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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 01/30/2008 : 18:05:04
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I successfully mangaged to get rid of my back pain about 3 years ago and since then I have been living my life normally which means doing everything including going back to wearing high heels.
In december I joined some yoga classes and there was a lot of emphasis on forward bends- a lot of them. My back started hurting and for a while I just pushed through till the pain got really bad and I have stopped now.
I tried ignoring the pain but over the last month it has progressively gotten worse and I am in constant pain. The pain is constant 24 hours and is on both sides of my lower back . Sitting is very difficult and there are 2 hot spots over what I think is the SI joint.
I went for a massage yesterday for a bit of relief and couldn't bear it when the masseuse tried to massage that particular area.
To make matters worse I have also developed a bunion on my left toe and walking is painful. The pain in also more on the left side of my butt. It even hurts at night when I sleep
I know the tms drill god knows I've been thru it before but this time I am finding it all too hard. Nothing is working.
I would really appreciate someone giving me a good 'talking to'.
Thanks so much.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Shannon
9 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 18:42:00
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Mala,
I fully understand the frustration and dissapointment of having TMS symptoms return. My suggestion to you is that you get a plan of action together and start working the program. It may take more than one attempt - maybe 5, maybe 3, maybe 10 - but it WILL work. I wrote out my plan in an earlier post today (see the thread under the heading "Lower GI TMS").See point #5 on my list: "I ask myself the naked question: "Do I believe in TMS?" and I answer it. I answer it out loud. My answer is "yes" therefore there is no going backwards - doubting will be a waste of my time."
You have the great advantage of already having beat TMS in the past - you have lots of "evidence" for your brain to use. It's ok to be frustrated and angry but it is important to have a plan so that you can empower yourself. I find that the longer I "stew" over things the stronger the negative conditioning becomes and then I have even more work to do! It can take MULTIPLE messages to the mind for it to switch off those symptoms - each time you think psychologically and fight conditioned responses and treatments you are getting closer to that "switch".
Take a deep breath tonight, make yourself comfortable (it's hard to learn if you are in pain), and take an inventory and make a plan for yourself. Don't forget to highlight and celebrate even the smallest changes and success (eg. today I took the time to read and journal/ today I resisted the urge to act in a conditioned, fearful manner). Sometimes you have to fake that good attitude to get a jump start and eventually the rest of your mind will catch up.
Don't pressure yourself. You'll get there.
-my best to you.
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 19:49:18
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| Hey Mala, Good to hear from an old board member. I have been checking in a little this week and saw your post. Glad to hear things have been running smooth for a while. Same here. I know you know the drill and assume you want to hear reinforcement to what you already know. I would just offer advice to assess what is going on in your life. I would guess there must be a major upheavel to affect you in such a negative way. I feel like most of us tms OLDIES have some sort of firewall against symptoms and if they can break through with that much vengence, you have to figure something is triggering them. I know that doesn't make the pain less miserable but I'm confident you will push thru it. There is only one way out of it. By the way, when I was in pain and got a massage, it almost killed me. Best to you. |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 20:21:50
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Thank you shannon and susie. You are both right. I need a firm plan of action. It's really frustrating coz I have lent out all my TMS books, DVD's etc to other people and now when I'm desperate to read thru a few chapters to reinforce the whole TMS concept I am having to phone around and ask people to return stuff to me. It's funny how long that is taking but in the meantime I am reading whatever I can on the internet.
I remember in my previous battle with TMS I was able to grasp the information & ideas presented by Sarno very quickly and my belief was strong and steadfast which is why I was also able to recover quite quickly. This time for some reason I'm not able to do that. Something is eluding me and my fear factor is high. I would have thought that it would be easier the second time around but it's not. I keep thinking it's the bunion which I didn't have the previous time or its this or its that.
The only thing that has changed in my life is that I have had some contact with my mother whom I have avoided for the last 3 years. My decision to sever contact with her was the best thing I did and was the reason I got better. We are on cordial terms at the moment and I don't think it is possible for me to break off completely with her again at this stage. i hope that doesn't mean I'm stuck with this pain forever. Any ideas on how I could deal with this problem?
Shanon, I've just checked yr list and it is so good that I have printed a copy for myself. Thanks
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 01/30/2008 20:29:21 |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 20:51:29
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Hi mala,
Its good to see a post from you, although sorry to hear that you have some issues at the moment. Sounds like lots of bending and over stretching may just take a while longer to heal up, sounds like you overdid it a bit.
Not to fear. Last month I had to spend a large part of 4 days on my house roof, in the winter, removing a huge buildup of ice and snow. This meant lots of ladders, up, down, up, down, and a lot of chipping away large pieces of ice. Up until this time I had been 99% pain free from LBP for several years. Well, this 4 days of overwork took me about 3-4 weeks to recover. I had some bad LBP and sciatica.
The _good_ news this time around, is that I DID NOT PANIC. I said, "Well, this s--cks!", and just let it take whatever it took to heal up. This was so much different than years past when I would obsess about how stupid I was to get injured, and how long was it going to take to recover. None of that guilt / anger trip this time. I am back to 99% again.
So as you already know, you will get better, thats the facts. Start doing the TMS work, and also work out this recent contact with your family. Have faith, and I know you will be back on top of your game soon.
Take care, -Stryder |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 20:59:51
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| My money is on the mother. Could you feel guilty for wanting to get away but maybe feel trapped? Close family issues are a perfect recipe for anger and stress. Maybe you resent the present situation and were much happier without contact. You will be made to feel like the bad guy if you sever the tie, but you would really like to. About the toe thing--- I have one also and every once in a while it is extremely painful, kinda like a sharp toothache, only in my foot. I'm sure it's tms and have always ignored it. I do try to buy wide shoes. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 21:13:22
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quote:
The only thing that has changed in my life is that I have had some contact with my mother whom I have avoided for the last 3 years.
Oh absolutely, me too, money on the mom.
I have had one different TMS drama after another in the last 2 years, ALL triggered by having to deal more with my family, due to their disturbing current tendency to die, or nearly die, etc.
Coming home on the plane from having a conversation with my dad just before he died, in which I told him everything KIND that I could think of, to help him move on, (and after I had already pretty much healed myself of everything), I asked myself "Well, let me just scan myself to see if I suppressed anything or if I'm really clear."
"All clear," responded my crappy intuition. A week later I had penumonia ("from the plane," I said). 6 months later, riddled with a resurgence of fibro and worse, I finally "got it." I was enraged at dad, at the fact that even at the end, he didn't "see" me at all.
Once I realized that I had another big breakthrough in health.
Then my mother got Alzheimers. Back to England several times. Then my sister got cancer. Lots more communication... I feel as though I am being totally triggered with whatever I've got left "on" my family of origin, even though I had previously processed it all through several times. It ain't over until the TMS lady stops singing, I guess
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2008 : 21:51:01
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Thank you all for responding so quickly and responding so effectively. Each post is helping me to reassess my situation and giving me a lot of insight and confidence. It is so wonderful to see how so many of you have such an excellent grasp of TMS and how well you are able to help others through this forum through your understanding of it. It's like I don't need my books and DVDs.
Stryder so good to hear about yr quick recovery. That is indeeed heartening news for someone like me at this time. Susie and Wavy Soul you are both on the button with yr observations about my mother. In a way I was much better off without her in my life and yes there is both guilt and resentment in the present situation. I am not comfortable around her and she has the ability to make me feel apprehensive.
The thing is everything else in my life is perfect. Truly I mean it. I am blessed in so many many ways . My relationship with my mother is the only negative thing. Why is it that the huge positives in my life are not enough to overpower and diminish the effects of this one negative aspect. Does that mean I am weak or over sensitive?
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 07:30:16
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| Weak and Oversensitive are words you are using to describe yourself. That does not make it reality but it does give insight into what you think of yourself. Don't forget it's your unconscious thats spoiled and pissed off, not Mala, your mothers daughter. Sarno would tell us our unconscious is self indulgent and demanding and wants everything to suit IT. I really think that is your conflict. You want to be kind to your mother but because of past history, your inner child wants nothing to do with her and is taking it out on you. |
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weatherman
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 08:57:48
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Maybe part of the deal is that consciously most of us believe that our parents really were doing what they thought was right given what they knew or belived at the time. I've come to appreciate that idea since I became one 18 years ago. There are things I would do differently if I had it to do over again, unfortunately you don't get to take any practice tests.
Nevertheless, there is a part that's pisssed off about things that happened, even if they were done with good intentions at the time.
Weatherman
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2008 : 17:51:19
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You want to be kind to your mother but because of past history, your inner child wants nothing to do with her and is taking it out on you.
Susie, a very astute observation. Definitely food for thought.
Thanks
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 02:21:38
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I would like to understand something about my pain. I wonder if anybody could help.
I managed to overcome similar pain 3 years ago by doing Sarno. The symptoms were the same as the ones I'm having now that is a constant,burning, searing,hot inflammy feeling in the SI area and inabilty to sit because of the pain. There was no cause for the pain, it just came on gradually. I was told the usual stuff about wear and tear, arthritis, SI problems etc. and I spent a lot of time on conventional treatment to no avail. I read sarno, Fred Amir did the work and eventually got better.
Now the second time round. In Feb 2007,I was in Australia and I started doing some sun salutations. In fact I did a lot and my back hurt but I stopped and the pain went away fairly soon. In May 2007, I tried again and it hurt again so I gave up and it took longer for the pain to go way this time. Not to be deterred and remembering what sarno says about backs being strong I joined yoga classes at the beginning of Dec 2007. My back hurt after the first session again while doing forward bends but I persisted because again of what sarno says. I must have done 5 or 6 lessons when the pain became so bad that I had to give up. this time the pain has still not gone.
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Thank you all.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 06:41:15
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| I think your mother is the cause, the yoga is something that you like to do, and is good for you, and your mind is using the pain to control you and keep you in a state of fear, to distract you from your feelings. My mother went into a nursing home a few years ago with dementia, and I got severe back pains at the time. My first session with Don Dubin, he said I was probably internally angry at my mother for past neglect, and now no longer able to resolve this past issue, as her mind is gone. His therapy sessions(4) on the phone helped me a lot. When I feel someone has wronged or hurt me(my ego), I feel the pain, forgive the person (to myself), and let go of the thoughts and feelings if possible. By forgiving, I don't mean condoning what this person did, or telling the person I forgive them, it's more internally letting go, and having gratitude for the good things in life. Gratitude, forgiveness, and kindness can truly work miracles, it only took me 40 plus years to realize this. |
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Mary Ann
Canada
42 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 12:23:25
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quote:
Originally posted by mala
I would like to understand something about my pain. I wonder if anybody could help.
I managed to overcome similar pain 3 years ago by doing Sarno. The symptoms were the same as the ones I'm having now that is a constant,burning, searing,hot inflammy feeling in the SI area and inabilty to sit because of the pain. There was no cause for the pain, it just came on gradually. I was told the usual stuff about wear and tear, arthritis, SI problems etc. and I spent a lot of time on conventional treatment to no avail. I read sarno, Fred Amir did the work and eventually got better.
Now the second time round. In Feb 2007,I was in Australia and I started doing some sun salutations. In fact I did a lot and my back hurt but I stopped and the pain went away fairly soon. In May 2007, I tried again and it hurt again so I gave up and it took longer for the pain to go way this time. Not to be deterred and remembering what sarno says about backs being strong I joined yoga classes at the beginning of Dec 2007. My back hurt after the first session again while doing forward bends but I persisted because again of what sarno says. I must have done 5 or 6 lessons when the pain became so bad that I had to give up. this time the pain has still not gone.
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Thank you all.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala
Hi Mala,
I'm so sorry to hear about your back pain returning. I think the yoga is a "safer" excuse for your back pain than connecting it with returning in contact with your mother. In fact your subconscious probably picked the yoga on purpose, because it is a safe target.
I'm going through the same thing right now after a real knee injury 6 months ago (a knee cap dislocation). I'm in TMS back pain to high hilt. But I've just connected with the thought that even though my knee is getting better, I'm not emotionally ready to give up the "gimp card". So I'm having "compensatory pain". My PT and massage therapists and everyone around me believe in compensatory pain very readily. But I have come to realize that I'm in a bad situation at work and really don't want to return. The pain is giving me a benefit and to be truthful, I'm not trying to get rid of it. I'm enjoying the massage and the attention of my PT. I know this is anti-Sarno, but it is helping me emotionally, so I figure it will all work out in the wash eventually.
My long and drawn out point is this: is there a secondary benefit that your pain is giving you? To be very obvious, does it help you win sympathy from your distant mother? Or help you avoid seeing her because you're attending to your back? Or is it giving you the safe target for your long buried emotions? Maybe it is your friend for now, and let it help you.
Don't panic. You came out of it once before you will do so again.
Take good care,
Mary Ann
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 18:15:21
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When I feel someone has wronged or hurt me(my ego), I feel the pain, forgive the person (to myself), and let go of the thoughts and feelings if possible. By forgiving, I don't mean condoning what this person did, or telling the person I forgive them, it's more internally letting go, and having gratitude for the good things in life. Gratitude, forgiveness, and kindness can truly work miracles, it only took me 40 plus years to realize this.
Altherunner, Its weird you shld mention forgiveness. Just the day before I was thinking about the problem with my mother and realised that perhaps the way, in fact the only way for me was to forgive her too. She had a pretty miserable life with my father for 20 odd years and although she had the power to change things not only when he was alive but also after he died, she didn't and so she has her own personal demons to deal with which of course she doesn't really recognise. Nothing is ever her fault. It always the other people around her. So I thought about just letting go by forgiving her for not knowing, for not being 'able' to understand what she is doing. It seems the best way coz then I don't have to fight her emotionally any more.
My long and drawn out point is this: is there a secondary benefit that your pain is giving you? To be very obvious, does it help you win sympathy from your distant mother? Or help you avoid seeing her because you're attending to your back? Or is it giving you the safe target for your long buried emotions? Maybe it is your friend for now, and let it help you.
Mary Ann, I used to find that if I was ill or in pain, my mother would get all 'motherly' and sympathetic and I used to play on that maybe till about 5 or 6 yrs ago. But honestly since Sarno I have stopped that completely. In fact I've been careful not to let her know about this recent bout of pain but you could be right about the pain drawing my attention to emotional issues.
I do hope you sort out both the pain and also the work situation. Take care.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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weatherman
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 20:36:13
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quote:
Why do I keep hurting my back like this?
Mala
From a totally physical standpoint, maybe a big issue is the fact that you believe your back is "hurt." The pain is most likely harmless in and of itself. I had a hurting back many years ago, and it was absolutley mental - though that can be very hard to believe when you're in the middle of it. Especially since I didn't know of TMS at the time.
Weatherman
"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2008 : 22:26:39
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Sounds like you are on your way to forgiving her already. You can forgive her and still not have contact wtih her - it's your choice.
I read somewhere that holding on to past anger and resentment is like holding on to a hot coal. My mother has severe dementia, and her doctor told me the brain damage went back a long time - to when my siblings and I were still teens. Maybe this made forgiving her a little easier, as she really didn't know what she was doing. |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 09:59:06
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Any advise on talking yourself into forgiving someone when there is usually no reason to do so except for calming your TMS gremlin? I know it would make my life easier, but it's like really believing your green trousers are purple.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 16:55:18
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Holding on to past anger and resentments has been implicated in many serious illnesses like cancer, as well as pain distraction syndromes.
Why not let all those past resentments go? What have you got to lose but your pain. |
Edited by - altherunner on 02/02/2008 19:25:51 |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 18:01:05
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It's hard to answer that question. But forgiving is not as easy as reasoning that it would be best.
Take two of the many people I've sinserely hated at some point in my life. I know I've forgiven one. I just feel that way without trying to feel that way. I didn't want to or need to. It involved mental and physical damage. Yet somehow, I'm not angry anymore. I respect that person. With the other one, a mere precense of that person gives me a vibe that I identify with former hate. I feel like forgivenes comes automatically when the subconscious agrees. I don't know what's so different, but not a thought of benefit can make me feel otherwise. I think.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 19:34:49
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I listened to a lecture on cd that convinced me forgiveness is the only way: How Forgiveness and Worry Impact Health and Being Well
by Dr. Edward Hallowell. He is quite funny and entertaining to listen to, as well. He had some road rage experiences of his own, once getting out of his car and jumping up and down on the roof of a BMW behind him. He decided his anger was interfering with his work as a psychiatrist, and his home life and did his homework and inner work on anger. I got it from the library, it's only an hour and a half, and very worthwhile listening to. Some of his examples of anger and resentment are so extreme, that mine seemed insignificant. |
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back with a vengence
