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MikeySama
Netherlands
55 Posts |
 Posted - 10/30/2007 : 03:48:03
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I've had TMS symptoms for quite a few years now. And have had ups and downs, the biggest up was nearly half year periods of being pain free, having minor symptoms again but those subsided pretty quickly...
During those pain-free periods i did NOT do any tms journaling. I would only start doing journaling and reading when symptoms returned, while still continueing to do whatever the hell i felt like doing. This worked
It wasn't until half a year ago, when i suffered a severe relapse that i just couldn't get out of. Doing what i normally did didn't help. So i started coming here everyday, reading books, journaling daily ( i should say hourly ).
The whole TMS business itself became an obsession and it didn't really help me at all. Since then i've taken a step back, stopped coming here as often, stopped reading/journaling etc. I just went on with my life again. This has yielded good results. And over the summer vacation and a month after where i started my internship period went quite well with limited symptoms here and there which i pushed through. I've been doing better...
I realised that the bulk of my setback was due to school related stressors, and with that out of the window for a while. I think it helped me, of course even with my internship period ( which i thoroughly enjoy btw ) there have been new stressors related to school. I'm dealing with them but well... school isn't helping much. So the stress i had before summer break is back, in a lesser capacity but it is there.
Now i've made progress again, but i'm still not back to how i used to the few years when i first had TMS symptoms. Something is different, and i can't put my finger on it.
Is it because of school again?
Is it something as of yet still unknown to me
Is it because since the relapse i still sometimes think of the pains? Try to see if the pains are still there. I can't shut it out 100% anymore.
Does it have to do with fear of getting symptoms again
Maybe i'm just tired of having to deal with it for the rest of my life Maybe it's because after all this time i still find myself taking a break from work/gaming/whatever every few hours to stretch or crack my fingers/neck/back and what not, i've always told myself i do it because it feels good, Or maybe i'm still doing it for other reasons.
Now i should mention that i had some symptoms yesterday, and just going about my life, doing minor journaling. Today the symptoms are close to gone again. It's just the frequency of the returning symptoms that i can't grasp. When i started it was nearly half a year intervals before symptoms returned ( rough estimate ) and i could easily get past it again. When the setback occured, i still recovered but symptoms came back within a matter of days. And now it's usually a few weeks to close to a month when i start noticing minor symptoms, which i can easily move past so my situation has improved again.
I just honestly don't know... I feel i'm like stuck at an 80% recovery. Maybe i'm wanting too much, expecting too much. But i just want to be close to 100% recovery ( the way it used to be IMHO ). I know i have to take a longterm view at this. But hey... i've been at this for a while now... It is frustrating to say the least.
Thanks for your input,
Best Wishes
Mike
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Call me Mike :) |
Edited by - MikeySama on 10/30/2007 03:58:51 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2007 : 08:38:55
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If the returning symptoms are related to school, it seems like there might be something in the area of school (career choice? childhood academic hangup? don't know because you haven't said much about it) that's big, that you have not tackled.
Sarno also does suggest that if you feel stuck after a lot of work, that therapy might be indicated to help explore what's going on.
To me, it sounds like that the distraction still works on you to some extent and this is why you have symptoms. You're still worried even though you know the symptoms are TMS. If you eliminate that worry and refuse to let the symptoms distract you even a bit, that might work.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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MikeySama
Netherlands
55 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 03:50:29
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I guess i'm just no longer capable of doing just that then. I've tried everything short from therapy, which really makes no sense. I never needed it before, why need it now.
I'm happy working in the field i'm studying for, i've learned that much from the internship period thus far. I like the work... For the first time in long time i enjoy myself, but this !@#$! of a brain doesn't seem to want to give me even that.
The stress from school has to do with my grades that are all wrong, stupid mistakes they are making all over. It pisses you me off.
I cannot seem to stop thinking about pains, while for the most part when i'm working on something it goes away. There are days where i find myself constantly worried or thinking about pain. It's not like there is a frigging off-switch for it.
You know... I'm really tired of this whole TMS bull****. I've had it for 3 years, ups and downs never healing 100%. And not even getting close to 90% these days. I'm starting to wonder what the point of it all is. I learned about TMS because i didn't want to have chronic pains my entire life, but you know TMS is a chronic pain in itself.
I don't understand how after such a long time you can still keep it up it's tiresome, constantly dealing with how your mind has become the ****stain it has, never healing for the full 100%. Having it always bite you in the ass when you really don't @#!@#!$ want it. How is that fair?
Everytime it's like... oh noes i have pains, let me "think" the pain away, and read a book. I know it can't be a quick cure, but 3 YEARS! gawd =_=; It's not the pains keeping me from a normal life, it's TMS keeping me from a normal life.
I want to work, go home and eat dinner, then do something i enjoy doing ( gaming, movies ) shower, sleep. Rince and fracking repeat. Nothing else, how simple a life can there be... but no not possible you have to fit in time for TMS crap everyday as well.
I AM SO TIRED! |
Edited by - MikeySama on 11/01/2007 04:17:57 |
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mamaboulet
181 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 07:17:04
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| Don't you just want to bash the word "chronic" to bits sometimes? You get enough chronic and even acute starts looking good. It has been a while since I went a few rounds with the big pain, but before I started reading Sarno I was getting even more depressed about trudging through another year with bad stomach, anxiety/depression, plantar faciitis that just wouldn't quite heal, back sliding out at annoying moments, less and less ROM in my shoulders, blah blah blah. Makes you want to scream at the heavens: "Why don't you just break my leg? At least then people would bring me stuff." |
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westcoastram
97 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 13:17:57
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quote:
Originally posted by MikeySama
I guess i'm just no longer capable of doing just that then. I've tried everything short from therapy, which really makes no sense. I never needed it before, why need it now.
Mikey,
Why not therapy? Certainly, the process has worked before but perhaps it's because you were able to hit upon the unconscious feelings you had at that time. Maybe you haven't gotten to them yet this time, perhaps a therapist can direct you to some thoughts.
Maybe you can examine the feelings you have about not going to a therapist, perhaps there's something there. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 15:39:47
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quote:
I cannot seem to stop thinking about pains, while for the most part when i'm working on something it goes away. There are days where i find myself constantly worried or thinking about pain. It's not like there is a frigging off-switch for it.
You know... I'm really tired of this whole TMS bull****. I've had it for 3 years, ups and downs never healing 100%. And not even getting close to 90% these days. I'm starting to wonder what the point of it all is. I learned about TMS because i didn't want to have chronic pains my entire life, but you know TMS is a chronic pain in itself.
There is an off-switch for it, but it takes work; you have to retrain your brain to get out of the cycle.
I would bet that either you have gotten enough accumulation of issues that therapy would help you sort them out (remember, it can be very short-term, even a few sessions could help a lot, and it is documented in Sarno that he recommends this to some people in your situation) or that it is simply that the pain still has power over you and still affects your emotional state, and thus is an effective distraction whenever you are under stress.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2007 : 15:42:48
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| Totally agree with the use of the word "chronic". The "chronic pain patient" - funny how this label becomes self-fulfilling. Rather than say, we just haven't figured out how to help you, or you haven't figured out how to get well, we suddenly are labelled "chronic pain" patients - relegated to sitting in the office of pain "management" doctors who don't know how to "eliminate" pain, but seem to know how to "manage" it. The whole system is sick. |
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stanfr
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 11/02/2007 : 04:27:13
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| Mike; i sense there is more going on than simple school stresses. It could be that you are repressing certain things that therapy might help you uncover. You claim that you never needed therapy before--that makes no sense, since you fully admit that you have continuing TMS. There is a lot of anger coming out in your post, and i suspect not all of it is due to the ongoing smptoms. When i first 'discovered' i had TMS a decade ago, i blamed it on work stress and relationship stress at the time, and that was enough to get me through, at the time. But it turned out there were much deeper issues involved. You may have to dig a little deeper if you want to make progress. |
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Have come a long way.... but....
