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Dor
67 Posts |
 Posted - 03/05/2008 : 17:51:42
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OK, so I know what I am angry about. What next? You identify the anger, know from whence it came, and then what do you do with it? Is it as simple as saying - I know why I am angry and I will not let my body be a result of that anger? And, my anger is a result of all the physcial problems I have had to deal with over the last seven months (and yes, they were "real" problems - kidney stones, abscessed teeth, etc.). I am angry about all of that - angry that this was supposed to be a very happy time in my life and physical issues got in the way. So, how do I deal with that anger and release it? How do I get past the "why me" feeling? How do I release the anger of working so hard all of these years, retiring, and moving to a wonderful location only to have the first year filled with physical issues? And, my husband and I retired early - ready to embark on some fun and great experiences only to be delayed by so many health issues that were totally unexpected. I gave up my career, my home where I raised my children, my lifestyle, and my area of comfort for what? So that I could end up spending all of my time at doctors????
Yes, I am really blessed in many areas of my life - wonderful children, super husband, not rich, but comfortable, worked hard all my life and yes, put myself last many times, so why now? Why when I have earned this time do I find myself drowing in physical issues? And, what, if anything, can realizing my anger do about it?
Dor |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2008 : 19:08:19
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quote:
I gave up my career, my home where I raised my children, my lifestyle, and my area of comfort for what?
Maybe you have made decisions because of what you felt you should do instead of what you really wanted to do. Maybe you feel, deep down, that you are still coming last after your husband.
From my experience, even though you get on well, spending lots of time with your husband, instead of with family, workmates, friends as in the past, can be extremely boring! (for him too)
You need to work out what is causing the anger that is causing the ill-health, not the other way round.
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2008 : 13:16:09
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Write write write! Get out a pad and start putting your feelings to paper. They need to be released. That is the "journal" homework Dr. Sarno describes. And it worked for me. Amazing what was bottled up in there when I started writing!
I feel angry that. . . and follow where that takes you. I had plenty of "I AM FURIOUS that . . ." etc. to get out. I got so involved in the particular feeling that sometimes my brain was moving much faster than the pen.
After the painful elements, I end with a "what I learned from this experience is. . ." to put a positive spin on it.
Some topics needed more than one journal session. . . more came to me later that needed releasing about a topic I thought I had covered.
It is your own personal therapy. I still do this when things come up in everyday life or things I remember from the past. I do have moments still of past experiences that I did not like so I write about them.
Also helpful and suggested (Laurel Mellin from the Solution program, Dr. Jacob Liberman in Take Off Your Glasses and See, and others) are letters to the person about whom you're having the feelings. Feelings letters, or Dr. L calls them love letters. Let it rip and tell the person a thing or two. "Dear . . . I hate that you [did this or that]". . . after the feelings, I then come to realize they are doing the best they can and they are human too. I sometimes burn or shred these writings.
Best wishes on your road to healing,
Lori |
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johnaccardi
USA
182 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2008 : 21:05:49
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I know how you feel.
I am a frshman in college and my first year was terrible. I always wanted to go to college to feel that level of freedom for the firdt time. You know...be able to go out and party whenever I wanted and come in as drunk as I want, haha. But no, physical symptoms hit me immediately. I have been sufferinf from dry mouth, dry eyes, and dry skin for the past 6 months. With these problems I have been held back socially as it is very hard to speak and sometimes I can't even open my eyes. I'm in the same boat as you, I know it's TMS, I have dug up some emotions of unconcsious rage and now what? |
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Logan
USA
203 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2008 : 09:31:50
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It's been awhile since I've seen anyone on the board recommend Stan Lee's book Facing the Fire, so I will. Lee tells you exactly what to do with the anger you've "found" and how to dig deeper to get to the real anger underneath that - and also, most importantly, how to physically express this anger. It's not enough to write about it or to feel it; you've got to work it out.
I credit Sarno for helping me get 90% better and Lee for helping me get to 100%. Initially, I felt "weird" for doing Lee's anger release excercises but they work! I've been pain free for four years and still occasionally do these exercises to stay that way! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2008 : 12:01:53
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quote:
I have dug up some emotions of unconcsious rage and now what?
A lot of people who get stuck at this stage are still obsessed by their symptoms, and need to break this cycle.
"Dealing with" anger can be necessary (as Logan notes) but for many of us, the point is just to acknowledge our anger, frustration, worry, etc. and accept them as normal, understand that they don't have to cause symptoms, and get on with breaking the symptom patterns by deconditioning (including returning to normal activity) and emotionally disengaging from the symptoms (understanding that they come from the psyche and therefore aren't something we have to care about physically, learning to laugh at them and take them lightly).
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Dor
67 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2008 : 17:33:45
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johnaccardi,
Your posts have stuck with me for several days. As the mother of three boys, my heart goes out to you and all that you have been through during the past year away at school. It is indeed a hard transition.
I have some questions for you:
Are you happy at the school you chose?
Is college really what you wanted or something that was expected?
Are you able to talk openly and honestly to your parents?
How was your high school life, or was college supposed to fullfill things you did not experience in high school?
Have you made new friends or is it too frightening to do so?
Would you rather be home?
Does staying in your dorm and having these physical problems make you feel safe - you don't have to venture out and expose who you really are, even if who you really are is actually quite great?
Going away to school is a very big step. You have lived your whole life at home and been taken care of. You really didn't have to worry about a whole lot - food, housing, etc. Now, here you are away from home, support system is not the same, and a whole, big world looms. It can be quite unsettling and scary. Maybe you are not angry, just lonely. Maybe there is not so much to examine here other than a huge step in your life. And you know what, these emotions, these feelings are OK, they really are. You are not the only one to experience them, even if it feels like you are.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to know what it is that YOU really want, not what everyone else wants for you. Each of my sons took a different path, and each was right for them. We didn't always understand as parents, but we always encouraged and supported. You might just be surprised at how supportive your parents are and can be.
Don't lose hope and faith. Your answers will come. And, no, college is not just about being on your own, getting drunk when you want, etc. It is about being on your own and making some decisions for yourself. If you are not ready for that than that is really OK. But, you might just find that this year, despite its many problems has given you more than you can even imagine. Don't get down on yourself. Before you know it you will come into your own. Until then, give yourself a break. No one ever said that life is easy, and no one ever said that your first year away from safety is easy either. But, also no one ever said that you won't grow into a happy, functioning adult.
Take it from a mom who has been there - talk to your parents. Let them know and understand how you are feeling. Chances are they will totally "get it" and you will be able to get rid of some of the pressure you are feeling. Dry mouth, dry eyes, dry skin - sure they are real, but more importantly, you are real, and life is just beginning for you. Open yourself up to those that love you. You might just find that they are "there for you" and probably have felt the same way sometime in their life.
Thinking of you with a mother's heart.
Dor |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 03/07/2008 : 22:37:37
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Dor,
Are you examining your own life and emotions to sort out your own problems?
Sounds from the above post that you are still in the looking after others (mother) mode!
Anne |
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Dor
67 Posts |
Posted - 03/08/2008 : 04:33:52
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I am not at all ashamed, nor do I want to change, "the looking after others (mother) mode". As a mom, my heart goes out to that young man and it is not that I can't take care of myself, nor examine myself, while still reaching out to others. I thought that was what this board was for!
Dor |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 03/09/2008 : 04:18:26
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quote:
I am not at all ashamed, nor do I want to change, "the looking after others (mother) mode".
Gosh, it was you who said..
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worked hard all my life and yes, put myself last many times
...as if it was a confession.
Why post here if you don't think your health problems are TMS? |
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What next after identifying anger?
