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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
 Posted - 03/13/2008 : 00:31:14
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Earlier today I started a thread
called You Can Do It because I
was encouraged by my walking around
the block 3x and not letting the
pain deter me....
But several hours later I am in
really severe pain and I'm feeling
totally discouraged.
I was just working on my journal
pages from the PDF that one of you
recommended to me on the site...and
it just made more angry to list all
those sources of potential anger.
I'm especially frustrated because while
I have been going through some intense
anger over the last 2 weeks, I felt like
I was getting it out and talking about
it enough that it wasn't staying
repressed. So if anything, I thought
it would keep me from having TMS flare up
in my back because I was talking about
my anger and processing it.
But I'm in as bad of shape right now
with the pain and my back as I was before
I read Sarno's book the first time.
This is the first time I've had a flare
up like this in over 8 months since
reading the book and having a complete
turnaround - so amazing.
It's only been 3 days that I've been
dealing with this current pain and today
has been the worst.
So I'm discouraged and feeling sorry
for myself right now. I hate feeling like
this...struggling to get up and down out
of chairs...in and out of the car...putting
on my pants...sitting down on the toilet...
all of it.
I feel like an invalid and the pain
just makes me angrier.
I just start crying while I'm walking
from one room to the other because I'm
walking tilted to one side and I'm so
mad that this is happening to me again -
especially after being really verbal
about what was making me angry and working
through it.
If it's not repressed, then why am
I dealing with TMS symptoms right now.
My fibro feels like it's coming back
too and I haven't felt that for such
a long time.
I'm thinking of putting something funny
on TV if I can find something so that I
can laugh and distract myself a bit.
I'm also thinking that I need to start
reading the Healing Back Pain book from
the beginning and just go through it like
I did the first time to see if that helps.
The daily reminders aren't helping in the
way I want them to - though I haven't been
doing them for 15 and 30 minutes like
suggested.
Ugh.
I know I'll make it through this. Part
of me knows that. And the other part
is screaming out like a temper tantrum
that my body is attacking me. That's what
it feels like. Like my body is my worst
enemy.
And the part that knows I'll make it
through this also knows that my body
is just trying to help me and protect
me from experiencing more pain.
Having a rough night. Hope you guys
are able to find some gentleness with
yourselves tonight. I'm going to try
to take my wish for you to heart over
here too. What can I do to be gentle
with myself?
Comedy on TV might be nice. Maybe a
bath. Writing down some gratitudes?
Just doing what I can to help myself
go to sleep so I can start over tomorrow
with a fresh day.
Any thoughts or advice?
Thanks for reading.
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 01:05:07
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Amy, I skipped over your You Can Do It thread earlier today, because I was depressed and aching all over, so I just didn't feel in the mood to read something cheery, but I just went back to read it now, after reading this thread, and it turns out that I did what you'd mentioned on that thread about pushing through the depression and pain to do some things that I was afraid were going to be too much for me. I got them done, and even feel a little better tonight.
One thing I've been doing lately when looking at my emotions is to try to keep going beyond the obvious anger. For example, I may know I'm angry at someone over a particular event, but when I give it more thought I can see that I'm not just angry--it may be that I'm feeling really hurt that the person didn't seem to give any thought to how their behavior would affect me, so that leaves me feeling unloved and alone. Peeling the layers of the emotions gives me some real surprises at times, showing me feelings that initially I'd never have thought were involved.
Hope you get a good night's sleep and have a better day tomorrow. |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 01:49:26
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Thanks Littlebird. Sorry you were having a rough day
today too.
I'll try doing what you said about looking for deeper
emotions beneath the surface anger.
It also just occurred to me that I have anger (and other
stuff coming up) about even using this forum in the first
place. Grateful that it's here for support, but
frustrated that I need support right now ya know?
I was doing so good with my back until 3 days ago...
I'm sure I'll feel better in the future. Thanks for
writing back -
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 15:20:16
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Here we go again with the philosophy of the brain trying to distract us from the repressed anger.
Could it be that the closer we are to uncovering the repressed anger and trying to do something about it, the more the brain causes pain?
Could it be that this increase in pain means that you are close to success?
Secondly, I believe that you mentioned comedy. In Norman Cousins book, Anatomy of an Illness, he describes how he watched VCR's of comedy and how his pain went away. Short book, read it in an hour.
Allan |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 16:58:03
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quote:
Originally posted by Allan
Here we go again with the philosophy of the brain trying to distract us from the repressed anger.
Could it be that the closer we are to uncovering the repressed anger and trying to do something about it, the more the brain causes pain?
Could it be that this increase in pain means that you are close to success?
Secondly, I believe that you mentioned comedy. In Norman Cousins book, Anatomy of an Illness, he describes how he watched VCR's of comedy and how his pain went away. Short book, read it in an hour.
Allan
Thanks for writing back, Allan. I haven't been around the forum long
enough to know what you mean with the "here we go again" part of what
you wrote - could you explain that a bit?
When I was talking to my boyfriend about this last night he gave
me an analogy like lifting weights. In the short term, lifting
weights makes you weaker because you're working them so hard, but
in the long term it makes you stronger.
So maybe digging up all this anger and expressing it (the parts
that I have expressed) is making me weaker in a sense in the
present but it's contributing to me being stronger in the future.
Is that kind of what you were saying by the increase in pain
being that I'm getting closer to success possibly?
Thanks for the tip about Cousins' book. I've heard of him and
his laughing your way back to health, but haven't read it. Sounds
like it would be worth it. |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 17:03:57
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The contention that the brain is causing us pain in an attempt to prevent the uncovering of repressed anger is a reocurring theme in many postings.
In my experience, which may not be typical, the severity of the pain went off the scale just before it left for good.
Hope this helps.
Allan |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 20:32:57
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I thought that was the premise of Sarno's
views on TMS - that our mind is distracting
us from emotional pain by creating physical
pain.
Not trying to be argumentative - just trying
to figure out if I misunderstood something
in my reading.
I follow what you're saying about things
getting worse before they get better.
Thanks for your input, Allan. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2008 : 22:30:50
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quote:
Originally posted by Allan
Here we go again with the philosophy of the brain trying to distract us from the repressed anger.
This is not a "philosophy" -- it is a key element of Dr. Sarno's theory. Amy, you got it right.
quote:
Could it be that the closer we are to uncovering the repressed anger and trying to do something about it, the more the brain causes pain?
I believe this is possible and probably typical. The unconscious mind is threatened by your newfound knowledge. It wants to keep you distracted. If you refuse to be distracted and get closer to the repressed feelings, it will try harder. Ultimately, it will give up.
quote:
Could it be that this increase in pain means that you are close to success?
Personally I don't like the word "success" in this context. It's not as if there is some "a ha" moment where you discover the specific repressed emotions and the symptoms miraculously vanish. Treating TMS is about making a long-term commitment to change the way you think about and react to symptoms. Success will take care of itself as you thwart the brain's distraction strategy by ignoring the pain and shifting your focus to difficult psychological issues.
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 00:32:28
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Thanks for chiming in, Dave.
I'm going to keep thinking that my mind is
on my side, wanting to help me avoid pain.
Seems like I have a friend in this when I
think about that. It means a lot to me.
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 08:27:32
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quote:
Originally posted by AmyAJJ
Thanks for chiming in, Dave.
I'm going to keep thinking that my mind is
on my side, wanting to help me avoid pain.
Seems like I have a friend in this when I
think about that. It means a lot to me.
This is a nice way of looking at it. Your mind really thinks it is protecting you. From its perspective, those repressed emotions are very dangerous and cannot be felt.
If this seems irrational, consider that the part of our brains controlling this is the part that is least evolved in humans. |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 12:10:41
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I agree 100% with Dave.
I tend to have a problem with text. Choice of words is important and I have a problem with the appropriate word at times.
Allan |
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AmyAJJ
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2008 : 12:55:16
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| Thanks for clarifying, Allan. :) |
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Need to vent.
