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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 02/02/2008 : 20:46:53
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Any advise on talking yourself into forgiving someone when there is usually no reason to do so except for calming your TMS gremlin? I know it would make my life easier, but it's like really believing your green trousers are purple.
Resandro, I think that calming yr gremlin is a good enough reason as any. Forgiveness in my opinion does not always come automatically. It has to start at some point and then you peel away like layers in an onion until you reach the subconcious where perhaps then understanding & forgiveness come. I agree with altherunner that anger manifests itself into all sorts of toxic physical nastiness.
In my own case it took a long time for the anger to turn to forgiveness but it was definitelyan active process not a passive one. Working at resolving emotional issues eventually did lead to the understanding that in one particular situation it would be in my own interest to forgive rather than hold on to the anger.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 21:44:16
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quote:
Originally posted by altherunner
He had some road rage experiences of his own, once getting out of his car and jumping up and down on the roof of a BMW behind him.
Heh, I have some twisted personality traits but this sounds pretty extreme. One could argue that this kind of behaviour is far more healthy than someone who just keeps holding the anger in.
I'll note down the name and look for it when I visit local library.
quote:
Originally posted by mala
In my own case it took a long time for the anger to turn to forgiveness but it was definitelyan active process not a passive one. Working at resolving emotional issues eventually did lead to the understanding that in one particular situation it would be in my own interest to forgive rather than hold on to the anger.
You sound very true. I must try that sometime after I find a proper way to deal with my anger. One lame question though; say we forgave your mother or my former best friend, and they perform an act of in your eyes despicable behavior towards you such as only people close to you can manage to do. Would you smile and thank them for this $@!, or just never ever interact with them again? I think the difference between the people I mentioned earlier is that one is far more prone to piss me off again and again. Not like road rage, but emotionally.
Note though that I am not actively purposely holding on to anger. Passively just feeling how I feel works in both ways.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
Edited by - Redsandro on 02/02/2008 21:46:38 |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 04:29:20
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Hi redsandro
quote:
You sound very true. I must try that sometime after I find a proper way to deal with my anger. One lame question though; say we forgave your mother or my former best friend, and they perform an act of in your eyes despicable behavior towards you such as only people close to you can manage to do. Would you smile and thank them for this $@!, or just never ever interact with them again? I think the difference between the people I mentioned earlier is that one is far more prone to piss me off again and again. Not like road rage, but emotionally.
In my case, I've kept my distance from my mother because I know that she has the capacity to hurt me (like only people close to you can). It's a choice that is necessary to my wellbeing. Why would I put myself in a situation where I allow her to hurt me again and again? Why would anyone do that? I allowed her to do it in the past for most of my life thinking that at some stage it would all stop but since she can't or won't stop I've had to make a choice.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 07:29:37
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That's good reason. But forgivenes sounds hard when you move out of the way.
"You've made my life miserable to the point where I moved to some place else so I won't have to deal with you again. But I forgive you."
On the one hand, how on earth can someone smart be as stupid as to make your life miserable in the first place and probably not even noticing it? Destructive people do not deserve to be forgiven. I am not Jesus. Thy screws innocent me for reasons beyond logic and love; I hate thee. On the other hand, you must be right as simply not worrying about certain people would be so relaxed.
Again, I might want to look into this after some other issues, but this frightens me. I used to be very aggressive and hateful as a child and when a lot of factors made me realize it's not how people roll, I became calm and patient. That same year, my worst RSI began, tinitus, fatigue, etc growing for many years, eventually leading me here. Ofcourse, back then, I didn't see the connection. I thought puberty just read another chapter of my DNA about how weak my body was. Anyway, it seems like letting go of hate and aggression caused a lot of the TMS.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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back with a vengence
