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Dr Dave
USA
53 Posts |
 Posted - 11/18/2007 : 17:41:07
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Many posts in this forum discuss the struggle first to become aware of feelings about a person or situation and then the subsequent struggle actually to feel those emotions. For difficult issues that occurred during childhood, many of my patients have benefited from imagining a child they care about going through the same experience.
For example, they might imagine their own child growing up exactly as they did. A helpful follow up for many patients is to then write about how that makes you feel or what you would say to the child to support them. This works because patients who learned to suppress emotional reactions about themselves usually can quite easily feel for others.
Dave Clarke, MD
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painintheneck
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 11/21/2007 : 13:08:03
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I agree, many who don't know how to validate their own emotions have a huge amount of empathy for others. We are far more critical of ourselves than we could ever in good conscious be to another person.
It's interesting right now my family meaning myself, hubby and kids are having a lot of stress (hubby is out of town right now for his fathers funeral) and my own parents have now volunteered me to cook Thanskgiving dinner when my mother was supposed to do it.
I tried to nicely tell them (they don't live together so I see them seperately most of the time) as nicely as I could that I am too stressed right now AND I have a litter of puppies that are demanding too and would be whining barking bla blah BUT they didn't get the hint. So I started to get mad and say something but I felt a HUGE WAVE of GUILT and stopped. So I will deal with the stress, shove this anger inside again with the mountain that is there because frankly I don't know what else to do.
I'm in counseling but she's so freaking busy I see her once every 3 weeks and am not getting anywhere really at this pace.
I'm not sure why I can feel like I am responsible for everyone elses feeling but can't make sure my own are taken care of.
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 11/21/2007 : 14:48:46
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It's interesting, I just had a similar discussion with my therapist. She advised me not to try to see myself as someone else, because the problem is that I really need to learn how to take care of myself as myself.
I'm not dissing the technique, since I've used similar techniques and they are helpful as an early step. But there comes a time when you have to realize that it was YOU who experienced all that, and learn how to take care of YOURSELF emotionally.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 11/22/2007 : 15:28:28
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p-i-t-n,
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner gave me some ideas into dealing with demanding family and friends. I recommend it.
Anne |
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painintheneck
USA
124 Posts |
Posted - 11/22/2007 : 21:08:36
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| Thank you Anne, I will look into it! |
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Useful Technique for Feeling
