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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 11/22/2007 : 22:49:25
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Where is everyone? Are you all having a great time with your families? Or a horrible experience of having to suppress your real feelings. Or having your real feelings triggered? Or enjoying the wonderful experience of healed relationships? Or somewhere in-between?
I spent the day on the couch because of fibroids/bleeding last week that became so convincing that I am resting. I'm wiped out.
Meanwhile, as I mentioned elsewhere, I seem to be on the verge of losing the remainder of my family in England. This is a perfect example to me of how TMS works. Because consciously this is not a big upset for me as I have been very detached from them for about 40 years and they haven't provided me with any good feelings of family or support at all. They have basically represented a place in my life where I feel stress finding a balance between compassion and having my own boundaries, etc. etc.
But now, they are all suddenly dropping like flies. Dad died last year. Mother at 89 is descending into dementia. Sis just discovered she has adrenal cancer, which is serious. So although I have often joked that I am like an orphan, this is becoming one step more real.
And I'm quite sure that my "serious" symptoms are all linked to my buried feelings about all this. My conscious feelings are more like "where's that applesauce and coconut milk for my porridge?" (isn't that a feeling?), or "Oh darn, this is a REAL PHYSICAL PROBLEM!" (and that?).
I have a close "family" of beloved friends here although not a significant other since my painful divorce 4 years ago. I had several places I was wanted today. But I stayed home and felt my feelings a bit, cried a bit, ate porridge a bit, and it feels kind of good and peaceful.
Grateful to all of you as fellowship on this Sarnoian "Road Less Travelled."
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
Edited by - Wavy Soul on 11/22/2007 22:55:42 |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2007 : 18:17:35
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My problem is I feel so sorry for these people...A reliable litmus test for me as to whether there are any feelings of love left is to see them gravely ill...I'll never forget the shock of seeing my father when he took a bad turn after coronary by-pass...The grief that came bubbling up felt bottomless...Tears for him, tears for me, tears for us all....
How sad, to see one's family, no matter how dysfunctional, fall away one by one. And let's face it, how frightening...at least unconsciously. I believe death and the fear of death casts a much longer shadow than we could ever consciously guess... |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 11/23/2007 : 22:14:15
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This is where it is so clear that we feel things unconsciously that we don't feel consciously.
Of course, I consciously feel a great sadness about their suffering. But I bet it's really an iceberg kind of thing.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2007 : 07:32:50
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Hi Wavy.
I like: I HAVE ME!!! I love me, and I am doing the best that I can!
Today is the one year mark for my (unknown-at-the-time) strike of TMS pain so bad I went to the hospital. Young doc said it was "classic sciatica." Took the drugs, they didn't work. So very thankful several people kept saying to me "Dr. Sarno. Read." Incredible grateful for what I have learned in the past year. And so very happy I do not have that debilitating pain. Other things come up here and there depending on what's going on in my life of course, but I always address it as emotional first. And it ALWAYS goes away. I also value time alone to feel my feelings (like you mention).
Though immediate family is close by (sans mom, who died unexpectedly in 1999) there are estranged relatives in Europe. I am working on forgiveness for them and being able to move on and talk about them w/o getting angry. I know I'll get there.
Best wishes to you,
-Lori |
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Posting on Thanksgiving
