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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
 Posted - 11/23/2007 : 19:22:28
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I had a good two day flare up of TMS. Worst than it's been in a while. Almost to the point where I was when I was taking trips to the E.R. due to the pain. All down my legs, in every part almost. This was after a good run of no pain for a while.
So last night I feel it bubbling up and it seemed it was just going to keep going. I thought and realized the mere mention of Holidays makes me secretly depressed and angry. The little stretch of time between now and Christmas is like HELL for me. I seriously dread this time. I think my TMS is going to take this time to yell at me like it has been. But I definitely confirmed once and for all that this is TMS. There is no doubt after what happened to me the other day.
I was seriously "chasing" my pain around my body and observing it move through different parts. It got to the point where I was thinking about my muscles twitching and it would twitch every time I thought the word "twitch". It was a game after a few minutes. Twitching on cue for about 6 times in a row. It got to the point where I was laughing like a crazy person because it was like my body is possessed by some inner demon.
Anyways, I think it's the season. That and a damn discussion I had with my therapist about lost love and feeling lonely. Ok, just wanted to share that for all the people that hate Holidays too. |
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schmopperx
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2007 : 20:38:46
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la Kevin,
I can definitely identify with you on the holidays. It's not that I hate the holidays, but I was writing in my journal today about how much the holidays used to mean to me and how much of that has been taken away from me.
I'm battling the worst flare up of TMS I've ever had right now, yesterday I swear I almost gave up, so I know how crazy feels. I went to the doctor today, and guess what, NOTHING showed up on my xrays. So see you're not alone, there are more than a few of us here with you.
To be honest though, I'm not looking forward to the next month of TMS, I'm determined to find a way to beat it, IN the month of December.
Richard D. Smith |
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K2toK9
29 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2007 : 20:44:21
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dido on the Holidays. I try for my kids, but it comes across anyway. I use to really enjoy Holidays.....but too many losses. Yesterday was a miserable Thanksgiving....and my oldest announces, "this is probably my last Thanksgiving at home"....that did not help. Major stresses. My neuropathy is full blown to the point where even thinking of walking hurts ! My husband says, "oh, it's just stress" !!!!!!!
K2toK9
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2007 : 21:56:48
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K2, if you believe in the TMS diagnosis, stress is definitely the trigger for TMS symptoms -- but the symptoms themselves are caused by repressing the feelings that go along with that stress.
Can you find a few moments in this busy time to reflect on what those feelings are? Let them out?
Personally I'm having to take a break from trying for my family, I've been avoiding my own family for the past 2 Thanksgiving holidays and it's been a wonderful experience of growth and peace for me. (But, there is this creeping **guilt** that is taking the TMS form of acne breakouts and some joint soreness) So congrats on taking on something difficult, but here's to finding some space for YOU. |
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playsinpain
28 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 08:48:41
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La Kevin,
I just have to wonder if maybe things would be different if you EXPECTED holidays NOT to suck so bad. My son has autism, so holidays are tough for me too. I have found that extra serious aerobic activity elevates my mood, and subdues the TMS. One thing I know for sure: sitting around thinking about how bad things are, brings no positive results. |
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CFSgirl
Canada
9 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 11:25:24
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La Kevin your pain sounds terrible. The holidays can be so very stressful. I was in my friend's classroom just before Remembrance Day (Memorial Day in the US) and she was complaining of what I knew to be TMS pain - I had given her a copy of TDM and she had read it. She told me that her father died when she was a little girl at that time of year - her throat was sore. I figure it was for all the tears she couldn't possibly shed when she was little - especially as she was probably taking care of her mom.
Christmas for me is pretty bad because my parents had their worst fights at that time of year. In my household we've reduced Christmas to a meal with my family, stockings and an outing to the aquarium together - we'd rather enjoy our low stress time than make a big stressful deal of it all.
La Kevin, have you tried thanking your subconscious for all it has done to store the feelings that were too big for you. I thank mine and then I reassure it that I can handle things now - I am strong enough and it can release all those bad feelings to me. I find that an easier route than trying to dig up all the bad feelings of the past - if I know what's upsetting me, then I leave the details vague and go right to that old subconscious source of pain. I even imagine that I am stroking it and cuddling it - comforting it as I would a puppy. I know that sounds weird, but it really helps me.
I hope you feel better soon.
Bettie |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 13:06:54
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Kevin-
The good news for you is that you can so clearly tie your flare ups to something other than a physical reason. That is HUGE. Not much comfort when your pain is a 10, I know. The whole holiday hype is almost impossible to escape.
Its really hard to avoid the pressure to "be happy" during the holidays. The messages we get are out of a Hallmark card, far removed from most people's real world experience. Most people posting here
seem to be avoiding their families like the plague! Also seems they are much happier when doing so! This time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is hell because you are expected to be happy and that pisses you off-and it should. You have alot of company. Maybe its that inner child thing- don't tell me that I should just smile and be happy when I'm not!
P.S. -Stay out of the malls- that maudlin holiday music would send Sarno himself into spasm!!
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electraglideman
USA
162 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 18:49:24
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| About three weeks ago I started making a list on why the Holidays pissed me off, why they made me sad, why they depressed me, and so on. It helped. |
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K2toK9
29 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 20:02:20
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Dear Carbar,
That has been a BIG issue for me....is it TMS or is it nerve damage / bilateral neuropathy ?? Sometimes I truly believe the TMS and other times I am convinced it is physical caused by a surgery I had. Stress defintely makes it worse; whatever it is !! My feet are burning as I type this.
Hoildays are tough without my Mom and my Dad is really out of the picture now too. It has been a double loss. My kids and I miss him sooo much, but this was his choice. My husband has no family to speak of and so the 4 of us just stress out on one another. We really came to see this on Thanksgiving and I am hoping some good will come of it as my oldest is preparing for college and I would like things to be smoother at home as she prepares to enter "the world".
K2toK9 |
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 11/25/2007 : 10:57:50
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Yeah I crashed and burned hard. It's as if I never improved at all. And these sleep onset electric zaps are getting worse. Pain in legs, pain in neck, pain all over. I'm not doing so hot this week. It's depressing me to the point where I feel like maybe I just have to let it go, the pain thing. Maybe I should just accept that I will always be in pain and always have sleep problems. Seriously, how much do I have to fight this? 6 years of chronic pain and sleep "zaps" ? It's ridiculous to me. This is not life, this is torture. I just don't understand right now. I've done all this work and spent all this money and I'm at square one. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to let go of the TMS route and maybe seek another venue. I have no clue what that is, but I have to keep looking.
I have some blood tests coming up this week. I've come to a place where almost a hundred percent of me believes this is TMS, but at the same time would love to just hear "Oh hey, you have a weird vitamin thing going on ", or something to that effect. I'm lost as to where to go from here. I think I'm abandoning everything I know in my "training" because I'm just too tired of it. I don't have the strength to fight this. That may sound defeatist, but 6 years of 24 hour a day Fibro like pain will do that to ya. Don't think so? Try it out one of these decades and see if you're "positive" about the world.
People can only take so much before they just decide to unplug from reality. Human beings aren't meant to teeter on the edge of insanity for years straight and come out of the other side intact. There's a point when something breaks and you lose hope permanently, I fear. |
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mk6283
USA
272 Posts |
Posted - 11/25/2007 : 13:09:32
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LA Kevin,
What's your diagnosis (pre-TMS)? If applicable, what has any imaging shown? What's your "story"? I just find it puzzling that someone as in-tune w/ TMS as you appear to be seems to be struggling w/ symptoms that you attribute 100% to TMS. Feel free to e-mail me or redirect me if this information is already somewhere else on the forum or your website.
Best,
MK |
Edited by - mk6283 on 11/25/2007 20:19:43 |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 11/25/2007 : 13:26:06
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LaKev-
I sent you an email - wanted to make sure it got to you- Let me know if you are picking up emails at the link on this site.
Lidge |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 11/25/2007 : 17:39:16
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kev,
I wish I could say something that would give you an "aha moment" or breakthru.
I feel for ya bud. I don't know where you should go from here either. 6 years is a long time. Heck, 6 weeks w/b hell.
I've been reading dr. Dave's stress illness book, and he has dealt w/ a number of patients that would rival Sarno's, and in his book he sites that other fustrated doc's send their un-curables (conventional anyways) his way.
Could you send him a quick e-mail and get his opinion? since he checks into this board lately. |
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K2toK9
29 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2007 : 16:46:50
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Hi
Can someone tell me about Dr. Dave's illness book ? I was driving home tonight and my feet are burning so badly that I started to cry. This is miserable. Anyone who could help me out would be GREAT.
K2toK9 |
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Holidays Suck For Me.
