I think so.
What do you guys think? How have you handled this kind of situation and what have you noticed in terms of whether it affects your recovery time? |
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lmcox
24 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2008 : 02:14:12
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I have found 100% that Sarno's method works much better when you just don't talk about it anymore, to anyone. If someone asks about how your back is doing, just say "much better," then move on. You're just in the acceptance phase yourself, and it really throws you off if you have to defend these new beliefs against someone else's skepticism. Besides, what do they know? They're not you! Just focus on accepting it yourself, talking to yourself about how much better you are, and let the conversation naturally go to other places.
I say this after "throwing out my back" many, many times before reading HBP in 2002. Since then I've certainly had other TMS equivalents that I've overcome, but no back pain whatsoever. It took a little while, but from the day I read that book I was determined to never again sit around with people (and believe me, I get familial pressure-- one of my relatives had TOTAL SPINAL FUSION surgery and that is all she talks about), talking about back pain, how awful it is, and what to do about it.
When the subject came up, I just kept talking about other things. I'm not out to convince anyone. Everyone has their own journey, and maybe it's selfish, but I figure I'm just doing as much as I can with my life and letting other people do the same.
It's great that your partner is supportive. Just keep this to yourself, I say, and make it your thing you're doing for yourself. No one else needs to know, especially if they're going to criticize.
Good luck! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2008 : 04:52:25
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I told some close friends that I thought might be interested/supportive, and my family, and they generally were okay. One way to present it, even though this is not accurate, is "Oh, it was because of stress, it's [getting] much better now." Most people are at least open to stress playing a role in injury/illness (don't we get sick more often when we are busy and stressed?). But for people who knew me well I did not feel comfortable just telling them that it was stress because that didn't explain three years of pain adequately! I can't remember how I explained it exactly, but I tried to keep it to the essentials and didn't talk about "repressed anger" per se that much (it sounds scary to people).
The way that lmcox suggested is generally the way to go for people you don't know so well or who would not be on board, though. Don't get into details, you'll just end up fighting with them. If you think you can help someone, just give them the name of the book and leave it at that unless they want to discuss it.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2008 : 07:26:19
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I've told my husband and my sister but that's it.
If anyone else asks how I am doing I say "fine" and if they push for info I say I'm trying some new techniques for dealing with the pain but I don't want to talk about it as it's early days, then I change the subject.
HTH,
Amanda. |
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pandamonium
United Kingdom
202 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2008 : 07:28:12
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I've told my husband and my sister but that's it.
If anyone else asks how I am doing I say "fine" and if they push for info I say I'm trying some new techniques for dealing with the pain but I don't want to talk about it as it's early days, then I change the subject.
HTH,
Amanda. |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2008 : 07:59:51
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Amazing how many articles are published about physical pain having emotional causes, yet the vast majority of people somehow don't even notice! I left the Parade magazine section of the paper open recently for my dad to read (who has already been diagnosed by a local TMS guy with, yes, TMS) but he just says "uh-huh" when I asked what he thought. Up to 70% of physical issues are emotionally caused! Wow. There in print.
We don't control what others think and that's tough to reckon with. Even though people saw me in agony and then suddenly better and returning to normal life with no surgery, pills, etc. they don't see any correlation to their own lives. I have two workmates complaining about shoulder pain (which started when she got a new position here-hmmm) and another with all kinds of issues. It's sad everyone is so geared toward the physical issues and possible (but not likely) causes, but it is how we are conditioned to think.
Some will get it but most won't. We can't make them see it and I've stopped trying. I tell them "yes, thank you, I'm fully recovered and it's wonderful." I may mention Dr. Sarno (doc mentioning seems to be what they look for). I found when I started on the mind/body approach they suddenly have things to do! Kind of funny! But I realize everyone has their own issues and fears to face, and some will and some won't. I suppose I could say "it worked for me" and refer them to YouTube clips about Dr. Sarno. Let them see John Stossel.
I too have supportive S.O. which is wonderful. He really "gets it" and has seen it for himself too. When all else would fail "I HAVE ME" and that's all that matters!
Best wishes for happy healing,
-Lori |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2008 : 18:21:57
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Thanks for all these tips, everyone.
I've basically been avoiding the topic with people and
the less I'm talking about my back pain the more I'm
just moving around living my life without focusing on
the pain. It's all good. |
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When others don't know about TMS
