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andrews65
United Kingdom
18 Posts |
 Posted - 12/14/2007 : 14:58:43
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Hi – I've only discovered and begun investigating TMS in the last month after years of pain. I already had a belief that there must be a mind/body connection, so I'm very interested in what I'm reading and feel that Dr. Sarno's methods might be very relevant to me. I live in the UK where there seem to be no TMS-aware doctors, so I'd be very grateful if people on this forum could read my story and offer advice on whether its likely I have TMS, and any other appropriate guidance and support.
First some background. Historically I've always been aware of having an inner 'tension' that I could not explain or easily get rid of. This at times leads to melancholy and sometimes mild depression. I often feel anxious, am often trying to amuse people, and am very keen to avoid criticism. I'm certainly not the world's most diligent worker, but I have an inner drive that I should be bettering myself and achieving more, possibly because the reality of my situation usually does not match my self image of what and where I believe I should be. At school I was verbally bullied (name calling, etc.) for a period of a few years, and I also have a nagging feeling that as a young child my mum did not demonstrate enough of her love to me (how ridiculous that looks in print ... my parents both did a great job ... but it all adds to the picture of where I am today)
I first got RSI-like symptoms in 1992 when I was 26. I had been in my first programming job for 16 months and outwardly things were going well. I enjoyed the work and there were few tight deadlines, though I was conscious of feeling stressed ... my take on it at the time was that I was 'throwing myself into my work' too much, and should take the foot off the gas a little. I had recently bought an apartment with my then-girlfriend, a big financial commitment, and the first time I had lived with a girl. I don't think I was really happy with that arrangement (we were to split up within a year of buying the place together).Also I had just got rid of my first bout of chronic pain, which had been in my left testicle (I kid you not) since pretty much when I started my programming job. While I had this I had felt very stressed, and desperately wanted a cure. In mid-'92 I began to feel pain in my left shoulder between my scapula and spine. Felt like a pulled muscle at the time but in hindsight it had the hallmarks of nerve pain. Initially I would feel it at work and it would subside when I finished, but gradually as that year progressed, and into '93 it set in, and while usually worse during the working day, it would not really disappear at evenings or weekends. And the short of it is, that's been the picture to varying degrees right through to now.
Over the years I've of course tried chiropractic, physical therapy, steroid injection, acupuncture, etc. with no lasting effect. I've seen two orthopaedic surgeons and had accompanying MRIs and x-rays. One said there was no structural problem and the other said there was a slight narrowing between two cervical vertebrae which could be irritating a nerve, said surgery was not an option, and prescribed more physical therapy. I've had some long periods off work sick, and when the symptoms really set in my life is a living hell! However I've never been fired or left a job due to the pain, and there have been lengthy periods where the symptoms have reduced to the point where they are not a problem to me. This most notably happened before, during and after I separated from my wife in 2001. For long periods from '01 to '03 I felt physically almost fine. But in late 2003 I moved from the UK to the US to work (again, driving myself to 'achieve') and unknown to me was about to endure my worst four years of living with this thing. I lasted three years working in the US but the regularity and severity of the shoulder pain was such that I felt that being back home in the UK with its more generous vacation and sick-day allowance was the place I should be. Immediately I decided to return to the UK the pain dramatically reduced, and stayed that way until I was back home and looking for a new job here. And again once I started that new job and moved back to my Edinburgh, my old city of residence, the pain dramatically reduced. It was only in June of this year, 3 months into my new job, that the familiar shoulder pain started to return, and its been there pretty much since. My perception now is that its worse than ever.
I've now read Healing Back Pain twice, and have read a lot of the material on this forum and elsewhere on the web on TMS. I logically understand the principle of TMS and it makes perfect sense to me, and it seems that my personality type makes me susceptible to TMS, but in common with several other posts I've read, the pain has not really reduced. It is worth saying that I have started delving into past emotions, feelings, etc, and a couple of times when I've been feeling rage now about past events where I did not express anger at the time, I've felt the pain noticeably subside.
So, good readers and posters, what do you think .... am I on the right track? Any advice for me?
Thanks very much ...... Andrew. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2007 : 17:31:41
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I have to admit to only skimming your message, because I could pretty much tell at a glance that it was written by a highly analytical perfectionist (yes, I'm one too), and the couple glances were: RSI, emotional conflict, overwork, lots of therapy with no effect. So, yes -- I think you have TMS.
Keep up the journaling work. If you don't feel that the 'knowledge' alone is enough, try out some experiments with working through the pain (carefully). With longstanding pain, the conditioning aspect of TMS can be set in fairly deep and may take time and active work to overcome.
If you've scanned the success stories and seen mine, you'll see what I mean about experimenting. You've checked out http://conquerrsi.com/ and http://podolsky.everybody.org/rsi/ , right?
Oh, and lucky you to live in Edinburgh. I was there for two years and miss it like crazy. :)
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
Edited by - armchairlinguist on 12/14/2007 17:33:03 |
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Dr Dave
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2007 : 00:41:46
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| Your story reminds me of many of my patients. If you haven't done so already, check out the post titled "New Book" on this forum. If you decide to read the book, let me know what you think. Best wishes for a rapid and full recovery. |
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mk6283
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2007 : 11:24:10
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It is hard to diagnose anything with certainty over the internet, and TMS is no different. That being said, it sounds a lot to me like you may very well benefit from a mindbody approach to your pain. I know that you may not have a TMS doctor to consult with in Europe so why not try Sarno's techniques and see if they work for you (I think they very well might). Dr. Schechter generated a questionnaire (I'm not sure how specific/sensitive it is) that may help give you a bit more confidence in the diagnosis from abroad:
http://www.mindbodymedicine.com/q.html
Best of luck to you!
Best,
MK
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koukla
70 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2007 : 13:17:29
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I read about TMS a few months before giving it an honest shot. I read about it and understood it, but there was a nagging fear in the back of my mind that it was related to some sort of ingury. I only started seeing results after doing some real honest thinking about past stress and pressures that I put onto myself. I have RSI type pains myself, although it has only been one year for me. It does sound like you have TMS because you have been to numerous doctors and had a lot of testing done with no obvious problems. The pain got better for me when I started doing a lot of things with my hands and testing myself and my limits. I was amazed how much I could really do and how quickly the pain lessened. Don't give up and I know you'll see an improvement.
Carolyn |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2007 : 13:09:05
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Hi Andrew,
quote:
a couple of times when I've been feeling rage now about past events where I did not express anger at the time, I've felt the pain noticeably subside.
A big indicator that you're on the right track.
Ralphyde kindly posted a link to this TMS clinic in Huddersfield:
http://www.painreliefwestyorkshire.co.uk/
Hilary N |
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andrews65
United Kingdom
18 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2007 : 11:57:22
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Thanks everyone for your replies.
ACL, I agree that after 15 years of symptoms its likely I'm conditioned to expect pain. This is a tricky one and I'm not entirely sure how to approach it. The 'working throught the pain' question is confusing too ... I regulary work through it, but it does not go away. This might be because I'm usually focussed on it when its bad.
The pain is not wrist/finger RSI but is in my left shoulder and neck. I do keep getting proof that its not keyboard-related (had 3 days on a training course last week, no keyboarding, and still got pain), and I'm now used to it carrying on into evenings, weekends, and vacations. Again I'm a bit puzzled by this as it does not match the pattern of one type of activity (such as keyboard work) setting it off.
Dr. Dave, thanks for the book info; for now I have enough Sarno reading to do, but I'll keep you on my radar.
MK, thanks I did take the quiz and came out borderline probable/definite for TMS, which did not surprise me!
Carolyn, thanks for your advice. Again my situation is slightly different in that I'm attending work, and working through pain... I'm not protecting my 'injury'. Maybe I should arrange a lay-off and then gradually test the water by slowly ramping up the amount I work.
Hilary, thanks for the URL of that clinic, and your comment. I feel that this is the biggest clue that the pain may be related to suppressed 'stuff'.
talk to you soon ....Andrew. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2007 : 13:18:12
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quote:
I regulary work through it, but it does not go away. This might be because I'm usually focussed on it when its bad.
The pain is not wrist/finger RSI but is in my left shoulder and neck. I do keep getting proof that its not keyboard-related (had 3 days on a training course last week, no keyboarding, and still got pain), and I'm now used to it carrying on into evenings, weekends, and vacations. Again I'm a bit puzzled by this as it does not match the pattern of one type of activity (such as keyboard work) setting it off.
Yes, an important part of "working through" is that you send thoughts to yourself that dismiss the pain as important, things like "Oh hey, this silly pain again. I'm onto it and I'm not going to let it bug me." When it bugs you, start the thoughts again. Couple this with 'thinking psychological' while you are working through and the pain flares, and you'll probably see better success.
It's not always just one type of activity that sets things off. I was set off by keyboarding first, then my mindbody added cooking, writing, squeezing, and lifting heavy objects. Pretty much any use of my hands set me off for a while at the worst point. Basically, anytime your mind needs more distraction you can get more conditioned.
I actually would recommend Fred Amir's book for you even though you said you have enough reading, just because he is the best I've read on dealing with conditioning. He uses the metaphor of punishing and rewarding the 'little kid' unconscious, which I found to work extremely well for getting rid of my persistent pains. I basically set myself up with oranges and ice cream bars as rewards, and things like cleaning the stove as punishment. My perfectionist outside likes cleaning the stove, but lemme tell you, my inner child does not!
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2007 : 13:27:36
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Oh also -- you mention your childhood only briefly, and with a caveat about your parents doing a good job. The thing about that is that while it's nearly always true that parents do their best, sometimes their best is not enough. That's just a fact and acknowledging it to yourself doesn't mean that you are a bad person because you don't appreciate your parents. It's important to recognize that you might not have had your needs met as a child, that you might have needed, as you suggest, more love than you got.
My parents did their absolute best for me, but their own backgrounds didn't allow them to connect with me and love me in an unconditional way. I missed out on that and it makes me terribly sad. I appreciate all they did do for me -- stable household, nice house, plenty of food, great education, lots of enrichment, all that stuff. But I really missed out on connection with them, and the emotional part of me had a sad and lonely childhood. This might have happened to you too. If so, one of the best things you could do for yourself is truly acknowledge it, and feel sad and angry about it.
One thing that helped me is to realize that to be angry at someone is something you can experience within caring about them, that you are angry exactly because you do love the person and you didn't get what you needed from them. That puts anger in a positive context of being a whole person and feeling love, rather than something we have to feel bad about because we should love someone instead of being angry at them. We love people and are angry at them. So it goes. Life after TMS can be complex. :-)
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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andrews65
United Kingdom
18 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2007 : 12:44:17
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I can't thank you enough for that last post, ACL .... wise words and I suspect very applicable to me. I'll work on it, and also look for the Amir book.
Andrew. |
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samchar1
United Kingdom
11 Posts |
Posted - 12/22/2007 : 07:09:17
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hi andrew
i am also from uk but lucky enough to live in west yorkshire very near the pain clinic referred to in one of your earlier replies.
I went to Georgie the physio/TMS bod she is inspired by the Sarno approach and well worth contacting she consults over the phone and by email. READ THE BOOKS AND BUY INTO THE CONCEPT, you have got nothing to lose apart from pain (and a little cash.
I had a consultation 3 days ago and i am so much improved but you need to do the work.
I am good personality type mixed up with Libran balance issues, these are very relvant to my (i am now going to call it)TMS or serious leg and bum sciatic pain which i have had for 12mths.
kuk yorkshire |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2007 : 10:54:36
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samchar, if by "Libran balance issues" you are talking about something astrological, that is a nice theory if it works for you, but irrelevant to the Sarno work. It is repressed emotion that leads to pain, and the location of the pain is not known to be specifically relevant to the emotion, although some think it may be.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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andrews65
United Kingdom
18 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2007 : 10:28:18
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hi Samchar, thanks for the reply. It's likely I will contact the yorkshire clinic. I read your main post too, good luck .. I'll follow your progress.
In the past couple of weeks I've started doing psychological work on myself, uncovering repressed anger, tension, etc., 'feeling' the anger, bawling out loud, etc. Its quite draining, and I might not be going about it the right way as my shoulder pain is worse than when I started, and I have a throat infection too! I hope this is just the stress of all this unacustomed-to work; I just re-read today in Healing Back Pain that Sarno thinks its not sufficient to just do the psychological work, you have to believe the TMS theory that the mind is causing these symptoms to divert attention from repressed emotions. I'm at the stage now where I still am unsure if I believe it, though I certainly understand the theory, tho' this is probably not enough.
andrew. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/29/2007 : 10:26:59
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Andrew -- you do need to be confident that the theory in its essential form is applicable to you. Believing in all its exact details is not as important. But essentially you need to believe that the pain is psychological in origin and physically harmless, and can be conquered by awareness, emotional work, and deconditioning. You can become more confident in this by committing to do the work, as it sounds like you are, so for now it looks like you are on the right track.
It is not that surprising that your pain is worse in some ways. It isn't uncommon and is usually a desperate attempt of the mind to keep you from doing the work. Keep it up and see what happens, and be sure not to neglect the awareness and deconditioning.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Newbie ... do I have TMS?
